Hey, a new survey about things people don’t know: Gallup asked some random selection of Americans who haven’t had their phones shut off to rate nine major federal agencies they may or may not have heard about, on the AM radio. The results are … bad news for, let’s see, Ben Bernanke? Sure! MORE »

Yes: more Americans would prefer to have Satanic pharmaceutical/insurance corporations — entities that exist solely to profit from the nation’s poor health, ones that would choose to see eventual government debt default & apocalypse over the creation of a public, non-discriminatory health plan to cover actual sick people — as one of the two major American political parties debating health care reform, instead of the Republicans. (Not that the Democrats in Congress fare much better, and they shouldn’t!) MORE »

And the sun is most likely to come out during the day, and dogs are most likely to eat dog food, maybe. [Gallup]

This Gallup poll was conducted Tuesday, the day of Sonia Sotomayor’s announcement, so the Average American should have had plenty of time to comb through and analyze Sotomayor’s legal opinions before discriminating between “good” and “only fair.” [Gallup]

Well here’s some good news for Republicans: they’ve finally rid the party of all non-Real Americans! ES UN ROAD TO RECOVERY? And besides, just look at how liberal this liberal poll is. Aside from “Nonwhite” — wtf, like Martians or something?? — it doesn’t even show the trend with Hispanic Mexicans! Surely the GOP has made huge gains in this demographic, hmm? [Balloon Juice]

A new monthly Gallup poll has Congress’ approval rating at 31%, and hey, that’s not bad! Although the teevee kept saying that Obama and the Democrats had failed miserably during the stimulus debate while the Republicans found new life, the country “loves” Democrats now, and hates Republicans even more. NEED MORE ERIC CANTOR. [Gallup]

• STIMULUS DEBATE SAVES REPUBLICAN PARTY: From Gallup: “The American public gives President Barack Obama a strong 67% approval rating for the way in which he is handling the government’s efforts to pass an economic stimulus bill, while the Democrats and, in particular, the Republicans in Congress receive much lower approval ratings of 48% and 31%, respectively.” Republican revolution in 2010! [Gallup]

After 2004, two groups were blamed for making John Kerry’s loss extra sad for the liberals: those secret retards from off-the-grid caves that Karl Rove forced to vote at the last minute, and pollsters. All of the pollsters failed spectacularly on Election Day in 2004, especially with exit polls. Everyone knew that John Kerry was too much of a cocksmoker to possibly win anything, and yet these pollsters committed the CARDINAL SIN of getting Democrats’ hopes up about a national victory of any kind. But this year they tried again. Who will be first against the wall? MORE »

Here is your favorite Gallup daily tracking poll, which shows Barack Obama beating John McCain by a million points in recent days. Oh and what’s this, it’s another Gallup poll, in collaboration with USA Today, which shows WALNUTS! winning by four points. Why is Gallup being so gay? [Gallup, USA Today]

Here’s your favorite Gallup daily tracking poll, which now shows Obama’s largest lead ever of 16 percentage points. Jesus, did a huge wave of black voters (his only constituency) register to vote in the last day or something? [Gallup]

Here’s a new Gallup poll that shows 60% of Democrats support John McCain, and another 15% do not believe in Elite Math but do live on Neptune. 2% of Democrats have killed themselves and could not answer. [Gallup]