• BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT OF FUNDRAISING: Obama raised $51 million in July, compared to John McCain’s $27 million. The Republican National Committee still has way more cash on hand than its Democratic counterpart, however, because the Democrats are spending all their money on beer and weed. [AP]

Oh ho ho: “According to an analysis of campaign contributions by the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics, Democrat Barack Obama has received nearly six times as much money from troops deployed overseas at the time of their contributions than has Republican John McCain, and the fiercely anti-war Ron Paul, though he suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination months ago, has received more than four times McCain’s haul.” Wow. Barack Obama hates American troops so much that he takes all of their money! [OpenSecrets via AMERICAblog]

Hey so here is something funny: That Harry Sargeant fellow — the one who has been raising massive riches for John McCain from a variety of shady, penniless sources — was in the Delta Lambda chapter of the Pi Kappa Alpha frat at Florida State, where he was the “brother” of Charlie Crist and partook in the straightest activities ever. Would you like to see some old frat pictures of Charlie Crist playing football in what looks like a pair of long white panties? No? What about Charlie Crist in a magical crown and cape? Follow us on a wonderful journey into the land of gay rapist facial hair — in other words, Florida in the 70s. MORE »

The other day we mentioned Hillary Clinton’s latest attempt to win back $11 million of her $109 million fortune, the “Have Dinner With Hillary” contest. Today, Bill Clinton sent out another e-mail about the contest, and it’s gross. He writes, “Of all the people I’ve had the privilege to break bread with, the person I most enjoy is still Hillary.” Then: “Trust me on this one. If you’re the lucky winner, it will be a night you’ll really enjoy and one to remember.” Bill, as much as we’d like Hillary to roofie us, how are we supposed to “trust you on this one” when you’ve just lied by saying that you still enjoy Hillary? Full e-mail, after the jump. MORE »

Old Hillary Clinton has sent out another weird e-mail begging for money to cover her campaign debt. She will take you and a guest out to dinner! Hillary writes, “Summer is a time for simple pleasures: family vacations, baseball games, and dinner out under the stars. At least it is if you aren’t running for president!” Oh Jesus… Grandma’s sneaked her way into the scotch cabinet again. [Hillz]

There has been some speculation and anti-speculation that John McCain will pick his vice president this week, and that it will be Mitt Romney because why not. The timing of McCain’s announcement is particularly important, because it will be the only chance he has of getting decent press coverage ever. What if he announces it on the same day Obama breaks a fingernail or goes to the gym SEVEN times! The McCain campaign dreads something of this nature. Anyway, Mittens has sent out a fundraising plea to the 4-5 people remaining on his e-mail list on behalf of John McCain, so perhaps this means something! About the future! MORE »

Wonkette Fundraising Operative “Neville” sends us this sad screencap from CNN.com that reveals the true state of Barack Obama’s finances. He has officially raised enough money to buy one gallon of gas and a pack of Old Golds.

Few things brighten your Wonkette’s day more than a fresh new e-mail from McCain’s figurehead campaign manager, Rick Davis, announcing some lame new fundraising schtick. Today he informed us that the campaign would launch “McCain Aces II,” an exclusive club for rich Fat Cats who donate over $25. It’s a follow up to the original “McCain Aces” group that Davis claims was “popular,” even though that contradicts the basic fact that no one ever fucking knew it existed. MORE »

Check out the e-mail Hillary Clinton sent us this morning: “In May, Chelsea announced our ‘Project T-Shirt’ contest, and I never imagined we would have such an outpouring of support and great designs. …If you contribute $50 today you’ll get a t-shirt with the winning design and continue to help me pay down our campaign debt.” Some PUMA person is freaking about the deadline for retiring Hillary’s campaign debt being tomorrow, which is about the only logical explanation for her team selling this piece of shit-on-cloth for $50. Coming tomorrow: buy a pebble Hillary Clinton found on the side of I-95 for only $2,300! [Hillary Clinton]

The saddest thing about Hillary Clinton dropping out of the presidential race was the prospect that we might never again see a news story about the hilarious wankocracy that was Team Clinton. But hurrah, her campaign lives on, in the form of her campaign debt, which will never be retired because Obama’s people are so MEAN. MORE »

Littlest candidate John McCain has had a lot of trouble raising money, because Republicans don’t like him and everybody knows he’s going to lose, but he finally had some “good news” today on the money front: Team McCain raised $21.5 million in May, which is the best-ever monthly take for Walnuts … and still only half of Barack Obama’s monthly average of $40 million. [Los Angeles Times]