Tag Archives: fuckin’

  sex ed

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s required process for creating new human life forms: Read more on Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant…
  world of bullshit

Sarkozy-Bruni Affair Story Another ‘Internet Thought Experiment’

Hooray, basically all news is now just an experiment by some bored professor or newspaper intern to show that you, the person who reads shit on the Internet all day, will happily repeat and re-blog and re-tweet any fucking thing you hear or see, about anything, instantly, because that’s all people do in 2010. And that means your favorite president of France right now, Nicholas Sarkozy, and Wonkette’s favorite French singer right now (except for maybe Charlotte Gainsbourg), Carla Bruni, are still married and not known to be actually screwing around on each other yet. Read more on Sarkozy-Bruni Affair Story Another ‘Internet Thought Experiment’…
  still doesn't compare to jim gibbons

GOP Paid Son of John Ensign’s Mistress $5,400 During Era of Sexytime

We knew there had to be a “paying off some 19-year-old boy” aspect of this dull John Ensign story, and here it is: A Republican committee paid Nevada Senator John Ensign’s illicit girlfriend’s son $5,400 during the SAME EXACT TIME Ensign and the lady were humping. This teen-ager was given the dirty GOP money for “research policy consulting,” which is even more bogus-sounding that our business expenses. ALSO: Our friends at the Las Vegas Gleaner inform us that Ensign was putting his peen into this lady before he was legally separated from his wife. Read more on GOP Paid Son of John Ensign’s Mistress $5,400 During Era of Sexytime…
  america's dumb teenagers

Levi Johnston Will Maybe Marry That Bristol Gal, Later

Only six months ago, Levi Johnston was just another dumb kid in the Alaskan outback of tattoo parlors and Taco Bells, banging a cute high school girl whose mom was something or other down in Juneau — president, maybe? And then it turned out the high school girl was, in fact, knocked up, from the abstinence. And her mom was running for vice president, although it was pretty clear that she was angling for the top job, which she could maybe get after her try-anything enabler died of Extreme Old Age and Crankiness, on Inauguration Day, assuming those clowns could actually get elected, which they didn’t, thank christ. Anyway, ABC News went and chased down poor dumb Levi Johnston again, now that Bristol Palin has officially done what everyone in America expected her to do: dump his lame ass, and “sanctity of marriage” be damned along with anything else inconvenient for the Palin Regime. Read more on Levi Johnston Will Maybe Marry That Bristol Gal, Later…
 

Elizabeth Edwards Likes It Rough

Hey everybody, John Edwards is on the cover of Esquire magazine and that means there’s some kind of interview inside and … OMG so that’s how he broke her rib: “I hope this isn’t too personal,” I said to Edwards, “but I was reading about how Elizabeth discovered her cancer this second go-around. It was a broken rib, correct?” “Yes,” Edwards said. “The papers said you were hugging her — which is always nice to hear, a married guy hugging his wife. It must have been bizarre. What happened, you just hugged her and heard a snap?” “Maybe it is a little personal,” Edwards said, laughing self-consciously. Read more on Elizabeth Edwards Likes It Rough…