Wonkette

The government of China had been forced to issue explicit [Ed: Huh-huh} instructions to firefighters about what they are not allowed to take in exchange for services. These things include: cash gifts, free or reduced housing, school admission for their kids, or sexual favors from third parties. The state news agency opined: "For every 10 corrupt officials, nine are involved in illicit sex. This old tune has already been proved by statistics from disciplinary organs many times."

They said "organs." [Yahoo News]

Here’s your Friday News Dump: Convicted Abramoff bribe-taker, problem gambler and hopeless alcoholic Ohio Rep. Bob Ney has finally resigned from the House.

Congressional Quarterly is breaking this, right here. Our CQ spy says, “Rather hilariously, we can’t find anyone in the House Clerk’s office to confirm receipt of his resignation letter.” Ah, the endless charms of the Friday Night News Dump. Dirty details after the jump.

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Karl Rove’s girl Friday, Susan Ralston, resigned today — very, very quietly. Due to, you know, the massive lies and corruption revealed by the Congressional report on Abramoff’s White House ties. The report that was news for like ten minutes last week before this pervert from Florida charmed the nation with his filthy I-mails. Observers say Ralston’s resignation may also have something to do with intense shame over this. MORE »

It’s Friday, we’re posting pictures of a guy in a bear suit.

Says the tipster who sent it in: “here in TN i can guarantee you that the voters are BEARLY paying attention to this controversy.” MORE »

Here’s a clearer image of what one of you brilliantly dubbed the Iowa Water Schlong. Click on the thumbnail to engorge enlarge. Happy Friday! MORE »

Local campaigns are so much more colorful than national ones. They involve all the best stunts:

There’s a bear on the loose in this year’s [gubernatorial campaign.

A man dressed in a bear costume and wearing a highway trooper-style hat has appeared at several of Gov. Phil Bredesen’s re-election campaign stops this week, holding up signs demanding the Democratic governor return campaign contributions made by members of the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

“The bear is a friendly reminder that the governor needs to ‘bear’ more responsibility,” Chris Devaney, executive director of the state Republican Party, said Thursday.

Yeah, we’re groaning too.

If you can “bear” with us — HARHAR — there’s a little more, after the jump.

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Russian President Vladimir Putin is consolidating power, which he will place on a giant plastic plate and then devour. (AP Photo) MORE »

Last Friday, we offered you a pair of polls pitting Dustee Tucker (at left) against Stormie Janzen (at right). Both of these oddly-named hotties work in goverment: Dustee is a spokesperson for HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson, and Stormie is a staffer for Sen. Jeff Sessions.

Neither poll was close; Stormie trounced Dustee in both. The full results appear after the jump — click on the “More” button for the full rundown.

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By now you’re all very familiar with Dustee Tucker (at left) and Stormie Janzen (at right). Both are very attractive young women, with highly distinctive names, who work for Republicans (Dustee for HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson, and Stormie for Sen. Jeff Sessions).

Earlier today, we asked you to vote on the sexiness of their names. The polls are still open in that race, and they’ll stay open over the weekend. So if you haven’t done so already — or even if you have — please click here, and cast your vote.

Now we bring you a follow-up ballot — not about their names, but about Dustee and Stormie themselves. Here you go:

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you’re viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

For those of you who need more information to make an informed decision, additional pictures of Dustee and Stormie appear after the jump. Isn’t democracy grand?

(In response to your complaints in the comments to this post, we replaced the photo of Dustee that we used previously with a headshot adapted from this fawning profile. We hope that this substitution will address your concerns. Wonkette: fair and balanced!)

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We’ll be the first to admit it: we’re as addicted to reader polls as Patrick Kennedy is to painkillers. Normally we wouldn’t indulge ourselves in this fashion. But hey, guess what — it’s Friday! MORE »

We like the Raw Story crew, and we link to their stuff often. But today we must quibble with their editorial judgment. MORE »

Oh, Washington Times. Sometimes, we genuinely love you.

See, other news organizations might’ve just framed this as “Fire Departments Misuse DHS Grant Money” or something, especially as it’s not really news and something we didn’t know, but no, you went with clowns. In the hed. Beautiful. MORE »

But you didn’t need to change your lead photo on our account: MORE »

Nice job with photo selection, though; Pope Benedict looks great with that butterfly sleeve. MORE »