WASHINGTON, DC, 04:07 AM, WED JUL 9 | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘gas’

Silly Christians Praying For Cheaper Gasoline

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

OMG!Oil hit a new record price today, hooray! It briefly touched $146.23 a barrel before settling down to the much more normal price of, er, $145.85. A gallon of gasoline is averaging $4.09 in the patriotic United States — with D.C. at $4.16, New York at $4.30 and West Coast prices over $4.50. Why do they keep going up, up, up? Because some goddamned Christians are showing up at gas stations and praying, that’s why. MORE »


BREAKING: HOUSE PASSES SWEEPING ‘NATIONAL CORVETTE DAY’ LEGISLATION, MAKING OIL COST LIKE FOUR CENTS

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it. MORE »


Larry Craig Wants To Drill All Of America

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

A Wonkette Senate operative has informed us that Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now, and “he’s talking about the ‘Craig Does Act,’ and said ‘we adjusted ourselves a little bit’ referencing ‘the no zone’ as well.” Yes folks, it’s true: Larry Craig is a major player in Congressional efforts to end the ban on domestic drilling (for oil), with his very special “Craig D.O.E.S. Act,” which seeks to alleviate “Pain at the Pump.” Craig reasons that once America gets used to being drilled, the pumps won’t be as painful. [Sen. Larry Craig]


Funny Hillary Cannot Operate Simple Beverage Machine At Gas Station

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008


Hillary’s trip to the gas station not only threw the AP into a blind rage, but it also found our candidate struggling to operate the dastardly coffee machine. Don’t call her a hypocrite yet, however! That looks like a cappuccino or — dare we say — latte machine, so it makes sense that blue-collar Hillary had no dang idea how to use the mechanism. [YouTube]


Associated Press Vehemently Hates Hillary

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

You may have gathered from this photo that Hillary, like ol’ Barry Obama last week, put on a big media show at a freaking gas station today to illustrate how much the high prices hurt her feelings, as an American motorist. The Associated Press — the most objective news source ever — covered this event, as they have every other event in world history, and put out the most bitter, sarcastic write-up imaginable. Check out the first few paragraphs after the jump, because they are a stitch. MORE »


Washington Crippled By Crazy Trucker Protest

Monday, April 28th, 2008


It may look like common D.C. traffic, but all those honking trucks around the Capitol today are actually part of a Ron Paul trucker protest because diesel costs like $5 a gallon and the truckers are all going broke, so they want John McCain to make diesel free, and he said okay because he is also a poor trucker. Fuel riots, food rationing, people thrown out of their homes by the millions … who knew 2008 would be so exciting? [Associated Press]


Barack Obama Is So Weird

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Barack Obama has been giving his Hopey speeches at gas stations recently, because they are very costly and he only visits the most expensive centers of commerce to buy things. So after buying his “premium gas” for his Lexus motorcar, he decided to take out his mahogany dais and speak to the Cretins purchasing regular “fossil fuels” with their wooden Discover credit scrip. He looks so dumb doing this, at the gas station, that we must take a full photo tour exposing his Rich dumbness. MORE »


Barack Will Pay For Your Gas Money, Mr. Hobo!

Friday, March 28th, 2008


This is Barack Obama’s new ad for North Carolina, and it’s about gas money. It’s titled “Nothing’s Changed.” He discusses the Big Oil companies, concluding with “I won’t let them block Change anymore.” What’s the deal here — are he and “Hope” breaking up or something? [YouTube]


9/10 NEVER FORGET: World War III Has Apparently Started, In Mexico, And As Usual It’s About Oil

Monday, September 10th, 2007

Burning bush (AP) - WonketteHey Mexico, WTF? Today is supposed to be the magical day of Expecto Petraeus! And tomorrow’s the big 9/11 celebration, okay? What is with you people having some kind of Star Wars-esque rebellion attacking the gas pipelines and crazy semi-trucks full of dynamite blowing up on the highways and killing 34 people? MORE »


World Actually Ending; Poor, Minorities Hardest Hit

Monday, January 8th, 2007

Four riders were approaching, the wind began to howl - WonketteTerror attacks continue around the United States and the whole world, mostly involving Natural Gas killing everybody. Here’s what the Main Stream Media won’t tell you! (Actually, they did tell you, but not in a single hysterical bullet-point list like the one that follows.) MORE »