Tag: France

They look pretty dangerous, all right.

In Solidarity With Paris, Republican Governors Invite Syrian Refugees To Burn In Hell

Looks like the terrorists are already winning. Following Friday's attacks in Paris by eight terrorists, the governors of Alabama, Michigan, Texas, and Arkansas have announced that they won't accept any Syrian refugees for relocation in their states, because they are...
Common mistake!

Westboro Baptist Church Knows Paris Attacks Happened Because God Hates Frogs

Hip hooray, the Phelps family of Westboro Baptist Church has offered to lend a hand in the aftermath of the Paris attacks! So of course, they're doing Christ-like things like sending money and medical care and HAHA JUST FOOLIN'. Instead,...
Are the Democrats the party of sexxxy Saturday nights? Sure why not.

We’ll Always Have Paris: Live-Blogging The Democrats’ Sposed-To-Be-Snoozy Saturday Debate

It's Democratic debate time: The Hope-You-Weren't-Trying-To-Enjoy-Your-Saturday-Night Edition! Democrats running for president, plus Martin O'Malley, are gathering to debate Stuff and Things in Iowa. But because of the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday night, Some Say the candidates should instead debate other...
Keep the lights on

Read These Unterrible Things About Paris If You Want To Feel Better (And Live)

Earlier today, we brought you some of the inevitable political awfulness that hit the interwebs after the Paris attacks. We're Yr Wonkette; political awfulness is our stock in trade. But we also wanted to call your attention to a...
The spire of One World Trade Center was lit in the French flag's colors Friday

Today We Are All Parisians. But Some Of Us Are Complete Idiots.

It's the day after another horrible massacre, and we've now entered the "We know most of the basics" phase, while for many, the "let's make political hay out of this" phase got rolling within the first hour. The "shock,...

Multiple Terrorist Attacks On Paris, President Obama Refuses To Speculate Wildly

On Friday, news broke of an explosion in a bar in Paris. And then of shootings by multiple gunmen in another location in Paris. And then of another explosion outside of the Stade de France, during a soccer game...

Egypt Does Archaeological Dig On Ben Carson’s Brain, Discovers A Idiot

Brilliant neurosurgeon (OR IS HE?) Ben Carson is officially an international disgrace. Congratulations, doctor! You have now joined the elite ranks of several other Republican presidential candidates who have forced foreign nations to "Well, ACTUALLY" them, for their stupidity. Other...

Jeb Bush Surrenders To France, Declares War On Questions

Oh, Jeb. Poor dumb sad sack of cringe-inducing pathetic loser J.E.B. Bush. What kind of stupid did you trip and fall into now? Trying to explain away a prior stupid and just making it worse, as per usual and also as...
Tough questions

Fox News Teaches Dumbass Viewers How To Use New ‘Facebook’ Thing Real Good

BREAKING "FOX & FRIENDS" UPDATE, EVERYONE! Have you heard about the new thing making waves during this election season? It is called "Internets" and it just came out today! And included free of charge on Internets is a new...
How a normal network might report the story

Fox News Knows Obama Personally Ordered Terrorist To Ride That French Train

There's an awful lot to be happy about in the story of the three vacationing Americans, a British executive, and a French passenger who overpowered a would-be terrorist on a high-speed train Friday. Nobody got killed, and even the two...
THOSE CRAZY KIDS!

Sad Mississippi Lovebirds Just Wanted ISIS Honeymoon Of Their Dreams, Is That Wrong?

KIDS THESE DAYS. These two crazy Mississippi kids, Jaelyn Delshaun Young and Muhammad Oka Dakhlalla, had it all, or so they thought. They were in love, they got married, they had planned to fake a honeymoon but instead go...
Yup.

Douchebag Hipsters Named Trevor Would Like A Glass Of Your Finest Rosé Please

First off, apologies to all the Trevors, but we had to pick a name, so we went with Trevor. Or Chase. It could easily be Chase. Would Hunter like to join us? Sup bro? What shall we do this...
On his way to shut down ACORN

Former IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn May Be Gross Rapey Perv, But He’s No Pimp

Big congratulations go out today to Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former head of the International Monetary Fund and alleged hotel-maid raper, who was found not guilty Friday on a charge of "aggravated pimping." Strauss-Kahn had been charged back in 2012...
Trust no one

Email From Your Crazy Uncle: John Kerry Didn’t Wreck His Bike, ISIS Tried To Kill Him

Monday, we received an item in our email that was so mind-blowingly important that our minds were literally blown. It is rather messy in the office now. You may have thought that John Kerry was some kind of elitist...
Eat my Lycra bike shorts...which I have the sense not to wear near a photographer

Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!

As you may have heard, Secretary of State John Kerry broke his right femur in a bicycle accident Sunday, and had to stay in a hospital overnight. Ah, but that accident happened in the snotty French country of France, while...
Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes -- like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State -- is not the same thing as actual foreign policy...