Wonkette

THOSE ARE MIKE HUCKABEE’S LEGS! They look like unfried, defrosting unbreaded mozzarella sticks from the Old Country Buffet, Ukraine version. More ugly photos of major presidential candidates from Caucus/Primary Saturday after the jump, including bona fide evidence that Hillary Clinton is the dementor who let Bellatrix Lestrange out of Azkaban. MORE »

Grampa Fred Thompson might look like a harmless geriatric with under-eye bags you could smuggle a goat in, but it turns out he’s just another sinister millionaire creep who hates AIDS babies in Africa. “With people dying of cancer, and heart disease, and children dying of leukemia still, I got to tell you — we’ve got a lot of problems here,” he told a reporter who asked him if he supported Bush’s global AIDS initiative. Then he chortled loudly as he picked his teeth with the bones of orphans who died of an easily preventable disease instead of something respectable, like lymphoma. [Washington Post]

While Dipshit McGoo Thompson thinks the economy can be saved by calling it “boring,” respectable old man John McCain has an even more WALNUTS! plan to fix it: make Alan Greenspan do it. MORE »

Fred Thompson was asked today what he would do with the economy. Instead of making a real answer, he said something about Law & Order on TNT. When pressed for a real answer, he said economic stimulus plans sound “boring.” Oh shucksy humdinger, that ole Dipshit McGoo sure knows how to tickle the underbelly. He can get away with such things, however, given his reputation as the smartest, least lazy presidential candidate in American history. MORE »

Fred, I’m your friend. I thought you made the most awesomely random DA ever in Law & Order and friends of mine that worked for you said you were a hell of a boss. But, Fred, honey, don’t let them put that much make-up on you in an advertisement again. I don’t know whether it’s the lighting or what but, holy hell, if you had on slightly darker lipstick and a wig, you’d be Rudi. Also, you seriously either need to stop trying to emote by moving your head or see a doctor because, friend, you worry me (and not just because you’re 100% pro-life, because friends can disagree). Why don’t you and Jeri head home, take care of those kids and enjoy the L&O residuals, my friend?

• To defend her war vote, Hillary Clinton is making shit up. [New York Times]
• Romney embraces his Michigan roots because that’s pretty much his only option. [New York Times]
• McCain has alienated some of the best members of the Republican Party. [Washington Post]
• Vegas politics are as weird as the rest of it. [Washington Post]
• The people who give Fred Thompson his money kind of think he should “do something.”[Washington Times]
• Members of Congress really like their Geocities websites. [The Hill]
• The Decider decided not to talk about democracy all that much on his trip to Israel. Go figure. [Wall Street Journal]

• The only thing Hillary has going for her is tears, huh? [Wizbang Politics]
• Huck likes to call people up and share his opinions with them! [TPM]
• Here’s a whole bunch of silly things about Barack Obama that aren’t true, but did you know that he’s Kenyan? [Carpetbagger Report]
• Mom and Dad want to talk to George about his allowance. [Swamp Politics]
• White people can’t help but say silly racist things. [Left Coaster]
• John McCain is an illegal immigrant. [Redstate]
• The government wants to control the temperature of you’re house. [WorldNet Daily]
• Dana Carvey still does impressions. [IMAO]

He’s going to lose! But, actually, this time we don’t think that it’s his utter lack of a chance or his poor acting chops that are the problem. Ten seconds into his new commercial, I got palpably dizzy from all the bobbing and weaving his (shrunken-looking) head is doing, and then he announces that it’ll feel good getting back to “home territory” in South Carolina. One problem: Fred’s from Tennessee, which doesn’t even border South Carolina. Uh-oh. MORE »

IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD, Fred Thompson won himself one dem Senate chairs back roundabout ‘94 by drivin’ round Tennessee-like in a red pickup truck, meetin’ folks and such. Well now he done need gas money, ‘cordin to his Internets. Tadpoles, striped fish and bumblebee likenesses. [Fred08.com]

Well, that’s done. Fred “It’s All About Huckabee” is on Fox News talking to that punching bag … what’s his name, Alan. And now Huckabee is on, pretending he didn’t hear Thompson. Maybe they’ll let Dr. Congressman Ron Paul on soon, who will claim he didn’t hear anything that happened all night, even though he will not condemn those who said it. Oh, and to our special make-believe GOP debate spokesmodel Miss Teen South Carolina, let’s just say all is forgiven. You are forgiven! Thanks everybody for another gruesome night of debate coverage and comment. Drive safe, everyone (back to the liquor store). Our fun-filled live-blogging posts are 1) here and 2) here and 3) here.