Wonkette

Here is your favorite Gallup daily tracking poll, which shows Barack Obama beating John McCain by a million points in recent days. Oh and what’s this, it’s another Gallup poll, in collaboration with USA Today, which shows WALNUTS! winning by four points. Why is Gallup being so gay? [Gallup, USA Today]

Here’s your favorite Gallup daily tracking poll, which now shows Obama’s largest lead ever of 16 percentage points. Jesus, did a huge wave of black voters (his only constituency) register to vote in the last day or something? [Gallup]

Here’s a new Gallup poll that shows 60% of Democrats support John McCain, and another 15% do not believe in Elite Math but do live on Neptune. 2% of Democrats have killed themselves and could not answer. [Gallup]

Except they aren’t moving to one candidate, and they never will. If we had to predict November at this point, we’d say that the Supreme Court will order John McCain to serve as president until the Democrats pick a nominee, and then they’ll order that John McCain serve a full term while he’s at it. In other decisive poll news, a CNN “poll of polls” released Friday shows the two tied at 45% apiece in Indiana. Dagnabbit. [Gallup, CNN]

Communist Barack Obama is doing so poorly among the blue collars and home security dads that he is now leading Hillary Clinton by 11 points in the latest Gallup daily tracking poll. It is the largest margin he has held against Clinton this year. Elitist smoker! [Gallup]

Obama’s been widening the gap recently in Gallup’s daily tracking poll, probably because his opponent’s latest strategy for winning is to make everyone hate her more. It’s worked before! Once Hillary settles down into the low teens, and Barack polls as the most popular politician in world history, then the superdelegates will have no choice but to hand her the nomination. It’s all in the triangulation, people. [Gallup]

Eagle-eyed Wonkette operative “Jared” notices a disturbing propaganda campaign in that Gallup poll from earlier this morning: “If you look at McCain’s approval rating on that Gallup link from a couple of hours ago, it looks exactly like the northern border of the US. Dude is patriotic.” That’s exactly what he wants us to believe — he has been knowingly altering his public image for years so that the graph would look this way. He is a very, very dangerous liar. [Gallup] MORE »

GREAT DAY FOR A RACE SPEECH: “John McCain’s 67% favorable rating is the highest of any of the three major candidates running for president, and ties for his highest in Gallup polling history.” A hearty swig of rat poison should wash this down. [Gallup]

Remember how Hillary Clinton lost the last 10 primaries, and how she must resort to hilarious racism to have any chance? Well, those primaries didn’t matter, and today she’s reclaimed the Gallup daily tracking poll lead by a safe one point over Obama. Is she only capable of gaining steam when she loses so terribly in the weeks before? Is there any way Barack can beat a lady down on her luck? That wouldn’t be very polite of him. [Gallup]

The Gallup Daily Tracking Poll shows Hillary finally closing that deficit after a whole five or six days. She’s only losing by one point now. Call the election! Hillary wins forever, soon! Don’t, stop, thinkin’ about tomorrow…

But in real life, she actually does have some vague chance of winning Wisconsin tonight, even though she’s lost every primary election since Super Tuesday. Accordingly, those wombats at the Obama campaign have “lowered expectations” dramatically via their daily talking points. So either way, they win by 50 points, in the American Voter’s mind. MORE »

Oof… this is not good for the Barack Hussein ObamaNation. The Feb. 3-5 Gallup daily tracking poll has her leading by 13 percentage points. THE RACE IS OVER! Until tomorrow, when he’ll somehow have locked up the nomination. [Gallup]