fundraising
Morgan Stanley Offers Its Employees an In-House Chance To Fluff Mitt Romney
We don’t know how this stuff is legal, but man oh man, is it ever legal. (Or maybe it isn’t, which doesn’t mean they won’t get away with it.) In any event, everyone clear off your schedules for the morning of July 9, when a party crash will be in order. Via TPM: In an [...]
Nation Opens Hearts, Wallets To Console Mitt Romney On SCOTUS Upholding His Health Plan
The summary un-upholding of Obamacare was the conservative wet dream. So what happens to a rage boner deferred, exactly? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or does it log on to mittromney.com for the sweet release of spending Obama away? Mitt’s next FEC filing will show the latter to indubitably be [...]
Trusty Surrogate John McCain Talks About All That ‘Foreign Money’ Funding Romney Campaign
His lordship St. John McCain is all over the place this week, yelling about popcorn and pigs, on Twitter, demanding leak investigations, whining about how Obama never called him, and, well, how about a little rant about campaign finance now to top off the week? What does McCain, a top Mitt Romney surrogate, think about [...]
Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’
Each day is an adventure for Mike Huckabee. Some days he’s all happy and a-slappin’ the bass and whizzing off churchy jokes to his elderly fan base, other days he’s angry as a constipated cockatoo in search of the great release. (Other days he is a leading possibility for President of the United States of [...]
Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map
The esteemed KARL ROVE & CO. firm is out with its first electoral map of the season, and whoo boy does it show some kinda landslide for Barack Obama, giving him approximately 700 electoral votes. Really, Karl? South Carolina as a toss-up? South Carolina only does two things, and it does them well: voting against [...]
For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth [...]
SarahPAC Pulls Off Another Banner Quarter of Grift
Sarah Palin’s SarahPAC, which is not a slush fund at all but a pool of money to support principled conservative politicians, made all sorts of money in Q12012. Which lucky ducky congressional candidates were the recipients of America’s most unpopular political person’s largesse? The most sizable sums this time went to “go fuck yourself” and [...]
Cocky Elizabeth Warren Just Spiking Football, Forwarding Scott Brown’s Fundraising Emails Verbatim
Following a first-quarter fundraising haul in which she doubled sexy human bear rug Scott Brown’s take, everyone’s favorite plainspoken Minnesota Girl Scout troop leader Harvard professor/US Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren is just cold clicking “forward” on Brown’s latest sad fundraising email and sending it on to all her supporters, while doubled over laughing. Penalty! Penalty! [...]
Gingrich Makes Sad, Cheap Campaign Ad to Prove He Needs Money
Vainglorious turd blossom Newt Gingrich is running out of wealthy dupes to write him checks allowing him to prolong his hilariously doomed book-tour candidacy, so he is out with a tragic new campaign ad, which as one can see from the screen grab mostly features Newt begging for treats like a dazed zoo seal performing [...]
Scott Walker Bravely Flees Wisconsin on Recall Petition Deadline Day
Organizers of Wisconsin’s effort to recall remorseless demon Scott Walker from office are said to be dumping three thousand pounds of petition signatures off with election officials today per the collection deadline, hooray! Scott Walker is taking the news exactly like the comical cartoon villain that he is, and he immediately flew to New York [...]
Nancy Pelosi Shamelessly Tries To Cash In On Occupy Wall Street
The Democratic Party is still not entirely sure what to do with this “Occupy Wall Street” stuff beyond allowing for a few cautious statements from one or another “liberal” member of Congress let out of the pen for a few minutes to say something to the effect of “it’s possible people might be somewhat fed [...]
Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To
Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is [...]
Michele Bachmann Thinks Her Dirty Autograph Is Worth $125
This is a screen capture from the exciting beggar’s epistle that arrived in our inbox today from Michele Bachmann! See it there at the bottom, that last sentence? Right, so here’s our question: does this mean Michele Bachmann would actually, personally write “Thank you, Jism! Love, Michele” in one of her vulgar vampire fiction books [...]
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