France
World Powers Deeply Concerned For Humanity, Debate No-Fly Zone
Gadhafi has tens of billions of dollars stashed all over Tripoli, according to anonymous “American intelligence officials” who probably just pulled that estimate out of their hairy cornholes. So despite an international freeze on all of Gadhafi’s assets, The Crazy Colonel could still easily bankroll his mercenary army for 1,000 years, unless of course NATO [...]
Nation of Whining Babies Still Throwing Stupid Tantrum
HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE, what is ZEES?! Zey are still rioting, in la FRANCE?! Sacre bleu and mon dieu, whatever is ze guillotineingest nation in all ze world to do? Shall zey take away ze baguettes? Shall zey deport all ze Jews? This nation of fucking pussies, which once slaughtered its finest bewigged [...]
Saudis Warn French of Christine O’Donnell-Meghan McCain Threat
America’s epidemic of Satan-worshiping Republican witch-monsters is alarming our allies from Paris to Riyadh, according to this Google News alert. Why is Christine O’Donnell trying to bomb Paris with Meghan McCain? Can NATO air defenses hit a demon on a broomstick at 45,000 feet? Can the Eiffel Tower Mosque survive a direct hit by Meghan [...]
Carla Bruni Shocked By Michelle Obama’s Sexy Secret
When French first lady Carla Bruni spoke with our first lady Michelle Obama in March, demonic secrets were exchanged.
France Is Mean To Gypsies
The EU is angry at France for deporting all its Gypsies. Well “sorry” European Union, but France is not going to let the Gypsies, uh, steal all the good jobs: EU Justice Commissioner Viviane Reding has urged the European Commission to take legal action against France over its deportations of Roma (Gypsies). Ms Reding called [...]
Even Communist Europeans Making More Money Than Us
“The business of America is business” said Calvin Coolidge, America’s greatest president; the obvious implication is that the business of America’s enemies, the Foreigns, is using their eight weeks of vacation to sit around in romantic cafes, smoking and discussing their latest extramarital affairs with rueful detachment. That’s why it’s particularly disheartening to learn that [...]
French Being SO MUCH MEANER To Noriega Than We Were
If you want evidence of how far America has fallen, just remember our dear old friend Manuel Noriega, who we were forced to arrest, for appearance’s sake, back in 1989. Just to prove that there were no hard feelings, we called him a prisoner of war and let him have a super-posh prison suite, with [...]
Sarkozy-Bruni Affair Story Another ‘Internet Thought Experiment’
Hooray, basically all news is now just an experiment by some bored professor or newspaper intern to show that you, the person who reads shit on the Internet all day, will happily repeat and re-blog and re-tweet any fucking thing you hear or see, about anything, instantly, because that’s all people do in 2010. And [...]
JULI WEINER TALKS TO GOD! Fancy Vanity Fair writer Juli Weiner got the God of France’s voice mail and, well, listen if you dare. [VF Daily]
And Now Nature Turns Against … the French
Guess who also doesn’t get a break? French people! A monstrous Atlantic storm named “Xynthia” smashed into the Atlantic coast of France, destroying many seawalls and motels built by Napoleon and also killing at least 50 people. In France. Jesus, isn’t Western Europe supposed to have eternally bland weather, with “chilly drizzle” being about as [...]
Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money
In his State of the Union Wednesday, Obama will announce a spending freeze for many of America’s domestic programs. As these programs do not include Lost, no one will care. [New York Times] The US is holding a conference at the UN in March in which ten countries will try to figure out how to [...]
Pat Robertson Was Right, Haiti IS ‘Cursed’
Pat Robertson’s PR man, Jeebus, has issued a Statement further proving that Pat Robertson is one of the foremost thinkers of our time: “On today’s The 700 Club, during a segment about the devastation, suffering and humanitarian effort that is needed in Haiti, Dr. Robertson also spoke about Haiti’s history. His comments were based on [...]
Nicolas Sarkozy Might Have Sadly Photoshopped His Facebook Photo!
Here is your annual bit of foreign news from the foreign country of France! France’s “President”—think: the equivalent of America’s “minority whip”—Nicolas Sarkozy posted a Facebook photo on his French Facebook in which he is shown personally destroying the Berlin Wall with a Nicolas Sarkozy-sized ax. Except according to historical evidence dating back to November [...]
French Culture Minister Loves Doing Thai Boys
Apparently this wasn’t much of a news story when France’s Culture Minister Frederic Mitterrand actually wrote it in 2005, but now that he has supported Roman Polanski, everyone is pointing out the part of his memoir where he admits to loving little boy prostitute cock, in Thailand — the very same crime that Roman Polanski [...]
blog advertising is good for you
