HILARITY: Would-be teabaggers and and other easily duped dingbats are proudly emailing each other wonderful pictures of a million teabaggers crowding the National Mall, but these pictures are actually from the Million Man March of 1997, an event attended by, ahem, colored people. MORE »

• If we don’t have the F-22, how are we going to fight China, on the Moon? [RedState]
• From now on, please refer to Matt Yglesias as the Breeding Male. Thank you. [Matt Yglesias]
• First there was Tom Paine, with his annoying pamphlets. And then there was That Guy, who brutalized baby dolls and then hung them from metal chains, on a stick. Patriots. [YouTube/TPM]
• Orly Taitz’s Plan B: Hawaii secedes from the Union, and then Barack Obama is deported for being Hawaiian, aka a dirty foreigner. [Hit & Run]
• If you love the Free Republic as much as the Gays do, click here! [AMERICAblog]

It’s a good thing National Review isn’t a Real American business that need to make money or anything, because otherwise it would go broke after the outrageous decision by its libtard editors to publish a long, detailed and sane deconstruction of the Birther Conspiracy. Of course, none of the NRO cowards would dare sign their actual name to such an outrage against Ron Paul’s Constitution, so it’s just signed by “The Editors” — French for “le pussies.” Really, look at what these socialist zeroes are writing about Nobama: “Like Bruce Springsteen, he has a lot of bad political ideas; but he was born in the U.S.A.” MORE »

The 14 remaining wingnut Republicans are, of course, furious about Muslin-Communist and Pennsylvania shit monster Arlen Specter doing what they always knew he would do, with the becoming a DemonCRAP, because of course his whole plan all along from the day he was hatched, from a turd, was to stick an Arab Dagger in the backs of the Real Americans, right at the moment when there are basically no Real Americans left, which means … ?! … which means PURGE THE GOP OF OTHER NOT-WINGNUTTY-ENOUGH SENATORS, so that they have maybe 30 seats, maybe 25? Hoor — HUH?! MORE »

Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.” MORE »

Barack Obama went to what he fancy-calls a “Muslim-majority” nation today, Turkey, to hock his “legacy assets” under the guise of “reconciliation” after years of “Overseas Contingency Operations.” In other words he gave a speech to the Turkish Parliament in which he “promoted terrorism against white Christian landowning Americans.” Everyone should thank our President for this devastating Freeper bait. MORE »

In early March, a gal named Rosanna Pulido won the Republican primary for the upcoming special congressional election in Illinois’ District 5, Rahm Emanuel’s former kingdom. She will lose. But not before making the funnies! She was the founder of the Illinois chapter of the Minutemen, because she *hates* the Mexicans. Once in a CNN interview she described John McCain as “just another politician that acts as if he was elected to represent the Mexican government.” Well maybe he was! AND YET, her most delightful comments came under the name “chicagolady” on the Free Republic website, where she wrote hilarious racist blather for five years until being recently outed. MORE »

At least America’s fringe-right conservatives will show a bit of those family values we hear so much about when, say, the Democratic presidential nominee’s ailing grandmother dies, at age 87, right? Right? Oh, sorry, what were we thinking. Happy black president’s day eve, wingnuts. MORE »

• OH THAT IS SAD: Barry’s white grandmother died today. Since this happened one day before the election, we are currently too scared to check out the Free Republic reactions. [Washington Post]

Let us go where we always go during our Times of National Crisis: to the wingnut comments of our nation’s proud conservative blogs. These people were obviously very angry last night about how this Negroid Monster Obama Staffer nearly murdered the brave 20-year-old white gal from Texas who was working the McCain phone banks in Pittsburgh and only wanted to drive around the scary “Little Italy” neighborhood looking for an ATM but instead drove right to the very heart of the Obama movement, which is a crackhouse full of 15-feet-tall Kenyan monsters who hunt this wretched ghetto looking for McCain bumper stickers, so they can lightly scratch their symbol, a backwards letter “B,” on the cheeks of their Twittering victims. MORE »

Members of Free Republic, the beloved wingnut online forum, have a message today for George W. Bush and his great new immigration plan for The Mexicans. They’ve got lots of messages, actually.

“We need to have a vote of ‘no confidence’ on Bush,” wrote one commenter. “He just spoke and looked so proud of himself. He couldn’t wipe that crappy grin off his face.”

After the jump, we’ll hear from some of the other hundreds of furious “freepers” who just figured out George W. Bush could give a shit what they think.

MORE »