Tag: gays

Thanks A Lot, Gays, For LITERALLY Sodomizing Florida With Hurricanes

There goes God, punishing gays with natural disasters again.

Kentucky Teabagger Gov. Says Your Grandbabies WILL HAVE TO DIE If Hillary Clinton Is Elected

Something about the 'blood of tyrants and patriots,' because teabaggers are nothing if not drama queens.

The Stupidest Man On The Internet’s History Of Stupid Gay Stories: A Stupid Review

Rightwing blogger Jim Hoft came out Monday as a gay homosexual, and we decided to look at the careful line he walked: Condemning Islamic crimes against gays, while neither clearly supporting nor condemning gay rights in America.

Obama’s Gay Army Secretary Nominee On Hold, Because Sen. Pat Roberts Is Being A Dick

But Sen. Roberts is being a dick for COMPLETELY unrelated reasons, he says!

Jehovah’s Witnesses Will Learn You How To Be The Cutest Lil’ Homophobe EVER

Are you a big fan of Pixar who struggles daily to communicate your homophobic values to your cartoon children? The Jehovah's Witnesses have a solution for you. Do you get squicked out when you find out your daughter's friend...
They call themselves His People. Weird.

Jesus-Loving Cop Fired, Just For Loving Jesus Too Much

Know that thing when you are driving down the interstate in Indiana on the way to the big sale at the Big Lots, and you're late? So you figure, whatever, I will drive a little faster, because big sales...
He's kind of a pussy.

Another Dude Gets Punched At Trump Rally Because That’s What Happens Now

Ho-hum. Another day in Donald Trump's America, which will be great again once we have sucker-punched or deported or built a wall around allllllllll the people we don't like. Or maybe worse. Nahhhhh, Donald Trump would never rally his supporters...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Teen Charlatan Just As Bad As The Grown-Up Kind

Welcome, friends! It's time once more for your weekly round-up of flim-flammery and balderdash, the Snake Oil Bulletin! This week we're making a return to the world of medicine, a field with which your Dr. la Volpe, DDS, PhD,...
Makin' his yucky buttsex face.

Rick Santorum Has Clever Plan To Make All The Brown People Go Away Forever

Rick Santorum is still running for president for some godforsaken reason, probably because his family abortion doctor said a campaign would distract him from his real obsession, which is ass sex. And so Thursday night, during the Undergirdle Debate...
Ew gay.

Tennessee College Gets To Boot Pregnant Homos, Keep Its Precious Taxpayer Moneys

Carson-Newman University, a little Southern Baptist school in Jefferson City, Tennessee, ain't 'bout ta cotton to none 'a them queers and their pregnant slut friends. And yay, the federal government says it doesn't have to, even though it receives...
This is actually a man from the United Arab Emirates, who got kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too sexy. America wouldn't do that, right?

Obama Won’t Repopulate America With Sexxxy Gay Muslim Refugees. OR WILL HE?

Oh, this is just great. Not only does Barack Obama want to resettle somewhere upwards of eleventy-eight jillion (read: a measly 10,000) Syrian refugees in the United States, including the tiny toddler ones that make Fox News anchor Andrea...

Hillary Shows America How To Lady-Scissor In Heartwarming Gay Ad

Uh oh, it looks like the New York Times was right when it was just implying how maybe Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin play Mighty Morphin Scissor Ranger with each other all the time, in bed. And of course, everybody LOLed during...
His legacy shredded.

New Louisiana Governor Will Fill Bobby Jindal’s Seat With So Much Gayness

Elections matter, y'all. With term-limited Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal leaving office to spend more time begging the Duck Dynasty guys to let him be one of their white friends, voters had a choice: Do we pick that nice gay-hatin'...

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

This post originally ran in the Olden Timey Days of just a few weeks ago, but now we think it might be a Thanksgiving tradition! Curl up in your snuggie with your first cocktail of Thanksgiving morning, and learn...
Everybody wants a turn on Jesus's cross these days.

Simple New York Farmers Latest Casualties In Gay War On Freedom

Somebody's gonna have to fire up the old GoFundMe! Or wait, scratch that, because GoFundMe doesn't like bigots who break the law no more, SADFACE. But these nice Christian people, Robert and Cynthia Gifford, need something, because two lesbians...

Bobby Jindal Announces He Will Not Be President-Elect, Because That Has A Hyphen In It

In some late-breaking news that every last man, woman, and goat in America has been predicting for months, Louisiana Gov. Bobby "Don't hyphenate me, bro" Jindal announced on Fox News that he will stop pretending he might be president...