Tag: fundraisers

Red Cross Can’t Tell You How They Spend Your Money Because Then They’d Have To Kill You

Unless you have some philosophical objection to reading any news whatsoever about charities, you are likely aware that the Red Cross is sometimes kinda skeevy with the bazillions of dollars they take in, like when they received giant gobs...

This Month’s Bake Sale And Topless Car Wash Fundraiser: Help Wonket Buy Doktor Zoom!

Help us buy Doktor Zoom what? A PONY? No. Just help us buy Doktor Zoom. If you, the Wonkers, buy Doktor Zoom for us, we promise to brush him and feed him and walk him every day. Just think...

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It's about time...

Romney Campaign Throws Fancy Party on Cayman Island Yacht

"Romney Party Yacht Flies Cayman Islands Flag," reads the headline! Now that your idiot Wonkette blogger has wasted the last 90 minutes trying to determine with other Twitter people if it's a Cayman or Bermuda flag -- it's a...

Obama ‘Basketball’ Fund-Raiser Will Be Full Of Terrible Famous Black Millionaires, Also Hip-Hop, Probably Too

Barack Obama likes basketball, and so will hold a basketball-themed fundraiser. (Presumably he will do other stereotypically black things, like hold a massive rummage sale for his giant stockpile of old Alizé.) The Washington Free Bacon is covering this...

Obama Campaign To Sell Massive Amount of Drugs at ‘The Wire’ Fundraiser

Everyone likes The Wire! You like it, the critics like it, and all white people really just can't get enough of it. President Obama has called it his favorite show. Well shucks, why not just throw a The Wire-themed...

Dick Cheney To Shoot At Mitt Romney For Fundraising Stunt

Poor Mitt Romney, the sadnesses keep piling atop sadnesses, until all the sadness is drained, and there is nothing. Just a few days ago he was enjoying a lil' R&R at the actual ancient forest palace that he owns....

Jay Carney Insists That The President Wasn’t Being Playfully Booed

We all know that Boston sports fans are a bunch of half-literate swamp turds who make all sorts of furious, guttural moaning sounds whenever you mention the athletic teams they're supposed to like. So were those boos last night...

Mitt Romney Won’t Cancel Tacky Vegas Vow Renewal With Trump

Mitt Romney has announced that he will not be canceling his hot Las Vegas dinner date fundraiser with washed-up nut sack Donald Trump just because Donald Trump has been having birther "episodes" in the press -- this time that...

Donald Trump Gave Ann Romney A Pretty Horsey Cake

Hey, what's tackier than constructing a nauseating black-and-gold skyscraper in New York City dedicated to your weenie? Nothing. But check out this children's cake that sparkly bronze television choad Donald Trump and his wife, Mrs. Wife, gave Ann Romney...

McCain Throwing Party For Broke Bachmann Just For Something To Do

Despite his glowing endorsement of both Mitt Romney and Mitt's opponent Barack Obama back in January, John McCain has decided to switch to the other other other team and help out Michele Bachmann, who is broke, by hosting a...

Go Party With RNC Chairman Reince Priebus WEDNESDAY! (UPDATED)

UPDATE: This event is actually on WEDNESDAY, people familiar with the Gregorian calendar inform us. SO, uh, there's still time! If the funeral you were planning to attend tonight Wednesday has been unexpectedly postponed, won't you join RNC Chairman Reince...

Here Is Cranky Sarah Palin In A Muu-Muu Yelling At Olds

Wow. This is a very acerbic Sarah Palin dressed up in a classic batshit old hag "leopard print muu-muu, beehive and spectacles" ensemble as she practically snarls at the retirement home folk who were bussed in to nap through...

On the Ground At Barack Obama’s Birthday/Ramadan Festival

President Obama is celebrating his birthday tonight, with Jennifer Hudson and those treadmill-dancing fellows. He is doing this in Chicago, so your Wonkette decided to give up a perfectly good Wednesday evening to try to go hear Rahm Emanuel...

Sensitive Obama Bans Reporter Who Took Embarrassing Video of Him

Remember this? Well somebody must have turned very red! And then he got a little angry: White House officials have banished one of the best political reporters in the country from the approved pool of journalists covering presidential visits to...

Obama Forced To Listen To People Sing About How Terrible He Is

President Obama held a fundraiser in San Francisco yesterday, and, would you believe it, some people don't like the fact that he hasn't honored his campaign promises! Slow-working security guys failed to wrangle a group of protestors at the...