This quite possibly could trump “Dijon mustard” in the scandal rankings. Why does Barack Obama refuse to impeach himself for being Satan?

“With a large mainstream budget and dazzling special effects, ‘Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge’ is both an epic blockbuster for the ages, and a sexy, erotic adult film that consumers and distributors are fervent to get a hold of. ‘Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge’ is the most pre-ordered film in adult history and Digital Playground is easily maneuvering through the recession unscathed.” DIVERSIFY DIVERSIFY!! Here’s your vaguely-NSFW link. It looks so-so! [Pirate Porno Economy-Saver Movie]

Subject: A message for Alex on his way out
From: [redacted]@aol.com
Date: 10/3/2007 9:08 PM
To: tips@wonkette.com MORE »

In re. “icky obama campaign graphic”: “Make what kind of pledge? An interracial double-headed dildo banging pledge?” [BarackObama.com]

“Don’t know if this might be interest to you, but some vaguely familiar looking guy in a suit handed me his business card on the street right near the White House yesterday and told me I looked great and to call him. It took me by surprise, so I googled the name on the business card — Jack Burkman– and the search turned up his picture on some media pundit site and an article from Wonkette about him propositioning girls on MySpace.com and also for being on the DC Madam’s list. What a creep! Just thought you might like to know he’s still at it (in front of the WH and in broad daylight, no less).”