YOU MUST WATCH FOX & FRIENDS DISCUSS THE UIGHURS’ RELEASE TO VARIOUS ISLAND NATIONS: Thank you Gawker for having video interns to capture the marvelous nonsense from this morning’s edition of Fox & Friends, the topic being “these Uighur characters,” in the words of Steve Doocy. “Do you want to go to a place where that guy over there, in the sombrero, was actually trained in a terror camp in Afghanistan?” (Bermuda is one of the Mexicos now.) [Gawker]

Two issues “on the table” in this week’s heads-a-bloggin’ exchange between your editor and Choire Sicha: that goddamned White House Correspondents Association Dinner/Jerkoff, and a curious new marketing video put out by our former employers at Gawker Media. Who will win?! MORE »

The popular New York City blog Gawker has posted this leaked memo to the staff of AIG, about the things they should do to avoid their immediate death when in public. It includes such oldies as “If you think you are being followed, immediately dial 911.” But why does AIG management assume that the police will want to save these people? [Gawker]

We truly do not want to prattle on about this nonsense much longer, but it’s fair to post our biased, liberal accounts of David Denby’s appearance on an NPR affiliate today, during which a HEROIC Wonkette reader made it through screeners (natch) to pose a question directly to this film demon re: his horrible errors against American Journalism. Much squirming, as well as new factual errors, ensued. MORE »

As Gawker points out, this comical footnote is the douchiest possible way Mark Penn — or anyone, ever — could have ended his Wall Street Journal column today. (Oh, yes, he has a regular WSJ column now called… “Microtrends.” His punishment from God is to hawk this dumb book for the rest of his life.) [WSJ, Gawker]

One of the weirdest things to watch in American politics is how the wingnuts do these lockstep moves to some “what the hell are they even talking about?” fake outrage, and within hours there are millions of inane illiterate blog comments and chain emails and C-SPAN callers all prattling on about something nobody had any problem with and had never even heard of, say, last week. How does this happen? What is ACORN, anyway? MORE »

WHORING: Is your editor staying in suburban Englewood and claiming to be an Ivy League shortish person looking for a girlfriend on Craigslist? Gawker commenters think so! [Gawker]

JESSE JACKSON IS A TRAITOR TO HIS RACE: While not-so-discreetly attacking Barack Obama, who also won South Carolina, Jesse Jackson said the most terrible word of all. MORE »

WE ARE TOO BUSY COVERING THE LATEST SEX SCANDAL IN WASHINGTON TO KNOW ABOUT BLOGS VS. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS: The AP wanted a blog to not quote the AP, which is lame and anti-legal and whatever, so then the Justice League of Bloggers held a secret meeting in the AP’s underground lair, in space, and now our former corporate overlords at Gawker are being accused of being “some kid” for not giving respect knuckles to the invisible blogger alliance of justice, because of the “latest sex scandal in Washington.” [Gawker]

MICHELLE OBAMA WILL HOST THE VIEW! Are you unemployed or otherwise homebound? Then you may enjoy a popular teevee show of black and white ladies called The View … and Mrs. First Lady Michelle “White Power” Obama will be on this show, as a host, again, soon! [Gawker]

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! MORE »