Tag Archives: gallup

  Everyone point and laugh at the losers

Dear Congress: We Hate You. XOXO, America

Dirty mouth!
Kiss THIS It has been a while since we pretended we didn’t already know the answer to the question: Do Americans like Congress, yes or no? Last time, the answer was “HAHAHA, you’re joking, right? I’d rather have head lice and a root canal!” (Not joking. That was the answer.) That was almost two years ago, before Republicans won the Senate and took complete control of Congress, with all their neat ideas about killing jobs and Obamacare and the environment and whatever other shiny thing is in front of their faces. Read more on Dear Congress: We Hate You. XOXO, America…
  But What About The Purple People?

White People Upset At White People For Being Mean To Blacks, Guess It’s Serious Now

No, but the little booger has made some unbelievable gaffes
So you know how polls about race always seem to show that black people think racism is still a thing, while white people mostly perceive it as something from the Olden Times, like way back before “Good Times,” even? Here’s a bit of a surprise, maybe! A new Gallup Poll finds that, in the weird language of polling, “Americans’ satisfaction with the way blacks are treated has declined to a new low in Gallup’s 15-year trend, now at 49%. This is a sharp drop from two years ago, when 62% were satisfied.” That’s a pretty weird question to start with — “How satisfied are you with how blacks are treated in U.S. society?” — but the results do actually seem to indicate that even white people are sort of vaguely aware that things may not be all that great. Obviously, this is Obama’s fault, or an indication that politically-correct media and college teachers and videos of black people getting beaten up and shot by cops have distorted reality. (There Fox News, we wrote your lede for you). Read more on White People Upset At White People For Being Mean To Blacks, Guess It’s Serious Now…
  Probably because everybody's been death paneled already

Tyrant Obamacare Insuring More Americans Than Ever, Thanks Obama!

This is what Obamacare insurance cards look like, right?
Looking at this new chart from the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, America is starting to resemble a developed nation! In 2013, just before the forcible throat-cramming of quality, affordable healthcare began, 18% of Americans were uninsured. And now that number is down to … this can’t be right. This poll must have a liberal bias. They must have only asked Americans who don’t love America, because it says that the uninsured rate has precipitously dropped in the intervening time, down to 11.4%. Read it and weep, fuckers: Read more on Tyrant Obamacare Insuring More Americans Than Ever, Thanks Obama!…
  A nation of suckers

Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst

They still love us. Suckers!
Jeez, America, how dumb can you be? You know President Obama is the worst president who ever presidented because the completely not-biased opposing political party keeps telling us so. And yet, because you are SO dumb, America, you insist on liking the guy anyway because you are so dumb like we said: Read more on Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst…
  we give up

Oh, Remember When Congress Hit That All Time Approval Rating Low? Yeah, Guess What

You know what is even less popular than interracial marriage? Congress, what because of how they suck times a million. But America continues to hold them in lower and lower regard, according to a new Gallup poll. How bad it is? Oh, how about NINE PERCENT, SINGLE DIGITS, BABY! Whoever had 11/12/13 in the office pool of when Congress would officially become less popular than The Plague is a winner winner chicken dinner. Let’s explore some possible reasons, shall we?  Read more on Oh, Remember When Congress Hit That All Time Approval Rating Low? Yeah, Guess What…
  come on baby finish what ya started

Ted Cruz Not Wrong About Shutdown Strategy, Says Ted Cruz

One of the most hilarious sideshows of the great SHUTDOWNGHAZI!!!11!! has been the sight of Republicans tripping over their own dicks to spin some very unfavorable poll numbers in favorable ways. Yesterday it was pre-ferment sourdough starter Erick Erickson dropping some phat derp about how poll numbers showing the GOP was not getting stomped like an ant hill in the path of a four-year-old geeking out on Adderall meant the party was actually “winning” the public opinion war over the shutdown. It is unknown if Erick had yet seen the Gallup poll that gave the Republicans the lowest approval rating that either party had ever received since Gallup started polling party favorability in 1992. No doubt he would find a way to spin that positively: “Hey, we’re still more popular than Roger Goodell and scabies put together!” Also giving poll spinning the old college try on Wednesday was Ted Cruz. Last week Ted had walked into the weekly Senate Republican lunch unaware that the menu consisted of his own ass, skinned, filleted and laid out on a platter for the rest of the caucus. Read more on Ted Cruz Not Wrong About Shutdown Strategy, Says Ted Cruz…
  what is your opinion of dying in a fire?

Republican Party’s Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare

You see that picture up there, with the jaggedy lines? It’s a “graph,” and it shows that 28% of Americans have a favorable view of the Republican Party, according to Gallup. Maybe you think that’s pretty good, considering that the Republican party can barely hide their contempt for most of America, and also that they’re wrong about everything, plus or minus a thing (maybe, sometimes). But it’s actually any party’s worst poll result in the 20 years since Gallup first sounded the depths of America’s hatred for the people they repeatedly vote into office. While we don’t know for sure, there’s good circumstantial evidence that Republicans’ historically low favorability is related to their refusal to fund the government unless Democrats let them make Obamacare worse. Say… all this talk of polls and approval has made us wonder: How are people liking their death panels so far? Read more on Republican Party’s Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare…
  Nice Time For Congress

Congratulations, Congress! Americans Hate You Slightly Less Now

You know how everyone pretty much hates Congress? True story! A PPP poll in January found Congress less popular than root canals, head lice, cockroaches, and, worst of all, Nickelback. Maybe it is because this particular Congress is on track to be the laziest sack of Congress EVAH! Maybe it is because when Congress does bother rolling out of bed in the afternoon to show up for work, it wastes time on stuff like IRSfauxghazigate and cutting food stamps because screw them poors, and House Republicans can’t stop trying to repeal Obamacare eleventeen thousand times. But the times, they are a-changin’, and a new Gallup poll shows that, well, Americans still hate Congress — A LOT — but slightly less. Read more on Congratulations, Congress! Americans Hate You Slightly Less Now…
  Cavalcade Of Futility

Already Focused On Losing In 2016, Republicans Want Paul Ryan For President

Here’s a poll from Gallup that nicely encapsulates why the Republican party is so screwed: Among Republicans, Paul Ryan is the top choice out of five prospective candidates to lose the presidency to Hillary in 2016 (the others were, in order, Rubio, that amateur dentist fellow, a known Canadian anchor baby, and Chris Christie), but among “adults,” Ryan comes third. The adults like Chris Christie best because he is “real,” probably, and also “bipartisanship,” which in this case means he was not a huge dick to a man he was about to hit up for several billion dollars. We’ll take it, we guess. The big question, of course, is: Will Republican primary voters look past Christie’s flaws, like how he was nice to that Kenyan imposter, and how he maybe thinks evolution is real, and realize he’s pretty much the only person with an “R” after their name that stands a snowball’s chance in the Senate of getting elected? Read more on Already Focused On Losing In 2016, Republicans Want Paul Ryan For President…
  What If I Talk Like This?

Study: Republicans Oppose ‘Assisted Suicide,’ Cool With ‘Painless End Of Life’

Look, Democrats have a lot going for them right now. There’s our “flashy” President B. Barry Bamz and his healthcare law that can’t possibly be as bad as Republicans have spent the last half a decade derping that it will be, so expectations managed there; the country’s suddenly a lot cooler with gay folks, pot smoking, all that good shit; the proponents of austerity have self-discredited; and looking into the future, there appears to be only one “titanic” Republican who could conceivably win the presidency in 2016, except his record of being relatively sane means he probably can’t win the primary. So there is really no reason for all us liberals to be assholes about a recent Gallup poll that found Republicans are significantly more likely than Democrats to give different answers to the same question depending on how the question is worded. Read more on Study: Republicans Oppose ‘Assisted Suicide,’ Cool With ‘Painless End Of Life’…
  begun these nerd wars have

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

One of the “fun” things about presidential elections is that every four years there’s a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and this year it’s polling! Did Nate Silver’s devil-math suck all the fun out of democracy, forever? Were the polls skewed because they didn’t reflect Republican understanding of reality? Were Gallup and Rasmussen “in the tank” for Republicans? Well, Gallup Editor-in-Chief Frank Newport has decided to weigh in on this controversy, and would like you to know that (a) Gallup was not wrong, because it abruptly stopped picking Romney to win by 7 points several days before the election, and (b) Nate Silver is a parasitic remora clinging to the great white shark that is Gallup and if everyone gets into the Nate Silver business the whole polling industry will collapse, and then we’ll have no polling at all, and then we’ll be sorry! Read more on Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup…
  just like the valentine's day massacre but black

How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?

Sexboat toe goblin Dick Morris has some thoughts on the typically thuggish Chicago regime, and how they “Rough Up Gallup for Polls They Don’t Like.” Get ready you guys, because it is terrifying! In a scene right out of a typical authoritarian regime, Fox News reports that “employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested they felt threatened by Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod when he questioned the methodology of a mid-April poll showing Mitt Romney leading the president – according to internal emails published Thursday.” That poll that sent Axelrod ballistic showed Romney leading Obama 48-43 percent. Read more on How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?…
  what is 'legal'?

Gallup: Record High Number Of Pro-Life Americans Want To Kill Your Children

Fun news for chart nerds! Gallup has once again released its annual poll illustrating how much Americans hate abortion by saying it should be legal in all or certain cases. That’s right, “pro-choicers” are at a “record low” of only 41 percent of respondents who want to kill children. Except for the 77 percent of respondents who think abortion should be legal! Fuck man, math is hard. Read more on Gallup: Record High Number Of Pro-Life Americans Want To Kill Your Children…
  new study proves it

70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign

Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of Americans say they can’t wait for the campaign to be over,” the pollsters said. And what about the rest of the people, are they all on Newt Gingrich’s payroll or something? According to Gallup, “26% can’t wait for it to begin.” Who are these people? Because if the 26% of Americans looking forward to the election could be, perhaps, relocated to Mexico or Ghana or someplace quiet, maybe we could just cancel the election. Read more on 70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign…
  our flourishing economy

Record 81% of Americans Hate America

A shocking new Gallup poll proves that 81% of Americans — an all-time record — are against the American Government, while 82% are against Congress specifically. And 49% of Americans believe the U.S. Government is “an immediate threat to the rights and freedoms of ordinary citizens.” But to read POLITICO, you’d think we’re just in a polarized campaign environment or whatever, and that everything will “work out in the end.” Haha, it will, but not in a way that POLITICO staffers or other Washington factotums can appreciate. Also, you need to include “Wall Street/The Fed” and “The Pentagon/Military Contractors” in the U.S. Government, as those are both the primary interests and the primary beneficiaries of the U.S. Government. When’s the next straw poll or whatever? Read more on Record 81% of Americans Hate America…