SOME BLOGGER KNOWS BIG SECRET ABOUT GAY FRENCH S.C. LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR ANDRé BAUER: The secret: André Bauer is gay! So says “gay blogger” Mike Rogers, who is famous for secretly “outing” every conservative person anyone has ever suspected of being gay, according to his own anonymous sources. Those gay bloggers! They must have the best legal defense funds. [BlogActive]

Uh oh, Bill Clinton went to “AIPAC for libtards” yesterday, and what did his audience do immediately? Get up and yell about all of those terrible laws against gay people he signed during his presidency: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act, the “Gog and Magog” of 1990s federal gay people legislation. First Bill calls the gay shouter (he must be gay, otherwise why would he care about gay rights?) a wingnut, and then explains his rationale for signing those wretched things. Bill Clinton speaks so well that we believe every single word he says! (?) [Slog]

Supply and demand, people! Focus on the Family’s series of “Love Won Out” conferences has persuaded so many sodomites of the joys of heterosexual love that there is just no market for these events anymore. So, they’re turning over the conferences to a ministry in Orlando that can deal with the homosexual laggards who still haven’t gotten on the Straight Train. MORE »

According to “Wonkett” bylaws, everything Larry Craig does is 30% funnier by virtue of the fact that it was done by Larry Craig, the winsome bathroom goblin who repeatedly tried to appeal his own guilty plea after he was arrested in a “cruisy toilet” looking for a hot slice of man to get down with. The former senator has opened a consulting firm and has four whole clients! How much would you pay for his professional advice? MORE »

And this is why gay marriage will never work: “Silo and Roy, two male chinstrap penguins native to the South Atlantic, made [New York] headlines six years ago when they came out with their same-sex relationship. … That all ended when Scrappy, a single female newly arrived from SeaWorld in San Diego, caught Silo’s eye. … On Thursday, Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall.” Jesus Christ that is about the saddest story ever written. [Fox News]

Alert UK journalist “Richard” sent us this Reuters pic, wondering what kind of movie Willie Mays and Robert Gibbs and the sleazy White House press pool enjoyed last night on the flight over to the MLB All-Star game. What do you people think? MORE »

Oklahoma state Rep. Sally Kern is famous for hating the Gays this one time, on YouTube, last year. In a hilarious recorded message to supporters, she claimed that the Gay Cancer was going to kill everyone, making the Gays “the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.” And then everyone kept calling her son gay, which he denied, although he was “affiliated with the Des Moines School of Metaphysics,” which means: gay as the dickens. But this is all old news. The new news is that Ms. Rep. Kern has introduced a delightful new bill into her legislative chamber! MORE »

Wonkette’s “Gay, In Chicago” Operative “ManofSteel” attended his city’s fancy Gay Pride Parade this weekend, for fun, and who did he see there but U.S. “Senator for Life” Roland Burris! Here’s our leader in some fancy rich man’s car. Didn’t he know that you can get sick at these things?

Here is a tragic sweet love tale: the mayor of a lil’ Texas town abdicated his position to run off to Mexico with his illegal immigrant boyfriend, the Wallis Simpson of San Angelo. People are sad because this mayor was a very good mayor, and got elected to four terms! MORE »

Oh dear, poor Chuckles. His Senate challenger, Wingnut #A, has already thrown together his first secretly-has-gay-overtones attack ad against the orange governor, who is shown “embracing” Barack Obama, intimately, maybe with his mouth. Or are we reading into this too much? Obviously! But still, OY. Being secretly gay will not make this a fun year-long primary season for Charlie Crist. [The Plum Line]

Oh brother, here we go again. Charlie Crist, the governor of Florida, is known for precisely two things: being orange, and having a dreadful porn mustache in the 1970s, which was the style at the time. Everybody likes to make jokes about how (allegedly!) gay he is, jokes that were only made more hilarious by his engagement to a lady right around the time last year that John McCain was supposed to pick him as his running “mate.” MORE »