Do you people still check out the Drudge Report thing? Yeah we don’t really either. But Gawker tells us that nowadays Matt Drudge only posts articles about Barack Obama and Serena Williams and whatever other black people exist beating up white people and line judges everywhere, most likely on buses. Well, Matt’s given out your lead story assignment for the night, news anchors, so let’s have some rough drafts ready by four okay? [Gawker]

ALL OF THIS IS FACTUAL TRUTH: “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. No, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America.” [Alex Pareene]

YOU MUST WATCH FOX & FRIENDS DISCUSS THE UIGHURS’ RELEASE TO VARIOUS ISLAND NATIONS: Thank you Gawker for having video interns to capture the marvelous nonsense from this morning’s edition of Fox & Friends, the topic being “these Uighur characters,” in the words of Steve Doocy. “Do you want to go to a place where that guy over there, in the sombrero, was actually trained in a terror camp in Afghanistan?” (Bermuda is one of the Mexicos now.) [Gawker]

Two issues “on the table” in this week’s heads-a-bloggin’ exchange between your editor and Choire Sicha: that goddamned White House Correspondents Association Dinner/Jerkoff, and a curious new marketing video put out by our former employers at Gawker Media. Who will win?! MORE »

The popular New York City blog Gawker has posted this leaked memo to the staff of AIG, about the things they should do to avoid their immediate death when in public. It includes such oldies as “If you think you are being followed, immediately dial 911.” But why does AIG management assume that the police will want to save these people? [Gawker]

We truly do not want to prattle on about this nonsense much longer, but it’s fair to post our biased, liberal accounts of David Denby’s appearance on an NPR affiliate today, during which a HEROIC Wonkette reader made it through screeners (natch) to pose a question directly to this film demon re: his horrible errors against American Journalism. Much squirming, as well as new factual errors, ensued. MORE »

As Gawker points out, this comical footnote is the douchiest possible way Mark Penn — or anyone, ever — could have ended his Wall Street Journal column today. (Oh, yes, he has a regular WSJ column now called… “Microtrends.” His punishment from God is to hawk this dumb book for the rest of his life.) [WSJ, Gawker]

One of the weirdest things to watch in American politics is how the wingnuts do these lockstep moves to some “what the hell are they even talking about?” fake outrage, and within hours there are millions of inane illiterate blog comments and chain emails and C-SPAN callers all prattling on about something nobody had any problem with and had never even heard of, say, last week. How does this happen? What is ACORN, anyway? MORE »

WHORING: Is your editor staying in suburban Englewood and claiming to be an Ivy League shortish person looking for a girlfriend on Craigslist? Gawker commenters think so! [Gawker]

JESSE JACKSON IS A TRAITOR TO HIS RACE: While not-so-discreetly attacking Barack Obama, who also won South Carolina, Jesse Jackson said the most terrible word of all. MORE »

WE ARE TOO BUSY COVERING THE LATEST SEX SCANDAL IN WASHINGTON TO KNOW ABOUT BLOGS VS. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS: The AP wanted a blog to not quote the AP, which is lame and anti-legal and whatever, so then the Justice League of Bloggers held a secret meeting in the AP’s underground lair, in space, and now our former corporate overlords at Gawker are being accused of being “some kid” for not giving respect knuckles to the invisible blogger alliance of justice, because of the “latest sex scandal in Washington.” [Gawker]