Tag: France

True fact: Personal grooming regimen strictly dictated by Andrew Breitbart himself

Breitbart Watch: Stop Blood Libeling Steve Bannon By Calling Him Anti-Semitic!

Leave Steve Bannon ALOOOOOOOOONE!
Texas: Not Spongeworthy

LOL Hillary Clinton Might Win Texas, Probably Not But Still LOL

A new poll shows Hillary trailing Trump by only SIX POINTS in Texas. SIX POINTS!

Donald Trump Had Some Opinions On His One-Year-Old Daughter’s Tits, Because Obviously

Ew. Ew. Ew! Why do we warm up food and then look at Twitter? So, that new "Daily Show" host Trevor Noah decided to do a happy nice time segment about how the one position Donald J. Trump has never...

More Stories of Terrible Restaurant Customers, Part 2

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we have week two of some of the worst human beings to ever slip into a restaurant...
Makin' his yucky buttsex face.

Rick Santorum Has Clever Plan To Make All The Brown People Go Away Forever

Rick Santorum is still running for president for some godforsaken reason, probably because his family abortion doctor said a campaign would distract him from his real obsession, which is ass sex. And so Thursday night, during the Undergirdle Debate...
Sarah is singing Adele songs in her brain right now.

Sarah Palin Wants To Bone This Fascist French Chick

Honky Snow Princess Sarah Palin has a moist in her underthings, and it is for a French who is also a lady! Sacre bleu, DONCHA BET? Of course, it's not for a normal French lady like Brigitte Bardot or sexxxy Carla Bruni....
He's such a

President Obama Knows Americans Aren’t Dumb Enough To Elect Republican President

President Obama took a moment during a press conference in Paris, where he's saying global warming lies in a French accent with his other presidenting buddies, to give U.S. America a desperately needed vote of confidence: Your president would like you...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Dumb Fox Chick Not Scared Of Old Grandma Muslims, Just The Kids

Are you ready for more HYSTERIA OMG SYRIAN MUSLIM REFUGEE PANIC?! Cool, because Fox News lady windsock Andrea Tantaros went to work Wednesday. It's time for another episode of "Outnumbered," where spunky Republican jaw-flappers flap their jaws about stuff...
Easy on the eyes, just saying.

Sexxxy Green Bay Packers Quarterback Tells Refugee Haters To Eat Astroturf

The past few days have been sad and disheartening. We began the weekend mourning with our friends in Paris in the aftermath of terrorist attacks meant to, well, terrorize. And then many of our own American citizens, including Republican...
Pastor Steven Anderson doing his best impression of "death metal." Ayup.

Shame How Ironic Band Name Murdered All Those Parisians :(

This is a song by the band Eagles Of Death Metal, whose Paris show Friday night at the Bataclan was interrupted by thug terrorists murdering people: Now, be truthful. If you had NO IDEA WHO THEY WERE, how many seconds...
They look pretty dangerous, all right.

In Solidarity With Paris, Republican Governors Invite Syrian Refugees To Burn In Hell

Looks like the terrorists are already winning. Following Friday's attacks in Paris by eight terrorists, the governors of Alabama, Michigan, Texas, and Arkansas have announced that they won't accept any Syrian refugees for relocation in their states, because they are...
Common mistake!

Westboro Baptist Church Knows Paris Attacks Happened Because God Hates Frogs

Hip hooray, the Phelps family of Westboro Baptist Church has offered to lend a hand in the aftermath of the Paris attacks! So of course, they're doing Christ-like things like sending money and medical care and HAHA JUST FOOLIN'. Instead,...
Are the Democrats the party of sexxxy Saturday nights? Sure why not.

We’ll Always Have Paris: Live-Blogging The Democrats’ Sposed-To-Be-Snoozy Saturday Debate

It's Democratic debate time: The Hope-You-Weren't-Trying-To-Enjoy-Your-Saturday-Night Edition! Democrats running for president, plus Martin O'Malley, are gathering to debate Stuff and Things in Iowa. But because of the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday night, Some Say the candidates should instead debate other...
Keep the lights on

Read These Unterrible Things About Paris If You Want To Feel Better (And Live)

Earlier today, we brought you some of the inevitable political awfulness that hit the interwebs after the Paris attacks. We're Yr Wonkette; political awfulness is our stock in trade. But we also wanted to call your attention to a...
The spire of One World Trade Center was lit in the French flag's colors Friday

Today We Are All Parisians. But Some Of Us Are Complete Idiots.

It's the day after another horrible massacre, and we've now entered the "We know most of the basics" phase, while for many, the "let's make political hay out of this" phase got rolling within the first hour. The "shock,...

Multiple Terrorist Attacks On Paris, President Obama Refuses To Speculate Wildly

On Friday, news broke of an explosion in a bar in Paris. And then of shootings by multiple gunmen in another location in Paris. And then of another explosion outside of the Stade de France, during a soccer game...