fred thompson

We are SO HYPED for this hot new Christian flick, Persecuted. Look at the high-profile cast: Dean Stockwell! Fox’s Gretchen Carlson! Motherfucking Fred Thompson. Bruce Davison aka the guy that turned to goo in the first X-Men movie and didn’t get invited back for the upcoming reboot! BOOM. We are going to be so evangelical […]

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin’ hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to “run for president” in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney’s undisclosed tax returns. Writing at National Review, which is trying to reestablish its cred after publishing that editorial a few […]

Because only half the country is still freaking out about the 9/11 Mosk, media outlets have decided to concoct a new and even more terrifying story — this time about Ronald Reagan, and how he has possessed some poor soul and now walks among us. Who is this new Ronald Reagan, and where should we […]

Oh, Dipshit Magoo! Why would Saddam Hussein give a speech announcing the end of U.S. combat operations in Iraq? That is extremely difficult to fathom. Besides, if Obama really had had his way, Saddam Hussein would be serving on the Supreme Court as the token bearded lesbian. Oh, and the Supreme Court would be renamed […]

Rick Santorum has been in Iowa a lot lately, so obviously he is running for president, but he doesn’t really want to. The people of the United States are FORCING him to, because they just need a President Rick Santorum so badly. “I sort of feel in some respects I’m being pulled along in this,” […]

Dipshit Magoo returns! And this time he is mumbling on about his worst nightmare: Barack Obama will order a CIA coup d’état to depose himself and then the United Fruit Company will take all of our precious bananas! Fred’s second-worst nightmare is that someone might sew his anus shut while he is sleeping. [Twitter]

Lux Interior once sang that “Life is short/ Filled with stuff.” That aphorism might apply to communists and homosexuals, but it hardly describes the long and uncluttered life recounted in Teaching the Pig to Dance by Fred Thompson. Fred Thompson, as you all know, is a Republican Renaissance man. First of all, he’s an important […]

Haw haw, Dipshit Magoo Fred Thompson should be the next comedian-senator and then Al Franken could retire and focus on his art, you know, maybe doodle a portrait of HOW MUCH EVERYONE HATES FRED THOMPSON. [The Hill: Twitter Room]

Oh look, senior citizens, here’s your friend Fred Thompson. Do you want to get some extra cash and block your children from inheriting your best and perhaps only real asset? Then listen to this man who was almost the next President Ronald Reagan. He has a hot wife and is standing in front of a […]

Esteemed man of letters Fred “#ftrs” Thompson drove a Folksy Truck of the People long before Scott Brown ever drove his pants-free pickup all over Taxachusetts, winning votes and ladies’ hearts. So just how come nobody has asked him for his views on Brown’s fancy rip-off truck, you’ve been wondering for so many months now? […]

LITERATURE  4:59 pm May 24, 2010

by Jim Newell

THE REVIEWS ARE COMING IN, AND FRED THOMPSON’S BOOK IS REALLY OBNOXIOUS: Prominent banking pamphlet The Wall Street Journal has reviewed failed presidential savior Fred Thompson’s stupid book and is just kind of baffled at this asshole. “There are bland tales of ‘schoolboy crimes’ including flinging a water bottle into a window fan to spray […]

It is still Memoir Season for all Republicans who had any power or influence whatsoever between 2001 and 2009. Meanwhile, Fred Thompson is also writing a book! It’s about his life as a Real American, and features some authentic, folksy prose from the crack team of unpaid ghostwriters working out of the slave shed at […]

Get it? GET IT? Do you understand this joke. See, the other tennis person got good information out of Janet Napolitano after she injured herself, because injuries hurt… and we’ve gotta get the info… outta them terrists. HURTIN’ FOLKS IS FUN. Now go ahead son, slap that knee. [Washington Independent]

Have we even posted about the comical NY-23 special congressional election yet? Don’t think so! Fortunately lazy Hollywood dandy Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson, who pretended to run for president once, for about two months, before losing miserably everywhere, has provided us with the perfect on-ramp here.

In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at […]