Tag Archives: gay marriage

  We all did dumb things in the 1980s

Anti-Gay History Footnote Thinks All Y’all Bigots A Bit Over The Line

yes, same Michael Bowers!
Have some delightful news: former Georgia Attorney General Michael Bowers is working with a gay rights group to try to defeat two “religious freedom” bills currently under consideration by the Georgia state legislature. Right now you are thinking “Bowers…Bowers…why do I know that name?” Perhaps you are remembering Bowers v. Hardwick, a completely odious decision in which the Supreme Court in 1986 held that the right to privacy did not extend to gay sexytime in a case where two consenting dudes in Georgia were arrested for the crime of sodomy. They sued Georgia AG Bowers, who ultimately prevailed in the case. This repellent decision was, hooray, overturned by the Court in 2003 in Lawrence v. Texas. Read more on Anti-Gay History Footnote Thinks All Y’all Bigots A Bit Over The Line…
  I done jitterbugged my way into a pile of Ay-rab men

America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact

Our bestest friend Saudi Arabia knows what is up. While the religious freedom American Jesus people are still stuck in the past, saying that your mother made you gay because she was too nice, or your father made you gay because he worked a lot, or your priest made you gay because obvious, the morality police of Saudi Arabia are fully aware that the Gateway Drug to the Gay is DANCING: Read more on America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact…
  Know what else costs 30 pieces of silver? MY JESUS CAKES.

Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed

Just last week, Good Christian Bigot Barronelle Stutzman, the owner of Arlene’s Flowers, Inc., received some bad news when a Washington Superior Court judge told her that no, her “relationship with Jesus” was not a good excuse for discriminating against The Gay, in violation of the state’s Consumer Protection Act. Stutzman had begged the judge to pretty please make all the lawsuits against her go away because her refusal to provide flowers for a gay customer’s gay wedding whose gay money she’d happily been taking for nearly a decade was all just a “misunderstanding.” The judge agreed that yes, there was indeed a misunderstanding, by Stutzman, of how the law works. Read more on Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed…
  Texas you are donking this up

Texas Gays Up Marriage For A Sec, EVERYBODY PANIC

The one happy couple allowed in Texas
Would you like to guess which state is gaying up their marriage situation? It is Texas! Only they are not doing it neatly, in an easy-to-follow series of coherent events, they are completely donking it up. But go ahead and have some champagne anyway, because did you hear the part where some people got gay married in TEXAS? Read more on Texas Gays Up Marriage For A Sec, EVERYBODY PANIC…
  Another oppressor oppressed

Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot

Flowers for gays available, just not gay weddings
Bad news for bigots. Again. On Wednesday, Washington State Superior Court Judge Alexander C. Ekstrom ruled that a “relationship with Jesus” is not a good enough excuse for a business owner to discriminate against The Gay, even if her Bible tells her so. Because Washington residents must answer to a higher authority: the law o’ the land. Read more on Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot…
  And he'll lose there too

Alabama’s Roy Moore Will Appeal SCOTUS Marriage Ruling Directly To God

America’s most esteemed jurist, Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore, is not giving up his fight to save Alabama from the hordes of gays currently destroying the state by having equal marriage rights. Even though a terrible federal judge named Callie V.S. Granade (sounds like GRENADE because she GRENADED opposite marriage) not only ruled Alabama’s marriage amendment unconstitutional, but also had the audacity to order probate judges to actually DO WHAT SHE SAID, and even though the Supreme Court was okay with all of this, Roy Moore wants everybody to know that he will be forced to defy a Supreme Court ruling in favor of gayness, because “organic law” and Jesus: Read more on Alabama’s Roy Moore Will Appeal SCOTUS Marriage Ruling Directly To God…
  We've all heard this song already

Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!

This week some Alabamians have been absolutely thrilled that marriage equality has come to their state. Others have been just reeling, losing their very minds over the fact (FACT) that their God will now be raining hellfire and frogs down on their state for failing to preserve marriage as between one wingnut and one lady wingnut. Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore has been leading the way, telling probate judges that NO, you do NOT have to listen to a federal judge or the Supreme Court, Alabama is a sovereign nation run by God, and if God or Roy didn’t sign the order, it’s unenforceable. Read more on Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

Remember to caption this
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  Sweet Homo Alabama

Alabama Republican Says Gay Marriage Is End Of The World. Redneck Proves He’s Wrong

Or maybe if Hillary becomes President. Or Warren.
Alabama state GOP Chairman Bill Armistead just wants y’all to know that with the Federal Government cramming gay marriage down Roy Moore’s throat and all, the End Times have officially arrived, and we can expect God to destroy the U.S. America and such as any minute now. In a longish message posted to the state party’s official website, Armistead advises that he’s been to the Land of Israel and seen where Armageddon’s gonna happen: Read more on Alabama Republican Says Gay Marriage Is End Of The World. Redneck Proves He’s Wrong…
  The '90s called and they want their dumb laws back

Ted Cruz Has Had It With You Federales Gaying Up Those Nice Straight Red States

He'll save you, red states!
You guys, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Not Gonna Be President) did not get the memo. You know the one. It reads “Hey, we’re all cool with gays doing marriage to each other now. Xoxoxo, Most of U.S. America.” Yeah, he didn’t get that. Read more on Ted Cruz Has Had It With You Federales Gaying Up Those Nice Straight Red States…
  Mainline some top-grade Alabama dumbass this morning

Alabama Continues To Reel From Tyrannical Federal Gay Marriage Over-Reach-Around

So it is Wednesday, the third day since Alabama was victimized by a gratuitous federal over-reach-around that required the state to allow gay marriage, even in the really wingnut parts. Let’s look at the Alabammy gay sexy news that has happened since we last updated you on their tantrums, yesterday, when the great majority of probate judges were simply saying, “don’t care about the Constitution, sorry, have you met us?” Read more on Alabama Continues To Reel From Tyrannical Federal Gay Marriage Over-Reach-Around…
  The revolution will not be ... happening

Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH

Well, actually ...
Hooray, the revolution is finally here! After years of judicial activists cramming marriage equality down the unwilling throats of Americans who are mostly cool with it at this point, Alabama’s probate judges, who are not judicial activists because they just aren’t, have answered the call of literally tens of Americans and refused to recognize the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States of America-Except-For-Alabama, because who do those guys think they are anyway, Supreme Court justices or something? Read more on Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH…
  Making George Wallace Proud

Alabama Smashes Marriage So Nobody Gets to Play with It Now

Nailed it.
Gay marriage is oppressing the poor judges of the state of Alabama, and they’ve decided to fight back by wrecking ALL the marriages. Monday was the first day of gay marriages in the great state of Alabama. Yay! However, turns out the state’s conservative judges are pretty committed to stopping this onslaught of love and affection, destroying all happiness throughout the land, and completing their transformation into Care Bear villains. Read more on Alabama Smashes Marriage So Nobody Gets to Play with It Now…
  Stars fell on Alabama and made it gay

Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage

This is actually a thing that is happening right now, in Birmingham.
That friendly man pictured above is doing the hard work of exorcising the homosexual demons out of Alabama because YOU GUYS, the state officially has marriage equality! REPENT! Sunday night, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore — America’s greatest Ten Commandments-protecting jurist, with a special version of the First Amendment just for Christians — bravely followed through on his promise to block the gay courthouse door, in order that the fundamentalist Christians of Alabama might be saved from the devil’s wrath and raining hellfire and whatnot. You know, the typical stuff that happens when Brandon and Derek tie the knot. Read more on Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage…
  No Cake For You

Americans Cool With Gay Marriage, But The Gays Should Not Have Cake Or Flowers

we don't even have a cake!
A new AP-GfK poll was released Thursday showing that a majority of Americans (44 percent) favor legalizing gay marriage in their home states, while 39 percent oppose it, and 15 percent don’t favor or oppose it (really?). So, way to go, um, 44 percent of Americans! Also, America is apparently split down the exact middle on the issue of whether the Supreme Court should rule that gay marriage is constitutional when it reviews the issue later this spring, so half of you are fine, and the other half of you are meh and should not receive any of the fabulous wedding invitations. Read more on Americans Cool With Gay Marriage, But The Gays Should Not Have Cake Or Flowers…
  Call of Fruity

Whoopsie! Nebraska Gun Humpers Accidentally Recognize Gay Marriage

Choo choo!
The Nebraska legislature, in its zeal to give as many guns to as many people as fast as possible, may have inadvertently left the Cornholer State vulnerable to the oncoming onslaught that is gay marriage, thanks to a bill that grants concealed carry permits to the spouses of current military members, who as you may know can be totally homo for each other now, ew! Read more on Whoopsie! Nebraska Gun Humpers Accidentally Recognize Gay Marriage…
  Rarely Is It Asked: Is Our State Legislators Learning?

SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?

He has a gun, let's vote for him!
South Carolina state Rep. Jonathon Hill is just an inquisitive guy who wants to be well-informed about state judicial candidates. That’s the only reason he sent a questionnaire just crawling with completely unconstitutional questions to candidates for judgeships. In South Carolina, judges are elected by state legislators, so Hill, a bright young conservative who is 29 years old, thought he’d look into some important questions to help him decide who belongs on the bench. Here are a few things he wanted to know: Read more on SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?…
  There's gotta be a santorum joke in here somewhere

Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom

Adam y Esteban
Fellow Patriots®, are you tired of the gay agenda being rammed down your throat? Are you afraid that the repeated joyous celebrations of legalized gay marriage exploding all over your face will give you gay herpes of the eye? You are not alone, and we have a hero who has returned from the ashes, like a dung beetle we thought the universe had shat out of existence, only to return like a shit-stained phoenix rising from derp-filled ashes of bigotry: Read more on Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom…
  Just Like George Wallace

Alabama Judges Forget How Law Works, Sorry Gay Couples

Artist's rendering
Remember when you and all your liberal commie friends were smoking crack rock together, on a Sunday no less, and played that game where you guessed which state would be the absolute dead last to legalize gay marriage? Read more on Alabama Judges Forget How Law Works, Sorry Gay Couples…