• February 15, 2012

freedom

Everybody supporting the troops a lot? Here they are “finishing the job,” with the primary job being “killing Muslims everywhere” and the finish being “ritually urinating on the bloodied bodies.” Afghanistan, the war that keeps on giving!

America’s third-graders are not, generally speaking, overwhelmingly aware of the dangers of socialism. This is unacceptable according to the Tampa Liberty School, a 5-day summer camp designed to wash the political correctness out of children’s tender, pre-liberal minds. There, kids will learn about Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton, the Federalist Papers, the schools of constitutional [...]

Why did America’s young people “take it to the streets” on May 1st? Were they angry about all the illegal wars? Were they frustrated because undocumented immigrants pay more taxes than our largest corporations? Perhaps all the young, patriotic Americans protested in the streets because we have “less than five percent of the world’s population, [...]

Uh, what’s that famous & misattributed Sinclair Lewis quote? “When fascism comes to America, it will be wearing a sexy WE GOT HIM ladies-tee, and it will have an iPhone squeezed between its voluptuous titties, so that the government will always know where it is.” Anyway! Now all you war-mongering yuppie mongrels can purchase “Osama’s [...]

Teevee’s hairless harlequin Donald Trump is angry at Barack Obama and Robert De Niro, for some reason. (We all know why The Donald is furious at Obama — no birdcertificate — but De Niro? He said something obvious and uncontroversial, like “Donald Trump should shut his pie-hole and die.”) That is a lot of anger! [...]

“I hope you all had a wonderful Easter,” Barack Obama told his adoring crowd of pagan bunny worshipers. Does Obama hope that Bradley Manning had a wonderful Easter? That’s what we asked our War Monger President, as he walked past us. HD Blu-Ray Flip Cam footage after the jump!

Janet Napolitano has had a major breakthrough, people! A few days ago, Janet slipped and hit her head on her bathroom sink while trying to drink out of the toilet like an animal does, and bam!, an image of the flux capacitor a terror alert system with only two terror-colors appeared in her head. It [...]

Republican Party officials from all over the world are eager to see Donald Trump run for president, because “he’s got people fired up” and “more and more people are talking about [the thing on his head].” Polls show that voters are attracted to Donald Trump, especially since he calls non-white people “the blacks.” But that’s [...]

Good news, everybody! Offensive joke Donald Trump is almost done sucking the last few drops of marrow out of our already-rotting political process. What did he do this time, “open his mouth”? Yes, precisely. During a teevee interview which will air today, Donald chortled, “I will be better than anybody. I will do the best [...]

People who aren’t billionaires experienced a rare “hopeful” sensation (haha, remember that word, “Hope”? Before it was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary and replaced with “OMG”?) last week, after an activist judge legislating from the bench ruled that Scott Walker’s Gilded Age labor bill was total garbage. Scott Walker’s goon squad just cold-ignored this [...]

Digg this!

The War on Normal People (sorry, “Bolshie bastards”) started in Wisconsin, but it has quickly spread to every corner of our sad Union. And now even the fabled ice colony of Alaska — long known for its warring tribes of barbarian grifters and embarrassing televised dance rituals — has been asked to obediently swallow this [...]

Good morning, warmongers! Sunday marked eight years of Mission Accomplished in Iraq, and also the beginning of a fun new war in a different oil-rich nation, “Africa,” or something. We have been refreshing our RSS feed every thirty seconds for the last two hours, searching for some cheery news — “Barack Obama wins another Nobel [...]

Japan raised the nuclear alert level at Fukushima from four to five on a seven-point international scale for atomic incidents, making this nightmare just two “points” away from Chernobyl! (That’s a nice way to imagine it, in “points.” Just like in College Basketball March Madness!) The head of the International Atomic Energy Agency referred to [...]

The Pentagon has announced that it is “repositioning” U.S. war ships, aircraft and “nearly 2,000 Marines” in the Mediterranean Sea, to “provide for flexibility [when we invade Libya].” According to America’s top diplomat Hillary Clinton, the United States and its aircraft carriers believe that “there will be the need for support for humanitarian intervention. We [...]