Tag Archives: gavin newsom

  we broke all gavin newsom's marriages

Gavin Newsom Invented Your Gay Marriage: Wonkette Appreciates

Gavin Newsom is California’s lieutenant governor. He used to be mayor of San Francisco. He is pretty. A long time ago, before today’s Supreme Court ruling invalidating Prop 8 (which we will have a post on EVENTUALLY, SNIPY), we wrote a thing. We are stealing it for you wholesale! How can you write about Gavin Newsom (D–Funkytown) without sounding like Maureen Dowd? How can you separate San Francisco’s mayor from his status as heterosexiest man alive? You can’t even think about that tall drink of man without conjuring up his six-foot-three inches, and his voice, rougher and raspier than a cat’s tongue, and his Edwardsian perfect coif. Men want to be him; women want to slip him a mickey. It would be so much easier if Gavin Newsom looked like Long Beach Mayor Bob Foster, who is old and sports a kind of John Boehner tan and somehow resembles an unsexy version of Old Handsome Joe Biden. Do you remember the morning in 2004 when Gavin Newsom announced that gay men and women could come to San Francisco City Hall, and they could pledge their lives and hearts and bodies to one another, just like they were real live people? I remember. I wept — sobbed — as I looked at the morning papers filled with above-the-fold photos of beautiful couples smiling shy-and-tenderly. I cried when I read that out-of-town folks could buy flowers from area florists to deliver to whichever ecstatic pairs were hanging out in line on the City Hall steps. I like to think I sent some flowers too, but it may be one of those false memories, like people who claim they were at Woodstock and actually believe it. Read more on Gavin Newsom Invented Your Gay Marriage: Wonkette Appreciates…
  rumors on the internets

Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology

What is ‘Max Baucus’? We simply do not know. [Matt Yglesias] Today’s RedState lecture: “How Limbaugh’s embodiment of MLK’s dream changed my life.” Please take notes because you’ll be tested on this material at the end of the semester. [RedState] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology…
  just let the whole state fall into the ocean

Gavin Newsom Is Running For Governor Of Twitterfornia

Just a few short years ago, candidates for political office announced they were getting in the race by doing something civilized like standing outside and making a speech, to live humans. Now you just announce it on the vulgar “Twatter” service employed by narcissists, creepy old men, and highly accomplished [Note: Beautiful young “Meg McCabe” took down her insane Twitter rant about her accomplishments, dammit. –Ed.] authoresses. [GavinNewsom.com] Read more on Gavin Newsom Is Running For Governor Of Twitterfornia…
 

Race for Lantos’ Seat Begins, Basically Ends

Former State Senator Jackie Speier made official yesterday what had already been assumed: she’s running for Congress again. Accompanied by Congress members Anna Eshoo and Mike Thompson to a park named after her assassinated boss Congressman Leo Ryan, Speier announced that she was officially in the “race” for the seat that the cancer-stricken Lantos will vacate at the end of 2008. She’s already lined up endorsements from 93 other elected officials, including San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom. I guess he got engaged to run for a different higher office. [CQ Politics] Read more on Race for Lantos’ Seat Begins, Basically Ends…
 

Newsom “Off the Market”

San Francicso mayor Gavin Newsom has gotten engaged to his girlfriend Jennifer Siebel. Gavin was reportedly inspired to propose after she spent long enough as a blonde that she wouldn’t invite any further comparisons to his ex-wife and/or make people question his sexuality any more than they already do. [Fox News] Read more on Newsom “Off the Market”…
 

Gavin Wants Your Soda!

We, he doesn’t want-want your soda, like, he doesn’t want to have your soda or anything. Please, obviously, he doesn’t abuse refined sugar. He wants to tax your soda, so you won’t want to drink it anymore because he knows best, obviously! Just look at him! And he doesn’t drink soda. Read more on Gavin Wants Your Soda!…
 

Newsom a Little Too Hot to Handle?

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, best known for marrying gay people and fucking a staffer’s wife, endorsed Hillary this summer, became one of her national campaign co-chairs and will be stumping for her again this week when she comes to Northern California to rake in that sweet, sweet campaign cash. But is the charmer really that pro-Hillary, or just really anti-someone else… Read more on Newsom a Little Too Hot to Handle?…
 

Sean Penn: Anyone But Newsom!

San Francisco mayoral politics are bad. So bad, in fact, that actor and director Sean Penn once offered hunky-hipster attorney Matt Gonzalez $5 million to fund his war chest if he were to run as a Democrat against Mayor Gavin Newsom. Read more on Sean Penn: Anyone But Newsom!…
 

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom: ‘Corrupt Nasal-Drip Child’

Gavin Newsom is San Francisco’s smarmily handsome alcoholic cult-leader mayor who fucks the wives of his best friends and generally acts like a douchesack, but at least he killed most of the homeless so you can now walk around for half a block without being assaulted by a legless drug addict spewing diarrhea in the street. Anyway, enjoy our latest Nadine and his careful critique of the Newsom Administration. Read more on San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom: ‘Corrupt Nasal-Drip Child’…
 

Miss America Learns Not To Sleep With Gossip Columnists

There are “life lessons” for all new beauty queens. Miss USA and Miss Teen USA learned it’s best not to be caught having coked-up lesbian sex together, and new Miss America Lauren Nelson has learned it’s best not to hook up with DC Examiner gossip Patrick Gavin, because he’s just going to put it all in the paper. Read more on Miss America Learns Not To Sleep With Gossip Columnists…
 

Miss America Has Lowered Her Sights

UPDATE: Oh great, now our operative says “WRONG GAVIN!” Is there another Gavin we should be concerned about? Who? Local journalist Patrick Gavin? Jeez, this post is no longer at all interesting. Read more on Miss America Has Lowered Her Sights…
 

But What Do Homosexuals Think About SF Mayor’s Affair?

Approximately 1,200 Wonkette readers sent us angry e-mails about our lack of Gavin Newsom coverage. Who’s Gavin Newsom? See, that’s why we ignored this story. Nobody outside of San Francisco knows or cares about Gavin Newsom — that’s because he’s the mayor of San Francisco. His scandal is dull, too: single man has heterosexual affair with colleague’s wife. Yes, he is a crappy friend, but he’s a politician so he doesn’t have real friends, anyway. Read more on But What Do Homosexuals Think About SF Mayor’s Affair?…
 

Gossip Roundup: Oil Prices ‘Would Drop Like a Rock’

• Washington Whispers: Hastert may be urged to stay put if Hillary wins ’08 nomination. . . Some Commerce Department employees complain Gutierrez is pressuring them to participate in the Freedom Walk. . . Trump says that if he could talked to Saudi Arabia about oil, “prices would drop like a rock”. . . California Democrats float idea of a celebrity candidate to defeat Schwarzenegger: Bill Clinton? Magic Johnson? Gavin Newsom? Rob Reiner? [USN&WR] • Inside Politics: Landrieu on “This Week”: “If one person criticizes our sheriffs, or says one more thing, including the president of the United States, he will hear from me. One more word about it after this show airs and I — I might likely have to punch him — literally.”. . . 44% blame Bush in ABC/WP poll. [WT] • Inside the Beltway: Rehnquist liked his anonymity. [WT] • Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: FEMA site encourages donations to Pat Robertson‘s Operation Blessing. [NYDN] • Page Six: Streisand requested to be on the same floor as Clinton when they stay at the New York Sheraton. [NYP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Oil Prices ‘Would Drop Like a Rock’…