Tag: frauds

You Still Have John McCain To Kick Around, Forever

America's new Robert Byrd is John McCain, who will never be voted out of the Senate because Arizona Republicans are also too old and confused and stupid to know what's happening, ever. Hooray for the ex-Maverick! It only cost...

Glenn Beck Starts College That Will Be Better Than All Other Colleges, Combined

If you're like most Americans, you've probably always wanted to get a fraud degree online from the University of Phoenix, but are concerned about that institution's well-known Marxist ideology and don't want to be brainwashed while trying to get...

Jan Brewer’s Dad Did Not Die ‘Fighting the Nazis,’ No Matter What She Says

America's bravest Fighter of Mexicans, Arizona governor Jan Brewer, just can't stop talking about all the good reasons to round up brown people and kill them. After all, didn't the Nazis round up all the Jews and Catholics and...

Eric Cantor Finally Finds Someone Who Threatened Him: A Mentally Ill Person On YouTube Who Claims To Be God

Hooray for History's Greatest Victim, Eric Cantor! Finally, after police immediately dismissed his bullshit claim that somebody shot up his office (a stray bullet fired at the sky had landed outside his ghetto office in Richmond), authorities have found...

Traitor Congressman Parker Griffith’s Entire Staff Just Quit

Alabama fraud Parker Griffith, who won his congressional seat as a Democrat but just switched to the GOP because he likes to fuck boys he's scared of southern teabaggers, got a special karmic present today from his entire staff:...

Sarah Palin Quits 5K Charity Run, Too

Yikes, did we imply Sarah Palin was acting like a "normal 'Merikun" in eastern Washington State for Thanksgiving? Sorry about that! Palin was just being a Prima Donna nutcase, like always. First, enjoy this local-news video report about Sarah's visit...

Beloved Detroit Icon Monica Conyers Faces 5 Years For Crooked Sludge Deal

Well, people of Detroit, it appears you did not pray hard enough for Monica Conyers, and now she may have to go to jail for a while. The Detroit City Council President Pro Tem and completely insane violent creep...

America’s Biggest Idiot Gets Millions For Someone To Write Her ‘Memoirs’

Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can't speak, can't read and can't even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she's getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write...

Liveblogging Uncle Ted Stevens’ Sad Farewell

Ted Stevens is 85 years old and has served in the United States Senate since Reconstruction. He now has to leave, because he lost his latest re-election bid to some warm-blooded mammal from Anchorage. Join us as he delivers...

Ashley Todd, Our Greatest Hope For FREEDOM!

Here's your favorite Ashley Todd, the little smiling hobbit down there with her pals and her first hero, the Doctor Congressman Ron Paul, with Cowboy Jesus looking on in the background. Ashley's not a "Real Paultard," as she decided...

NYT Opinion Editor Hires Bono, ‘Jokes’ About How Conservatives Lie

New York Times opinion editor Andrew Rosenthal lost all professional credibility when he hired "lightning rod conservative" Bill Kristol late last year and then -- and then! -- called Liberals "intolerant" for not accepting this "serious, respected conservative intellectual"...

AP McCain Feature Just Chock Full of Awful Metaphors About Accordion Players

It's the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let's enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today's AP feature...

Meet John McCain’s Sleazy Montenegrin Con Man Friend!

We know that various lipstick metaphors are the most important issues in the 2008 presidential election following eight years of George W. Bush, but we feel we should mention something about this new HIT PIECE from the liberal Nation...

McCain-Lieberman Ticket Could Be Saltiest, Crustiest Combo Since Kettle Chips

Who would make the most terrible running mate for John McCain, an ill-tempered old fraud who is despised by everybody in the Republican Party? Joe Lieberman, of course -- another sour old geezer who is despised by everybody in...