Tag Archives: gayest-seeming

  flotus files

Introducing Marcus Bachmann, Your Totally Straight Potential FLOTUS

Welcome to the Parallel Universe Edition of The FLOTUS Files! Ever since our Michelle returned from Africa, she has been boring everyone with her fundraising parties and speeches about The Troops. The fat kids have proven to be more hopeless than expected, or something. So while we’re still in this FLOTUS lull/post-4th of July fireworks-induced stupor, let’s take a moment to consider something terrifying – a future without vegetable gardens and dance workouts. In this future, public schools are shut down for producing gay children, and American history ceases to exist. This is the world of potential FLOTUS Marcus Bachmann, the man behind the Crazy. Read more on Introducing Marcus Bachmann, Your Totally Straight Potential FLOTUS…
 

All They Got is Brokeback Budget

The Washington Post has put forth an extensive article on everyone’s favorite scandal-plagued lobbyist today that’s sure to enter the canon as one of the illuminated manuscripts of the origin of Abramoffukkah. But at least one passage has readers feeling a little skeeved: Read more on All They Got is Brokeback Budget…
 

Remainders: Out for a Good Borking

• Jeb Bush, talking hurricane relief and support, proves to be a less-than-traditional conservative: “If Wal-Mart can do it, why can’t the government?” That’s like digging up Barry Goldwater in order to kill him again! [South Florida Sun-Sentinel] • “Borked” versus “Miers”. What the rest of the world calls “tops” and “bottoms.” [AP, via Breitbart.com] • Vioxx teaches its reps to play Dodgeball. Because nobody makes them bleed their own profits! Nobody! [ATLA] • The original text of Harriet Miers resignation letter. REVEALED! [Flak Magazine] • Red States Lose! Ozzie Guillen rubs Texas’ face in it by taking World Series victory to decidedly erotic new heights. [AP] Read more on Remainders: Out for a Good Borking…