MICHELLE OBAMA WILL HOST THE VIEW! Are you unemployed or otherwise homebound? Then you may enjoy a popular teevee show of black and white ladies called The View … and Mrs. First Lady Michelle “White Power” Obama will be on this show, as a host, again, soon! [Gawker]

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! MORE »

Well, that happened just like pretty much everybody said it would happen, and Hillary’s once-proud 20% lead is down to a more “manageable” 9%, at the moment, for Mr. Hopeful Obama. As our Jim Newell and Liz Glover roam Hillary’s headquarters looking for either “victory sex” or at least free drinks — or, at the very least, a functional wireless signal from the lady who wants to run the world — let’s keep track of the blather on cable news and the Internets. More importantly, let’s keep drinking and leaving weird comments. MORE »

Nobody is buying this Spin crap from Spinnsylvania, and yet the commentators are shouting “Here is what the spin meisters are saying! Do not believe their vicious lies!” But even though you are half drunk and fully exhausted, aren’t you interested in what exactly these vicious lies are? Stay with us to find out. MORE »

Hello, Pittsburgh! Rock onward, Harrisburg! Philadelphia Freedom, shine on me! And we’re living here in Allentown! Triumph over suburban male problems, Brewer! Did you know this was All For Nought? That’s what famous clown Chris Matthews says! So who cares, right? Still competitive, still too close to call, but that can’t last all night, right? MORE »

Well friends this is what it comes down to: Begala and Bennett and some other people jabbering about Momentum and numbers vs. narrative. How long before Donna Brazile storms off the set in disgust along with all the other former Clinton staffers? Join us in this long night of misery. MORE »

Last night after the Elton John concert, Terry McAuliffe — the former DNC chair and current overlord of the Hillary Clinton for President committee — rode a fucking mechanical bull, according to a Wonkette mechanical bull operative. She says it was approximately 1 a.m. after the show at Johnny Utah’s bar on West 51st St., “a place famous for having the only mechanical bull in Manhattan and for its regular bull riding challenges.” Drunkest man alive? If anyone else was there, please let us know how long he lasted and send photos of him face down on the ground, spitting dirt.

We are four minutes through this video of MSNBC host Keith Olbermann’s special “Special Comment” about Hillary Clinton. It’s the first time he has made a “Special Comment” about a Democrat. It is a nine-minute video. He is the angriest person in the galaxy. SOS! [YouTube]

MSNBC and other people just decided, at 12:45ish, to call Texas’ PRIMARY for Hillary Clinton, but who knows what this has to do with the caucuses. On to Puerto Rico in June! Ugh. Someone be president already? You — you, the reader — you be president. We’ll make some phone calls. Just be president.

Oh Hi Hillary. Are you feeling the hope? Or the hopelessness? Anyway, happy Ohio to you! And happy Rhode Island. The liberal media are all talking about the ways you could lose so bad. Be Strong!

Did you know this new Clinton ad proves algebraically that Hillary Clinton is a racist? Neither did we, until we read the liberal Internet this morning! One of those insightful cinematography experts at Daily Kos noticed that Obama appears to be even blacker than usual in Clinton’s new ad. Is that even possible? Nothing is impossible when BILLARY DOWNHILLARY HITLERY ROD-SHAM CLINTON’s 60-year-old plan to win the Democratic nomination is at stake, the blogs say. MORE »