Mourning Foxy Old Dilettante Fred Thompson
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
I’ll miss him. I’ll miss Fred Thompson and I’m not ashamed of that. Do I want him to be president? Mormon Jesus, no. But ever since Fred joined in September — looking like a primo Bushian dumbhack who’d tout his lack of knowledge about anything to connect with “people” — he’s fallen to, say, third or fourth or possibly fifth among Republican candidate antichrists. MORE »











Remember when Hollywood Fred Thompson was the next Ronald Reagan? Well, he wasn’t. And he 
THOSE ARE MIKE HUCKABEE’S LEGS! They look like unfried, defrosting unbreaded mozzarella sticks from the Old Country Buffet, Ukraine version. More ugly photos of major presidential candidates from Caucus/Primary Saturday after the jump, including bona fide evidence that Hillary Clinton is the dementor who let Bellatrix Lestrange out of Azkaban.
While Dipshit McGoo Thompson thinks the economy can be saved by calling it
Fred Thompson was asked today what he would do with the economy. Instead of making a real answer, he said something about Law & Order on TNT. When pressed for a real answer, he said economic stimulus plans sound “boring.” Oh shucksy humdinger, that ole Dipshit McGoo sure knows how to tickle the underbelly. He can get away with such things, however, given his reputation as the smartest, least lazy presidential candidate in American history.
Fred, I’m your friend. I thought you made the most awesomely random DA ever in Law & Order and friends of mine that worked for you said you were a hell of a boss. But, Fred, honey, don’t let them put that much make-up on you in an advertisement again. I don’t know whether it’s the lighting or what but, holy hell, if you had on slightly darker lipstick and a wig, you’d be Rudi. Also, you seriously either need to stop trying to emote by moving your head or see a doctor because, friend, you worry me (and not just because you’re 100% pro-life, because friends can disagree). Why don’t you and Jeri head home, take care of those kids and enjoy the L&O residuals, my friend?