So last night in the debate John McCain mentioned this despicable project Barack Obama supported, Chicago-style, by throwing 3 million of taxpayers’ dollars at some overhead projector in a planetarium. It was made of pork! Which is just weird, since Muslims aren’t supposed to like pigs, or celestial navigation. MORE »

Just when you think the Department of Defense is too busy with actually physically bombing things to worry about nutty mind-control schemes or mosquito assassins, they come out with another freaky report that gives a dark and terrifying glimpse into a future of warfare featuring insanity-inducing drugs, brain-scanning, and “distributed human-machine systems.” In other words, just a day in the life of Cindy McCain, wife of the world’s oldest cyborg… MORE »

Here is a video from the future. 2022, we estimate. A colony of highly advanced space monsters have posted it to YouTube. We learn that after Barack Obama finishes his presidency, he becomes John McCain’s maid in a shanty town. It also looks like John McCain becomes a black person at some point, except for his head, which will always be white as snow. Never forget. [YouTube]

Oh come now, will everyone please stop pickin’ on poor John McCain for his limited knowledge of the future techmologies? This is something that irks political writers on the Internet to a strange degree (probably because it means McCain cannot give them page views.) Even McCain’s best friend Jon Chait of The New Republic has been calling him “President Grampa Simpson,” which is Ageist. While many of us are more concerned about McCain for other reasons — the fact that he is solidly to the right of George W. Bush on foreign policy, for example — we understand how problematic it would be to have a president who uses Yahoo! instead of Google. And yet it’s still hilarious whenever McCain tries to defend his technological know-how to a crowd of nerds, as he did yesterday in liberal San Francisco. MORE »

MOST ELITIST PHOTO OF ALL TIME: The Detroit Free Press is so in-the-tank for Barack Obama that they used some terribly expensive camera to cover his rally with Al Gore in Michigan yesterday. It’s a 360-degree shot of a packed Joe Louis Arena, and you can swivel it, zoom in, zoom out, marvel at the diverse crowd of hard-working white Americans and black children, or whatever it is that gets you off about these big Hopey cult rituals. [Detroit Free Press]

According to the Stamford Advocate, an FBI investigation has concluded that the notorious crash of Joe2006.com, Joe Lieberman’s glorious Web site, the day before his August 2006 primary loss to actual Democrat Ned Lamont was caused by Joe Lieberman’s campaign. When will Joe Lieberman apologize to Joe Lieberman for these dirty tricks? MORE »

Insane baby-farming robot-herder and sometime Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a new enemy: fluorescent light bulbs. That’s right. She does not care for these newfangled hippie environmentalist group-sex bulbs, preferring the honest and trustworthy incandescent kind. And now she is taking her case to the American people with her “Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act.” MORE »

It turns out Michele Bachmann isn’t the only terrified lawmaker hiding from her constituency behind a wall of phone-dialing robots. Politicians across this great land of ours have discovered the beauty of the tele-town hall, which allows them to pretend to interact with voters while sparing them the pain of actually talking with them. MORE »

Crazed baby-farming Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann has recruited a robot army to stand as a first line of defense between her and her increasingly disillusioned constituents. One voter writes of a chilling episode in which robots called him at home, promising to let him speak with the elusive President-groper, and then hung up on him before he got to ask his question. MORE »