Tag Archives: gay penguins

  on the pole

Science: Gay Hooligan Penguins Rape Dead Lady Penguins

We are sorry, but we now must apologize for every time we laughed at One Million Moms and the American Family Association and every mean old preacher and 14-year-old shock jock who has ever called for queers to get dumped into concentration camps. It turns out gay penguins love nothing more than to rape dead lady penguins, it is just a fact. Therefore also too, that P-E-N-I-S lady about whom we actually felt bad, because she was actually schizophrenic, was also one hundred percent correct about gays loving to sex the dead. (Probably not the rest though, because schizophrenia.) Yessir, we now have proof, in the form of 100-year-old explorers’ logs, about all the necrophiliac rape-rape penguins just love to do. Read more on Science: Gay Hooligan Penguins Rape Dead Lady Penguins…
  but do the penguins get a toaster?

Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?

Madrid, Spain, is the location for all those disgusting Pedro Almodovar movies about nuns and transvestites and nun-transvestites, and pregnant nuns caring for junkie transvestites. So it it any wonder that in Godless Madrid, zookeepers are turning poor penguins gay? They are even endangering unborn penguins by letting them be hatched and adopted by homosexual* birds! Read more on Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?…
  zoo animals against jesus

‘Banned Book Week’ Is Wingnut Cue To Panic Over Gay Penguin Sex

It is “Banned Books Week,” which for the uninitiated is a transparently lame code name for the annual barrage of homosexual propaganda orchestrated by the secret cabal of American librarians for the purposes of introducing unsuspecting third graders into the “gay lifestyle” of literacy and free speech. This is true! The freedom fighters at WorldNetDaily noticed that the American Library Association’ list of the ten most frequently banned books this year is once again topped by a popular 2005 children’s book about the true story of a family of gay penguins, which, you know, what more proof do you need? None. Libraries make kids gay. Case closed. Read more on ‘Banned Book Week’ Is Wingnut Cue To Panic Over Gay Penguin Sex…
  love tragedies

Gay Penguin Couple Rent Asunder By Hussy

And this is why gay marriage will never work: “Silo and Roy, two male chinstrap penguins native to the South Atlantic, made [New York] headlines six years ago when they came out with their same-sex relationship. … That all ended when Scrappy, a single female newly arrived from SeaWorld in San Diego, caught Silo’s eye. … On Thursday, Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall.” Jesus Christ that is about the saddest story ever written. [Fox News] Read more on Gay Penguin Couple Rent Asunder By Hussy…
 

Brokeback Glacier: March of the Gay Penguins Goes On

Al Jazeera has so much to offer besides the latest public service messages from Osama bin Laden. A reader sent along this article, noting that it’s “right up there with the highbrow garbage I love on your site.” Read more on Brokeback Glacier: March of the Gay Penguins Goes On…
 

Panda-Matrimonium!

Many thanks to Thailand for being the first country to take steps against the epidemic of out-of-wedlock panda births. The Thai zoo’s two pandas are presumed to start mating soon, “But the zoo wanted them to be married first.” Of course. Single-panda motherhood is well known to be the root cause of rising panda unemployment and high crime rates in panda neighborhoods. Did you know that in America, there are more pandas in zoos than in college? Look at what’s going on with our own poor bastard Butterstick: Has a deadbeat dad living off the state and he’s an immigrant whose been here for ten years and he still doesn’t speak English. Without a traditional family, a young panda will look elsewhere for their role models, and, you know, recruiting Butterstick is probably right at the top of the gay penguin agenda. Read more on Panda-Matrimonium!…