Tag Archives: fringe candidates

  Nearly was An Also-Ran

What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!

There's always 2016...
We know what you’re thinking. “Did the bizarro Illinois lady who said that autism, dementia, and tornados are God’s punishment for abortions and ghey marriage actually get elected to Congress?” This being the kind of election year that brought Joni Ernst and James Lankford to the Senate, you’ve got to ask yourselves: “Do I even want to know?” Well, do ya, punks? Let’s just see what happened to some of the more… colorful candidates last week (mostly, the color is red with vein-bursting rage). Read more on What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!…
  the golden dream by the sea

More Wonket Dreams Come True: Birther Diva Orly Taitz Running for California Attorney General (Updated!)

Now with Important Update! Drudge Sirens! See End of Post! We thought that nothing could make us happier than the news that Victoria Jackson was running for local office in Tennessee. But now we see that Birth Certificate Goddess Orly Taitz, DDSquire, has filed to run for Attorney General of California. We don’t know what we did to deserve this bounty, but we thank the Great Cosmic Whatever and hope that our luck holds. Her press release is modest enough, and of course asks for money, because once she wins the primary, she still has to face incumbent A.G. Kamala Harris, $3 million in her war chest. On the other hand, Orly has the TRUTH about Barack Hussein Obama’s birth certificate and his forty-eleven Social Security numbers, so it’s probably a toss-up at this point. But please be generous, because Orly just spent $10,000 in fees to get on the ballot. Read more on More Wonket Dreams Come True: Birther Diva Orly Taitz Running for California Attorney General (Updated!)…
  and another one's gone and another one's gone

Crazy Rightwing 2014 Fringe Candidates Already Dropping Like Flies

So here we are, not quite to the end of the first month of Election Year 2014, and already some of the fine crop of fringe candidates have been felled or gravely sent to the Mockatorium by their own stoopid mouths. Let’s take a quick look at some of the folks who have either dropped out or made themselves even more unelectable than they were before they gave folks a chance to get to know them better. First up, a round of na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye to Dick Black, the repugnant rapethink man from Virginia who coined the term “baby pesticide” for emergency contraception — the only positive contribution of his short run for Congress. Which he brought to a halt on Wednesday after the world heard a little more about his innovative thoughts on how maybe marital rape isn’t really much of a crime, really, because you bought the cow and can milk her whenever you want or something because there she is in a nightie. Black will remain in the state Senate, so Virginia can continue to benefit from his commitment to serving the public by saying the dumbest stuff imaginable. Mostly about women, but also about everything. Read more on Crazy Rightwing 2014 Fringe Candidates Already Dropping Like Flies…
  exploiter of cheap elf labor

Proponent Of Surveillance State Prominently Featured On Maryland Ballot

Your Comics Curmudgeon just returned from standing in a mildly long line in the moderately cold weather, to vote, so he is basically history’s greatest hero for democracy. Though ultimately another vote for Barry Soetero was saved onto an inscrutable smartcard that will presumably be thrown directly in the garbage, a last-minute once-over of the ballot revealed another candidate deserving of our attention, despite the oppressive liberal media blackout. Can you really afford to not vote for someone who is all-knowing and also brings you presents annually? Find out the shocking truth, after the jump! Read more on Proponent Of Surveillance State Prominently Featured On Maryland Ballot…
  your move gop field

Children’s Pizza Mascot Herman Cain Knows More About Policy Than Obama

Americans tend to assume that the president of the United States knows more about policy than the average costumed Chuck E. Cheese character, but according to huggable “pizza magnate” Herman Cain, that is not so. “I try to be nice. This president, I don’t think, can discuss any of the things that he says in speeches deeper than on the surface. I can go two and three deep on trying to help people understand where we’re coming from, because I’ve been studying these issues for years.” Years, folks. We should definitely make this guy president, because “I can go two and three deep on trying to help people understand where we’re coming from” does sound like something that really smart people would say. Read more on Children’s Pizza Mascot Herman Cain Knows More About Policy Than Obama…