Tag Archives: gay marriage

  leave the former presidents aloooooooooone!

Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys

Oh, they look happy NOW.
Hey there, former presidents of the US and A — that would be Clinton, Carter and those two Bush brats — thanks for serving your country and all by BEING PRESIDENT OF IT, but Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Spaying), and her Republican friends Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk, want to take away all the fun moneys you get for being Former Presidents. This is very mean, and you should all, in a bipartisan way, get together to tell them exactly where they ought to get fucked with whatever pig genitals Ernst removed most recently: Read more on Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys…
  conquered by the gay agenda

George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now

He would have done the wedding but he was washing his hair.
Oh no, even former President George W. Bush has been conquered by the Gay Mafia! Way back in 2013, we reported that other former President George H.W. Bush had been an official witness for the lesbian nuptials of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen, in Kennebunkport, Maine. At the time, we were like “Nice Time!” and also “Wow, those establishment Republicans really do not care about this issue, when they’re not having to pander to Stupids for votes.” Well NOW we find out that even George Bush The Younger was supportive of these lesbian brides, so much that he actually wanted to perform the wedding: Read more on George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now…
  Erin Go Fabulous

Ireland Throatcrams Itself With Marriage Equality, Shoots Gay Rainbows All Over Dublin

Beats lightning bolts
Congratulations, Ireland, it’s looking like you’ve made history as the first nation to choose marriage equality through a national referendum. While the official announcement isn’t in yet, the early tallies have “Yes” winning by wide margins, with nationwide turnout over 60% for the referendum (American turnout for the 2012 presidential election was only 57.5 percent, for what that’s worth). It’s not only supporters of the measure predicting a win; David Quinn of the Catholic group the Iona Institute, which campaigned against the referendum, said it was “obviously a very impressive victory for the ‘yes’ side”. Apparently, not many Irish folks thought it was necessary to protect The Children from the “sounds of sodomy.” Read more on Ireland Throatcrams Itself With Marriage Equality, Shoots Gay Rainbows All Over Dublin…
  When You're In A Hole Stop Dugging

Hey, Remember All The Times Those Duggars Warned Us How Evil Gays Threaten Children?

Dirty sex crimer or just a asshole?
Now that gross admitted child molester Josh Duggar has been outed as a gross hypocrite who molested his own sisters, we thought it might be useful to bring you a quick recap of some of the Duggar family’s noteworthy warnings about the Evils Of Homosexuality, which is a threat to YOUR FAMILY. Read more on Hey, Remember All The Times Those Duggars Warned Us How Evil Gays Threaten Children?…
  point and laugh

Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust

World's most beautiful poet.
Wonkette is very excited to let everyone know that Bradlee Dean, our hilarious bestie who is also a religious rights activist, has written a very important poem at the WorldNetDaily, about how gay marriage is going to cause the Holocaust. Like we need to be reminded! Now, Bradlee Dean does not like being quoted, but fuck him, here is his poem, which is his own version of the famous Martin Niemöller “First they came for the socialists” quote. Is it good? Ha ha, no, Bradlee Dean is bad at many things, and poetry is one of them: Read more on Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust…
  Old news

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

He said he's sorry, let it go!
Missouri House Speaker John Diehl — Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because “tradition” and “the children” — is very, very sorry y’all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her paperback romance novel words like he wants to “leave her quivering” and also looking at pictures of her hot bikini’d bod and such. Read more on Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened…
  2 bad 4 u

Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns

Enjoyest thou intern, sayeth the Lord
Oh what have we here? Why, it’s a Republican sex scandal. Our favorite! This time, it’s Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, and he’s been a bad bad boy. According to some ewwww gross texts obtained by the Kansas City Star, Speaker Diehl did all kinds of sexytime talk to a college intern, who was not his wife, Kelly, who is also the mother of their three sons — and no, his office has not yet commented on how will they explain this to THE CHILDREN?! Kelly is not a college freshman at Missouri Southern State University, participating in the internship program, which was suddenly canceled, thanks to Speaker Diehl not keeping his dirty emojis in his pants: Read more on Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns…
  Everything's bigger in Texas including the stupid

United States Of Texas Not About To Let Supreme Court Gay It All Up

Just suck it up
Everyone knows we’re getting gay married in June. ALL OF US. The Supreme Court heard the last desperate gasp of bigots sputtering “tradition” and “the children” and “boo hoo” in April, and assuming Justice Antonin Scalia fails to persuade his colleagues that if Plato didn’t need a marriage certificate to do all the buttsex he wanted, then neither should anyone in contemporary America, a majority of the Court is going to tell us that the law o’ the land (aka The Constitution) says We Are All Gay Now. Read more on United States Of Texas Not About To Let Supreme Court Gay It All Up…
  History lesson

Congressjerk Steve King Warns We Must Brace For Endless Civil War, Thanks SCOTUS

And NO homos
Bad news, guys. We’re about to kick off another civil war, according to Iowa Rep. Steve King, who is definitely not A Idiot. What with the Supreme Court poised to force King and all his close personal hetero-friends to suck on gay penises and put rings on them while Jesus weeps in the corner, even the most casual student of U.S. America history can tell you this is exactly how that other Civil War got started: Read more on Congressjerk Steve King Warns We Must Brace For Endless Civil War, Thanks SCOTUS…
  Hail to the derp

President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him

Meh.
It’s a good thing Republican presidential candidate (LOL) and brain surgeon (LOL!) Ben Carson has sworn to never speak about The Gay again, or else he might open his mouth and say something like this, when asked about the Supreme Court’s imminent ruling on marriage equality: Read more on President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him…
  Teach us oh white people!

How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?

The cats are cuter than anything you'll read in this post.
Ever since the alleged police murder of Freddie Gray and the rioting that followed, white wingnuts have been trying SO HARD to do something — anything! — to help the poor black communities of Baltimore recover and move on from this tragedy. Because they care so much, honest! Should we cut off their food stamps? Give everybody more guns, so they can Stand Their Ground? Send them all some more Jesus, and good dads like Rand Paul? Well, worry not, because there are still more turd ideas to throw at the wall, so here is this week’s roundup of White Wingnut Wisdom for Baltimorean Blacks! Read more on How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Poverty Is A Myth Because Poors Are Fat And Lazy

Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...
We got a bumper crop of idiots in the comments this week, for some reason — our fault, really, since Yr Wonkette had to go and stir up trouble by writing stuff about the poors, the blacks, the gays, and the Duggars — add your own punchline. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Poverty Is A Myth Because Poors Are Fat And Lazy…
  we can't say we haven't been warned

Wingnut Tony Perkins: If Supreme Court Gay Marriages Us, We Might All Die

We just hope we've stockpiled enough rations!
So this happened during Family Research Council figuredickhead Tony Perkins’s radio show this week: CALLER: I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and there was a question about if the Supreme Court decides to go with gay marriage, which I hope they never do — but anyway, I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and to show you how far this can get out of hand, I heard Bryan speak about a woman had married a house. That’s really strange, isn’t it? Read more on Wingnut Tony Perkins: If Supreme Court Gay Marriages Us, We Might All Die…
  Yay Alan Keyes found something to do

Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!

Surely this man is not crazy.
Poor Alan Keyes. He just cannot get over things. He knows his arch-nemesis Barack Obama (who probably would be hard-pressed to remember Keyes’ name) is out there, making sweet love to our enemies in Iran, so that they may bomb America, together. That keeps him awake at night. And he can’t stop thinking about that time, during the GOP primary debate when he was “running for president,” that he derp-barfed the word “RACIST!” when the moderator asked him about his biggest regret. But sometimes life’s earlier pains and struggles must be put aside, because a new war must be declared. Yes, the new enemies are the gays and their Supreme Court-enablers. If Alan Keyes does not stand up and heed this call to arms, our America will cease to exist! Read more on Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!…
  They prefer to be called "Bonkers" and "Yip-Yap"

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: Let’s Eat Bon-Bons And Braid Hair With The Tennessee Gay Marriage Plaintiffs!

Thom & Ijpe, with creative
On Tuesday, plaintiffs in Obergefell v. Hodges journeyed to the Supreme Court from many faraway exotic lands — Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio and Michigan to be specific — so that their case, to bring marriage equality to themselves and, by extension, to America, may be heard. If you have not heard about this news, you may read this Wonkette Legal Analysis of what went down in that courtroom! Read more on WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: Let’s Eat Bon-Bons And Braid Hair With The Tennessee Gay Marriage Plaintiffs!…
  dumb

Watch This Dumb Duggar Say A Bunch Of Stupid Sh*t About Gay Marriage

You know why you should kill your teevee? So it will stop giving “reality” shows to idiots and making them famous and convincing them that they know anything about anything, when they don’t know a goddamned thing about nothin’. Like homeschooled moron Josh Duggar, who describes himself as QUOTE UNQUOTE “being the oldest of 19 kids and counting” (nice plug for your family’s show!), and is also an executive blowhard at the anti-gay hate group the Family Research Council. Read more on Watch This Dumb Duggar Say A Bunch Of Stupid Sh*t About Gay Marriage…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

Yeah, we're getting throat-crammed
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…