Tag Archives: george allen

  i love the '00s

‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring

“George Allen” is one of the names inscribed in gilded letters in Wonkette’s Book of Legends. For those of you too young to remember, he was a senator from Virginia and considered a viable candidate for the Republican nomination in 2008, but before he could become George W. Bush II: The Bushening, he had to win re-election in 2006. This went hilariously wrong, as it did for many Republicans that year, starting with him calling the Indian-American dude who was paid by the Democrats to follow the campaign around with a camcorder “macaca,” which is apparently a weird ethnic slur of some kind. It also came out that maybe he used some less hilarious racial epithets when he was in college, and also put a severed deer’s head in a black family’s mailbox. Next, it turned out his mother was a secret Jew, which he had a dumb freakout about. Then he didn’t get re-elected. BUT! Jim Webb, the Democrat and gun-crazed maniac who beat Allen, is now leaving the Senate in disgust, and Allen has decided to run for is old seat again. Which meant that this year should have been full of fun macaca times, and yet it … hasn’t been? WHOSE FAULT IS THIS? What evil spell have the Jews placed on George Allen, in a plot to reduce Wonkette’s pageviews? Read more on ‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring…
  camera set me up!

George Allen Again Victimized by Functioning Video Camera (VIDEO)

Past and future failed Senate candidate George Allen held a Facebook town-hall with Virginia shut-ins and others who could not click the “X” button in time. Okay, wait. Were we not explicitly promised that the 2006 clip of Allen calling a rival campaign staffer “macaca” was THE END of his political career, which at one time included even some aroused grunting in the direction of the Presidency? Maybe not, because Allen’s still running for Senate. And, wouldn’t you know it, the camera set him up again! Read more on George Allen Again Victimized by Functioning Video Camera (VIDEO)…
  a fool and his foolproof plan

Unliked Racist Weirdo George Allen Inventing All His Endorsements

Used condom George “Macaca” Allen has given humanity so many reasons to find him revolting that he is of course currently leading the pack of Republican primary candidates for the Virginia Senate race. But just to be extra sure to maintain his overall lead in tireless lifelong buffoonery, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that he has been going around awarding himself endorsements from teabagger nuts who have not actually endorsed him and teabagger organizations that do not actually exist. Was he really afraid Virginians weren’t already associating him enough with the Crazy Old Southern Racist brand? Read more on Unliked Racist Weirdo George Allen Inventing All His Endorsements…
  trinkets of the death of american civilization

A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Stupidity: the Final Chapter

Today was probably our last day at CPAC, an awful concentration camp of concentrated awfulness. But every winding Ron Paul book-signing line has to end somewhere, and we’re sure these folks are glad to be rid of us too. So here’s the last account of this crap, starring George Allen, Pam Geller, and a Joe Biden sex toy. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Stupidity: the Final Chapter…
  a macaca shows its colors

BREAKING: Jim Webb Not Running For Re-Election; Photo of Rooster Confirms

Brave Macaca hero Jim Webb has bravely decided to give up even trying to run for re-election to the U.S. Senate against half-witted football man George Allen. We can confirm this because the photo for this story on Google News is of a rooster that stabbed and killed a man at a cockfight. Yeah, that sounds like one of Jim Webb’s friends. Webb has now released a statement, and you’ll never guess which sector he’s going into! Read more on BREAKING: Jim Webb Not Running For Re-Election; Photo of Rooster Confirms…
  george allen's wild ride

George Allen Returns To Politics, Severed Deer Head Found In VA Family’s Yard

Hours before George Allen announced his return to politics in Virginia, the insane football-cradling horse-riding racist was apparently back to his foul old tricks. A family in Arlington discovered the severed head of a deer tossed in their backyard. Read more on George Allen Returns To Politics, Severed Deer Head Found In VA Family’s Yard…
  it's morning in america

Macaca Returns: George Allen Running For Senate Again

Still bummed out over America’s comedic loss of Christine O’Donnell? Relax! There’s always another Top Tier Clown that will emerge to provide the laughs in the next election cycle. And the 2012 Humor Olympics have begun, because George Allen will announce today that he’s running for the Senate in Virginia, in 2012! Just six years after this racist buffoon was laughed off the political stage, he is “making a comeback” — this means he will carry a football around for the next two years straight, often while wearing cowboy boots, saying “Reagan” a lot, and sometimes even riding an alive horse. It was the weird “Old Europe” anti-negro slur macaca that ruined his re-election attempt in 2006, but the real beauty of that minor moment was the way it revealed a lifetime of the kind of ugly, deeply racist frat-boy crap you would generally expect from an old white southern rich twit but that isn’t really acceptable these days in states like Virginia, with its whole northern half filled with semi-modern people who have college degrees and hybrids and most of their teeth. Read more on Macaca Returns: George Allen Running For Senate Again… Read more on Macaca Returns: George Allen Running For Senate Again…
  he's back you guys!

George Allen Going To Bring His Football Back To the Senate, Macacas

Virginia’s George Allen may be the most brilliant legislator to ever play with a football on the Senate floor, but unfortunately, he also likes to use old-timey racial slurs of which nobody has ever heard, so he was defeated in 2006 for saying “macaca” on YouTube. It was an important moment in American history, according to what all the pundits said at the time, because it was the first time voters elected an Internet meme to Congress. But now George Allen is planning to run in a 2012 rematch against Jim Webb. And he has even joined this “social media” thing that once destroyed him! Read more on George Allen Going To Bring His Football Back To the Senate, Macacas…
  prodigal sons

George Allen Totally Loves Being a Jew Now

George Allen, remember all the fun we had with that guy? Remember when he found out his mother was secretly Jewish and then he had a big freakout when someone asked him about it? And then he lost his Senate re-election, because of of his Jewish nature, or maybe something else, we forget now. Well, in the years since (yes, it’s really been four years since those good times), he’s apparently come more to terms with his Jewitude, because he’s giving a speech at the “National Jewish Retreat,” organized by the Lubavitchers (aka “The Wackiest Jews”)! Read more on George Allen Totally Loves Being a Jew Now…
  remember when he said 'macaca'

THE ONE MAN WHOSE OPINION COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING: “In a conference call with reporters today organized by the Republican Party of Virginia, [former Sen. George] Allen blasted the ‘Obama-Pelosi’ health care initiative [as] an expensive experiment that Virginians don’t want.” Hooray! [Washington Post] Read more on …
  finally some real news!

George Allen ‘Writing’ Book Seemingly Targeted At 8-Year-Old Boys

Likely GOP nominee for president in 2008 and self-loathing Virginian Jew George Allen has landed hisself a fancy book deal, following in the footsteps of his idol, Ken Layne. It is titled The Triumph of Character: What Washington Can Learn from the World of Sports, so readers should expect an aesthetic mash-up of Matt Christopher and Leni Riefenstahl. Read more on George Allen ‘Writing’ Book Seemingly Targeted At 8-Year-Old Boys…
  meanwhile on twitter

Fat Unemployed Adulterer Criticizes Sotomayor, On Twitter

Hmm, yeah, why *didn’t* Barack Obama pick George Allen instead, since racism seems to be the soup o’ the day? No person in history has been shat upon more than the white land-owning male. [Twitter] Read more on Fat Unemployed Adulterer Criticizes Sotomayor, On Twitter…
  macaca

Republicans Announce Racial Hero George Allen Will Perform Minority Outreach

Remember hilarious football-holding horse-riding racist dildo George Allen? He was supposed to be the “new Ronald Reagan,” but the Daily Kos or whatever videotaped him calling a fellow of Indian ancestry some kind of African monkey. Next thing you know, people found out George Allen was ashamed to be a secret Jew, and he maybe stuffed the heads of deer into black people’s mailboxes (?), and it was all hilarious and wonderful. Anyway, George Allen’s back! And he will convince, er, black people to vote for the Republicans! Read more on Republicans Announce Racial Hero George Allen Will Perform Minority Outreach…
  great moments in political history

Asian-American Obamatards Celebrate ‘Macaca’ Anniversary

Today marks the two-year anniversary of The Macaca Incident, in which Virginia Republican Sen. George Allen, a then-likely 2008 presidential nominee, called a Jim Webb spy “macaca” — which is like the ersatz “n*****” in certain tropical parts of Asia — leading to a series of Prejudiced hole-digging by Allen (“I’m a Jew? Who knew! Well fuck the Jews”) and an utterly destroyed political career. And tonight there is an “Asian-Americans for Obama” event in Arlington to commemorate the legendary video, and it’s hosted by Kal Penn, the famous stoner actor from Hollywood pictures. [Raising Kaine] Read more on Asian-American Obamatards Celebrate ‘Macaca’ Anniversary…
  it just slipped out!

Who Is Driving This Macaca Car, In Virginia?

Wonkette vanity plate operative “Anna” sends us this picture from some road in Fairfax, Virginia, of a racial car. We would like to take credit for the inspiration here. Is this former Sen. George Allen’s car, and HE TOO has taken up the Satire game? Or maybe the kid Allen called a “macaca,” this is his car. The latter would make more sense, since the modest amount of celebrity that incident gave him would, according to our Wonkette Fame=Money Algorithm, leave him with just enough cash to purchase a Honda CR-V. Read more on Who Is Driving This Macaca Car, In Virginia?…