Tag Archives: free speech

  You have a First Amendment right to pray to any Jesus you want

Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists

He is A Expert
The Fox gang was having a nice Sunday morning chat about Adam McDaniel, the leader of the Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a Satanic group in Oklahoma that organized a public mass to be held in Oklahoma City’s Civic Center. You’ll be shocked to know that Fox and its official religion contributor have all of a sudden discovered just how wrong it is to allow a religious service on public property. So. Very. Wrong. Read more on Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists…
  Statuary Rape

Pennsylvania 14-Year-Old Could Get Two Years In Prison For Desecrating Jesus Statue’s Mouth With His Wanger

Wham Bam Thank You Lamb Of God
A Pennsylvania teen is getting an education in morality and jurisprudence after he posted photos of himself pretending to do oral sex with a statue of Our Lord And Savior, Jumped-Up Jesus H. Face-Fucker. The young miscreant, a resident of Everett, Pennsylvania, posed with a statue in front of Everett’s Love in the Name of Christ nonprofit, posted the pics to Facebook, and was eventually reached by the long arm of the law, although the photo is not obscene (while shirtless, the kid is wearing baggy shorts which fully cover his Sin Parts) and the statue was not damaged. There’s no physical desecration, so this is no “Piss Christ” or “Bukakke Jebus.” Even so, this simulated oral violation of the Lord calls for some simulated justice! Read more on Pennsylvania 14-Year-Old Could Get Two Years In Prison For Desecrating Jesus Statue’s Mouth With His Wanger…
  annals of free speach

Un-Racist, Un-Hateful Murrieta Will Totally Sue You For Calling It A Bigot

Cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz, who does both political cartoons and the LA Cucaracha comic strip, has incurred the wrath of Xavier Hermosillo, the Public Relations schmuck for the City of Murrieta, who knows that the Constitution protects free speech, but not for people who say mean things. You see, Alcaraz has been tweeting with the hashtag “#murrietahatecityusa,” and posted a violently anti-American cartoon showing two kids calling Murrieta’s protesters “racist,” which is the most racist hateful slur available in America today. See the terrible slur, after the jump! Read more on Un-Racist, Un-Hateful Murrieta Will Totally Sue You For Calling It A Bigot…
  the epitomy of a dumb ass

Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Can You Monsters Support The Troops When One’s A Traitor?

Let’s keep shoveling out the comments queue — as we’ve mentioned, we have a whole bunch of … matter piling up in there, and we’re going to have to work hard to clean this mess out. Today, we’ll hear from some patriots who have had it with the Obama administration’s craven support for our enemies in the United States Army, specifically one POW, Bowe Bergdahl. Obviously, say these Bergdullards, a POW should have been left with the Taliban instead of brought home, because this is America, and Fox News said his dad has a beard. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Can You Monsters Support The Troops When One’s A Traitor?…
  laugh now cry later

You Can’t Help But Smile At These Afternoon Happy Links

Let’s get you set up with some Happy Nice Time links this afternoon. Why not honor Joan of Arc and commemorate the Battle of the Herrings by making yourself this delicious herring sandwich? Read more on You Can’t Help But Smile At These Afternoon Happy Links…
  Satire Or Idiocy? Why Choose?

Thought Catalog Guy Pretty Sure Muting Him On Twitter Is First Amendment Violation

Over in our Wonket Sekrit Chatcave, a debate is raging as to whether or not this dumbass article on Thought Catalog is satire or unvarnished dumbass or some combination thereof? We’re not sure, but let’s get to mocking this guy who thinks (?) free speech is threatened by muting someone on Twitter. Read more on Thought Catalog Guy Pretty Sure Muting Him On Twitter Is First Amendment Violation…
  this charming man

Florida Proscutor’s Whimsical Mother’s Day Message To ‘Crack Hoes’ Seen As Offensive Somehow

A Florida prosecutor just wanted to send a positive message to women on Mother’s Day, but for some reason, a lot of people seem not to recognize his inspirational intentions. Assistant State Attorney Kenneth Lewis posted this little ray of sunshine to his Facebook account on May 11: Honestly, it’s like people go out of their way to find the negative in a harmless statement like that. Read more on Florida Proscutor’s Whimsical Mother’s Day Message To ‘Crack Hoes’ Seen As Offensive Somehow…
  yeah yeah we know

Ghost Breitbart Exposes Clay Aiken’s Record Of Threatening To Punch Ann Coulter In The Face

We learn all sorts of interesting things by reading Dead Breitbart’s Newshole for Scabies-Blighted Ragemonkeys, like for instance that minor congressional candidate and former American Idolater Clay Aiken is liberals’ “favorite congressional candidate in North Carolina,” which we have to admit is a pretty small population to start with. Breitbart horcrux John Nolte advises us that diligent Citizen Journalist “SooperMexican” has posted a reminder that back in 2012, Aiken tweeted a mean thing, and then deleted the tweet to hide his shame. Here is the unspeakable thing that Aiken tweeted: “anyone else watching @piersmorgan want to punch Ann Coulter in the face?” Instead of following that with “Honestly, doesn’t everyone? But one must be civilized,” the Breitbartian goes on to condemn the Democrats’ “war on women” blahblahblah. Because, you see, Democrats are all hypocrites who secretly want to beat women senseless! Read more on Ghost Breitbart Exposes Clay Aiken’s Record Of Threatening To Punch Ann Coulter In The Face…
  stop sensoring me!

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Let A Wingnut Explain Free Speach To You Leftists

Here’s a heck of a thing: our comments queue overfloweth! We have been blessed with any number of very important comments from very serious people who are going to set us straight on a few things. For instance, there’s “fedupw_libs,” who took issue with our recent piece about how HGTV sent the anti-gay Benham brothers straight (ha!) to the FEMA camp and wouldn’t give them the reality show that Abraham Lincoln promised them in the Constitution. Fedupw_libs wants us to know we don’t know the first thing about Liberty or Free Speach, and even quoted our own words back at us to prove that we’re big old hypocrites, because of gay wedding cakes, probably: “Because they are a totally private business and not the fucking US government, they then made a business decision” So following this thought process and the whole “gays watch HGTV”, a person running a bakery can refuse service to a gay couple because they’re service demographic is straight evangelical couples? Free speach is free speach dumb ass. Your intolerance of someone’s right to speak what they believe (they never refused someone based on their sexual orientation) is amazing. It’s only acceptable free speach when it fits your narrative. You are the opitomy of a dumb ass. We guess we are the opitomy of a dumb ass, because we make this silly distinction between speach and action — err, axion, we guess. Which is to say, discrimination against a class of customers is actually not speech, because selling stuff to the public is not the same as saying stuff. Is that really so difficult? Also, too, we are definitely going to have to look into getting some “You are the opitomy of a dumb ass” coffee mugs in the Wonket store. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Let A Wingnut Explain Free Speach To You Leftists…
  orange you glad he didn't say banana?

John Boehner’s Tea Party Opponent Fired For Calling Boehner A Limp Dick

Friends, Romans, idiots, gather ye round and hear the tragic tale of the First Amendment and how it murdered John Boehner’s Tea Party opponent, one J.D. Winterbottom, and how he is being persecuted to the fullest extent of the law by getting fired from his job for the crime of Thought. Where is Ben Shapiro to pound his fist about Thought Crime and “prejudice”? Where are the fine fellows of Reason? Will no one defend Mr. Winterbottom’s right to make dick jokes about John Boehner on the internet without getting fired from his job at a private Christian college teaching the made-up language of “French”? Read more on John Boehner’s Tea Party Opponent Fired For Calling Boehner A Limp Dick…
  soaring rhetoric

Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion

Another day, another Whiny Christian Kids Wear Anti-Gay Shirts To School story. Seriously, we’re going to come up with a way to just insert the name of the school and the date so we can automate this stuff. This week, it’s Oregon City High School, where some big baby just couldn’t stand the fact that there was a day — A WHOLE DAY, PEOPLE — about the gays, so he had to make some crappy t-shirts about it. “I just made it say ‘Gay Day is not OK,’ because I don’t believe that it’s OK,” Oregon City High School student Alex Borho told KPTV. Borho and some of his friends wore the shirts to school during the National Day of Silence on April 11. The event is intended to bring attention to bullying and harassment targeting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Man, with rhetorical skills like that, this kid is going to make a great third-rate evangelical preacher one day. Read more on Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion…
  first amendment is best amendment

Tennessee House Just Plain Doesn’t ‘Get’ This ‘Constitution’ Thing, Wants To Ban Unions From Picketing

Earlier this year, Tennessee faced the terrifying possibility that workers at a Volkswagen plant in Chattanooga might vote to unionize. And while the UAW ultimately lost the election, the wise Republicans who control the Tennessee House of Representatives know that the state needs to be vigilant. So they introduced a bill to outlaw “mass picketing” by unions, since after all Tennessee is a right-to-work-with-no-rights-at-work state. HB1688 would specifically impose criminal penalties on “any form of mass picketing activity in the context of a strike, lockout, or other labor dispute.” Congratulations, Tennessee! You get to join Idaho on the bench of state legislatures who have no idea how laws work! Read more on Tennessee House Just Plain Doesn’t ‘Get’ This ‘Constitution’ Thing, Wants To Ban Unions From Picketing…
  'elp! 'elp! i'm bein' repressed

Nice Florida Teacher Who Tweeted ‘Obama Is A Pussy’ Nine Million Times Outraged He Wasn’t Invited To Obama Speech

Earlier today we brought you the story of a Wisconsin professor whose life was made somewhat hellish because she sent an email saying that the tea party shut down the government last fall. Well we would like you to know that there are martyrs to free speech on both sides! Take the case of Randall Scott, a high school social studies teacher at Coral Reef Senior High in Miami, Florida, who believes that he was discriminated against when administrators excluded him from a speech that Barack Obama gave at the high school last week. It’s just the sort of trampling of Free Americans’ rights that you’d expect from Barack Hussein Obama against someone whose twitter feed is full of charming Instagram images like the picture above, accompanied by the text A weed smoking Kenyan is your president. And he is in charge of your health care. Seems normal. If your stupid that is. It’s just getting to where if you’re a birther who tweets “OBAMA IS A PUSSY” over and over, and make so many remarks in your classroom about how terrible the fake president is that two students asked to be assigned to another teacher, that you just might not be invited to sit in the front row for the guy’s speech. Read more on Nice Florida Teacher Who Tweeted ‘Obama Is A Pussy’ Nine Million Times Outraged He Wasn’t Invited To Obama Speech…
  if only people knew!

Wingnut Preacher Has A Sad When Good Church People Won’t Let Him Talk Endlessly About Buttsex

Minor-league wingnut preacher Rick Scarborough*, who dreams of suing the gays away, is very disappointed to report that not everyone in Christian America is quite so het up about the gays as he is. In a “Tea Party Unity” webcast last week, Scarborough lamented to Don Feder of the “World Congress of Families” (where do they get these names?) that it’s bad enough that liberals are always trying to intimidate Christians from telling the truth about the threat of gays gaying up America with their gayness, but it really hurts when fellow Christians don’t want to let speech be free either. It seems that Scarborough was visiting a number of churches recently, and at one service, the following unbelievable experience happened to him: I mentioned the word ‘anal sex’ illustrating what homosexuality actually is. And I know that that’s a repulsive expression, I know that nobody likes to think about it, but Christians need to understand what we’re talking about. This is not a gay activity, it’s a perversion. And it does carry consequences because of the nature of the act. And for some reason, people in that church did not want to hear analsex analsex analsex analsex in church. We don’t get it either! Read more on Wingnut Preacher Has A Sad When Good Church People Won’t Let Him Talk Endlessly About Buttsex…
  hell is other countries

Conscience Demands We Address Events In Venezuela And Ukraine, Then Back To Zany American Bigots

It feels wrong to just go about our usual business of making dick jokes about politics without acknowledging that the governments of Venezuela and Ukraine are murdering peaceful protesters by the dozens. We won’t pretend to have any special insight into either conflict. Maybe an appropriate thing to do is to be self-absorbed Americans and be thankful for real civilian control of the military, low levels of official corruption, relatively free and fair elections, and respect for institutions, all of which have helped prevent such tragedies from unfolding here since the early 1970s, and we can also try and be hopeful that the puzzle of sustained domestic tranquility is always solvable in the long run. And it looks like we’ve got a couple hundred words left before we’ve earned our six pack, so let’s try and anticipate every possible stupid pundit’s take on Venezuela and Ukraine, assuming any of them ever notice.  Read more on Conscience Demands We Address Events In Venezuela And Ukraine, Then Back To Zany American Bigots…
  peak stupid

Former Minnesota Governor And Human Beater Upper Jesse Ventura Very Sophisticated About The Politics

Somewhere in America, there are people who still think that Jesse Ventura, who was actually elected by the people of Minnesota to act as their governor once, has important contributions to make to The National Discourse. Then again, somewhere in America, there are also people who write Small Wonder fanfiction. No, we do not want to see a Venn diagram of those groups, thank you. But in case you were wondering (and if you were, what is wrong with you?), here is what Mr. Ventura is up to these days, according to the intro of this beautifully loopy interview in Salon: he is living off the grid and broadcasting a teevee program of some kind an from an “undisclosed location” somewhere in Mexico’s Baja Peninsula. We just hope he’s also eatin’ barbecued iguana. So what does Jesse Ventura think about Our Political World? A whole lot of stuff, none of it especially coherent. That alone should keep him popular with some folks, especially if he promises to promote R & D on little-girl robots. Let’s enjoy some highlights! Read more on Former Minnesota Governor And Human Beater Upper Jesse Ventura Very Sophisticated About The Politics…
  free to be a jerk

ACLU Explains To Rhode Island A.G. That Free Speech Even Covers Mean Dumb Pictures On Facebook

Hello there, Rhode Island General Assembly! Do you have any stories of Great Butthurt to share with us? Oh, you do! Here is a story of hurt feelings and “cyber harassment” that isn’t really much in the way of harassment, and of the American Civil Liberties Union explaining to the Rhode Island Attorney General’s Office that posting mean things about a political opponent can be rude, douchey, and a violation of Facebook’s Terms of Service without it also being a crime. Let’s see what this tempest in a lobster pot is all about. Read more on ACLU Explains To Rhode Island A.G. That Free Speech Even Covers Mean Dumb Pictures On Facebook…
  wonksplainer

Here Is Exactly How The IRS Is Going To Put All The Tea Party Groups In FEMA Camps: A Wonksplainer

Sigh. We thought this whole IRS scandal-not-scandal was over and done with. You know, the one where Tea Party groups turned the butthurt up to eleven because the IRS decided to see if they were being honest in their tax-exempt applications (hint: they weren’t). Even though some groups faced extra scrutiny, we learned that many other groups – including liberal and hard-to-define-on-the-political-spectrum groups — also faced scrutiny from the IRS. It seems that the GOP just can’t quit you victimhood. The IRS is seeking to clarify rules around what these tax-exempt organizations (known as 501(c)4 organizations because of the specific tax exemption they are seeking) can do as far as politicking and not paying taxes. But according to the GOP, via Fox News: “This proposed rule is an affront to free speech itself,” [GOP] lawmakers wrote in a letter to IRS Commissioner John Koskinen. Did you know that the IRS can completely override the First Amendment? We didn’t either, because this is a total bullshit exercise by the GOP to desperately hang on to a non-scandal in order to excite the tin-foil-hat-wearing wing of the party, meaning ALL OF THEM. Wonksplanation ahead. Read more on Here Is Exactly How The IRS Is Going To Put All The Tea Party Groups In FEMA Camps: A Wonksplainer…
  talk is cheap and speech is free

Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie

You solved the problem of lying in politics when you were like six years old. “Just pass a law against telling lies!” dumb little like-six-year-old you said, adorably. But it wasn’t that easy. “No, little you,” said a wise adult. “We have free speech in this country, which means that you can’t stop people from saying things even if they’re not true.” Then maybe the wise adult went on to explain that that’s not entirely true, that sometimes a lie actually can be illegal, in which case it’s called “libel” or “slander” depending on something, you were well beyond listening by then and already had a dozen Legos up your nose as you daydreamed about tort reform. Well, it turns out that little you was onto something after all. In the coming months, the Supreme Court will hear Susan B. Anthony List v. Dreihaus, in which the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List is suing for its right to sue to put up a big billboard that says “SHAME ON STEVE DREIHAUS! Dreihaus voted FOR taxpayer-funded abortion.” Steve Dreihaus did no such thing, which means this billboard is A Lie and is therefore illegal under Ohio’s awesome False Statements Law. But but but free speech! But but… abortions! Buuuut DEMOCRATS! Read more on Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie…
  hush a bye bye

North Carolina Fails In Bid To Protect Capitol From NAACP, Same-Sex Goat Weddings

The administration of North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory wants to make it absolutely clear that it had no intention at all of blocking the NAACP from protesting the state’s far-right legislature at the Capitol building, not at all. It just denied the group a permit because it was worried that a gathering of over 100 people would be impossible to manage, and also, uh, maybe, because those people might have gotten up to all kinds of shenanigans. Or maybe even hoopla. So that’s why it had to deny the permit. The NAACP managed to get permission for the rally after taking the case to court Monday; Superior Court Judge Allen Baddour ruled that the state had to issue the permit, so yay. NAACP attorney Scott Holmes pointed out that the claim about the size of the group was less than convincing, considering that hundreds of people attended a Christmas tree lighting ceremony led by Gov. McCrory at the same location earlier this month. But that’s a silly comparison, because Christmas tree lightings aren’t full of people demanding that the state legislature stop being a bunch of rightwing assholes. Read more on North Carolina Fails In Bid To Protect Capitol From NAACP, Same-Sex Goat Weddings…
  shut that whole thing down

Rape Porn To Be Banned In Britain, Joining Pamela Geller And A Bunch Of Old George Formby Songs

Posh anti-tossing tosser UK PM David Cameron’s Conservative party is not very popular right now, but they’re still more popular than rape. So, opportunity! A new restriction on the possession of rape porn is part of a crackdown by British Prime Minister David Cameron, who announced this summer that lawmakers wanted to close a “legal loophole” in the law. Currently, possession of rape porn is legal in the U.K., even though publishing and distributing it has already been outlawed. Rape is hella bad. That goes without saying, but we will say it anyway, because “internet.” RAPE IS HELLA BAD. Rape, however, isn’t the issue here. The issue is the criminalization of fictional depictions of rape between consenting, compensated, often sexy adults. You may think porn is inherently bad or exploitative or should not have so many pop-ups, but it is a science fact that “the connection between actual real-life violence and porn is blurry at best.” Read more on Rape Porn To Be Banned In Britain, Joining Pamela Geller And A Bunch Of Old George Formby Songs…