freakouts
Ted Nugent Offers To Fellate Reporter And Rape Producer To Show That Ted Nugent Is A Damn Nice Guy
It’s funny, with all the many millions of items we have written about one Ted “The Nuge” Nugent, we were really only ever working from transcripts (and album covers) when we detailed how he constantly wants to rape Hillary Clinton with a machine gun, and et cetera. But until now we had never seen just [...]
Lockdown at Census Bureau … With Helicopters?!
Yikes, what is going on at the Census Bureau? Wonkette operative “Jon S.” reports, “An announcement just came over the loudspeaker saying nobody is allowed to enter or leave the U.S. Census Bureau, except security personnel. Oh noes, sinister members of congress are trying to eliminate statistical sampling methods!” And, moments later, he adds: “Rumor [...]
Capitol Evacuation Email Melodrama In Two Acts
What caused the brief and pretty boring evacuation of the Capitol Visitor Center at 11:25 a.m.? Did the vanilla-chai teabags reach a Singularity? No it was a fire alarm everybody calm the fuck down. A mysterious staffer, “Em-bot,” sent us the entire drama, as represented in Capitol Police emails. It is exciting, if you are [...]
Republican Ticket Finally Drawing Large-ish Crowds!
For many months after he won the Republican nomination, nobody wanted to see nasty grumpus John McCain mumbling onstage about how he puts country first every time he bangs a lobbyist. Not even the promise of honey and Saltines at the back of the Straight Talk Express was enough to lure likely Republican voters to [...]
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