Tag Archives: gay rights

  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  Equality gaysploding everywhere

Nice Christian Forced To Ditch Wife Now That Gays Have Ruined Everything

It's the end of the world! Except not
We were afraid this might happen. Well, not afraid exactly, but we paused for a brief moment the first time we were warned that gays would ruin marriage for everyone else, mostly to say, “Who what how HUH?” But seems the Hetero-End Days are upon us — seriously, for reals this time — because with gays gaying up the whole planet, plus Australia, this guy says he has to divorce his wife of 10 years, because of REASONS. Jesus reasons. Read more on Nice Christian Forced To Ditch Wife Now That Gays Have Ruined Everything…
  good luck with that

Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

The least evil Cheney
Mary Cheney, spawn o’ Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She’s The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he’d rather not talk about that because it’s a private family matter. Even though Dick’s other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an “I am not pro-gay marriage” platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister’s campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all. Read more on Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks…
  I'll take "false equivalency" for $500 Alex

Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS

Definitely nothing sexy on his brain.
America, you have GAY SEX ON THE BRAIN. You are thinking about it right now, in fact! How else can Ted Cruz explain why everybody keeps asking him about things like “gay marriage” and “equality?” It’s obviously because The Liberals (read: everybody to the left of Ted Cruz’s dad and Genghis Khan) are just too busy thinking about guys boning each other to focus on the important stuff, like ISIS: Read more on Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS…
  New Research In Grievance Studies

Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat

It's true: There is a manga illustration for just about everything.
Yet another story of academic liberals trampling all over basic decency and fairness today: Writing at Bradlee Dean’s Reblogatorium For Stuff That’s Too Stupid For Breitbart, Tim Brown shares a tale of gross discrimination against the straight community — and for that matter, against those who are exclusively gay: Read more on Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat…
  Numbers don't lie

Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom

Too bad, so sad
Awwwww, sad news for Bigot-Americans. Again: A majority of Americans believe businesses should not be allowed to refuse services based on their religious beliefs in the wake of controversies in Indiana and Arkansas over gay rights and religious freedom, a Reuters/Ipsos poll found on Thursday. […] Read more on Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…
  Her Name Is Rios And She Derps Upon The Sand

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Not the best font match, I'll admit
Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association’s “governmental affairs director,” is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they’re holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of putting some anti-abortion language into a bill to help victims of sex trafficking. Rios actually couldn’t give a rip about Lynch — who is evil, because appointed by Obama — but she’s pretty cheesed that the Senate is wasting precious legislative time on a bill addressing sex trafficking, which Rios is fairly sure is hardly even a thing at all, especially when compared to the existential crisis our once-proud nation faces from The Gays. Read more on AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?…
  but jesus told me to give her a black eye

Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!

Mission accomplished!
Now that The Great Gay Scourge is spreading unfettered across the land — what with the gays marrying and not being thrown into jail and/or executed for the buttsechs — it is time for us to focus on the Real Victims of Oppression. We are referring, of course, to good, honest, Bible-believing Christians, whose God-given right to prevent gays from public housing and accommodations has come under threat from the tyranny of judicial activists. Read more on Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!…
  Make Your Own Billy Club Joke

Wingnut Matt Barber Will Not Be Anti-Gay-Bashed By Armed ‘LGBT Squads’!

They're definitely coming, but not for Matt.
Sometimes we feel a little bad for wingnut’s Wingnut Matt Barber, who spends so much of his time obsessing about the Gays (and the threat they pose to America) that we figure he must be exhausted by quitting time every day. Simply fagged out! His latest rant suggests that perhaps he’s getting a little desperate for material, warning that America faces a whole new danger: scary gangs of armed gay thugs, empowered by the state to make everyone submit to gayness! Read more on Wingnut Matt Barber Will Not Be Anti-Gay-Bashed By Armed ‘LGBT Squads’!…
  Monumental Stupidity

Shiny 10 Commandments Sure To Distract Arkansas From Godly ‘Rehoming’ Kid-Dumper Guy

They totally used these sets again in Star Trek, didn't they?
Hey, how about we take a short break from the loathsome child-abandoning Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris, so we can bring you another completely different loathsome member of the Arkansas House, state Rep. Jason Rapert? Mr. Rapert apparently worries that there might be some folks out there who haven’t heard of the Ten Commandments, so he’s helpfully introduced a bill to place a big ol’ Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the Arkansas Capitol. You know, for purely secular reasons (wink-wink-wink!): Read more on Shiny 10 Commandments Sure To Distract Arkansas From Godly ‘Rehoming’ Kid-Dumper Guy…
  Being this dumb is NOT a choice

Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Brain doctor and conservative heartthrob hero Ben Carson has some real neat ideas on The Gay and how that works (it is all explained by “prison sex”), and you have to take his word for it because he is an actual doctor and A Expert on science stuff. (And prison sex.) Read more on Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex…
  We all did dumb things in the 1980s

Anti-Gay History Footnote Thinks All Y’all Bigots A Bit Over The Line

yes, same Michael Bowers!
Have some delightful news: former Georgia Attorney General Michael Bowers is working with a gay rights group to try to defeat two “religious freedom” bills currently under consideration by the Georgia state legislature. Right now you are thinking “Bowers…Bowers…why do I know that name?” Perhaps you are remembering Bowers v. Hardwick, a completely odious decision in which the Supreme Court in 1986 held that the right to privacy did not extend to gay sexytime in a case where two consenting dudes in Georgia were arrested for the crime of sodomy. They sued Georgia AG Bowers, who ultimately prevailed in the case. This repellent decision was, hooray, overturned by the Court in 2003 in Lawrence v. Texas. Read more on Anti-Gay History Footnote Thinks All Y’all Bigots A Bit Over The Line…
  Some of his best friends are bestialists too

Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is begging you — begging, you guys — to stop thinking he’s anti-gay. What? He’s serious, guys. C’mon! Last week we told you the story about how Notorious RBG was sippin’ that purple drank at the State of the Union, and the internet collectively exploded from how awesome she is. Again. Ginsburg made those comments at an informal event at George Washington University, which was also attended by Antonin Scalia, the Squidward to Ginsburg’s Spongebob. In the course of discussing the upcoming Supreme Court case that could decide the fate of same-sex marriage nationwide, Scalia asked the audience not to consider him “anti-gay,” which is kind of like Bryan Fisher asking that you not consider him “anti-Jew” but rather just “pro-Inquisition.” Read more on Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  Baby Steps Thrown Out With Bathwater

Idaho State Rep Learns To Love The Gays, Tearfully Votes To Deny Them Rights

Too bad, so sad
The Idaho House’s State Affairs Committee voted Thursday to kill a bill that would have provided statewide housing and employment protection for LGBT people by adding the words “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” to the state’s Human Rights Act (which yes, it actually has one of, go figure.) Activists for the “add the words” campaign have been trying for a decade just to get the proposal a hearing, so in a small way, this was progress, as previous legislatures haven’t even advanced the bill to the committee. Last year’s legislative session saw mass sit-ins at the state Capitol, including the arrest of a former legislator who refused to leave the House floor. Read more on Idaho State Rep Learns To Love The Gays, Tearfully Votes To Deny Them Rights…
  Rarely Is It Asked: Is Our State Legislators Learning?

SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?

He has a gun, let's vote for him!
South Carolina state Rep. Jonathon Hill is just an inquisitive guy who wants to be well-informed about state judicial candidates. That’s the only reason he sent a questionnaire just crawling with completely unconstitutional questions to candidates for judgeships. In South Carolina, judges are elected by state legislators, so Hill, a bright young conservative who is 29 years old, thought he’d look into some important questions to help him decide who belongs on the bench. Here are a few things he wanted to know: Read more on SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?…