Wonkette

FREAK: An important dispatch from the Associated Press: “‘A stack of pancakes to go,’ Obama ordered as he walked from table to table. Not the usual order for fast food. Would he get them in a plastic bag? The pancakes were served to Obama on a plate covered with aluminum foil.” Pancakes to go? Aluminum foil? WHAT AN AWFUL FREAK. [AP]

The Clintons are different than you, because they are rich and powerful and scheming and crazy, and everyone around them dies strange and horrible deaths. That’s the word from CBS News today, with this great story about Mr. and Mrs. C’s wacky neighbor in Chappaqua. Seems that disbarred lawyer Carlos Perez-Olivo is accused of brutally executing his wife last year, for one of his girlfriend’s birthdays or something. This is the same dude that attacked some reporters asking about the extremely mysterious death of his wife. These people are all sick.

Accused Clinton Neighbor Admits Affairs [CBS News]

Twisted weirdo Mitt Romney seems to be the only Republican candidate with anything resembling morals or “family values” (except for Dr. Congressman Ron Paul, of course!), but even the casual observer is forced to conclude he is some kind of deranged freak. First we learned how he tortures the family dog by strapping it to the roof of a station wagon until the poor shivering beast gushes diarrhea, then we find out how much he loves sucking “tube steak,” and now he’s in trouble for getting a “Vanilla Steamer” and not paying for it. MORE »

Here he is, America’s Mayor of Terrorism, dressed up in a fucking weird costume again. Oh, and berating a zoo animal for being on welfare — ha ha, it’s funny because of all the blacks on welfare! No wait, it’s racist because he’s dressed up as … John Travolta in Battleship Scientologia? We don’t know. But it’s definitely stupid and offensive so you can bet there are about a thousand similar clips floating around — in fact, there’s a whole movie collection of this crap called Giuliani Time, and that’s where we got this clip.

Big Cat Rudy Giuliani [YouTube]

District residents are still in shock over the dead deer left rotting for days on Dick Cheney’s lawn, but now the animal-hating veep has apparently taken his peculiar savagery to the other Washington — Washington state. MORE »

When Tom Vilsack dropped out of the race about two years before the election, we were a nation challenged. Who would be our fascist furry president now? MORE »

Portly pompadoured “shock jock” Al Sharpton said something provocative during a debate with Christopher Hitchens on Monday, causing much concern amongst those who pay attention to Al Sharpton. (Sharpton and Hitch are running against each other in the tightly contested campaign for “World’s Biggest Asshole.”) MORE »

We knew as soon as we wrote yesterday’s poll that we’d made a fatal mistake. There was no way Katherine Harris could lose it. It’s our fault as much as hers - the poor woman can barely fire a campaign manager before we start alleging that she’s a bad candidate. So Harris won the poll with 42.7%. Ho-hum. What about the rest of the Worst Campaigners in America?

At #2 with 17.8% of the vote, we’ve got Nassau County Executive Tom Suozzi (pictured above). The old trope about politics - “Hollywood for ugly people” - has rarely been as true as it is in New York, where this mutton-faced schlub is considered “dashing” and “handsome” and possessing “charisma to burn.” Tom’s problem: He believed his hype. So he ran against one of the most famous and popular men in American politics, Eliot Spitzer, on a platform of firing the rest of the state’s politicians and putting tolls on the Long Island Expressway. Somehow, he failed to get any traction whatsoever.

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The St. Petersburg Times blog caught a bit of Katy on a local news show. Here’s, uh, the relevant passage: MORE »