Wonkette

Tree-destroying imperial corporation Hallmark recently decided to start selling same-sex wedding cards, because that’s something you can do in all of two (2) states now. In other words, the Hallmark company has just literally taken a piss on Jesus Christ’s tomb thingy. And guess who’s upset, yes, that’s correct, the mouth-breathing Fundies at the American Family Association, whose recent “Boycott McDonald’s” initiative produced some of the finest comedy in the history of the Internet. They have a petition site up now directed at Hallmark. “BoycottHallmark.com” doesn’t currently exist, but the AFA has bought the domain name and when it launches, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD let there be a comments section. [AFA, Examiner, Think Progress]

“Doctor” James Dobson’s hub of fundies, Focus on the Family, is worse than Hitler, Stalin, Chairman Mao, Lyndon Johnson and Senator-cum-Emperor freaking Palpatine combined, times a billion, squared, plus seven. While some “new-wave” fundies show potential to be not quite as awful — they care about poverty! — we still have to deal with the likes of Old Dobson and his minions, however muted they are these days, for like another 10 years before he hopefully dies, alone, one cell croaking painfully at a time. Look at these twats, now they are “praying for a deluge to drown out Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention in two weeks’ time.” They are asking for “abundant, torrential” downpours. And they’ve made a video for this! MORE »

Man, the Fundies sure have shown those queers at McDonald’s what happens when they start pushing the Gay Agenda: “CHICAGO–McDonald’s Corp said Friday that global sales at restaurants open at least 13 months rose 8 percent in July, as the key U.S. market posted its largest gain in five months.” A recession is not really a great time to affect change in the fast food industry with a boycott. Besides, we know all of these fat selfish mouth-breathers have been going to McDonald’s secretly, every day. [Reuters]

Oh man, this ad is so much better than “Celeb.” While that last one was creepy, this one is funny (or rather, “less creepy”), and expensive-looking, and has an upbeat soundtrack, and says all sorts of nice things about Barack Obama! Also, McCain *finally* admits that Barack Obama freed the Jews from Egypt back when he was a state senator in Illinois. MORE »

MAH JESUS BOOK DON’T NONE LIKE THIS: Oh heavens, first they came for our family, and then our hamburgers, and then our family again, and now our motorcars too: “Police in Manila are looking to convert their patrol cars to run on a mixture of diesel and used cooking oil from McDonald’s, officials and the company said Tuesday.” MCDONALD NOW YOU GITCHER HOMO OIL OUTTA MAH F-250 ELSE’N ISE FIXIN TA BOYCOTT MAH RIDE ‘N’ RUIN YER ECONOMETRICKS. [AFP/Breitbart]

So of course these mouth-breathers running the American Family Association’s “Boycott McDonald’s” program have a YouTube channel, how did it take us so long. Quick background for newcomers: a few Christian Fundamentalists are boycotting McDonald’s because this “restaurant” supports fags, the end. You can watch their funny one-minute trailer about Ronald McDonald molesting your children with his hamburgers, after the jump. MORE »

Honest St. John McCain sure keeps honest companies — lobbyist paramours, regular lobbyists who control every aspect of his campaign, and religious fundamentalists. First there was John Hagee, the anti-papist who McCain didn’t denounce for a long time; now we have Rod Parsley, a televangelist from Ohio. Mother Jones‘ David Corn has the full scoop on this guy, who McCain, “with Parsley by his side at the Cincinnati rally, called a ’spiritual guide.’” Interesting, since this guide likes to say that “Allah was a demon spirit.” MORE »

The Fundies are out to get Barack, and they have created a timeline of Barack’s Islamic Muslim life on the website MyChurch.org. It features some revealing insight into why Barack Obama, “Son of a Luo Tribesman,” plans on blowing up the White House in the name of Muslim Jesus. MORE »

Dr. President Rep. Ron Paul is visiting South Carolina’s famous fundy haven Bob Jones University today, and he will likely talk about his love of glistening fetuses. Is this a mere speech, or has BJU gone ‘tard? Because its president, Dr. Bob Jones III, “endorsed” Mitt Romney in October, and now the school’s distancing itself pretty hard from that one. MORE »