Tag: fox

Fox News’s Gretchen Carlson Very Sorry All You Gun Nuts Are Such Morons

Good job, Fox News lady! Wonkette is so proud of you!

Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.

Fox News Blonde So Mad Larry Wilmore Gets To Say N-Word And White People Don’t

Oh look, Fox News is being racially transcendent again! We predicted after the White House Correspondents Dinner, AKA Nerd Prom, that the race experts at Fox News and other shining lights of the wingnut-igentsia would treat us to weeks upon...

DRUDGE SIRENS! Beyoncé Murdering White America For The CIA!

We knew Beyoncé was a multi-tasker but OMG. What you didn't know? Matt Drudge can tell she is an "urban terrorist": That dumbass closet case also tweeted out some scary pics of Bey: Once Alex Jones saw this, he did runny sharts in his...

Fox News Dumbass Pretty Sure Obama Just Called Him Stupid

<a href="http://wonkette.com/591573/stupid-fox-news-idiots-confused-why-sharks-always-live-in-the-ocean-so-much"></a>What you upset about, "Fox & Friends" turd-sprinkler Brian Kilmeade? Did nobody LOL when you asked a black lady if she drinks Kool-Aid every time she eats a meal? Did you start crying because you know that right...
This election is going better than 2008, we think.

Fox News Pretty Sure Hillary Should Fry For Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

You know that Cards Against Humanity card that says "Pooping back and forth forever?" It's from a movie, but it might as well be about Fox News and other assorted wingnut pundits. We saw it this week on Fox when...
Who ya got?

Fox News Dumbass Wishes Y’all Would Stop Victim-Shaming Poor Donald Trump

Rarely is the question asked, "Why is Trump supporters such violent pig-thugs?" JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY IS ASKING THAT RIGHT NOW. As Trump has explained, it is not fair to blame HIM for any of the violence, because he's just...
On the left, Stuart Varney, who is scared of girls. On the right, the dude who killed bin Laden.

Fox News Can’t Believe Navy SEAL Who Killed Bin Laden Not Terrified Of Lady Soldiers

Good news! Ladies are now officially allowed to go do all the same war combat things the gentlemens get to do! SCANDAL! You see, some people believe men and women should be equal, so they are happy about this. Others...
This is what Ted Cruz looks like when he begs for money.

Ted Cruz Double-Dog Dares Donald Trump To Meet Him Behind The Gym At Recess

Punchy-faced poutine poop Ted Cruz really wants to do some fight club to someone. Anyone. Please? But the first rule of Ted Cruz Fight Club is that nobody gives a balmy wet fart about fighting him. It's also the second rule and...
Who ya got?

Donald Trump Quits Fox News Debate Like A Common Sarah Palin

UH OH the Fox News Republican debate scheduled for Thursday night is RUINT, and it's all because of that terrible harpy lady Megyn Kelly and her insistence on bleeding from her wherever like a common menstrual-doer whenever Donald J....

How We Got Even Dumber Watching TV ‘News’ On San Bernardino

Jesus, but this story was an effing mess. Watching the major networks (primarily Fox, MSNBC, and CNN, although at one point we flipped to CBSNews for about 20 minutes because we needed a power nap), yr Wonkette was subjected to so...
Sad Ann Coulter is sad

Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?

Ann Coulter is not doing so well. It's been a rough ride for the original Blonde Conservative Chick, who's looking a little past her pull date, if you know what we mean. (We'd apologize for sounding sexist and ageist,...

Marco Rubio Still Running For President, Still Real Dumb

Remember that dude, Marco Rubio, from Florida? Probably not. He announced the end of his political career in April, when he said he's already sick of being a senator, after four whole years, and will "run for president" instead,...
Science has preserved Chris Wallace in wax since 1997

Ben Carson Will Not Have You Slurring The GOP As Anti- Science, Sir

For all of his entertaining lunacy on everything else, Ben Carson has mostly been one of the most reasonable Republican voices in the most recent weirdness over childhood vaccines. It's almost as if he knows a whole lot about...
looking...for...unicorn

Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT

How is Obamacare ruining your life today? Fox News host Tucker Carlson thinks that he knows how Obamacare is ruining your life if you live in Colorado, let's see if he is correct! Colorado's health care exchange, Connect for Health...

Local Fox Reporter Fired Just For Making Boring Story More Fun And Less True, Unfair!

A Fox affiliate in Baltimore fired an award-winning reporter following an artful act of interpretive truth. What's journalism coming to when its most skilled practitioners aren't allowed to edit a video to totally change the meaning of people's words and make...