Tag Archives: furries

  Such a big disappointment to Daddy

Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day

Libertarians don't fuck up, they FREEDOM up.
Today was supposed to be Rand Paul’s Big Day, the one where he was able to say “look at me, DAD, I’m a big kid now, gonna be the president you never got to be!” Instead, he ended up just being Ron Paul’s pud-pulling fuck-up kid again. Let us count the ways Rand Paul is already a failure at running for president. Read more on Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day…
  Here have some news n stuff

Stop Hating America So We Can Look Into This Benghazi Thing For The First Time Ever

How good do you heart America?
Talking about torture is just so yesterday. And besides, there is no reason to talk about bad things our country might have done, because we’re America, and we don’t do bad things. And if you say that we do, well, you obviously hate this country and freedom and George Washington.¬†Love it or leave it, haters, because America is THE BEST. So let’s put that unpleasantness whole our government-raped-and-murdered-prisoners thing behind us, because we have far more important things to talk about. Things that really matter. You know what that is: Read more on Stop Hating America So We Can Look Into This Benghazi Thing For The First Time Ever…
  remember fast and furry-ous!

Meet The RNC’s Unstoppable Hillary-Destroying FRENCH Squirrel Of Principled Free Market Opposition To Keynesian Theory (Updated!)

This nugget of 2016 Campaign Intelligence from Patrick Caldwell at Mother Jones tells us that the race is getting serious: The Republicans have deployed their first Furry against the still-not-official campaign of Hillary Clinton. Named “HRC Squirrel,” the mascot tells you at a glance everything you need to know about the threat Hillz poses to the American way of life, because like the former Secretary of State, squirrels are… they… you just associate them with…??? Oh, right, you have to read the T shirt, which says “Another Clinton in the White House is Nuts.” Oh, that’s quite clever. Because squirrels eat nuts. We get it! Read more on Meet The RNC’s Unstoppable Hillary-Destroying FRENCH Squirrel Of Principled Free Market Opposition To Keynesian Theory (Updated!)…
  what's next man on dog?

Nice College Students Defend Sanctity Of Giraffe-Tiger Marriage

Hey, don’t forget: we’re not just electing a president today! We’re also electing a bunch of senators, many of whom have strong opinions about ladies who get raped, and some losers in the House too, ugh, who has time for those people, and, if we’re in Maryland, Maine, Washington State, or Minnesota, we also get to vote on gay marriage! Your Comics Curmudgeon was super psyched to yes on Maryland Question 6 today, if by “super psyched” you mean “pissed that the civil rights of his friends and neighbors are up for a vote but cautiously optimistic that it will pass.” ANYHOO the campaign here has been heavy on the “death to gays and those who love them” business. Maybe the antis should learn a little “Minnesota nice” from these furries! Read more on Nice College Students Defend Sanctity Of Giraffe-Tiger Marriage…
  happy endings

Here Is Photo Proof That Newt Gingrich Is Finally President of Space

Well, Newt Gingrich has at last achieved his lifelong goal of conquering the void of empty space. Just look at him out there, the brave emperor of a vast, dark and lonely realm surrounded by his only true companions, some insane person in a scary-looking costume and an elephant. We just knew you could do it, Newt. We just knew. [Buzzfeed] Read more on Here Is Photo Proof That Newt Gingrich Is Finally President of Space…
  cpacalypse

Which Of These Magnificent CPAC Events Should We Attend?

Only one more day until CPAC, and the Revolution! Your Wonkette is pissing its pants just looking at the bill of events and all the exciting opportunities to learn about how dumb liberals are. Why does the bathroom have to be so far away, anyway? Nevermind. Let’s just figure out which of these panel thingies/cocktail sex parties to visit. Read more on Which Of These Magnificent CPAC Events Should We Attend?…
  a parting gift from david wu

Taiwanese Political Animators Finally Get Perfect Subject: David Wu

For a brief moment of Internet Time, everybody on the Internet loved the NMA wacky Taiwanese animated YouTube versions of the latest U.S. political scandals. And then, like everything, these videos (and the whole concept) got old. In desperation, NMA began featuring an alive hot Hipster Asian Girl to do introductions for the cartoons, and then it just felt forced and lame, like one of those gals in a “sexy goth cheerleader costume” trying to sell you grunge jello shots or whatever, at the sports bar. But, in the short and tawdry career of the first Taiwanese American to (briefly) serve in the U.S. Congress, NMA’s intentionally bad video animators finally got the story they always wanted. Read more on Taiwanese Political Animators Finally Get Perfect Subject: David Wu…
  another one bites the dust

Barely Legal Furry Sexytime Topples Weirdo Rep. David Wu After All

Well, that was fast! Furry sex aficionado Rep. David Wu announced he will resign after the debt crisis negotiations are over (hahaha, so actually he means “never”) because of this sexytime incident with the 18-year-old daughter of his high school classmate that we heard about only a few days ago. Hooray, Congress is down another creepy pervert sex predator! Only several hundred more to go, we guess. Mostly we feel awful for the young woman that Wu sexed, for obvious reasons. We are also sorry for Nancy Pelosi, who has been spending a lot of her time this summer forced to listen to Democratic lawmakers talk about their sordid peen problems. Oh well, adios to the only member of Congress who will never be remembered for anything besides wearing a homemade Tigger costume, for America. Read more on Barely Legal Furry Sexytime Topples Weirdo Rep. David Wu After All…
  endless cummer '11

Furry Sex Creep Oregon Democrat Is Your New Anthony Weiner

Who wants to hear about boring old “debt ceiling” issues such as old people being pushed into landfills because of no more money? What America needs is a Way To Laugh Again, and it got that bouquet of clown farts Sunday night as Madame Ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for an official inquisition against Oregon’s best-loved weirdo in Congress, Representative David Wu. What did Wu do, you ask? Well, his whole staff quit as soon as he was elected last year, and the bizarre “dressed in a tiger furry costume” self-pix he sent to everyone was just part of the problem. The latest outrage is that Wu allegedly “had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teen-aged daughter of a campaign donor.” Well if he didn’t want it, why did he (allegedly) do it? Oh wait, right, it was the teen who said DO NOT WANT to sexytime with a freak politician, maybe? Read more on Furry Sex Creep Oregon Democrat Is Your New Anthony Weiner…
  love late in life

Rahm Emanuel Shares Romantic Moment With Bull Furry

In a related story, now that our long national birth-certificate nightmare is over, is everyone going to have sex and make babies in the midst of all this excitement? LOOK AT THE BIRTH RATES IN NINE MONTHS. AND ALSO CHECK TO SEE IF A BULL GIVES BIRTH TO A HALF RAHM. [30FPS] Read more on Rahm Emanuel Shares Romantic Moment With Bull Furry…
  yiff yiff re-elect

Allegedly Insane Rep. David Wu Also Appears To Be a Furry

Congressman David Wu of Oregon did some interesting things right before his re-election in last year’s midterm elections. He allegedly wandered around Oregon like an insane person, for one. Also, it appears he sent his staff e-mails like an insane person, along with photos of him dressing up like some kind of tiger furry. Wow! That’s one sex crime from the Wonkette Trifecta! (He was charged with a sexual assault, but that was in college.) Wu’s campaign is said to have “essentially shut down” when staff and his psychiatrist staged an intervention and he refused to seek help, so most of his team resigned. Oh, and as for the furry costume? His spokesman called it “a moment with his kids,” but his spokesman didn’t comment on the e-mails to congressional staffers it accompanied, which seem to have been written by a drunk Wu in the guise of his children. Someone’s in the running for a “World’s Best, Sanest Dad” mug! Read more on Allegedly Insane Rep. David Wu Also Appears To Be a Furry…
  what a wonderful kind of day

PBS Deploying Furries To Save Its Federal Funding From Teabaggers

When Juan Williams was fired for talking about being nervous around Muslims, Republicans apparently found an opening to defund public broadcasting, which should be used to inform America about Sharia law and to prop up Tucker Carlson’s career, not be a place for facts and such. To fight back, Democratic Reps. Ed Markey and Earl Blumenauer got together with some trademarked children’s furry characters to talk about how PBS’s heavily merchandized teevee shows for children are better than other heavily merchandized teevee shows for children. Wow, life in the minority party is just sad. Read more on PBS Deploying Furries To Save Its Federal Funding From Teabaggers…
  dress up time

Where In DC To Spot Masturbating Witches This Halloween

Would you look at that, it’s time for Halloween. Perhaps you are putting the finishing touches on your Sexy Sarah Palin/Tina Fey Costume, or is that not *in* this year? So maybe you’re going to dress up as the BP Oil Spill? Or a failed mortgage? Or maybe you’ve chosen some other semi-political witty Concept, TeeVee Personality or Event In History for your costume? This Halloween, hopefully you will join us for our First Annual Wonkette Horror Bar Night, but what about after that? Thankfully, we are service-y journalists, so go have a “fun but safe” Halloween by doing what we tell you to do. Read more on Where In DC To Spot Masturbating Witches This Halloween…
  furry celebrities

Anderson Cooper Falls For the Old ‘Apes Say Put On a Bunny Suit’ Trick

Kids, do you like the journalism? Of course not. You don’t even know what it is. But if you did, you might think it’s a respectable way to make a living. You would, of course, be wrong about that, too. Consider poor little rich boy Anderson Cooper, who actually worked hard for many years as an actual on-the-scene international war & disaster teevee reporter, and now is reduced to doing daytime talk shows for ladies and dressing up in fetish-furry gear. CLICK TO SEE ENTIRE HUMILIATING PICTURE. Read more on Anderson Cooper Falls For the Old ‘Apes Say Put On a Bunny Suit’ Trick…
  see you at thanksgiving

Carl Paladino’s Gay Nephew Quits Thriving Paladino Furry Campaign

Carl Paladino likes to point to his gay nephew, Jeff Hannon, as evidence that he’s no homophobe. That’s funny, because Jeff Hannon seems to think Carl Paladino is a homophobe, as the 23-year-old has stopped showing up to work at the Paladino campaign. This is according to the New York Post, which also wants you to know Hannon is “hunky” and “6-foot-2,” based on what they’ve seen “on his MySpace” (HisSpace?), a primitive “social networking” website made for people who work at the Post and other Rupert Murdoch properties. So now who will run Paladino’s furry outreach operation? Read more on Carl Paladino’s Gay Nephew Quits Thriving Paladino Furry Campaign…
  your new fursona should totally be giant ancient penguin

Here Is a News Story About Ancient Penguins

Here it is, like we said: Penguins didn’t always boast tuxedo-like black-and-white markings, according to a new study. The discovery of the first ancient penguin fossil with evidence of feathers reveals the aquatic birds were once reddish-brown and gray. Read more on Here Is a News Story About Ancient Penguins…