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Posts Tagged ‘future techmologies’

Future Robot Mind-War Apocalypse

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Well this should be amusingJust when you think the Department of Defense is too busy with actually physically bombing things to worry about nutty mind-control schemes or mosquito assassins, they come out with another freaky report that gives a dark and terrifying glimpse into a future of warfare featuring insanity-inducing drugs, brain-scanning, and “distributed human-machine systems.” In other words, just a day in the life of Cindy McCain, wife of the world’s oldest cyborg… MORE »


John McCain Is So Adorable When He Talks About The Internet

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

Oh come now, will everyone please stop pickin’ on poor John McCain for his limited knowledge of the future techmologies? This is something that irks political writers on the Internet to a strange degree (probably because it means McCain cannot give them page views.) Even McCain’s best friend Jon Chait of The New Republic has been calling him “President Grampa Simpson,” which is Ageist. While many of us are more concerned about McCain for other reasons — the fact that he is solidly to the right of George W. Bush on foreign policy, for example — we understand how problematic it would be to have a president who uses Yahoo! instead of Google. And yet it’s still hilarious whenever McCain tries to defend his technological know-how to a crowd of nerds, as he did yesterday in liberal San Francisco. MORE »


Joe Lieberman Crashed His Own Web Site Before 2006 Primary

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Nice move, face flapsAccording to the Stamford Advocate, an FBI investigation has concluded that the notorious crash of Joe2006.com, Joe Lieberman’s glorious Web site, the day before his August 2006 primary loss to actual Democrat Ned Lamont was caused by Joe Lieberman’s campaign. When will Joe Lieberman apologize to Joe Lieberman for these dirty tricks? MORE »


Michele Bachmann Declares War On Light Bulbs

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

Light bulbs have never been kind to herInsane baby-farming robot-herder and sometime Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a new enemy: fluorescent light bulbs. That’s right. She does not care for these newfangled hippie environmentalist group-sex bulbs, preferring the honest and trustworthy incandescent kind. And now she is taking her case to the American people with her “Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act.” MORE »


Dumb Tele-Town Hall Craze Sweeping Nation Of Idiots

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

867-5309It turns out Michele Bachmann isn’t the only terrified lawmaker hiding from her constituency behind a wall of phone-dialing robots. Politicians across this great land of ours have discovered the beauty of the tele-town hall, which allows them to pretend to interact with voters while sparing them the pain of actually talking with them. MORE »


Michele Bachmann Cowers Behind Robot Phalanx To Avoid Voters

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

I will eat your headCrazed baby-farming Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann has recruited a robot army to stand as a first line of defense between her and her increasingly disillusioned constituents. One voter writes of a chilling episode in which robots called him at home, promising to let him speak with the elusive President-groper, and then hung up on him before he got to ask his question. MORE »