Wonkette

Hillary Clinton is going to have to dig a little deeper in her coterie of supporters if she’s going to weed out all the fat creeps who secretly love free Colombian trade. The latest snake in the grass: her husband, former President Bill Clinton. Where is that mythical bus, so that she can throw him under it? MORE »

Former British Prime Minister and newly minted Catholic Tony Blair is secretly hot for John McCain, and now we have a single innocuous-sounding out-of-context quote to prove it! In an interview with the Times Online, he suggested that he prefers American politicians who embrace free trade — which might have meant Hillary Clinton if her most famous free-trade advocate hadn’t just stepped down. So instead Tony will have to settle for John McCain, for whom he is, as we said, secretly hot. MORE »

In a conference call today with his PR firm’s managing directors, Hillary Clinton’s disgraced Colombian-loving rapacious Janus-faced lardbot Svengali and most despised chief strategist Mark Penn revealed that he isn’t really going anywhere. He will still be “very much involved” with the Clinton campaign but he won’t be called a chief strategist anymore. MORE »

For a few sad weeks in March, beloved Clinton advisor Mark Penn mysteriously disappeared. We expected Hillary was loaning herself another $5 million to keep Penn chained up someplace quiet with a large collection of porn and snack foods. But in fact new reports tell us he has been meeting with the Colombian ambassador to discuss a bilateral free-trade agreement … which his boss Hillary Clinton opposes. Next thing you know he will be meeting with the CANADIANS to talk about how much he secretly loves Nafta. MORE »

Despite Lou Dobb’s daily foaming-at-the-mouth routine, the Senate today passed legislation to implement a free trade agreement with Peru by a vote of 77-18. This comes hot on the heels of the decisive 285-132 House vote last week. I guess everyone likes cheaper shit in time for the holiday season, as long as there’s not an election coming up too soon and the bill acronym doesn’t rhyme with NAFTA. [NY Times]