Tag Archives: fundraising

  Alert Chromeland Security

Anti-Abortion Group Vows To Rebuild After Tragic Glitter Bombing

It starts with glitter...but escalates to streamers and balloons
As if you needed any further proof that there are extremists on both side of the abortion issue, consider the recent heinous attack launched on the anti-abortion website “LifeNews,” which was hit last week with a full-scale assault of glitter mailed in a letter. But it was threatening terrorist glitter, and proof that Both Sides Do It, although one side has been a bit more partial to firebombing clinics and shooting doctors, nurses, and receptionists dead. Read more on Anti-Abortion Group Vows To Rebuild After Tragic Glitter Bombing…
  Behind every strong congressman is a even stronger Jonathon

Aaron Schock Spending Tax Moneys On Hot Male Personal Photographer. Totally Normal.

My goodness, America’s Top Heterosexual Congresscritter is in the news so much lately! We’ve gone from Not Gay Downton Abbey office to gayest ethics complaint ever to racist spokesgoon having to resign for being racist spokesgoon, all in the space of a week, and apparently Aaron is not done Shaking It Off, because here comes more! Read more on Aaron Schock Spending Tax Moneys On Hot Male Personal Photographer. Totally Normal….
  He will pander you women so hard

Wendy Davis Opponent Greg Abbott Will So Give Women Money For Health Care, And Probably Shooooooes

Hey, what's missing from this press conference about women's health care?
Greg Abbott at the St. Joseph’s Women’s Medical Center/Photo by Teddy Schleifer, Houston Chronicle Do you see anything missing in this Houston Chron picture of Greg Abbott, announcing how much he loves ladies’ health? No? Us either. The Republican, running against Wendy Davis for Texas governor, wants voters to know abortion-loving Wendy Davis isn’t the only candidate who cares about the ladies and their lady health whatever care. He is the REAL feminist, after all. In fact, as he previously told us, “there is nobody in the state of Texas who has done more to fight to help women than I have in the past decade.” And we totally definitely absolutely (do not actually in any way) believe him! Read more on Wendy Davis Opponent Greg Abbott Will So Give Women Money For Health Care, And Probably Shooooooes…
  Oy Gevalt

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well
Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it’s plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: “Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews.” And mercy, his dudgeon is set at a high level indeed: Read more on Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats…
  not what 'fight the power' was actually about

North Carolina Congressional Freshman Declares Barack Obama Terrorist Enemy Number One

We aren’t even sure that it’s news any more when a Republican says that the President of the United States is the worstest most horrible person ever, because that is like printed on GOP letterhead by now, isn’t it? Still, this seems like maybe it’s a new click of the old “He’s not one of us!” hyperbole ratchet, possibly: North Carolina Congressn00b Robert Pittenger has sent out a fundraising letter warning that the POTUS is actually an enemy of the United States of America: You see, I am already on the front lines, taking seriously my oath of office: to defend the U.S. Constitution — and you and your fellow Americans — against all enemies, foreign and domestic. And for that I am being attacked from all sides, including from my fellow Republicans. My friend, make no mistake, Barack Obama is Enemy Number One! Is this new? Maybe just a teensy step over the line? Honestly, we think it might actually be a novelty, in that it’s not some blogger somewhere, but an actual member of Congress, the guy who chairs the Congressional Terrorism Task Force, who’s saying not merely that Obama should be impeached, but that he is an actual enemy of the nation, and a worse enemy than, say, al Qaeda. Correct us if we’re wrong, but that feels like a new one. Read more on North Carolina Congressional Freshman Declares Barack Obama Terrorist Enemy Number One…
  yeah that's gonna happen

Rand Paul Wants Dems To Give Back All Their Filthy Bill Clinton Sex Money

Sen. Rand Paul is just sick of the Democrats doing war on women by tolerating the continued existence of Bill Clinton, the sexual predator who had a consensual affair with a lady who worked for him (this is the only real instance of workplace sexual harassment in history, according to Republicans). And so he is calling on all Democrats who have ever raised money with Clinton to return it immediately to protest the notorious anti-woman blowjobs of 20 years ago. Seems reasonable! Read more on Rand Paul Wants Dems To Give Back All Their Filthy Bill Clinton Sex Money…
  elp elp e's being repressed!

Mean Old ‘The Media’ (Wonkette) Is Oppressing Cenk Uygur, Please Send Him Money To Dry His Tears

Well THAT escalated quickly! As you may recall, way back on Wednesday, we ran a brief story on Cenk Uygur’s supposedly shocking audio of D.C. Rep Eleanor Holmes Norton leaving a voicemail message for a lobbyist and asking for money. Brazen! Unbelievable corruption! “Where’s my bribe?” Legalized bribery! We pointed out that the story originally broke in 2010, and that we laughed at it back then. We asked, Does anybody besides Cenk Uygur hear extortion here? We hear maybe a little entitlement? Like, her disbelieving laugh that she hasn’t been offered contributions while her colleagues have? and we made fun of the “robot taco death march” closed captions. WELL! Turns out that Cenk Uygur was NOT PLEASED! Read more on Mean Old ‘The Media’ (Wonkette) Is Oppressing Cenk Uygur, Please Send Him Money To Dry His Tears…
  everything old is old again

Republican SuperPAC Has Exciting New Hillary-Slapping Game And More Fun From Last Decade

Get ready for lots of ’90s nostalgia if Hillary Clinton gets the 2016 Democratic nomination. It’s already underway, as a Republican superPAC, “The Hillary Project” has recycled this hilarious “Slap Hillary” game on its website. The game allows the viewer to administer a slap to a cartoon Hillary or to hear one of two brief audio clips that the producers must think are inflammatory. And as Buzzfeed notes, it was created in 2000, but the Hillary Project site “began spamming reporters to its existence Monday with the tweet ‘Have you slapped Hillary today?’” Oh, and did we mention the cartoon Hillary figure is wearing a pink pantsuit? This is cutting-edge political satire, kids. Read more on Republican SuperPAC Has Exciting New Hillary-Slapping Game And More Fun From Last Decade…
  the vetting

BREAKING: Obama’s Campaign Site Rejects Fraudulent Donation

Today’s right-wing Obama-is-a-foreigner thing is the startling revelation that, theoretically, Barack Obama could be accepting campaign donations from foreign nationals. Short version: Barack Obama does not own the Obama.com domain name. Some (American) dude in China does. It autoforwards to a donation page on BarackObama.com, which Barack Obama owns. Foreigners can access Obama.com through nefarious means such as web browsers, which probably means that all of Obama’s money is raised from his half-siblings in Kenya and Indonesia. But how to prove this is happening? The campaign denies it, of course, as liars would. So leave it to intrepid pile of moist journalism Erick Erickson to investigate. And by investigate, we mean attempt credit card fraud. Read more on BREAKING: Obama’s Campaign Site Rejects Fraudulent Donation…
  munnies

Morgan Stanley Offers Its Employees an In-House Chance To Fluff Mitt Romney

We don’t know how this stuff is legal, but man oh man, is it ever legal. (Or maybe it isn’t, which doesn’t mean they won’t get away with it.) In any event, everyone clear off your schedules for the morning of July 9, when a party crash will be in order. Via TPM: In an email sent to employees on June 11, with the subject line “an invitation to meet with Mitt Romney,” a group of Morgan Stanley executives said they were “writing to invite you to a breakfast on July 9 in support of Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts and Republican nominee for President of the [U]nited [S]tates.” This is so exciting! We’re going to wear five pairs of pants. Read more on Morgan Stanley Offers Its Employees an In-House Chance To Fluff Mitt Romney…
  provide me services

Nation Opens Hearts, Wallets To Console Mitt Romney On SCOTUS Upholding His Health Plan

The summary un-upholding of Obamacare was the conservative wet dream. So what happens to a rage boner deferred, exactly? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or does it log on to mittromney.com for the sweet release of spending Obama away? Mitt’s next FEC filing will show the latter to indubitably be the case! Read more on Nation Opens Hearts, Wallets To Console Mitt Romney On SCOTUS Upholding His Health Plan…
  ban money

Trusty Surrogate John McCain Talks About All That ‘Foreign Money’ Funding Romney Campaign

His lordship St. John McCain is all over the place this week, yelling about popcorn and pigs, on Twitter, demanding leak investigations, whining about how Obama never called him, and, well, how about a little rant about campaign finance now to top off the week? What does McCain, a top Mitt Romney surrogate, think about Sheldon Adelson, the guy footing the bill for Mitt Romney this year? “Much of Mr. Adelson’s casino profits that go to him come from his casino in Macau, which says that obviously, maybe in a roundabout way foreign money is coming into an American political campaign.” Ha ha, he just suggested that Romney’s candidacy is built on foreign money. How does John McCain have so few friends? Sorry, he wasn’t finished: “…We have to have a limit on the flow of money and corporations are not people.” Ohhhhhhhh Walnuts! Read more on Trusty Surrogate John McCain Talks About All That ‘Foreign Money’ Funding Romney Campaign…
  people who are still alive

Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’

Each day is an adventure for Mike Huckabee. Some days he’s all happy and a-slappin’ the bass and whizzing off churchy jokes to his elderly fan base, other days he’s angry as a constipated cockatoo in search of the great release. (Other days he is a leading possibility for President of the United States of America, but hopefully those days are over.) What’s his fucking problem now? Something about “morally repugnant political whores,” one of the more redundant phrases out there. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’…
  wonkette geography seminars

Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map

The esteemed KARL ROVE & CO. firm is out with its first electoral map of the season, and whoo boy does it show some kinda landslide for Barack Obama, giving him approximately 700 electoral votes. Really, Karl? South Carolina as a toss-up? South Carolina only does two things, and it does them well: voting against Kenyans and seceding from Unions, and they won’t secede from this Union until they get another chance to vote against this Kenyan. Read more on Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map…
  how many chickens?

For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth of healthcare premiums. The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat as well as yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August. But wait! There’s more! Read more on For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration…
 

SarahPAC Pulls Off Another Banner Quarter of Grift

Sarah Palin’s SarahPAC, which is not a slush fund at all but a pool of money to support principled conservative politicians, made all sorts of money in Q12012. Which lucky ducky congressional candidates were the recipients of America’s most unpopular political person’s largesse? The most sizable sums this time went to “go fuck yourself” and “it’s all mine, suckers,” unlike previous quarters when the tight swing-district candidates “ha ha ha you idiots donated money to my PAC” and “I’m swimming in a Grand Canyon full of your cash” received the largest infusions. Politico has the shocking news: “Sarah Palin’s political action committee raised $388,000 in the first three months of the year, but it spent $418,000 and didn’t give a dime to any candidates — which is the purported purpose of the PAC.” Read more on SarahPAC Pulls Off Another Banner Quarter of Grift…
  so hard for it honey

Cocky Elizabeth Warren Just Spiking Football, Forwarding Scott Brown’s Fundraising Emails Verbatim

Following a first-quarter fundraising haul in which she doubled sexy human bear rug Scott Brown’s take, everyone’s favorite plainspoken Minnesota Girl Scout troop leader Harvard professor/US Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren is just cold clicking “forward” on Brown’s latest sad fundraising email and sending it on to all her supporters, while doubled over laughing. Penalty! Penalty! Excessive celebrating! Um, 15 yards or something? Here, let us brighten our morning by excessively celebrating too! Read more on Cocky Elizabeth Warren Just Spiking Football, Forwarding Scott Brown’s Fundraising Emails Verbatim…
  tearjerkers

Gingrich Makes Sad, Cheap Campaign Ad to Prove He Needs Money

Vainglorious turd blossom Newt Gingrich is running out of wealthy dupes to write him checks allowing him to prolong his hilariously doomed book-tour candidacy, so he is out with a tragic new campaign ad, which as one can see from the screen grab mostly features Newt begging for treats like a dazed zoo seal performing his one trick “standing around seeming visionary” for Callista’s smartphone camera. Humiliating video after the jump! Read more on Gingrich Makes Sad, Cheap Campaign Ad to Prove He Needs Money…
  sounds about right

Scott Walker Bravely Flees Wisconsin on Recall Petition Deadline Day

Organizers of Wisconsin’s effort to recall remorseless demon Scott Walker from office are said to be dumping three thousand pounds of petition signatures off with election officials today per the collection deadline, hooray! Scott Walker is taking the news exactly like the comical cartoon villain that he is, and he immediately flew to New York City to hide/sob among his only friends, filthy aging kleptocrats. And, of course, to beg for their money. UPDATE: Bwahahahaha, recall organizers just announced they are turning in ONE MILLION SIGNATURES, twice as many as are needed to force a recall election and nearly one quarter of the state’s entire voting population. Read more on Scott Walker Bravely Flees Wisconsin on Recall Petition Deadline Day…
  why didn't she think of this before

Nancy Pelosi Shamelessly Tries To Cash In On Occupy Wall Street

The Democratic Party is still not entirely sure what to do with this “Occupy Wall Street” stuff beyond allowing for a few cautious statements from one or another “liberal” member of Congress let out of the pen for a few minutes to say something to the effect of “it’s possible people might be somewhat fed up with a few things going on these days, like being poor despite working three jobs, maybe?” while studiously avoiding mention of the influence of Wall Street oligarchs in government or the actual uprising of thousands of angry Americans or the vicious police brutality against them. (Bernie Sanders and Dennis Kucinich are the only real exceptions.) But surely, OWS must be also be “good for something,” politically speaking, besides embarrassing the Democrats into looking like a bunch of establishment ninnies as beholden to the incessant demands of kleptocrats as the Republicans? Nancy Pelosi has an idea about that! It’s “fundraising,” to make sure the DCCC doesn’t miss out on any of the outrage dollars that might flow forth after a recent memo surfaced showing nervous conservatives plotting to discredit OWS leaders. She can’t quite bring herself to actually soil her email plea with the words “Occupy Wall Street,” though, why is that? Read more on Nancy Pelosi Shamelessly Tries To Cash In On Occupy Wall Street…
  tone deaf

On ‘Day of Action,’ White House Wants You To Buy Their Beer Koozies

Is there “some stuff” going on in the country today, maybe? Sure, a few things, like shopping day with Joe Biden! Here for example from some freshly-arrived Barack Obama re-election campaign spam promoting their online store is this convenient beer koozie with Joe’s goofy grinning mug on it. And what’s the “best part” of showing your support by using the Internet to purchase cheap crap, according to the email? “You won’t have to fight the crowds, or even leave home.” See, nice ‘n safe! Read more on On ‘Day of Action,’ White House Wants You To Buy Their Beer Koozies…
  former frontrunners

Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To

Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is a dumb Texan governor who will do whatever he’s told by the oil companies, but these days not even his alleged supporters will give him any money. Read more on Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To…