Did you know John McCain was a hard-livin’ playboy and financial criminal back in the Jazz Age? Of course, because John McCain’s entire campaign is based on rumors of his physical attractiveness back in the 1920s. But now that he’s a tortured, crazy old man whose only economic experience was personally destroying the nation’s Savings & Loan institutions in the 1980s, all he wants to do is imprison all Americans in a terrible place where they can’t drink and fuck around and leave their crippled wives for hot millionaire gals, the end. [New York Times]

Barack Obama is a FRAUD. He was a massive fraud on this morning’s Today show, and he probably went and stole some credit card identities after the taping. Barry has a health care package that doesn’t force everyone to get health insurance, but one time in Illinois he said single-payer systems are also good — but not feasible! Just look at this goddamn Brit, this lobsterback. Has he ever held a reliable position about anything? Thank you, The Clintons, for showing that Barry supports one kind of universal health care reform over another that he doesn’t think is so bad either.

We just got this shocking, repulsive news tip from Wonkette operative “Matt R.,” who is monitoring the proceedings on CNN:

On the C-SPAN precinct feed, one guy just raised two hands while voting for precinct chair. Hooray Iowa! (It was around 8:07 p.m.)

Hooray for the slow march of justice for lesser Bush Administration figures! Former No. 3 CIA boss Kyle “Slimeball” Foggo and impossibly corrupt Duke Cunningham buddy/contractor Brent Wilkes have been officially indicted for many federal crimes including conspiracy, wire fraud, and money laundering. MORE »

Sure, we laugh at Katherine Harris’ strong Christian/Jewish faith, and we laugh at how her god(s) betrayed her, but we’re ready to acknowledge an actual supernatural miracle when it happens. MORE »

Alleged defrauder Grover Norquist with noted drunk Jim Ramstad MORE »

If you’re like us, you’re not even registered here and you can’t remember which candidate is which. One of them has the ad about walking down every street in the district, right? That guy’s a liar. But whatever. Our extremely late Wonkette Endorsement goes to Clinton Portis. Write him in! It doesn’t matter anyway, because of MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD! According to some email we just got, anyway:

As if the GOP couldn’t make their desperation to grab office MORE obvious, this morning in Friendship Heights (surely a bastion of Republican voters), none of the electronic voting machines worked. Apparently the state election office delivered the machines, but not any of the swipe cards necessary to activate them. So all of the voters were voting provisional ballots. Now the more interesting part: since the MD provisional ballots require you to check a box marking why you’re voting provisionally, and since there was no box to check labeled “Elections Board Screwed Up,” it’s a pretty safe bet that none of those ballots will be counted.

Yeah, the GOP — we’re sure they’re planning on picking up some DC council seats by any means necessary. Including fraud in the primaries. Because controlling the federal government doesn’t give them enough power over this pissant city that they’re scared of and hate.

UPDATE: MORE MARYLAND FRAUD! VOTERS DISENFRANCHISED! STILL WAITING FOR DISTRICT FRAUD BUT WE’RE VERY SURE IT’S HAPPENING.

UPDATE2: EVEN MORE MARYLAND FRAUD AFTER THE JUMP!

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So, um, other than the aforementioned “Atlanta Progressive News,” nobody seems to have picked up the story that McKinney plans to challenge the results of her primary loss in court. We are keeping our fingers crossed that this is because the Jewish media refuses to give her the attention she deserves and not because, you know, the whole thing was made up. MORE »

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And boy, have we been missing out: MORE »