Here is your annual bit of foreign news from the foreign country of France! France’s “President”—think: the equivalent of America’s “minority whip”—Nicolas Sarkozy posted a Facebook photo on his French Facebook in which he is shown personally destroying the Berlin Wall with a Nicolas Sarkozy-sized ax. Except according to historical evidence dating back to November 9th, 1989 A.D., Sarkozy was actually in Paris at the time. According to European-style geography, it would have been impossible for Sarkozy to be both in Paris and also knocking down the Berlin Wall, located in Berlin. MORE »

Apparently this wasn’t much of a news story when France’s Culture Minister Frederic Mitterrand actually wrote it in 2005, but now that he has supported Roman Polanski, everyone is pointing out the part of his memoir where he admits to loving little boy prostitute cock, in Thailand — the very same crime that Roman Polanski committed in the ’70s at Jack Nicholson’s house. MORE »

“¡Bonjour!” Here is your bit of Foreign News, from the International country of France. France’s “President” (which is like the equivalent of America’s President), Nicholas Sarkozy, went to speak at some auto plant in the Detroit, Michigan region of Normandy. Sarkozy then had the French police divvy up the plant workers into groups of short people and “undesirables.” The undesirables were told to stay away if they know what’s good for them, while the short people were arranged about the 5′5″ Sarkozy in such a way as to make him look taller by comparison. This is called a Sarkozy Complex, and it has plagued many of France’s historical leaders going all the way back to Napoleon. MORE »

A number of you have been sending us this amazing thing out of the blue — Ahh, it was on Sullivan this morning, GOT IT — about a secret chat between French queer Jacques Chirac and American dynamo George W. Bush before the Iraq war, the details of which Chirac has supposedly confirmed: “Incredibly, President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.” MORE »

Sure, the French might have a reputation for being lazy, but French people in DC have somehow managed to overcome this cultural shortcoming to host quite a few events in celebration of Bastille Day, the French copy of July 4.  If you have any desire to congratulate them for doing a heck of a job storming the Bastille back in 1789, or if watching people run around inebriated in French-maid costumes is your thing, you have many options for celebrating tonight. MORE »

George Will is dying right now. The president is sitting on a pile of trash, basically. And is the fellow on the left wearing dungarees and flip flops? Can we get a column on flip flops, George Will? Close those legs, Obama. [Pete Souza/White House]

Oh good lord. Maybe you all haven’t seen this, everywhere, and maybe that’s why hundreds of you send this to us, every hour, because you haven’t seen it, and yet you know about it, and have the YouTube link. Anyway, very funny! Did you know Sarah Palin is a gullible idiot? Yes? Well, here is more fun proof. [Justiciers.tv/YouTube]

Oh look who’s on the cover of Vanity Fair, and also wearing clothes for a change? It’s Carla Bruni, latest wife of Hungarian president of France Nicolas Sarkozy. What did she do to achieve this honor? Well, according to the headline, the Italian singer/supermodel’s marriage to a French president might just make her the new “Jackie O,” which was what tabloids called Jacqueline Kennedy in the decades after her husband, President John F. Kennedy, was murdered by Lyndon Johnson/the Mob/Richard Nixon/the CIA/Cuban Wingnuts and she married a Greek Tycoon named Aristotle Onassis, who was eventually murdered or just died of being old, and her name was then “Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.” Anyway, you can see why Carla Bruni might just be the new Jackie O. [Vanity Fair] MORE »

Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy had been engaging in some “heavy petting” during this Congressional Trip, until this moment. During their joint press conference, CNN’s Christiane Amanpour asks Sarkozy if he feels awkward praising black Obama when, only a few years ago, he was calling black French rioters “scum,” the worst word in the world. MORE »

Here is a bit of information that will actually make you stupider for knowing it: the planet’s wealthiest nations are run by a cabal of midgets. Russian President Dimitri Medvedev is barely large enough to get on the Ferris wheel at your average theme park, for example. The inverse correlation between height and political power explains Robert Reich’s terrifying reign as the Emperor of North America, and why pint-sized John McCain will be our 44th president. [ABC News]

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First “Babe,” is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n’était, or as Native Americans call it, “maize.” It features all sorts of great songs about how she’s slept with 30 people, and how husband Nicolas is like heroin. As in, he’s wonderful! MORE »