NEWS SHOCKER: Meg Stapleton, holder of the World’s Worst Job as spokeswoman for an increasingly fragile and erratic unemployed publicity hound, had to once again explain at the very last minute how Sarah Palin would not be headlining an event that the event organizers thought she would be headlining. This happens every five days or so, so Meg should probably just have some boilerplate text cooked up to explain these embarrassing incidents. MORE »

Riddle us this, finance experts: why would you go to all the trouble of (allegedly) forging a bunch of documents in order to get a $74 million loan and then repay the loan all quick-like once it became clear that Johnny Law was onto you? So much effort for a bunch of money you apparently didn’t need so badly anyway! MORE »

That President Obama sure knows how to throw a party! Last night he entertained 250 of his favorite famous friends, plus “the entire Avant family” which we have never heard of, at a swank Beverly Hills fundraiser that featured coked-out midgets on swings and flying horse tricks. MORE »

Arlen Specter, what’s up with that guy, right. He’s a Democrat now! And being a Democrat means you have to do terrible abortion things in Hollywood, all the time, with Muslims: “Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) will make his debut appearance this evening at a national Dem event since switching parties. Specter will join Pres. Obama at the Beverly Hilton in LA for a DNC fundraiser… It marks his first outing with Obama — and with Jennifer Hudson, we should note. The Academy Award winner will sing at the event. As will Earth, Wind and Fire.” And it only costs $1,000 to $2,500 to attend! Or if you’re super rich like Tom Cruise and the famous Movie Stars, there’s “another dinner” for, uh, $30,400 (but it’s a DEAL because that’s the PER COUPLE price.) [Hotline]

Wednesday, March 25: Ladies, perhaps this will give your man some incentive to go to the ballet with you: the Washington Ballet Studios is throwing a “Beer and Ballet” event tonight. Watch the Jete Society’s performance of Peter Pan, drink beer and eat peanuts. Classy. $35, 6:30PM. [Washington Post] MORE »

Thursday, March 19: There will be delicious cocktails and hors d’ oeuvres at Bread for the City’s big fund raising event, “Art with a Heart.” Simply pay the $200 ticket, and you’re in. 6PM at the Capitol Hilton. [BFC] MORE »

No, alas, this isn’t the much-anticipated “Whitey” tape where George Bush sits in an Afghan cave with Louis Farrakhan spewing racist garbage. (That’ll be out next week.) A newly surfaced video shows our president making some jokes at a recent fundraiser for Pete Olson. Who’s that, you ask? Olson is the Texas Republican who beat Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs in a hard-fought primary, thereby strangling in its crib one of the most glorious political ascensions since … well, the last incompetent fraud from Texas. MORE »

Down is up, up is down, and two plus two is five. In other news, Hillary Clinton had people rolling on the floor of the Hilton ballroom in New York City as she gave a brief, entertaining speech, while Barack Obama gave a “more sedate and lengthy” address full of boring policy crap. Oh God oh God oh God the world has gone MAD, those 18 million voters were right after all and Barack Obama is Nixon in a pantsuit. MORE »

Last night, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and a couple hundred of their wealthiest friends gathered at the beautiful Mayflower Hotel in Washington to talk about how Hillary could be pope if she wanted to, but she doesn’t, and instead she will serve the nation by collecting money to retire her gigundous campaign debt. MORE »

America, Hillary Clinton needs your help. In a new video released from her underground bunker in Chappaqua, she talks about how awesome it was to meet you all in rope lines. Meanwhile, a big red CONTRIBUTE button looms nearby. It is like this lady wants money or something. [HillaryClinton.com]

Ever since John McCain pissed all over Mitt Romney in a debate, and even before then, Mormons haven’t taken kindly to the foul-mouthed, unhandsome, twice-married atheist grumpus. So it’s no surprise that McCain might get a lukewarm reception at a couple of Utah fundraisers — even when they feature big draws like George Bush and Mitt Romney. Hilarious details about McCain’s Epic Utah Fail, after the jump. MORE »