Have we even posted about the comical NY-23 special congressional election yet? Don’t think so! Fortunately lazy Hollywood dandy Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson, who pretended to run for president once, for about two months, before losing miserably everywhere, has provided us with the perfect on-ramp here. MORE »

In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at at pyramid of naked LOLCATS, and the piano box casket … MORE »

The Twitters broke for a while today, or yesterday, who gives a shit, but once things became operational again, fat retarded donkey Fred Thompson was ready with a one-liner. Did you know that Barack Obama now has his SS arresting everyone on the Internet? This is what the Republicans are saying, and we have no reason to doubt it. [Washington Independent]

All of the important DC people are at the Fiscal Responsibility Summit, being eaten by lions, so we have rounded up exclusive insider information about famous-for-DC types being spotted in other places, such as glamorous Naples, Florida back in 2006, or in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago. Click the clicky to learn how Fred Thompson once reacted to an inappropriate joke! MORE »

ALSO, IT’S IN ANACOSTIA: “FORMER Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson is cashing in on next month’s inauguration. A source tells us the ex-Republican presidential candidate and part-time actor, who did 142 episodes of ‘Law & Order,’ is offering to rent his luxury one-bedroom condo in Washington, DC, for five days. The price: $30,000. ‘It has a balcony overlooking the inaugural parade route, the Navy Memorial and the US Capitol, and comes with a reserved parking space,’ said our insider.” It also comes with Fred Thompson, who will lecture you about living beyond your means by staying in his condo. [Page Six]

Here’s Fred Thompson, the laziest presidential candidate ever whose entire platform was to chase Mexicans in his red truck and then kick ‘em in the butt, offering for some reason his take on economics, for eight minutes. He raises a number of good points about our economy being founded on bad credit and overconsumption. He does this from his rich mahogany office with a fancy cigar in his mouth. That is all. [RedState]

Boys and girls, it’s a Thanksgiving miracle — six days early! Our beloved Fred Thompson, the languid, pedicured Southern dandy who made a very sleepy run at the Presidency for about two weeks before returning to his cognacs and backgammon games and expensive Italian colognes, has surfaced again! Even better, he has surfaced to announce his retirement from awful dull vulgar politics. MORE »

We are one week before the election — consider that the next time we have a “Tuesday,” campaigning in the 2007-2008 Presidential Election will be over, our fate thrown into the tabulations of Machines — and the DNC website has the strong lead story, “Watch Obama’s Closing Argument.” The RNC website, conversely, tells you to watch lazy bumbler Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson speak from a fake Oval Office, for two minutes, under the banner of “Straight Talk.” That’s not even Fred Thompson’s fucking slogan! There is just not much confidence coming from the Republican party re: its candidate for president. [GOP.com via MoJo Blog]

Old Dipshit Magee is gonna plain tell folks how’s good ol’ folks goin’ figger times ’bout proper we types need set up Mr. & Missus McPalin needin’ not have a colored for preznit. Let’s liveblog this fucking Gucci-clad Washington lobbyist millionaire fraud Hollywood suit. MORE »

Remember last summer when “real conservatives” were pushing actor Fred Thompson to run for president so as to save the Republican party from the several gay divorcee Mormon liberals also running? And he was like “yeah sure, probably I’ll run or whatever” but didn’t really announce until September, on the Jay Leno program, during a Republican debate that he was too lazy to attend? Well it was during that “probably” time that he launched “imwithfred.com,” his proto-campaign website. And after everyone realized Fred Thompson was a lazy douche and couldn’t win anything, Fred’s people sold this domain name to a bunch of Italian gambling e-entrepreneurs, as you can see in the screen capture above. Vote “Italian Gamblers” for president, the real Republican’s alternative to WALNUTS! [I'm With Fred via The November Blog]

Veteran Condiwatchers thought the ridiculous vice presidential rumors were over and done with, but oh no, there was to be one final, glorious flare-up last week to finally burn them to cinders. What else has America’s Princess Diplomat been up to for the last seven days? Well, it all involves paperweights, cutesy baseball references, Jimmy Carter, and torture! Yay! Find out all about it after the jump.

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