How are the people in charge of the money treating the people who serve the people in charge of the money these days? Still not so good, it seems! International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn was hauled off an Air France flight just before departing New York, all because the cops say he tried to […]

On this dumb American night when Tracy Morgan is announcing his exploratory committee and an “anal sex joke” named Rick Santorum still gets Campaign 2012 news coverage, let’s all remember poor little rich boy Mitt Romney. He’s been running for president since approximately 1965, which was just about when Maureen Dowd first heard “Subterranean Homesick […]

Gadhafi has tens of billions of dollars stashed all over Tripoli, according to anonymous “American intelligence officials” who probably just pulled that estimate out of their hairy cornholes. So despite an international freeze on all of Gadhafi’s assets, The Crazy Colonel could still easily bankroll his mercenary army for 1,000 years, unless of course NATO […]

HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE, what is ZEES?! Zey are still rioting, in la FRANCE?! Sacre bleu and mon dieu, whatever is ze guillotineingest nation in all ze world to do? Shall zey take away ze baguettes? Shall zey deport all ze Jews? This nation of fucking pussies, which once slaughtered its finest bewigged […]

A majority of voters in “key battleground states” (continental United States, Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico and Afghanistan) say Barack Obama hasn’t changed a single thing in Washington, and if Obama did change something he probably changed it into horrible Socialism. Good gravy, basically everything Obama touches turns into poo/taxes. Is this what America really believes? […]

America’s epidemic of Satan-worshiping Republican witch-monsters is alarming our allies from Paris to Riyadh, according to this Google News alert. Why is Christine O’Donnell trying to bomb Paris with Meghan McCain? Can NATO air defenses hit a demon on a broomstick at 45,000 feet? Can the Eiffel Tower Mosque survive a direct hit by Meghan […]

The EU is angry at France for deporting all its Gypsies. Well “sorry” European Union, but France is not going to let the Gypsies, uh, steal all the good jobs: EU Justice Commissioner Viviane Reding has urged the European Commission to take legal action against France over its deportations of Roma (Gypsies). Ms Reding called […]

“The business of America is business” said Calvin Coolidge, America’s greatest president; the obvious implication is that the business of America’s enemies, the Foreigns, is using their eight weeks of vacation to sit around in romantic cafes, smoking and discussing their latest extramarital affairs with rueful detachment. That’s why it’s particularly disheartening to learn that […]

If you want evidence of how far America has fallen, just remember our dear old friend Manuel Noriega, who we were forced to arrest, for appearance’s sake, back in 1989. Just to prove that there were no hard feelings, we called him a prisoner of war and let him have a super-posh prison suite, with […]

Hooray, basically all news is now just an experiment by some bored professor or newspaper intern to show that you, the person who reads shit on the Internet all day, will happily repeat and re-blog and re-tweet any fucking thing you hear or see, about anything, instantly, because that’s all people do in 2010. And […]


by Ken Layne

JULI WEINER TALKS TO GOD! Fancy Vanity Fair writer Juli Weiner got the God of France’s voice mail and, well, listen if you dare. [VF Daily]

Guess who also doesn’t get a break? French people! A monstrous Atlantic storm named “Xynthia” smashed into the Atlantic coast of France, destroying many seawalls and motels built by Napoleon and also killing at least 50 people. In France. Jesus, isn’t Western Europe supposed to have eternally bland weather, with “chilly drizzle” being about as […]

In his State of the Union Wednesday, Obama will announce a spending freeze for many of America’s domestic programs. As these programs do not include Lost, no one will care. [New York Times] The US is holding a conference at the UN in March in which ten countries will try to figure out how to […]

Pat Robertson’s PR man, Jeebus, has issued a Statement further proving that Pat Robertson is one of the foremost thinkers of our time: “On today’s The 700 Club, during a segment about the devastation, suffering and humanitarian effort that is needed in Haiti, Dr. Robertson also spoke about Haiti’s history. His comments were based on […]