Every Democratic candidate for president likes to say they’ll be a champion of the gay community and will offer them free dental dams on Fridays plus a full repeal of the dumb “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy plus mandatory gay marriage and so on. And President Obama has so far sucked in that regard, because he has been so distracted with the economy and healthcare and “other things,” such as North Korea and Iraq. MORE »

Jesus, who can even keep track of the idiots these days? There was that one, the new conservative sweetheart soft-porn boob-job-having local-yokel beauty queen, on the teevee, and Perez Hilton got her to say the queers can’t get married cuz Jebus hates homos, and then the nekkid pictures were revealed, and World Net Daily anointed her as the Holy Whore of Gay Bashing, and Donald Trump went bankrupt or something, and then Carrie Prejean finally got fired for “contract violations,” the end, we hope. [CNN/Perez Hilton]

Oh Jesus, Meghan McCain’s goin’ nuts, again, on Twitter. MORE »

Whoa hey, Dick Cheney, father to a known lesbian, supports gay marriage. What a homo! “People ought to get a shot at that,” he says, adding that it ought to be a state-by-state decision, however. Not seeing much about this on RedState or the Corner! Will Rush Limbaugh now EAT this latest liberal, Dick Cheney? [The Swamp]

Here is our new favorite musical duo, “Garfunkel and Oates,” with their chilling song about the slippery slope (and beak) of Legal Gay Marriage, when we all just start cold fuckin’ the ducks. [Garfunkel & Oates]

• Using Google Maps and his abacus, Doug Ross proves Barack Obama has no business closing that Chrysler dealership in Mexico. [Doug Ross]
• In response to a Freedom of Information Act request filed by the ACLU, the White House grudgingly released a video of Mr. and Mrs. Obama, high on whippets, hosting a depraved Easter Egg Roll for stray boys and cats on their front lawn. [Hit & Run]
• Entirely unprepared to answer a kindergartner’s question regarding butt-sex and the 10th Amendment, Rep. John Culberson (R-TX) pulled the fire alarm and hid under a desk until he was reassured it was all over. [Think Progress]
• Someone on the teevee called adorable Scotswoman Susan Boyle a craven munter. Boyle responded by singing a glorious “Fuck Off,” hitting that hard to reach F6. Everyone in the room burst into tears and the Queen Mother presented her with the Order of the British Empire, which aside from other notable perks allows Susan’s descendants to drive sheep over Westminster Bridge. [The Daily Beast]
• Shameless mechaphiliac and incumbent First Gentleman of Alaska Todd Palin begged his daughter to dump her semen-filled human boyfriend and have unprotected sex with a shiny new Chrysler instead. [HuffPost]

IS GAY MARRIAGE A THREAT TO OUR CULTURE? “If you haven’t noticed, gays make most of our culture. They write our teevee shows and Broadway musicals and even books, for those who can still read. They are the world’s entertainers, designers and bloggers. And nothing threatens the creative spirit — which God gave primarily to homosexuals — than the awful tedium of marriage.” [Politics Daily]

• PROPOSITION 8 UPHELD: Sorry, gays. Existing same-sex marriages will stand, but nobody else can get gay married. Until 2010, when this will doubtless be on the ballot again. [San Francisco Chronicle]

Shouldn’t it be illegal to do this Child Pornography, in America? Call your local Sex-Creep Police 911 and report these people immediately. Death Penalty for all of them. [YouTube/Pharyngula]

NEW YORK HALFWAY TO GAYSVILLE: Governor Paterson’s proposal to legalize gay marriage in New York has passed the State Assembly. Some Republicans even voted for it! Now it just has to be approved by the State Senate, which will be harder. [Politicker NY]

You know why we have not written about this too much? Because number one, who gives a flying fuck what Miss California thinks about political “things.” And number two, any beauty pageant contestant who doesn’t have a boatload of topless photos in her closet is just not trying hard enough. Anyway Donald Trump, the owner of the Miss USA and the world’s wealthiest muskrat, determined that Carrie Prejean’s hawt pre-boob-job photos did not diminish her ability to attend ribbon-cuttings at county fairs and other important Miss California-related events. It is a sad day when Donald Trump is the sanest man on television. [USA Today]