gas prices

VIRGINIA IS FOR DUMBERS 4:33 pm January 9, 2013

Why Raise the Gas Tax When You Can Kick Virginia Hippies Instead

So, gentle readers, what do you think is the best way to address long-term road infrastructure funding and energy costs in America? Perhaps you’ve thought about finally, after over ten years, raising the federal gas tax just a wee amount. That idea is not bad! As people have driven more of the fuel-efficient nature-lover cars, [...]

IMPEACH 11:22 am October 9, 2012

California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control

by Sara Benincasa

Hello from sunny California, now home to two three vaginally-afflicted members of your crack Wonkette cyborg team. It is a fun state, full of many wonderful things like giant trees, Mexican goth teens, and of course, Danny DeVito’s allegedly hyperactive peen. But what else does California have to offer its mixed population of liberal shitstains [...]

WHUT? 3:33 pm April 19, 2012

Michele Bachmann Orders Barack Obama To Put Down That Tar Baby

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

It is arbitrarily time once again to dust off one of our favorite 2011 primary season word games, What the Hell Is Michele Bachmann Talking About, starring everyone’s favorite low-hanging Republican fruitcake. What have you got for our players today, beloved Minnesota state loon? Let’s jump right in and have your thought fragments on Barack [...]

I BLOW A FOUL WIND 11:41 am March 19, 2012

Embarrassing Muppet Donald Trump Calls Windmills ‘Horrible, Loud, Disgusting’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

There is a phrase that Socialist Jewishes like to say each other (with their hands tightly grasping all their Socialist Jewish munneez, of course!). That thing they like to say is, “We see the world not as it is, but as we are.” It’s from something called “Talmud,” we guess? Anyway, horrible, loud, and disgusting [...]

POLLS 12:02 pm March 13, 2012

Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Was your day going a little too well until now? Were the birds annoying you with their musical chirps, and the sun just cold pissing you off with its warming rays? Then you will want to take a look at this NYT/CBS poll on American attitudes towards President Barack Obama and other filthy whores. Proving [...]

JAWBONING 2:51 pm March 6, 2012

Fox News: Obama Could Lower Gas Prices Now If He Wanted, Unlike Bush

by Kaia Mursi

George W. Bush wasn’t doing much of anything in 2008, having pretty much checked himself out of “administrative duties” sometime in late 2006. One of the things Bush was definitely not doing as he rode out his term was bringing down the cost of gas! And the Fox News of 2008 rushed to defend his [...]

'I'M NOT A WITCH' 3:00 pm February 28, 2012

Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash

by Wonkette Jr.

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. [...]

DEFINITELY THE FIRST ONE RIGHT? 4:58 pm February 24, 2012

Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

You are so right, Republican National Committee attack ad, it is very bizarre that Barack Obama is busy singing while an overlay graphic indicates that gas prices continue to — oh wait, there he goes with that “come on,” right on cue! And so on pitch! Oh god that is a good song. Why don’t [...]

YUM OIL 11:04 am August 18, 2011

Michele Bachmann Offers to Crash Economy to Lower Gas Prices

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Hollering pill junkie loser welfare brat Michele Bachmann promises everybody that if she is elected President, the price of gas will come down to $2. “That will happen,” she says, and nothing else. Ominous! Since Michele won’t specify how this will happen, we will reason through her promise: Bachmann yodels on and on in her [...]

ZING 5:09 pm July 21, 2008

Hey Fox News, Is This More Of That Satire We’ve Been Hearing About?

by Jim Newell

What is dumb Fox News doing now, hmm? It appears they aired a segment over the weekend called “Will High Gas Prices Cost Your Kids Their Education?” This, presumably, was to explain this secret classified report: If you have to spend more money on one thing, there is less money to spend on another thing. [...]

CAMPAIGN ADS 4:32 pm July 21, 2008

McCain: Barack Obama Is Personally Raising Your Gas Prices

by Jim Newell

Here’s a fantastic new John McCain ad, about Gas Prices. It shows a gas pump in a stream of water. Oh no the water is a mirage! (But why is the pump in a mirage, hmm?) And then the narrator asks, “Who can we thank for rising prices at the pump?” as a million retards [...]

GAS PRICES 5:54 pm April 10, 2008