Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! MORE »

French “first lady” Carla Bruni made her living by being photographed partially or completely naked for 20 years, so nude photographs of the supermodel/singer are extremely rare. There are only 32,800 such images currently available for free on the Internets, which is why lonely old Englishmen are expected to bid up to £2,000 ($1 billion U.S.) for this old picture of Naked Carla Bruni, which also appears in the Telegraph article about the auction. Christie’s will next auction an exclusive image of “LOLcats” for £100 Zillion. [Telegraph]

French president and ladies man Nicolas Sarkozy has bought a new toy, for killing Lobsterbacks. Today he inaugurated “Le Terrible”, which the AP caption describes as “a new generation nuclear-armed submarine.” Rowr! What a perfect complement to his “new generation” wife. [AP Photo]

Thrice-married French President Nicolas Sarkozy went to the annual farm fair in Paris this weekend and insulted the crap out of some guy who didn’t want to shake his hand. A journalist caught the whole miserable exchange on video, so now the whole world can hear Sarkozy saying something that sounds just wonderful but apparently means “Get lost, dumbass.” Shocking video footage, after the jump! MORE »

BUT WHAT DOES THE NEW MRS. FRENCH PRESIDENT LOOK LIKE NAKED? (Not safe for Evangelicals, unless they want to say “Dear God” to a picture of a naked woman.) Here she is, Carla Bruni, songwriter and supermodel and likely new wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, along with an article about how she freaked out a UK journalist by answering the door topless. [Daily Mail]

Serious political sites everywhere are presenting this political photograph so that readers might help solve this great political mystery: Is French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s girlfriend, model and songwriter Carla Bruni, pregnant from Sarkozy’s center-right sperm? Or did she just have a small bit of food recently? [Huffington Post]

SUB-HUMAN FREAKS: “French Use Happiness As Economic Measure.” [WTOP/AP]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Listicles, of course, are the year-end gift writers give themselves. But you know what? It’s been such a peculiar year for the Condibot that it would be totally criminal not to look back and reflect on its thrilling awkwardness. Join me on an epic journey through my personal (hey, get your own column!) favorite special moments in Dr. Ferragamo’s 2007, and my picks for AP’s Condirazzi photos of the year, after the jump…

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In America, when we debate naughty things, we get Larry Flynt and Tipper Gore and “I know it when I see it” and sometimes, if y’all are lucky, Jenna Jameson before she got scary-skinny. In France, they get Valeria Begue. The recently crowned Miss France (from the island territory of Reunion) stirred quite the controversy (and many, many, um, hearts) when she won the crown and then was forced to contend with the publication of a few clothed-but-suggestive photographs. But, sacre bleu! This is France. And so the bishop of Saint-Denis de La Reunion and the French Minister for Overseas Territories Christian Estrosi weighed in with the Miss France organization and allowed Valeria to keep her crown. Vive la France! [Yahoo News]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump!

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Look, Nick, I know that after the end of a deep relationship like ours the temptation is to slum it a little to get it out of your system. I totally get it. But, hon, is it really a good idea to spend the night with someone you’re so embarrassed to be seen with the next morning? I’m sure it sounded kind of hot/dirty when he suggested setting up his own tent on the lawn of the Élysée Palace, but when your own friends started to bail on the event because Muammar el-Qaddafi is such a skeezy guy, you might have thought about reconsidering. I mean, those nurses were from Belgium, after all. In any case, dear, if you want to talk about it or whatever to just get it out of our system, I’m still happy to be your friend if it prevents you from further mistakes like this, ok? [NY Times]