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* President Ahmadinejad can send a mix tape with any songs he wants, all Bush hears in his head is the remix to that Outkast song — Bombs over Tehran. [Arms Control Wonk] MORE »

Having finally recovered from Prom, Chatology returned to her perch on the couch to sit through 3.5 hours of bone-grindingly obvious talking points. We’re used to butt-punishing workouts, but this is not our favorite among them. That said, a surprisingly sexy Sunday morning. ALSO: Can’t get enough of that wacky Bush impressionist? We can.

Top Topics:
• Michael Hayden, spook or just creep? Rep. Pete Hoekstra makes news by negation: Hayden “is the wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time.” McCain is more loving.
• ‘06 sickness/Congressional “culture of corruption,” with Republicans showing Reaganesque — which is to say, delusional — optimism.
• Goss’s departure: Not did he jump or was he pushed but rather, “Pushed, shoved, or run over with a truck and stomped on the face?”

Quotes to live by:
• Saxby Chambliss on Hayden: He is “just a class individual” (as someone who questioned the patriotism of a paraplegic, he knows class!)
• George Stephanopolous makes right wing bias hunters’ heads explode: “That was not one of the top four pieces of legislation that Speaker Pelosi…ah, I don’t know why I have that stuck in my head today…”
• Chris Wallace masters the obvious: “I don’t have to tell you, you are the chairman of the intelligence committee.”
• George Will teases the Kennedy story: “One reason this story touched all of this city’s erogenous zones…”
• Bill Kristol looks on the bright side: “I’m looking forward to getting more sex into this scandal.”
• David Brooks auditions to be Maureen Dowd: “This has more layers than a Tom Clancy novel.”

Your full-on weekend chat soup after the jump.

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* Diane Feinstein is richer than you. [SFluxe] MORE »

It’s Friday afternoon. Have you tendered your resignation yet? No? Well, if you’re not planning on spending more time with your family, you’ll have plenty of time to catch up with Today’s Cartoons. But we wouldn’t want you to wade through that cesspool alone — no, we have with us, as always, trusty editorial cartoon sherpa The Comics Curmudgeon to guide you on your journey.

This week: take a guess. Immigration, gas prices, and fat kids. Oh, and a Clinton dick joke. Just like Imus! After the jump, the weekly cartoon roundup Rich Cohen finds endlessly unamusing.

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• Senate passes $109B in emergency spending by vote of 77 to 21; bill is rifled with earmarks that Bush threatened to veto. [WP, NYT, WSJ]

• House approves $7.4B for port security by vote of 421 to 2. [WP]
• Rumsfeld confronted by harsh criticism from audience members. Asked a former CIA analyst, “Why did you lie to get us into a war that caused these kind of casualties and was not necessary?” [AP]
• Administration increases rhetorical push for “democratic reform in Russia”; Cheney’s comments could “reflect a growing impatience with Russia’s unwillingness to back stronger measures, including sanctions, against the Iranians.” [WP, NYT, WSJ]
• Republicans “are struggling to marry a newfound zeal for energy conservation with their traditional loyalty to big cars and Big Oil.” [NYT]
• The proposed $100 gas rebate “offers a window on how Washington sometimes works in a slapdash way” and shows how Sen. Frist “has stumbled at the pinnacle of Senate power.” Sen. Thune: “I never was in favor of that. We all got out there and tried to put our best face on it.” [NYT]

* House narrowly approves ethics legislation that increases disclosure requirements for dealings with lobbyists; earmarks now must be publicly sponsored. Most Democrats and 20 Republicans vote nay and the new rules must be reconciled with Senate proposal. [WP, NYT, USAT, WSJ]
* Senators pile on earmarks to emergency spending bill in spite of renewed veto threat from Bush. [WP, NYT]
* Some lawmakers are rethinking their resistance to raising fuel economy standards. [WP]
* “Day of reckoning” for tax cuts will probably be January 1, 2011. [WP, WSJ]
* Administration releases plan for flu outbreak; funding is not established. [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Businessman pleads guilty to bribing Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) with $400,000; Jefferson’s “legal problems are steadily mounting and have undercut his party’s efforts to portray the Republicans as the party of political corruption.” [WP, NYT]
* Callers to Medicare hotline are frequently provided wrong or incomplete information, independent study finds. [WP]
* Valerie Plame is shopping a book deal. [NYT]

Things you shouldn’t get too excited about: MORE »

* Hundreds of thousands rally across the country to influence Congressional action on immigration. [NYT]
* Approval of Bush dips to another new low: 34% in USAT/Gallup poll. [USAT]
* Republicans drop plan to offer $100 compensation for gas prices. [WSJ, NYT]
* FBI sought information on thousands of Americans last year without court approval. [WP]
* Social Security and Medicare are “unsustainable in their current form,” according to the administration. Bush: “The systems are going broke.” [NYT]
* Ten states are suing the administration to raise mileage on SUVs and trucks. [NYT]
* Secret Service will release notations of White House visits by Abramoff. [WP]
* Lawmakers’ pet projects used against them by opponents calling for fiscal responsibility and reform. [NYT]
* Giuliani, in Iowa, openly contemplates a national run: “I’ve got a lot of places to go and a lot of people to talk to and a long process of figuring out whether it makes sense to run for president in 2008… As part of it, saying to myself, does it look like I have a chance in 2008? And make that decision after the 2006 election.” [NYT]

* Nationwide boycott and simultaneous rallies are planned for today by pro-immigrant groups; Senate leaders are near a compromise, “but the White House may be underestimating the degree of opposition from within his party.” [USAT, WP]
* Thousands rally on the mall to call for action on Darfur. Sen. Obama: “Paralysis in the face of genocide is wrong.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Conservatives inundated with complaints about plan to rebate $100 to taxpayers for high gas prices. Rush Limbaugh: “What kind of insult is this? Instead of buying us off and treating us like we’re a bunch of whores, just solve the problem.” [NYT]
* Official report admits “shortfalls and deficiencies” in Iraq reconstruction as well as “substantial progress.” [WP]
* Josh Bolten, making his television debut on Fox News, says the West Wing is trying “to get our mojo back.” [WP]
* Bringing impersonator to Correspondents’ Dinner was Bush’s idea, officials say. [NYT]
* Democrats want to use minimum wage as a “wedge issue.” [W$J]
* Alito will likely cast the deciding vote in three upcoming cases. [WP]

* We heard that diesel is now going for “Buttload 9/10.” [DC Viking]
* Hastert’s own security detail should know that his heavily armored beer-gut is enough to protect him from small arms fire. [A DC Birding Blog]
* Turns out the new Metro voice is actually really great, for three stops. Then it gets banished to the back of the commuter brain and ignored along with tourists’ questions and pregnant women asking for the empty seat that your feet are in. [Grace's Poppies]