France
Gerard Depardieu Pees On France
The last time we heard from potato-faced “sex” symbol Gerard Depardieu, he was peeing all over the aisle of an airplane because a stewardess didn’t wash his socks or something. Now he is peeing on the entire nation of France, because he doesn’t like paying his taxes. That’s right, France, your gain (of having Gerard [...]
CNN Tells Of Harrowing Dangers Mitt Romney Faced In 1968 France (While Avoiding The Vietnam War)
Perhaps you thought Mitt Romney’s time in France, in 1968, while raking in Dick Cheney-level numbers of military deferments from serving in Vietnam, was all sunshine and brie. Well CNN’s “Romney Revealed” has another think coming at you! “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was [...]
Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook For Your Home-Schooled Darlings
Welcome back, hearty Time Tourists, to our continued explorations of a 10th-grade textbook for homeschoolers, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective (A Beka Book, 1997). We’re up to the 18th century now, so you know what that means! The Age Of Enlightenment, that heady time when brilliant thinkers like Locke, Voltaire, Rousseau, Jefferson, and [...]
Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans
Here is the great news for those of us who have longed for some FLOTUS in our lives these past few days: Michelle Obama is involved in another scandal again, and surprise surprise, it involves Spain and France and being an African and, oh wait, NUDITY. And once our nation’s bucket hat-wearing slobs and zombie [...]
Arab Media Chokes On ‘His Penis’
As France’s new president, François Hollande (in his little suit), is busy making German Chancellor Angela Merkel believe in stimulation, he’s also been filling up his 34-person cabinet with women (17!), non-Parisians (18!), people under 40 (7!), and fierce anti-globalists (1!). His picks have been described as “moderates,” but the wingnuts over at The Independent [...]
Happy ‘It’s Not Mexican Independence’ Day!
It is Tequila and Mini-Sombreros Day in America, hooray! It always seems like Cinco de Mayo should be Mexican Independence Day — dressing to match a national flag and getting wasted on a holiday named after its date on the calendar is how independence days are done, right? But today is actually the day when [...]
Nicolas Sarkozy In Bedouin With Gaddafi
With only seven days to go until the final round of voting in France’s presidential election, some lefty terrorist media organization published documentary evidence that Nicolas Sarkozy was promised 50 Million freedom fries in campaign contributions from snappy dresser and all around nice guy Muammar Gaddafi. Here’s what’s in the little letter of money promises, [...]
Rick Santorum Describes First Amendment As … French Guillotine?
What is loopy church lady Rick Santorum whining about now? As he goes crazier, in public, Santorum has stopped bothering with traditional approaches to speaking and now just tosses out “They” a couple of times, mentions religion and then throws in France, for weird measure — and he pronounces “France” as guillotine. It’s marvelous. But [...]
French Nuclear Waste Dump Explodes, Kenyan Oil Pipeline Explodes
How is the world of energy going, today? Not so well! In the non-German, still-nuke-having European land of France, a nuclear waste dump in Marcoule exploded. At least one person is dead and several are injured and of course there is “no danger” until, like every recent nuclear disaster, the entire province is pronounced off [...]
Actual Palin/Beck Reign of Terror To Kick Off With Night of Family Fun
Good thing you did not waste your pathetic paycheck on those Donny and Marie tickets, because America’s other tragic duo is heading to good ol’ St. Louis this October, to sing some songs about Freedom! “Defending the Republic” promises fun for the whole family, and will feature lessons, comedy, and Sarah Palin scratching her fingernails [...]
Guy In Charge of World’s Money Jailed For Sex Attack On Hotel Maid
How are the people in charge of the money treating the people who serve the people in charge of the money these days? Still not so good, it seems! International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn was hauled off an Air France flight just before departing New York, all because the cops say he tried to [...]
Subterranean Romney Blues
On this dumb American night when Tracy Morgan is announcing his exploratory committee and an “anal sex joke” named Rick Santorum still gets Campaign 2012 news coverage, let’s all remember poor little rich boy Mitt Romney. He’s been running for president since approximately 1965, which was just about when Maureen Dowd first heard “Subterranean Homesick [...]
World Powers Deeply Concerned For Humanity, Debate No-Fly Zone
Gadhafi has tens of billions of dollars stashed all over Tripoli, according to anonymous “American intelligence officials” who probably just pulled that estimate out of their hairy cornholes. So despite an international freeze on all of Gadhafi’s assets, The Crazy Colonel could still easily bankroll his mercenary army for 1,000 years, unless of course NATO [...]
Nation of Whining Babies Still Throwing Stupid Tantrum
HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE, what is ZEES?! Zey are still rioting, in la FRANCE?! Sacre bleu and mon dieu, whatever is ze guillotineingest nation in all ze world to do? Shall zey take away ze baguettes? Shall zey deport all ze Jews? This nation of fucking pussies, which once slaughtered its finest bewigged [...]
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