Wonkette

Regular readers may remember a golden period of mockery over the summer regarding the American Family Association’s “Boycott McDonald’s” initiative, in which a bunch of fat slobs ceased taking their 12 kids to McDonald’s 78 times a week because some vice president gave money to some San Francisco gay cause once. There were funny comments and we laughed, because who were these fucking people just cold validatin’ every stereotype about Bitters? And yet, McDonald’s has now caved in to their demands to remain “neutral” in the “culture wars,” which these fundie idiots think is an actual hot war between Orcs and Dwarves. MORE »

GAYS ALLOWED TO MARRY EACH OTHER IN NEW HEATHEN STATE: Put on your birthday suit, Joe Lieberman, because now you can finally get gay-married to your longtime sexpot, Lindsey Graham! Although he’d have to move to Connecticut! Because that’s where the state Supreme Court today decided that the Gays could get married, just like real humans. Ned Lamont: “This is our Katrina.” [NYT]

The Republican National Convention has brought truckloads of new visitors to the Twin Cities — and with every event getting canceled in honor of the poor black people who didn’t get killed in the hurricane yesterday, veritable dozens of GOP males were left in their swank hotel rooms with nothing to do. Let’s find out what happens when a bunch of closeted, discreet hairless dudes go looking for good clean fun on Craigslist … MORE »

There is a little bit of fine print in the Gay American Bylaws stating that donors to Republican candidates will be expelled immediately from one or both elite organizations. Thus Jonathan Crutchley, a McCain contributor and chairman of the gay pickup site Manhunt, had to resign his position on the board lest he be forcibly turned heterosexual and spend the rest of his life wearing ill-fitting shirts from LL Bean. Meanwhile, John McCain returned Crutchley’s donation in order to avoid the Gay Taint. [Towleroad/Boston Herald]

• THE ONLY TRUE MCCAIN-VIETCONG STORY? John McCain on his North Vietnamese captors: “A lot of them were homosexual.” [Gawker/Queerty]

STRANGE PRAYER TO CHARLIE CRIST: “Even though you’re Republican, ’straight,’ part of a fraternity and kind of a gigantic douchebag, I love you. I love everything about you. I mean, just look at you.” [Dan Savage/The Stranger]

Man, the Fundies sure have shown those queers at McDonald’s what happens when they start pushing the Gay Agenda: “CHICAGO–McDonald’s Corp said Friday that global sales at restaurants open at least 13 months rose 8 percent in July, as the key U.S. market posted its largest gain in five months.” A recession is not really a great time to affect change in the fast food industry with a boycott. Besides, we know all of these fat selfish mouth-breathers have been going to McDonald’s secretly, every day. [Reuters]

Barack Obama used to be the greatest enemy of America: a PROFESSOR, of Law. He is still the greatest enemy of America (he’s a Mooz), but he used to be worse. Because with an advanced, post-industrial economy where the only jobs available are for those with an education, America rightfully despises education and its self-styled provocateurs. Obama, in his 12 years as a professor of Constitutional Law — a subject held in such high disregard in this country that Obama himself ignores it — was basically awful, because he made his students take tests and write a lot of words. Let’s “examine” one of his wretched Final Examinations that the New York Times folks have unearthed, and grade it. MORE »

Last week we discovered the website “Boycott McDonald’s,” an American Family Association initiative that criticizes McDonald’s for one time giving some gay thing $20,000 to make an ad or whatever BACKING THE FULL GAY AGENDA. We showed a litany of samples from the site’s comment section, and it was very popular, so now we are going to post more funny comments from it. At least 8 of the top 10 funniest things on the Internet are comments from this website. MORE »

OKLAHOMA DEVIL-HOMOSEXUAL COMIC GUY ON CNN: Hilarious accused felon & Oklahoma county commissioner Brett Rinehart tells the teevee news, “I’m not even sure as to what ‘homophobic’ means, but let’s just keep in mind that we are in a cultural war.” [CNN/Raw Story]

Brent Rinehart is a commissioner in Oklahoma County, which is in Oklahoma. Rinehart has been charged with felony campaign-finance crimes and will be tried this fall, which isn’t helping his campaign for re-election. So he wrote this comic book (PDF) and is sending it to everybody in his district. MORE »

Here is your Barack Obama on the cover of a German magazine called zitty, which according to Wonkette German Translation Operative Mia is “Berlin’s version of Time Out.” She writes, “The headline translates roughly to, ‘I am Black! And that’s great.’ It’s a word play on the coming-out speech of Berlin’s gay mayor.” The article begins with a Morrissey quote, in order to make Barack Obama seem even gayer. [zitty Berlin]

It’s Gay Tuesday here on Wonkette, so we bring you this exciting Gay News Update: John McCain said the other day that only man-and-lady-style couples should be allowed to adopt, and now he is saying something different! Of course, because he is a politician, he is obliged to declare that he has been “perfectly clear” on this issue all along. MORE »

You’ve been waiting for it all day, and here it is: your “Tuesday Fun Link.” Today’s link directs you to “Boycott McDonald’s,” an effort from some terrible thing called the American Family Association. Naturally, these people are not boycotting McDonald’s because they are starting diets — on the contrary, we assume they are all fat fucks who continue to patronize the likes of Wendy’s, Burger King, and “Sonic” on a daily basis. They are boycotting McDonald’s because of this: “It is about McDonald’s, as a corporation, refusing to remain neutral in the culture wars. McDonald’s has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.” And GUESS WHAT? This website has a comments section!! MORE »