OBAMA CALLS CRIST GAY IN PUBLIC: Con sarn it, only this morning we had decided we were sick of the old “Charlie Crist is gay” jokes, but then Barack Obama went ahead and delivered this line at their Fort Myers town hall meeting today: “Everybody needs to grab a hose, and that’s what Charlie Crist is doing right here today.” NSFW video at 23/6 “The Huffington Post Comedy Section.” [HuffPo]

This is Ken Blackwell, the man who STOLE THE 2004 ELECTION FOR GEORGE W. BUSH IN OHIO & AMERICA and is now running for RNC chairman. He just wants to let you know that he’s not gay but if he did have the gay “compulsion” he could fight it, and not have sex with dudes, because he’s a tuff guy like that. Not that he’s ever felt the gay disease before, but if he had felt it, you know… the point here is that Ken Blackwell’s a gay! MORE »

Remember how everybody got all excited at the thought of a lesbian running the Labor Department? Well, that didn’t happen — instead some boring straight lady who at least had the decency to be a Latina was appointed. So where are all the gays in Obama’s grand new rainbow government of change? Now we have our answer: managing the secretarial pool. MORE »

We have received a full 956 tips today about various clowns’ Twitter pages being hacked, including those of Barack Obama and Rick Sanchez, the King of Twitter. Someone thinks this official message from the Fox News about Bill “O Riley” indicates hacking, but what’s the excuse for “Turkey Taco Lettuce Wraps?” The more important question here is why anyone on this planet uses Twitter at all. (Except for Wonkette’s Twitter, which is just great.) [Towleroad]

Hey gays, here’s your least favorite person in the world, Noobama, who had been introducing some new economic slobs at a presser until the Q&A, when everyone asks him why he picked Chunksy McLardtits to deliver the Christian speech at his inauguration. Obama responds, “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” and then offers a series of actual words that basically carry the same weight as “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” MORE »

So Barack Obama, in the spirit of Christian charity and forgiveness, invited Pastor Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inaugural. (Rick Warren is the man who humiliated Barack Obama by forcing him to admit publicly that he is not a professional abortionist. Also Rick Warren hates the gays, who hate him back.) Now a series of “talking points” have surfaced, in the inbox of Huffington Post supersleuth Sam Stein, defensively defending Obama’s decision to give this goateed turd a speaking spot. MORE »

Here is a bold Internet prediction: the newly off-the-market bronze Floridian frat-mammal Charlie Crist will make a run for the presidency next go-round. After all the work he put into his failed quest for the Republican VP nod this year — everything from endorsing the reanimated corpse of John McCain to asking a lady for her hand in marriage — nobody would have been shocked if he had just quit politics altogether once the odious Sarah Palin stole his spot. But his decision to forge ahead, putting his bachelor life behind him and doing something nice for the Everglades, means just one thing: he plans to position himself as the safe, non-religious-wingnut, environmentally reasonable Republican alternative for 2012. MORE »

Why is it that Republican men who conduct their gay sex antics in public bathrooms cannot resist loudly and repeatedly proclaiming their innocence and heterosexuality in an escalating series of legal forums, all of which end up with judges and such saying “Nah dude, still gay”? It is one of life’s great mysteries, along with the human spleen and the “dewclaw.” MORE »

Poor Mark Foley. In olden times (two years ago), he was just another affable barely-closeted gay Republican, well liked by his colleagues and constituents. Then he got caught exchanging sexy instant messages with 17-year-old male pages who were pretty clearly like, “Whatever, you old creep,” and suddenly everybody thought he was terrible. Now Foley’s breed of harmless homosexual Republican has been hunted almost into extinction, even as exorcism fetishists, alien warlords, and angry old crooks flourish within the party ranks. Let’s see what the fragile, endangered Cocktobrus floridianus has to say for himself. MORE »

Virgil Goode is the patriotic Republican congressman who threatened to deport Representative Keith Ellison, an American citizen from Minneapolis who was sworn in on Thomas Jefferson’s Koran. Once upon a time Rep. Goode had a press secretary named Linwood Duncan. This Duncan fellow was Goode’s press secretary for many years! And then, suddenly, he had “health problems” and had to retire after it turned out he had a line or two in a terrible gay coming-of-age movie shot in Danville. But that’s not even the worst of it! Duncan may have been complicit in the UNSPEAKABLE VIOLATION OF A FAX LINE. MORE »

• JOHN McCAIN HAS A GAY MANAGER OR WHATEVER: So this guy Mark Buse, John McCain’s chief of staff, is allegedly gay, like every other chief of staff on the Hill. NOBODY CARES. [The Gist]