Spongy-faced Russian Emperor Vladimir Putin did some kind of Face The Motherland forum on his own personal television network, and he had a Very Special Guest: American/Russian hero/traitor Edward Snowden! Snowden began by stating that America’s intelligence-gathering methods are indiscriminate, ineffective, and abusive, then asked Putin if Russia did the same things. According to Slate’s […]

Georgia state Representative Jason Spencer sat upon his mount, Puffikins, and narrowed his noble and handsome gaze upon the hills. He knew they came, and they would be legion. He planted his staff in the heather and sang a little song. It wasn’t a very good song, but it was his. It would be sung […]

What is a divorce? It’s when you mix gin and chocolate milk in a rubber glove. Everyone knows that! But did you know that when you “divorce” your spouse, you aren’t married anymore? You would, if you had gone to divorce school. Your divorce education is so important, in fact, that Utah mandates a divorce […]

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a wire brush to our open browser tabs and bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own. We recommend washing it all down with a big swig of the reality-diluter […]

Arizona’s Republican state Sen. Steve Yarbrough sure seems like a nice guy. He is freedom-fighting to protect poor, defenseless business owners from having to co-exist with the enemies of Traditional ValuesTM. He has introduced Senate Bill 1062, which would simply protect religious freedom and ban discrimination against anyone unless they are gay or a not-married […]

You know that drunk uncle who arrives at your Thanksgiving meals to complain about how the messicans and my-NOR-AH-ties and homosessuals are ruining America, which was founded by White Manly Jesus on White Christian Values? If that uncle were a state, he would be Texas, the embarrassing wrinkly scrotum-skin of America, smelling like an odd […]

Aw, this is so sweet and Jesus-y: The Senate on Wednesday adopted an amendment to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) from Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) that would prevent retaliation against religious organizations. Portman’s amendment — which would prevent retaliation against religious organizations that don’t hire someone because of sexual orientation or identity — passed by […]

As we all know, Texas is wide open for business, just waiting for your hot throbbing business to come and spray money all over the Lone Star State. And don’t worry about no stupid regulations! If your roller coaster kills someone, go ahead and investigate it your own self. Or if you’re into fracking, come […]

Good Christ it is really getting hard for us to come up with snappy ways to write about the NRA. What do you do with an organization so consistently terrible and deliberately tone-deaf? There’s just no hyperbole left, people! So we’ve really got no clever way to tell you that the NRA is pretty much […]

We do not yet know whether Real Christian God whispers secrets in Sen. Ted Cruz’s soul’s ear, like He did our last white president. Nor do we know whether Cruz, who may be legally eligible to become president despite how his dad is not from America and neither is he, will even seek that office. […]

“How is John Boehner helping House Republicans ruin the government today, along with my access to health care and possibly my ability to put food on my family?” you might be wondering. The answer is, of course, “Same as yesterday, mostly, only now he is speaking openly about it on Sunday yap shows”:  House Speaker […]

Oh man we cannot even begin to thank perennial fan favorite Adam Kokesh for all the material he’s given us of late. He’s like a perpetual motion machine of dumb. He’s the cold fusion of derp. He seems to have an unending source of stupid from which he can draw eternally, and it will simply […]

Well, thank heavens, we finally have some balance in this crazy old world! After all these stories about transgender prom queens and adorable sodomite “cutest couples,” our long national nightmare of progressive nice-time is finally over. In protest of a recently adopted prohibition on organized prayer at school events, the valedictorian of Liberty High School in […]

Discarded philosopher-statesman Rick Santorum’s latest column at World Net Daily is about Freedom and the taking of it by Barack Obama. Naturally, it’s a veritable Journey concert of brain-dead paleo-conservative greatest hits: We are Free Americans because our values are having guns, being hetero-sexing Christians, drowning Obamacare in the sink, and Taxed Enough Already! Yes, […]