Will Sarah Palin appear at a fancy fundraiser tonight for the National Republican Congressional Committee and the National Republican Senatorial Committee? No way in hell, unless she changes her mind! First she was invited to headline at the event, and she said yes, but then she said no because she was so “overexposed,” so events organizers booked Newt Gingrich instead because Newt Frigging Gingrich is a less “controversial” speaker. But the drama was just beginning! MORE »

WELL THAT IS CERTAINLY ONE WAY TO RAISE MONEY FOR A CAMPAIGN: History proves that there is no faster way to accumulate quick cash than by setting up a cocaine ring. (Thanks to “Dip from Philly” for the tip.) [Politics PA]

All right, Jonathan Martin, you WIN THE NIGHT and ALSO THE FOLLOWING MORNING for this explosive exclusive thing on a truly boneheaded scheme to foster some sort of political alliance between the Clintons and Sarah Palin. The perpetrator: John Coale, prominent Palin pal, husband of Greta Van Susteren, and Clinton supporter who got his panties in a bunch when Hillary didn’t win the nomination. The victim: Sarah Palin, who just wants to be left alone and limit huge public embarrassments to, say, a mere thrice-weekly occurrence. MORE »

As eternal punishment for sending him $50 one night last summer, when you were drunk, Barack Obama sends a new email every day, demanding more money, for god knows what. Sometimes he makes Michelle send it, or David Plouffe, or Al Gore, or Joe Biden, or even Bill Clinton. As long as the email goes out with a famous political name in the From: spot, that’s good enough for Mr. Online Marketing. MORE »

If there’s one thing the Clintons have absolutely zero compunctions about, it’s raising money to fund their Presidential porn collections, nefarious parking-lot murder plots, and cynical seduction of “hard-working white Americans.” So it’s kind of amazing that Hillary Clinton isn’t just sending out her own goddamn fundraising letters and leaving our precious Barry and Joe out of her shameful shillery, but there you have it: Vice President-elect Joe Biden is issuing a fundraising appeal for the Secretary of State-to-be, who needs dollars to pay off the “hard-working individuals and small businesses” (read: Mark Penn and the Bilderberg Group) who helped her tour Florida and Michigan shouting about DISENFRANCHISEMENT long after she’d lost any realistic hope of winning the Democratic nomination. MORE »

The 2008 Georgia Senate runoff — the single most important election since Clinton/Dole — is happening December 2nd, which is technically “tomorrow,” although that can’t possibly be true — it always sounded like something that would be “a few weeks away,” permanently. But it’s tomorrow and [Democrat] will probably lose to ol’ Saxby “Tit Clown” Chambliss. MORE »

For veritable days we have been racking our brains, trying to figure out why Hillary Clinton would be interested in a Secretary of State position. It ain’t exactly a stepping stone to the presidency, and in her beloved Senate she can be her own boss and work on all those domestic things she loves so much, like imposing a Canadian-Marxist healthcare regime on America. Well, now we have the answer! What might motivate Hillary Clinton now is the thing that has always motivated the Clintons: money. (And the desire to serve, of course! And cracklins.) MORE »

Let’s quickly recap the weird history of the Clintons and Barack Obama. Bill Clinton was the first black president, and then Hillary Clinton was going to be the second black president. Barack Obama came along and decided he should be the second/first black president, and Hillary Clinton spent millions and millions of dollars running against him. After she dropped out of the race, she campaigned tirelessly for the same person she had campaigned against, maybe sorta kinda hoping he would help with her campaign debt, but nope, Obama and his people aren’t helping at all. This is just a “mild annoyance” for her, that he won’t help her raise nearly $8 million she still owes to Mark Penn. MORE »

Hmm… our secret money robot models are indicating high counterparty risk in this potential transaction? Oh what the hell, we’ll throw a cool $2 trillion at this McCain victory fund and get one of them there credit dee-fault swaps from, uh, McDonald’s. [FiveThirtyEight]

Since Barack Obama has a full 137.99% of the entire world’s supply of dollars, John McCain now finds himself at a financial disadvantage! He’s stuck with a pauper’s sum of $84 million in [*aristocratic shudder*] “public” funds, which is what Joe the Plumber makes in one hour. In other words, John McCain now knows what it’s like to be a Welfare Queen, and it’s not as fun as Ronald Reagan made it out to be. What’s a broke presidential nominee to do when he can’t legally raise funds for his campaign, accept private donations above $2,300, or accept donations from foreigners? Answer: raise funds for his campaign by asking Russians to privately donate $5,000 sums which he will accept. Do loopholes justify this? Eh, maybe, but when you get caught doing this sort of thing it’s safer to just call it a mistake. MORE »

Barack Obama raised $150,000,000 (pronounced “eleventy billion dollars”) in September from ACORN, William Ayers, radical leftists with an extreme pro-abortion agenda, and a smattering of overseas hooligans. In fact, over 3.1 million radical leftist traitors have now contributed to Obama’s campaign! Now that the Democratic candidate is flush with cash he can advertise whenever he wants to, buy a few extra planes, and cast the withered husk of John McCain’s lifelong dreams in bronze. MORE »