Unless you have some philosophical objection to reading any news whatsoever about charities, you are likely aware that the Red Cross is sometimes kinda skeevy with the bazillions of dollars they take in, like when they received giant gobs of 9/11 donations but then decided it was cool if local chapters kept the money instead. […]

Help us buy Doktor Zoom what? A PONY? No. Just help us buy Doktor Zoom. If you, the Wonkers, buy Doktor Zoom for us, we promise to brush him and feed him and walk him every day. Just think about all the things you could make Zoom do if you owned him your very own […]

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It’s about time Karl Rove considered this, the murder of Todd Akin. Wasn’t it sort of obvious…?

“Romney Party Yacht Flies Cayman Islands Flag,” reads the headline! Now that your idiot Wonkette blogger has wasted the last 90 minutes trying to determine with other Twitter people if it’s a Cayman or Bermuda flag — it’s a Brian Ross report, after all — it does in fact appear to be the “other,” more […]

Barack Obama likes basketball, and so will hold a basketball-themed fundraiser. (Presumably he will do other stereotypically black things, like hold a massive rummage sale for his giant stockpile of old AlizĂ©.) The Washington Free Bacon is covering this event by doing the responsible journalism the Lamestream Media won’t, and exposing all of the tall, […]

Everyone likes The Wire! You like it, the critics like it, and all white people really just can’t get enough of it. President Obama has called it his favorite show. Well shucks, why not just throw a The Wire-themed fundraiser… on Martha’s Vineyard, with a $500 minimum contribution, keeping with the show’s spirit. Obama won’t […]

Poor Mitt Romney, the sadnesses keep piling atop sadnesses, until all the sadness is drained, and there is nothing. Just a few days ago he was enjoying a lil’ R&R at the actual ancient forest palace that he owns. Riding the boat, competitive nail hammering, all the summer activities that he loves, he was doing. […]

We all know that Boston sports fans are a bunch of half-literate swamp turds who make all sorts of furious, guttural moaning sounds whenever you mention the athletic teams they’re supposed to like. So were those boos last night when, at a Boston fundraiser, Obama “thanked” the Red Sox for trading their aging third baseman […]

Mitt Romney has announced that he will not be canceling his hot Las Vegas dinner date fundraiser with washed-up nut sack Donald Trump just because Donald Trump has been having birther “episodes” in the press — this time that he “knows” Barack Obama was born in Kenya — again. What is Romney supposed to do, […]

Hey, what’s tackier than constructing a nauseating black-and-gold skyscraper in New York City dedicated to your weenie? Nothing. But check out this children’s cake that sparkly bronze television choad Donald Trump and his wife, Mrs. Wife, gave Ann Romney at the birthday party they threw for her last night. That’s Ann, the Republican nominee for […]

Despite his glowing endorsement of both Mitt Romney and Mitt’s opponent Barack Obama back in January, John McCain has decided to switch to the other other other team and help out Michele Bachmann, who is broke, by hosting a fundraiser for the ex-never president and current and possible future congressional hologram. McCain will be paid […]

UPDATE: This event is actually on WEDNESDAY, people familiar with the Gregorian calendar inform us. SO, uh, there’s still time! If the funeral you were planning to attend tonight Wednesday has been unexpectedly postponed, won’t you join RNC Chairman Reince Priebus at his 40th Birthday Party/Fundraiser, in the Nation’s Capital? Priebus and buds are holding […]

Wow. This is a very acerbic Sarah Palin dressed up in a classic batshit old hag “leopard print muu-muu, beehive and spectacles” ensemble as she practically snarls at the retirement home folk who were bussed in to nap through her speech at Disneyworld. (And oh look, she’s standing behind a sign that is exactly one […]

President Obama is celebrating his birthday tonight, with Jennifer Hudson and those treadmill-dancing fellows. He is doing this in Chicago, so your Wonkette decided to give up a perfectly good Wednesday evening to try to go hear Rahm Emanuel yell some swears. This did not happen, and overall it was a very boring street gathering […]

Remember this? Well somebody must have turned very red! And then he got a little angry: White House officials have banished one of the best political reporters in the country from the approved pool of journalists covering presidential visits to the Bay Area for using now-standard multimedia tools to gather the news. The Chronicle’s Carla […]