Wonkette

Oh look who’s on the cover of Vanity Fair, and also wearing clothes for a change? It’s Carla Bruni, latest wife of Hungarian president of France Nicolas Sarkozy. What did she do to achieve this honor? Well, according to the headline, the Italian singer/supermodel’s marriage to a French president might just make her the new “Jackie O,” which was what tabloids called Jacqueline Kennedy in the decades after her husband, President John F. Kennedy, was murdered by Lyndon Johnson/the Mob/Richard Nixon/the CIA/Cuban Wingnuts and she married a Greek Tycoon named Aristotle Onassis, who was eventually murdered or just died of being old, and her name was then “Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.” Anyway, you can see why Carla Bruni might just be the new Jackie O. [Vanity Fair] MORE »

Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy had been engaging in some “heavy petting” during this Congressional Trip, until this moment. During their joint press conference, CNN’s Christiane Amanpour asks Sarkozy if he feels awkward praising black Obama when, only a few years ago, he was calling black French rioters “scum,” the worst word in the world. MORE »

Here is a bit of information that will actually make you stupider for knowing it: the planet’s wealthiest nations are run by a cabal of midgets. Russian President Dimitri Medvedev is barely large enough to get on the Ferris wheel at your average theme park, for example. The inverse correlation between height and political power explains Robert Reich’s terrifying reign as the Emperor of North America, and why pint-sized John McCain will be our 44th president. [ABC News]

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First “Babe,” is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n’était, or as Native Americans call it, “maize.” It features all sorts of great songs about how she’s slept with 30 people, and how husband Nicolas is like heroin. As in, he’s wonderful! MORE »

Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! MORE »

French “first lady” Carla Bruni made her living by being photographed partially or completely naked for 20 years, so nude photographs of the supermodel/singer are extremely rare. There are only 32,800 such images currently available for free on the Internets, which is why lonely old Englishmen are expected to bid up to £2,000 ($1 billion U.S.) for this old picture of Naked Carla Bruni, which also appears in the Telegraph article about the auction. Christie’s will next auction an exclusive image of “LOLcats” for £100 Zillion. [Telegraph]

French president and ladies man Nicolas Sarkozy has bought a new toy, for killing Lobsterbacks. Today he inaugurated “Le Terrible”, which the AP caption describes as “a new generation nuclear-armed submarine.” Rowr! What a perfect complement to his “new generation” wife. [AP Photo]

Thrice-married French President Nicolas Sarkozy went to the annual farm fair in Paris this weekend and insulted the crap out of some guy who didn’t want to shake his hand. A journalist caught the whole miserable exchange on video, so now the whole world can hear Sarkozy saying something that sounds just wonderful but apparently means “Get lost, dumbass.” Shocking video footage, after the jump! MORE »

BUT WHAT DOES THE NEW MRS. FRENCH PRESIDENT LOOK LIKE NAKED? (Not safe for Evangelicals, unless they want to say “Dear God” to a picture of a naked woman.) Here she is, Carla Bruni, songwriter and supermodel and likely new wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, along with an article about how she freaked out a UK journalist by answering the door topless. [Daily Mail]

Serious political sites everywhere are presenting this political photograph so that readers might help solve this great political mystery: Is French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s girlfriend, model and songwriter Carla Bruni, pregnant from Sarkozy’s center-right sperm? Or did she just have a small bit of food recently? [Huffington Post]