Tag Archives: gay rights

  Highly Illogical

Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek

This revisionism will not stand, man
Ted Cruz is trying to ruin your beloved childhood memories again. First, he fucked up The Simpsons, and now he’s coming after Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry’s Kennedy Administration in Space fantasia. In Cruz’s mental version of the show, Captain James T. Kirk is a Republican (or will be, in a few centuries), and Jean-Luc Picard, that tea-drinking squish, is a Democrat. This only stands to reason: Cruz has also decided that, were he alive today, JFK himself would be a Republican, too. Because, you know, tax cuts. Read more on Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek…
  Take that flag and shove it

Butthurt Missouri County Decides To Stop Being Butthurt, For The Troops

America
Was it really only breakfast o’clock when we told you about these idiot commissioners in Podunksberg, Missouri, who unanimously voted to lower their flag for an entire fucking year to mourn the end of one-dude-on-one-chick-only marriage as we know it? Yup. But the arc of the moral universe, sometimes it’s a speedy motherfucker, and look, it has already bent these schmucks over and grabbed them by the ankles: Read more on Butthurt Missouri County Decides To Stop Being Butthurt, For The Troops…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  Equality gaysploding everywhere

Nice Christian Forced To Ditch Wife Now That Gays Have Ruined Everything

It's the end of the world! Except not
We were afraid this might happen. Well, not afraid exactly, but we paused for a brief moment the first time we were warned that gays would ruin marriage for everyone else, mostly to say, “Who what how HUH?” But seems the Hetero-End Days are upon us — seriously, for reals this time — because with gays gaying up the whole planet, plus Australia, this guy says he has to divorce his wife of 10 years, because of REASONS. Jesus reasons. Read more on Nice Christian Forced To Ditch Wife Now That Gays Have Ruined Everything…
  good luck with that

Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

The least evil Cheney
Mary Cheney, spawn o’ Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She’s The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he’d rather not talk about that because it’s a private family matter. Even though Dick’s other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an “I am not pro-gay marriage” platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister’s campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all. Read more on Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks…
  I'll take "false equivalency" for $500 Alex

Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS

English lacks sufficient invective for this man
America, you have GAY SEX ON THE BRAIN. You are thinking about it right now, in fact! How else can Ted Cruz explain why everybody keeps asking him about things like “gay marriage” and “equality?” It’s obviously because The Liberals (read: everybody to the left of Ted Cruz’s dad and Genghis Khan) are just too busy thinking about guys boning each other to focus on the important stuff, like ISIS: Read more on Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS…
  New Research In Grievance Studies

Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat

It's true: There is a manga illustration for just about everything.
Yet another story of academic liberals trampling all over basic decency and fairness today: Writing at Bradlee Dean’s Reblogatorium For Stuff That’s Too Stupid For Breitbart, Tim Brown shares a tale of gross discrimination against the straight community — and for that matter, against those who are exclusively gay: Read more on Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat…
  Numbers don't lie

Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom

The threat is real.
Awwwww, sad news for Bigot-Americans. Again: A majority of Americans believe businesses should not be allowed to refuse services based on their religious beliefs in the wake of controversies in Indiana and Arkansas over gay rights and religious freedom, a Reuters/Ipsos poll found on Thursday. […] Read more on Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…
  Her Name Is Rios And She Derps Upon The Sand

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Not the best font match, I'll admit
Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association’s “governmental affairs director,” is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they’re holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of putting some anti-abortion language into a bill to help victims of sex trafficking. Rios actually couldn’t give a rip about Lynch — who is evil, because appointed by Obama — but she’s pretty cheesed that the Senate is wasting precious legislative time on a bill addressing sex trafficking, which Rios is fairly sure is hardly even a thing at all, especially when compared to the existential crisis our once-proud nation faces from The Gays. Read more on AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?…
  but jesus told me to give her a black eye

Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!

Mission accomplished!
Now that The Great Gay Scourge is spreading unfettered across the land — what with the gays marrying and not being thrown into jail and/or executed for the buttsechs — it is time for us to focus on the Real Victims of Oppression. We are referring, of course, to good, honest, Bible-believing Christians, whose God-given right to prevent gays from public housing and accommodations has come under threat from the tyranny of judicial activists. Read more on Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!…
  Make Your Own Billy Club Joke

Wingnut Matt Barber Will Not Be Anti-Gay-Bashed By Armed ‘LGBT Squads’!

They're definitely coming, but not for Matt.
Sometimes we feel a little bad for wingnut’s Wingnut Matt Barber, who spends so much of his time obsessing about the Gays (and the threat they pose to America) that we figure he must be exhausted by quitting time every day. Simply fagged out! His latest rant suggests that perhaps he’s getting a little desperate for material, warning that America faces a whole new danger: scary gangs of armed gay thugs, empowered by the state to make everyone submit to gayness! Read more on Wingnut Matt Barber Will Not Be Anti-Gay-Bashed By Armed ‘LGBT Squads’!…