Tag Archives: gas prices

  Let's laugh at John Boehner's tears

John Boehner Pines For Good Old Days Of Great Recession

Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.
Did you know it has been six years since President Obama murdered the American economy with his bare hands and some so-called “stimulus” spending? This is a true fact, according to Speaker John Boehner, who is crying — more than usual — about how the president’s unlawful Marxist Big Government spending ruined everything: Read more on John Boehner Pines For Good Old Days Of Great Recession…
  its a gas gas gas

Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!

romised and Delivered!
Retiring Congressdipshit Michele Bachmann has been doing a peculiar version of the Minnesota Long Goodbye, except instead of the usual arrangement, where a host follows a departing guest out to the car asking if they’re really sure they don’t want to take a little hot dish home with them, Ms. Bachmann has it a little backwards. Having given a farewell speech and received a loving farewell tongue-bath from WND, and packed up the U-Haul with all her Furry paraphernalia, she now keeps coming back from her idling getaway car to knock on the door and ask us if maybe we’d like to make her another pot of coffee and look at slides from her trip to Bemidji all night. Read more on Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!…
  for fox sake

Fox Business Very Concerned About All This … Cheap Gasoline?

Here is Stuart Varney on Fox Business today, yapping his elegant lippy about something, do not care, did not watch. But what is that chyron beneath him (which is, unaccountably, all spelled correctly and without discernible factual errors)? It is “just asking” if cheap gas is bad for the Murican Economy, which Obama broke, with his Time Machine and probably jazz cigarettes. Read more on Fox Business Very Concerned About All This … Cheap Gasoline?…
  virginia is for dumbers

Why Raise the Gas Tax When You Can Kick Virginia Hippies Instead

So, gentle readers, what do you think is the best way to address long-term road infrastructure funding and energy costs in America? Perhaps you’ve thought about finally, after over ten years, raising the federal gas tax just a wee amount. That idea is not bad! As people have driven more of the fuel-efficient nature-lover cars, the gubmint has gotten less monies, but raising the tax would solve that. But that idea is for stupidheads, not visionary change agents like Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell. The first step in his genius plan is to eliminate the state gas tax: Eliminate the current 17.5 cents per gallon motor fuels tax on gasoline: The viability of the gas tax as the state’s primary revenue source for transportation has been eroded by greater vehicle fuel mileage, the introduction of alternative fuel vehicles and the impact of inflation. Huh whut? The gas tax has become less viable because people are being smarter, so the best way to reward that behavior is to completely remove the incentive to conserve. Bob McDonnell is some kind of fucking wizard. Read more on Why Raise the Gas Tax When You Can Kick Virginia Hippies Instead…
  impeach

California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control

Hello from sunny California, now home to two three vaginally-afflicted members of your crack Wonkette cyborg team. It is a fun state, full of many wonderful things like giant trees, Mexican goth teens, and of course, Danny DeVito’s allegedly hyperactive peen. But what else does California have to offer its mixed population of liberal shitstains and Orange County ‘Publicans? Why, the insanest gas prices we’ve ever seen in this here nation! The rise in California gasoline prices has slowed after recent jarring increases, but nonetheless the cost of a gallon inched up to another record high, even as officials hope their emergency action will help ease the sticker shock. The average price for regular gas in the state on Tuesday was a bit over $4.67 a gallon, according to the AAA’s Daily Fuel Gauge Report. The price was a state record and the highest in the nation. The cost increased only a fraction of a cent overnight, however — compared to nearly 50 cents in the past week. Only un fraction de un centado? Viva la gasolina! (This is a mixed language called “Spangmerican,” which some might call a pidgin and others might call a creole and others might call “what the gardener talks when he sprays the bushes with no mask on, because we are too cheap to buy him protection against lethal carcinogens and as long as our bougainvillea looks purty, all is right with the world.”) Read more on California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control…
  whut?

Michele Bachmann Orders Barack Obama To Put Down That Tar Baby

It is arbitrarily time once again to dust off one of our favorite 2011 primary season word games, What the Hell Is Michele Bachmann Talking About, starring everyone’s favorite low-hanging Republican fruitcake. What have you got for our players today, beloved Minnesota state loon? Let’s jump right in and have your thought fragments on Barack Obama’s mild new proposal to boost oversight of oil futures trading in an attempt to address high gas prices: “This is just about waving a tar baby in the air and saying that something else is a problem.” Shit, it’s a tough one. So… let’s say “this” refers to the attempt to lower gas prices, and although there is no indication of who is the idiot madly “waving” derogatory terms around “in the air” we think she means “Obama,” since he is a racist. The rest of the sentence, “saying that something else is a problem,” is such a preponderance of vagueness that it is like a multivariable calculus equation with a wide variety of possible solutions that all make your head hurt. We really have no idea. Your checkmate again, Michele. Let’s have another! Read more on Michele Bachmann Orders Barack Obama To Put Down That Tar Baby…
  i blow a foul wind

Embarrassing Muppet Donald Trump Calls Windmills ‘Horrible, Loud, Disgusting’

There is a phrase that Socialist Jewishes like to say each other (with their hands tightly grasping all their Socialist Jewish munneez, of course!). That thing they like to say is, “We see the world not as it is, but as we are.” It’s from something called “Talmud,” we guess? Anyway, horrible, loud, and disgusting embarrassment The Donald Trump had a rare moment of self-unawareness recently when he said windmills were horrible, loud, and disgusting, but did not say the same thing about himself. Weird, right? Read more on Embarrassing Muppet Donald Trump Calls Windmills ‘Horrible, Loud, Disgusting’…
 

Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control

Was your day going a little too well until now? Were the birds annoying you with their musical chirps, and the sun just cold pissing you off with its warming rays? Then you will want to take a look at this NYT/CBS poll on American attitudes towards President Barack Obama and other filthy whores. Proving you can never repeat nonsense bullshit like “they want us taxpayers to pay them to have sex!” too many times, the gentlefolk on the right appear to have won this round with the simple childlike (“nuanced”?) morans of the US of A. Read more on Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control…
  jawboning

Fox News: Obama Could Lower Gas Prices Now If He Wanted, Unlike Bush

George W. Bush wasn’t doing much of anything in 2008, having pretty much checked himself out of “administrative duties” sometime in late 2006. One of the things Bush was definitely not doing as he rode out his term was bringing down the cost of gas! And the Fox News of 2008 rushed to defend his inaction, calmly reassuring their as-yet unhinged pre-Tea Party audience that, duh, obviously the president just can’t up and lower gas prices, ONLY THE INVISIBLE HAND CAN. But what would happen if you swapped out “Bush” for “Obama”? Would it shock you to learn that everything at Fox would go all topsy-turvy? Read more on Fox News: Obama Could Lower Gas Prices Now If He Wanted, Unlike Bush…
  'i'm not a witch'

Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. Obama is also a time traveler, because he went back to 2008 before he was even elected and caused the financial collapse. Witches can do this! Read more on Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash…
  definitely the first one right?

Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?

You are so right, Republican National Committee attack ad, it is very bizarre that Barack Obama is busy singing while an overlay graphic indicates that gas prices continue to — oh wait, there he goes with that “come on,” right on cue! And so on pitch! Oh god that is a good song. Why don’t they write songs like that anymore? Did you hear that Mick Jagger endorsed Barack Obama for Queen of England, based on this performance? Oh crap, the video is already over. Uh, wait, so what happened with gas prices? Read more on Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?…
  yum oil

Michele Bachmann Offers to Crash Economy to Lower Gas Prices

Hollering pill junkie loser welfare brat Michele Bachmann promises everybody that if she is elected President, the price of gas will come down to $2. “That will happen,” she says, and nothing else. Ominous! Since Michele won’t specify how this will happen, we will reason through her promise: Bachmann yodels on and on in her speech that gas was $1.79 when Obama took office, which stupid, annoying experts note was the result of the economic crash forcing businesses and humans to stop shipping things or traveling anywhere. And since new domestic drilling can only produce minimal quantities compared to demand that OPEC would offset anyway by reducing output and thus have minimal to zero impact on gas prices, the only way to reduce prices again would be to just destroy the economy anew. But at least we will still have Jesus and a bargain $2 way for Americans to off themselves running the car motor in the closed garage, right Michele? Read more on Michele Bachmann Offers to Crash Economy to Lower Gas Prices…
  zing

Hey Fox News, Is This More Of That Satire We’ve Been Hearing About?

What is dumb Fox News doing now, hmm? It appears they aired a segment over the weekend called “Will High Gas Prices Cost Your Kids Their Education?” This, presumably, was to explain this secret classified report: If you have to spend more money on one thing, there is less money to spend on another thing. Fox News illegally leaked this homeland security information and, in doing so, spelled “education” as “eductaion.” We hope that this was not meant as satire — which the New Yorker magazine invented only last week and now look, IT’S EVERYWHERE — because a child’s education is no laughing matter. The thought of children being so illiterate that they cannot spell a common, phonetic word… well, just imagine living in a country of adult retards! [YouTube via Think Progress] Read more on Hey Fox News, Is This More Of That Satire We’ve Been Hearing About?…
  campaign ads

McCain: Barack Obama Is Personally Raising Your Gas Prices

Here’s a fantastic new John McCain ad, about Gas Prices. It shows a gas pump in a stream of water. Oh no the water is a mirage! (But why is the pump in a mirage, hmm?) And then the narrator asks, “Who can we thank for rising prices at the pump?” as a million retards scream “OBAMA! OBAMA!” behind Obama’s fat head. Obama put the high gas prices in the middle of the mirage! Finally the narrator tells us, “Don’t hope for more energy, vote for it.” Because a “vote for energy” is a vote for a 72-year-old geezer, see? [YouTube] Read more on McCain: Barack Obama Is Personally Raising Your Gas Prices…
 

Look At What The Vile House Democrats Did Today!

This is one of the 500 e-mails sent by some committee associated with House Minority Whip Roy Blunt every fucking day. This time we opened it and it was actually quite funny, so maybe we should do that more often. There are at least 12 jokes involving puns, acronyms, gayness and fire in this, and each is funnier than anything a Democrat has ever said. [Republican Whip] Read more on Look At What The Vile House Democrats Did Today!…
 

The National Surface Transportation Policy and Revenue Study Commission, created as part of the 2005 highway bill to give Congress some political cover to raise gas taxes, released its report today recommending that gas taxes be raised by 40 cents/gallon over 5 years. The national average gas price was $3.07/gallon yesterday, up 10 cents over the last three weeks. The Commission also recommends that, in 2009, transportation funding be based on miles driven rather than gas consumed, which would give a much-needed tax break to people who choose to drive huge gas-guzzling SUVs in time for the 2010 midterm elections. [CQ Politics, AP] Read more on …