Dead Breitbart’s Little Sisters of Perpetual Fear ran this breathless headline the other day, indisputable proof that al Qaeda terrorists are sneaking through our porous borders™, perhaps disguised as seven-year-old Guatemalan children: Muslim Prayer Rug Found on Arizona Border by Independent American Security Contractors Be afraid! Be very afraid! Because not only are the terrorists […]

If, like Yr Wonkette, you aren’t from Florida, chances are pretty good that the name and title “Congressman Joe Garcia (D-Florida)” do not instantly make anything spring to mind. We had to go to the Source of All Internet Truth ourselves, and we actually did have a brief moment of recognition near the middle of […]

Hey Gawker! Hey! Hey! Gawker! Over here! Gawker! Can you maybe do five more investigative pieces on whether or not (haha, jk jk) Shep Smith, our favorite of all Fox News’s catty bitches, is gay? You can? Can you yell him at a party things like ARE YOU HERE BECAUSE YOU’RE ADMITTING YOU ARE GAY? […]

Fun story! If the allegations from, let’s see, carry the 1, FOURTEEN WOMEN are true, beloved entertainer Bill Cosby is a pig serial rapist. Like, the rape-rape kind. Like, over decades. Bill Cosby also has a show in development at NBC. Is this a problem? Of course this is not a problem. Who doesn’t want […]

Last week, we cried real tears upon learning that Quentin Tarantino was taking his Hateful Eight toys and going home because someone leaked the script. This tantrum inspired Gawker’s Defamer to solicit a copy of the script, which they promptly received and linked to because Defamer. Now Quentin is mad AND sad and is suing […]

Hello bitchez! Do you know what today is? It is the tenth anniversary of your Wonkette. (Actually, tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of your Wonkette, but tomorrow is Saturday and you will be drunk.) We know this because we tweeted at Ana Marie Cox and asked her “oh hey, do you happen to know when […]

This is a doodle by Bill Clinton. It has been liberated by hacker “Guccifer” from a computer file marked “wjcdrawings” at the Clinton Library, and posted at Gawker, where it belongs. As you can see, Bill Clinton has drawn a Demi Moore in the ’80s-style bush on an American flag. The bush is queefing on […]

First up this morning! Gawker’s fucking marvelous epistolary duel between Tom Scocca and some dick from some Canadian “news” “paper.” Some Gawker commenters seem to think it is Tom Scocca who comes across poorly here. They are incorrect. A newpaper that claims an exclusive, when in fact someone else broke the story, is committing what […]

Do you know Reddit? It is this thing. It is a glorious place of Internet freedom where users (“Redditors”) post stories they have found from other places, and then other users (“Redditors”) vote up and down on whether it is “hot” or “not.” In that regard, it is much like our own Wonkville, where we […]

Yes, we know, boobs. And Cory Booker. It’s very exciting. Especially the boobs. But really especially the Cory Booker, what a piece! Buzzfeed (NSFW link, because boobs) was first with the magical tale of how a man named Cory Booker used his Twitter to say he loved a stripper named Lynsie Lee. Go to Buzzfeed […]

Hmmm, well, here is a thing. It is Ken Layne, your deposed dictator, interviewing the Devil in the back of a San Francisco taxi, about 9/11 and religious wars and global warming … and you guys, you might not even have to reach for the cyanide pills. It’s a 9/11 miracle! God bless us, every […]

Yesterday we closed our story about wingnut outrage over Ebony Magazine’s “We Are Trayvon” covers by noting that Ebony was taking the fuss in stride, as reflected in this tweet: “We have so many Tea Party readers and followers. To lose all zero of them due to our September cover would be devastating.” We also […]

This is what the tipline is for, fuckheads. Maybe try to USE IT. [Gawker]

Gawker brings us the second-most horrifying story of the morning — the other one is also from Gawker, about “Cannibal Cop,” so yeah — about mentally disabled people, with average mental ages of 10, being kept in a Philadelphia dungeon so a cabal of really fine people could steal their disability checks and also make […]

Hello Wonketteers, by now you have probably realized that Gawker released 950 pages of Bain Capital records, and that this is either very important or a waste of everyone’s time, depending on whom you ask. WHICH IS IT? IS IT IMPORTANT OR IS IT A WASTE OF TIME? And also, what is a total return equity […]