Tag Archives: gay marriage

  sad trombone

Satan Probably Won’t Let Kim Davis Raise Bigot Bucks On GoFundMe :(

Guess she'll just have to go get a wingnut book deal or something.
Guess she’ll just have to go get a wingnut book deal or something. A lot of people have been saying, OOH THAT KIM DAVIS, that asshole, that adulteress, that bleeding pus-filled skin tag on the lady-jumper-concealed inner thigh of humanity! That’s not what this post is about, people have just been saying those things a lot. Anyway, people have also been saying, “Yeah, just wait for the GoFundMe,” because that’s what whore-grifting put-upon fundamentalist Christians do when the rest of America does the Holocaust to them, by forcing them to play by the same rules as everyone else. Read more on Satan Probably Won’t Let Kim Davis Raise Bigot Bucks On GoFundMe :(…
  nice time!

It’s A Nice Day To Kentucky Marry Your Gay Homosexual Lover!

New county clerk much nicer than the last.
New county clerk much nicer than the last. Yr Wonkette loves stories with happy endings, and yr Wonkette loves getting married! You know that thing that Editrix Becca did, when she Montana-married her heterosexual lover? Well, due to how SOMEBODY is currently doing a little jail time for being a very bad girl, gays are Kentucky-marrying their homosexual lovers in Rowan County today! Is there pizza? PROBABLY. Read more on It’s A Nice Day To Kentucky Marry Your Gay Homosexual Lover!…
  THE PERSECUTION HAS BEGUNNETH!!!!

Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!

Kim Davis, RIGHT NOW.
Kim Davis, RIGHT NOW. CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! Oh, we are just joshing, nobody wants Kim Davis crucified. (OR DO WE?) Wingnuts, though? Remember that time they lost their whole country in the span of a week, because gay marriage was legalized and the Confederate flag came down? Well, they’ve lost it again! NO COUNTRY FOR STUPID WINGNUTS, that’s what we like to say. And they are good and damn sure that a judge putting Kentucky clerk Kim Davis in jail for failing to do HER EFFING JOB is just the beginning of the persecution and the Holocaust and getting ISIS-ed right in their fundamentalist Christian shame buttholes. Because this is the sad thing about wingnuts: They think we care about them enough to actively persecute them. Awwww. The sad truth is that decent Americans are more than happy to abide these dumbasses in our midst, for entertainment purposes mostly, as long as they follow the law. How simple is that? Read more on Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!…
  Thanks A Lot The Gays

Whiny Tennessee Judge Says No More Divorce Because Gays Ruined That Too

Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce
Now they’ve even destroyed the sanctity of divorce GodDANGit, The Gays, why you gotta ruin everything? Now that you have the same legal rights as opposite-gays to get married, fight about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher, and despise each others’ legal and officially state-sanctioned mothers-in-law, nothing is sacred. Not even divorce: Read more on Whiny Tennessee Judge Says No More Divorce Because Gays Ruined That Too…
  Because "reasons"

South Dakota Republicans Want To Sneak A Peek Inside Teen Athletes’ Pants

Republicans are ON IT Once again proving the age-old axiom that sex-bigot Republicans are actually sex-obsessed perverts, South Dakota state Rep. Roger Hunt has a fun proposal to prevent the scourge of transgender high school students playing for the wrong team, if you know what we mean: Read more on South Dakota Republicans Want To Sneak A Peek Inside Teen Athletes’ Pants…
  LOL OOPS

Kentucky Clerk Lady Already Going To Hell

The ones who led Kim Davis into sin
Oh, Kim Davis, clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky, all your fighting has been for naught! Your constant refusals to do marriage licenses for same-sex couples, even though the Supreme Court ruled for marriage equality and a federal judge and your governor have both TOLD YOU to do your fucking job? Wasted. Your pathetic attempts to appeal to higher courts, based on bad advice you’ve gotten from bad lawyers at the Liberty Counsel? Well, those were already dumb, since the 6th Circuit told you to get bent, and now you’re appealing to the Supreme Court, which will also tell you to get bent. But even if you somehow were to win, you have ALREADY violated your Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs, without your knowledge, and according to what you probably believe, this means that your loving savior Jesus Christ will roast you in the fires of hell for all eternity, and why? Read more on Kentucky Clerk Lady Already Going To Hell…
  What's The Matter With KY?

Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week

Yaoi? Yowie!
Yaoi? Yowie! Pour out a 40 for the gay-hating county clerks of Kentucky, who are losing their brave battle to refuse to do their jobs in the name of Jesus. First up, we have Kim Davis, the clerk of Rowan County, who was told by a federal appeals court Wednesday that she really does have to issue marriage licenses, because that is the job of a county clerk. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit was not at all impressed by Ms. Davis’s contention that she can ignore her job duties because Jesus said to. The appeals court affirmed an earlier lower court decision requiring Davis to do her job: Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week…
  Are Your Kids Getting Enough Exorcise?

Illinois Bishop Has Godly Plan To Keep Gay Cooties Out Of Schools

Non-Sex-Having Man Wearing Dress Wants To Lecture You On Sexual Norms
Non-Sex-Having Man Wearing Dress Wants To Lecture You On Sexual Norms In an attempt to clamp down on all the rampant sin in Springfield, Illinois, the local Catholic diocese is planning to rid its schools of the offspring of homosexxxicans. Also, for the sake of insisting that they’re not bigots, the schools will aim to weed out kids whose parents aren’t “living in accord with church teaching.” Parents are not required to actually be Catholic, but they darn well better do sex like Catholics are supposed to, according to a new “Family School Agreement” pushed by Bishop Thomas Paprocki. Read more on Illinois Bishop Has Godly Plan To Keep Gay Cooties Out Of Schools…
  Biggest Christian Ever. Just The Best

Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama

Donald Trump meets an anchor baby
Donald Trump meets an anchor baby While he was in Alabama getting white people excited this weekend, Donald Trump took a few minutes to assure an Alabama radio show host that nobody — NOBODY — will be a greater President of Christmas than Donald J. Trump. Trump told host Cliff Sims Friday that he actually goes out of his way to say “Christmas,” despite the many dangers of doing so, because, as he explained, “I’m a big believer in the Bible,” a book Trump has recently made a point of saying is even better than Trump’s The Art of the Deal, by Donald Trump, which must make it a pretty terrific book, although he has yet to refer to any of its contents. Read more on Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama…
  When In the Courser Of Human Events

Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning

We don't really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady
Clarification: We don’t really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady Hey, guys, just in case you spent your whole weekend worrying whether Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser — the teabagger who had an affair with fellow teabagging legislator Cindy Gamrat and then plotted to cover it up with a fake smear campaign against himself that he did gay sex stuff with a gay hooker — had said anything new and dumb, guess what. You’re in luck! Saturday, he posted an insufferably long Facebook post to explain that while he is in fact a despicable sinner, so are we all, and he wants to make it absolutely clear that his sin does not reflect badly on God or Jesus, for those who thought he’d made God look bad by association. Read more on Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning…
  nice time!

Here’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Doing Gay Stuff In Vietnam

No grown-up Supreme Court juice for you!
She helped the American ambassador to Vietnam renew his gay vows to his husband, because she DOES THINGS LIKE THAT. We’ve all been wondering what Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg — AKA The Notorious R.B.G., AKA the biggest baddest Supreme Court superhero to ever don a robe — has been doing ever since she did her part to do gay marriage to the entire United States of America. The answer, of course, is more gay stuff, same as before! Ginsburg was just hanging out in Vietnam, LIKE SHE DO, and the U.S. ambassador to Vietnam, Ted Osius, was like “Hey Justice G!” and she said, “BRUNCH, NOW.” Osius was all, “Of course we will, but I am a gay and I would like to renew my gay marriage to my husband Clayton Bond!” Ginsburg said, “I will renew your gay marriage to Clayton Bond, for he is a fine fellow, and you are married to him, and then we will go to brunch.” Read more on Here’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Doing Gay Stuff In Vietnam…
  Winning The Publicity War By Not Sounding Crazy

Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws

Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling
Classic pulp covers just don’t account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who did adulterous sex things with certifiable loon and fellow state House member Todd Courser, made her first public statement on the scandal Friday, apologizing for her conduct but insisting that she didn’t break any laws or House rules. Unlike her paranoid paramour Courser, she didn’t say anything about a vast conspiracy trying to destroy her, nor did she comment on Courser’s claim that mysterious blackmailers forced Courser to concoct a bizarre scheme to smear himself as a way of covering up the affair. It would appear that, however much they may have enjoyed pushing a rightwing Christianist political agenda and fucking each other’s brains out, the wackaloon amateur ratfucking was more Todd’s hobby than hers. Read more on Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws…
  New martyr same as old martyr

Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster

Probably what this dude's cakes look like.
Probably what this dude’s cakes look like anyway. The Colorado Court of Appeals has given another homophobe cake baker the gift of martyrdom and however many virgins fundamentalist Christian assholes get when they eat dirt and die. Oh no, the judges didn’t LITERALLY kill the baker, they just wrote a real mean ruling what says that Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colorado, did bad discrimination when he refused to put some of his world famous frosting on a gay cake, in a gay way, for a gay-marrying couple, and now he must REPENT! Indeed, all three judges on the panel agreed: Read more on Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster…
  Smacked down again :(

Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays

Yep, lady, that's your God, stone cold rollin' His eyes at you.
Yep, lady, that’s your God, stone cold rollin’ His eyes at you. Here is your latest update on Kim Davis, martyr to the Christian masses and county clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, who has been crucified by Teh Buttsechs Gods (read: the Supreme Court and the Constitution and Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear) more times than she can even count. Davis has already been ‘splained repeatedly that part of her duties as the county clerk is to do marriage licenses, and since the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with marriage equality, that includes gays. And the poor thing had been told by the wingnut “legal” outfit Liberty Counsel that it would be okay if she disobeyed, and also she should sue the governor because her religious freedom is being taken away. Heck, they’d even represent her! Read more on Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays…
  nice time!

Texas Judge Says You Can Be Gay Even When You’re Dead

Yes, even in Texas Good news for married homosextarians planning to die in Texas. Despite the best efforts of the state’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, indicted (and maybe going to prison forever LOL) attorney general, to pretend gay marriage did not happen to the entire US of A, including Texas, a federal judge has ordered him and the whole damn state to cut that out right now, mister, RIGHT NOW: Read more on Texas Judge Says You Can Be Gay Even When You’re Dead…
  Look it's another asshole demanding special rights

Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job

My name is Kim and I'm a total dick, how may be of no help to you today?
My name is Kim and I’m a total dick, how may I be of no help to you today? Over the last month or so, most holdout county clerks have at least begun to acquiesce to the idea that yes, there gays in America and yes, those gays can get married now (to each other!), and if you want to have a job as a county clerk who issues marriage licenses, you have to give them to gays, even if you worship a real stupid version of Jesus who says that’s bad. If you don’t like that, you are free to get another job you’re better qualified for, whatever that might be. Read more on Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job…