Wonkette

It’s October, so why is it still so goddamn hot? And why are politicians still getting busted for perversions and sexcapades? Is this Cummer truly Endless? Or is this merely — as one of you commenters probably coined back in some long-ago post (this one?) — an Indian Cummer?* After the jump, join us in taking a quick glance at Cocktober’s Long, Long Tail — starring that Louisiana Bathroom Goblin, Gay Escorts, and, uh, something called an “Oral Roberts.”

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Haggard in happier days:

New Life Church leader, Bush best buddy, and Evangelical Right bigwig Ted Haggard resigned yesterday after a male escort claimed to the press that he’d had lotsa gay sex with the good pastor. Haggard’s church sent out this email to supporters last night:

From: Pastor Ross Parsley Mailed-By: newlifechurch.org
Date: Nov 2, 2006 10:59 PM
Subject: Update from Pastor Ross

Dear New Lifers and friends of New Life Church,

Many of you have expressed concern about today’s news regarding our pastor. Thank you all for your prayers and support, and for your concern for our church family.

As you’ve likely heard by now, Pastor Ted has voluntarily placed himself on administrative leave as New Life’s senior pastor to allow our external board of overseers to work effectively. Below is the statement that we released to the media on Thursday afternoon.

Since that time, the board of overseers has met with Pastor Ted. It is important for you to know that he confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true. He has willingly and humbly submitted to the authority of the board of overseers, and will remain on administrative leave during the course of the investigation.

Ok, there are two accusations against Pastor Ted.

One: Gay sex with a hooker.
Two: Methamphetamines.

And those go together like Nancy Pelosi and Islamofascists. So our money’s on “some” meaning “all.”

Christ, this really is the best midterm election season ever.

Update: Haggard’s voicemails re. buying meth are after the jump!

Ted Haggard Confesses [Non-Prophet]

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Ted Haggard, previously mentioned here, just fucking resigned from the National Association of Evangelicals due to the rumors of his employing a gay escort named Mike Jones (and doing meth). Jones claims to have saved voicemails from the pastor, who still denies it all, but this is still weird fucking news. MORE »