Tag Archives: gay marriage

  We've all heard this song already

Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!

This week some Alabamians have been absolutely thrilled that marriage equality has come to their state. Others have been just reeling, losing their very minds over the fact (FACT) that their God will now be raining hellfire and frogs down on their state for failing to preserve marriage as between one wingnut and one lady wingnut. Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore has been leading the way, telling probate judges that NO, you do NOT have to listen to a federal judge or the Supreme Court, Alabama is a sovereign nation run by God, and if God or Roy didn’t sign the order, it’s unenforceable. Read more on Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

Remember to caption this
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  Sweet Homo Alabama

Alabama Republican Says Gay Marriage Is End Of The World. Redneck Proves He’s Wrong

Or maybe if Hillary becomes President. Or Warren.
Alabama state GOP Chairman Bill Armistead just wants y’all to know that with the Federal Government cramming gay marriage down Roy Moore’s throat and all, the End Times have officially arrived, and we can expect God to destroy the U.S. America and such as any minute now. In a longish message posted to the state party’s official website, Armistead advises that he’s been to the Land of Israel and seen where Armageddon’s gonna happen: Read more on Alabama Republican Says Gay Marriage Is End Of The World. Redneck Proves He’s Wrong…
  The '90s called and they want their dumb laws back

Ted Cruz Has Had It With You Federales Gaying Up Those Nice Straight Red States

He'll save you, red states!
You guys, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Not Gonna Be President) did not get the memo. You know the one. It reads “Hey, we’re all cool with gays doing marriage to each other now. Xoxoxo, Most of U.S. America.” Yeah, he didn’t get that. Read more on Ted Cruz Has Had It With You Federales Gaying Up Those Nice Straight Red States…
  Mainline some top-grade Alabama dumbass this morning

Alabama Continues To Reel From Tyrannical Federal Gay Marriage Over-Reach-Around

So it is Wednesday, the third day since Alabama was victimized by a gratuitous federal over-reach-around that required the state to allow gay marriage, even in the really wingnut parts. Let’s look at the Alabammy gay sexy news that has happened since we last updated you on their tantrums, yesterday, when the great majority of probate judges were simply saying, “don’t care about the Constitution, sorry, have you met us?” Read more on Alabama Continues To Reel From Tyrannical Federal Gay Marriage Over-Reach-Around…
  The revolution will not be ... happening

Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH

Well, actually ...
Hooray, the revolution is finally here! After years of judicial activists cramming marriage equality down the unwilling throats of Americans who are mostly cool with it at this point, Alabama’s probate judges, who are not judicial activists because they just aren’t, have answered the call of literally tens of Americans and refused to recognize the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States of America-Except-For-Alabama, because who do those guys think they are anyway, Supreme Court justices or something? Read more on Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH…
  Making George Wallace Proud

Alabama Smashes Marriage So Nobody Gets to Play with It Now

Nailed it.
Gay marriage is oppressing the poor judges of the state of Alabama, and they’ve decided to fight back by wrecking ALL the marriages. Monday was the first day of gay marriages in the great state of Alabama. Yay! However, turns out the state’s conservative judges are pretty committed to stopping this onslaught of love and affection, destroying all happiness throughout the land, and completing their transformation into Care Bear villains. Read more on Alabama Smashes Marriage So Nobody Gets to Play with It Now…
  Stars fell on Alabama and made it gay

Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage

This is actually a thing that is happening right now, in Birmingham.
That friendly man pictured above is doing the hard work of exorcising the homosexual demons out of Alabama because YOU GUYS, the state officially has marriage equality! REPENT! Sunday night, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore — America’s greatest Ten Commandments-protecting jurist, with a special version of the First Amendment just for Christians — bravely followed through on his promise to block the gay courthouse door, in order that the fundamentalist Christians of Alabama might be saved from the devil’s wrath and raining hellfire and whatnot. You know, the typical stuff that happens when Brandon and Derek tie the knot. Read more on Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage…
  No Cake For You

Americans Cool With Gay Marriage, But The Gays Should Not Have Cake Or Flowers

we don't even have a cake!
A new AP-GfK poll was released Thursday showing that a majority of Americans (44 percent) favor legalizing gay marriage in their home states, while 39 percent oppose it, and 15 percent don’t favor or oppose it (really?). So, way to go, um, 44 percent of Americans! Also, America is apparently split down the exact middle on the issue of whether the Supreme Court should rule that gay marriage is constitutional when it reviews the issue later this spring, so half of you are fine, and the other half of you are meh and should not receive any of the fabulous wedding invitations. Read more on Americans Cool With Gay Marriage, But The Gays Should Not Have Cake Or Flowers…
  Call of Fruity

Whoopsie! Nebraska Gun Humpers Accidentally Recognize Gay Marriage

Choo choo!
The Nebraska legislature, in its zeal to give as many guns to as many people as fast as possible, may have inadvertently left the Cornholer State vulnerable to the oncoming onslaught that is gay marriage, thanks to a bill that grants concealed carry permits to the spouses of current military members, who as you may know can be totally homo for each other now, ew! Read more on Whoopsie! Nebraska Gun Humpers Accidentally Recognize Gay Marriage…
  Rarely Is It Asked: Is Our State Legislators Learning?

SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?

He has a gun, let's vote for him!
South Carolina state Rep. Jonathon Hill is just an inquisitive guy who wants to be well-informed about state judicial candidates. That’s the only reason he sent a questionnaire just crawling with completely unconstitutional questions to candidates for judgeships. In South Carolina, judges are elected by state legislators, so Hill, a bright young conservative who is 29 years old, thought he’d look into some important questions to help him decide who belongs on the bench. Here are a few things he wanted to know: Read more on SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?…
  There's gotta be a santorum joke in here somewhere

Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom

Adam y Esteban
Fellow Patriots®, are you tired of the gay agenda being rammed down your throat? Are you afraid that the repeated joyous celebrations of legalized gay marriage exploding all over your face will give you gay herpes of the eye? You are not alone, and we have a hero who has returned from the ashes, like a dung beetle we thought the universe had shat out of existence, only to return like a shit-stained phoenix rising from derp-filled ashes of bigotry: Read more on Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom…
  thanks obama!

Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!

Todd Russ likes steers, not queers If you’re like us — and we know you are because we’ve seen you in the shower — you find the ongoing right-wing freakout over gay marriage delectably amusing. Whether it’s the Florida clerks of court stopping all courthouse weddings so they wouldn’t have to pronounce Adam and Steve husband and husband (in fairness, they’re all from the hillbilly parts of the state, which, contrary to popular belief, is not the whole thing, shut up comment section; we also have Miami) or Mike “Fat Again” Huckabee, constitutional expert and Ted Nugent fan, declaring that hey, maybe states don’t need to listen to the Supreme Court anyway, there’s an endless bounty of schadenfreude to be had, and we need to enjoy it while we can. Read more on Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!…
  Notorious RBG Meets Noxious WTF

Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball

Dangerous radicals
The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with? Read more on Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball…
  The Decisis Stares Back At You

SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June

Have fun biting your nails
Well, we saw this one coming: The Supreme Court will (probably) decide once and for all whether states can ban gay marriage. The Court agreed Friday to review the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision in DeBoer v. Snyder, which is the only one of a recent string of federal appeals court decisions to hold that four states — Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ohio — can restrict marriage to straight people only. Read more on SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June…
  Texas Justice will be back after these messages

Texas and Virginia Lawmakers Will Defeat The Homosexuals This Time, Goldurnit!

Here is your new Texas freedom-fighter for poor, oppressed heterosexual straight-married bigots. His name is Cecil Bell, Jr., and he is your new frand. Hello, Texas Bumpkin Daddy, who still manages to look more intelligent than Louie Gohmert, what is your plan to defeat the Lone Star Homosexualistas? It is this: Read more on Texas and Virginia Lawmakers Will Defeat The Homosexuals This Time, Goldurnit!…
  Just upset he wasn't invited to the wedding

National Guard Should Shoot Gay Couples In The Face, Politely Requests Homophobe

California nutmuffin Randy Thomasson is getting tired of gays marrying all willy nilly everywhere — like it’s legal or something — so he’s asked that governors across this great land use their state armies to shoot those gay couples, for freedom. Read more on National Guard Should Shoot Gay Couples In The Face, Politely Requests Homophobe…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rick Santorum: I’m Not Crazy, THEY’RE The Crazy Ones

Oh, Rick “Don’t Google Me, seriously, stop it, it’s not funny anymore!” Santorum, how we love thee. Santorum has the unique gift of standing out as one of the craziest Bible-humping crazies in a crowded field of serious contender crazies. Like, no matter how far to the right his fellow conservatives go, he goes even farther than that. He will throw up at the thought of John F. Kennedy. He will make his children hug the dead fetus. He will wish his Jew friends a Happy Jesus Christmas Chanukah for Jesus. He will go there and do that and then some. But, hey, when it comes to the presidential race in 2016, he wants you to know, he’s the serious one, unlike those other nuts. Seriously! Read more on Rick Santorum: I’m Not Crazy, THEY’RE The Crazy Ones…
  Here have some news n stuff

New Pope On Boobs: Suck Em If You Got Em

When did Jesus ever talk about feeding people anyway?
How is un-American Marxist commie is-he-even-a-real-Catholic? New Pope destroying Western civilization today? Glad you asked. He’s turning the Sistine Chapel into a hotbed of boobs, which definitely violates the laws of man, nature, common decency, and some other stuff, probably. Read more on New Pope On Boobs: Suck Em If You Got Em…