Wonkette

Each day across the nuttier parts of our great country, Grandpa John McCain and his circus geek, Sarah Palin, thrill the yokels with their tough talk against the terrorist, Barack Obama, who will soon be president of Terrorist America. But today there was no talk of the terrorist, in Virginia Beach. Only the mindless worship of these restroom icons! MORE »

The Dow Jones Index rose 936 points as Obama’s lead solidified. (The Dow did this in 1929, too, but don’t tell the New York Post!)
An Obama Panic: Markets Feat His Policies [New York Post]

Look at this heartwarming photo from the Toledo Blade. Some nice lady is “welling up with tears” because she can’t breathe anymore! Someday when she is old and gray, she will tell her grandchildren, “I once had the privilege of being choked to death by America’s first black president.” [Toledo Blade]

“On last weekend’s rain-soaked Saturday, Groveland celebrated those treasures with a festival in honor of the 40th anniversary of the Wild and Scenic Rivers Act. President Lyndon Johnson signed the legislation on Oct. 2, 1968.” [BLM NewsBytes]

Shortly after this photograph was taken, the gentleman on the right was offered the Republican nomination for vice president. He turned it down to go run Lehman Brothers instead. Thanks to Brian for sending this along.

When the markets tank, editors need a photograph to illustrate the terrible loss of value in equities most people either don’t own and don’t understand. The obvious photograph — poor people eating trash in the alley because they have no food and no home — is never used, because it would seem racist. Instead, the general-news media relies on a never-ending stock collection of floor traders looking exhausted, or, like in this AP-Yahoo photo used today, floor traders simultaneously vomiting into their hands. Let’s laugh at them, together. MORE »

Oh boo hoo, yet another broke operation wants billions from Henry “Dollar Bill” Paulson: the state of California! MORE »

BLACK DOGS HAVE NAMES LIKE HOPEY, WHEREAS WHITE DOGS ARE OLD AND CONFUSED: For your consideration, here are the front and back covers of an elitist anti-Christian magazine called Nature. [Gawker]

Let this mark the first time in American History that Wonkette used the exact real-world news headline as the funny comedy news headline. Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Facehead” for the find. [CNN Wire]

Ha ha, here is the latest New Yorker cover, which proves Sarah Palin is an idiot. Tina Fey should get royalties. Speaking of New Yorkers, did you people know you can get your picture taken with Palin and some fake dead thing? [New Yorker]

HA HA HA we are posting this picture because it’s funny. Apparently Larry King is interviewing, whatsisname, King Ahmad of France. On the teevee. So, CONTEST: Everyone design a Blingee for this photo, e-mail a link to the finished product to tips@wonkette.com (subject line: “LARRY KING ES HALF-BREED MUSLIN”), and we’ll post the best one at some point so you can be “famous.” [The Page]