Tag Archives: fox

  guns don't kill people barack obama kills people

This Fox Illustration Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head Is Just A Really Good Illustration (Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head)

Here is a really good illustration, from Fox “News,” featuring President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head. But what makes this Fox illustration of President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head the BEST illustration of President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head? Oh, do click through to find out! Read more on This Fox Illustration Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head Is Just A Really Good Illustration (Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head)…
  when the president does it that means it is not illegal

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Accidentally Commits Journalism About Guns

“Blah blah blah Hitler or something executive orders are only okay if you are a Republican INPEACH,” says Jay Sekulow, who heads Pat Robertson’s pathetic conservative fake law outfit. But then Megyn Kelly does something weird: she is all “nuh uh.” Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Accidentally Commits Journalism About Guns…
  al gebra al jazeera same diff

Fox’s ‘The Five': Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism

We don’t know how Eric Bolling, of Fox braintrust “The Five,” managed to talk about liberal indoctrination with math without even bothering to note that algebra was invented by A-RABS and is a Mooslem plot. But at least he is on the case of the Marxists at Scholastic teaching the distributive property with a worksheet about distributing the wealth. GO SCHOLASTIC! Read more on Fox’s ‘The Five': Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism…
  coup d'etat coup d'etat!

Scoop! Paul Ryan To Be Next House Speaker, According To Some Secret Random Dude Who Gossiped To Laura Ingraham

We’ve secretly replaced the video of golden succubus Laura Ingraham, passing on some gossip, with the Circle Jerks classic Coup D’Etat. (Don’t worry you are not missing anything. We will tell you what she said.) Read more on Scoop! Paul Ryan To Be Next House Speaker, According To Some Secret Random Dude Who Gossiped To Laura Ingraham…
  needz moar james o'keefe

Steven Crowder Tent-Gate: 12/11 Was An Inside Job

Remember that awesome video of stereotypical union thug cold wailing on stereotypical Fox News douche Steven Crowder at the Michigan anti-“Right to Work” rally this week? Of course you do, it’s embedded above. Probably you watched it and were like: “I shouldn’t be laughing at this because I’m a hippy Wonketteer librul who knows violence solves nothing, but DAMN! Dude dropped Crowder like Tyson dropped Spinks.” Read more on Steven Crowder Tent-Gate: 12/11 Was An Inside Job…
  it's called logic why don't you try it?

Terrified ‘War On Men’ Lady Calls For Truce Because Men Like To Kill Things

First Suzanne Venker, Phyllis Schlafly’s niece, wrote a very nice “think piece” for Fox News that was only trying to explain to women for their own good that the way they were comporting themselves (like men’s equals) was making men not want to marry them, because they (women) are angry hairy mannish whores. This made men angry, she said, but for some reason she did not tell the men to stop being angry? Only the women? That’s so weird! Then she got flooded with hate mail and backpedaled her little tushie off, saying, Oh no no no, what I meant to say was that HUSBANDS don’t like when WIVES are equal, which sort of eviscerated her claim that men aren’t marrying women anymore because of women’s gross feminism, since there are still husbands, and they are so grossed out. But now Suzanne Venker is pissed, y’all, and she is taking back her backpedaling and saying she was right all along (sort of like that Unskewed Polls guy did), and we should call a truce in the “War on Men” (a war we are conducting, again, by acting like we are “equal”) because men like to kill things. Wait, what? Read more on Terrified ‘War On Men’ Lady Calls For Truce Because Men Like To Kill Things…
  sounds legit

Ailes: Respected Non-Partisan News Organization ‘Fox’ Did Not Make Hot Monkey Sex On David Petraeus

Sometimes, we like to lie around and wonder stuff. Like, “What is it like being human pile of mildewed old sandwiches Roger Ailes?” Is it fun? We bet it is fun. You can send people to the dungeon; you can order the cutting off of miscreants’ hands. You get to hang out with Shep! It is probably all good. But what happens if someone betrays you by leaking a tape of some peon (she’s not an employee; they pay her less than $75 large, as if anyone could even survive on such “money”!) being a go-between for you and Greatest American Hero Gen. David Petraeus, telling him to run for president against the Kenyan Impostor, yo, and you’ll be his campaign manager, and Murdoch will bankroll it, and the rest of the people at Fox will be “his in-house.” Why, that almost sounds like Fox News would take a side in a political campaign. That can’t be right. Read more on Ailes: Respected Non-Partisan News Organization ‘Fox’ Did Not Make Hot Monkey Sex On David Petraeus…
  set phasers to 'stupid'

O’Reilly Launches Next Volley In War On Christmas: Christianity Not Religion

Good morning, Warrers On Christmas. Much has happened since our last intelligence briefing. Last night, Dessert Fox Bill O’Reilly released another video of propaganda from his bunker in the Fortress of Falafel. He did that thing where he invites an opposing viewpoint onto his show, then kicks the shit out of him. From Raw Story: On his show Wednesday night, Fox News host Bill O’Reilly accused American Atheists president David Silverman of being a “fascists” who wanted to banish Christmas from the United States… O’Reilly said Silverman’s views were “insane” and that he should get his “merry band of fascists” together to “re-vote” on Christmas being a federal holiday. After Silverman objected to being called a fascist, O’Reilly again reiterated the point by saying he was a fascist because he wanted to banish Christmas. An attack! On ONE OF OUR OWN. Using the most conventional Christmas weapon: nonsense. But there is more. There is much more, and it could change the course of the war. Read more on O’Reilly Launches Next Volley In War On Christmas: Christianity Not Religion…
  lies damned lies and fox news

Fox News Simply Does Not Care For Lying Liar Guest Lying That They Are Liars

If you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of being interviewed on Fox News, there is a very easy way to cut that interview short, apparently! You engage in a nuanced presentation of the issue at hand, and then you simply point out that Fox News is the media wing of the Republican Party and presto chango, you will no longer be talking to Jon Scott or Jenna Lee about asinine bullshit that no one except Fox News cares about. And as a bonus, it will shortly be explained for you how you groveled and apologized! Read more on Fox News Simply Does Not Care For Lying Liar Guest Lying That They Are Liars…
  look at the clouds

Bill O’Reilly: GOP Would Have Gotten Away With It Too If It Weren’t For These Hispanic Moochers Who Want Handouts

Would you like Bill O’Reilly’s advice on what the Republican party could have done differently to avoid losing the Presidency and their chances of a GOP Senate? Of course you would, and here it is! First off, says Bill O’Reilly, the campaign really just reined Mitt Romney in too much. He should have been allowed to be unscripted on a far more regular basis, and actually, your Wonkette agrees with this but for different reasons. Also Romney should have hammered Obama more on Benghazi, and made that issue center stage, which is what the American people care about. Forget jobs, let’s focus on Benghazi. Oh and of course, let’s talk about how Chris Christie betrayed the GOP and how liberals were “delirious with joy” over the storm. But what you’re REALLY wondering, Wonketteers, is what O’Reilly thinks the GOP should do about the “demographics problem.” (Well, the so-called liberal media calls it a demographics problem; your Wonkette characterizes it as a “racism problem.”) Read more on Bill O’Reilly: GOP Would Have Gotten Away With It Too If It Weren’t For These Hispanic Moochers Who Want Handouts…
  he's the ayn randiest!

Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You

Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism? Read more on Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You…
  history's worst monster

Fox’s Dana Perino: California Gov. Jerry Brown Is A Dictator Because He Made A Youtube

Did you hear that California — the Golden Dream by the Sea — is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes in the state, both by requiring a two-thirds supermajority in the Lege and by mandating that property taxes could never go up ever. Then, on top of that, Arnold Schwarzenegger took a ballpeen hammer to a car to symbolize SMASHing the Vehicle License Fee, and whoops! The very next year, California was in the red by … the exact same amount it had foregone in Vehicle License Fees! But everybody got $134 back to go spend at Wal-Mart, so good trade! This has been a problem for California, because it is no longer able to pay for things like world-class educational systems that used to draw people to it, but obviously, all current and historic budget shortfalls are Jerry Brown’s fault because he used to be a hippie, and did you know also Al Gore invented the Internet? Haw haw haw. Anyhoo, now Jerry Brown has announced additional cuts to education and services (he has been pretty Austere already) and also plumped for an infinitesimal rise in the sales tax, and three percent more in income taxes for Facebook founders. How did he do this? In a YOUTUBE. And that makes him just like Evita Peron. Don’t cry for him, Sacramento, etc. Here is Dana Perino, blahing about it on Fox News: Read more on Fox’s Dana Perino: California Gov. Jerry Brown Is A Dictator Because He Made A Youtube…
  when you've lost bill o'reilly you've lost america

Fox Boss’s Gotcha Too ‘Ugly’ Even For Bill O’Reilly

Fox News head and living Cthulu Roger Ailes forwarded to all his underlings some crazy chain emails from the Fox Research department saying George Soros, as a 14-year-old Jew who had been hidden by a Christian family but did not have the grace to stay in the attic, was a total Nazi collaborator who ate Jewish babies and washed them down with communion wine. The one-word response from Bill O’Reilly’s producer? “Ugly.” “So do you want a job or not?” snitted Ailes, sort of, or more properly: “Do you think you guys will use it or should I give it to someone else?” O’Reilly passed, because Roger Ailes’s cherished gotcha about the liberal and big-spending billionaire Soros being a 14-year-old who shoved Jews into ovens was too gross for Bill O’Reilly. But someone else was very very happy to have an hour about it, and that someone was onetime Fox golden calf Glenn Beck. Read more on Fox Boss’s Gotcha Too ‘Ugly’ Even For Bill O’Reilly…
  will work for food

In Embittered Lovers’ War Of Words, Fox Slams Newt Gingrich For Two-Timing With CNN

It was recently reported that Newt Gingrich and Fox News had a tiff. Newt likes attention and Fox had plenty to give, but not to Newt. Fox met a new man. His name is Mitt. He was everything Newt couldn’t be. Newt tried to get Fox to return by opening up his heart and writing a poem, but nothing worked. Newt started seeing CNN later on and recent reports have seen them out on the town together. Rumor has it that Newt and Callista will even be sitting at CNN’s table rather than Fox’s table during the White House Correspondents’ dinner. When Fox learned of Newt courting CNN, she became jealous and a war of words has now ensued. “This is nothing other than Newt auditioning for a windfall of a gig at CNN – that’s the kind of man he is. Not to mention that he’s still bitter about the fact that we terminated his contributor contract.” Read more on In Embittered Lovers’ War Of Words, Fox Slams Newt Gingrich For Two-Timing With CNN…
  the breakup

Bitter Newt Gingrich’s Mouth Writes Fox A Check His Ass Can’t Cash

Newt Gingrich was in Dover having a meeting with 18 Delaware Tea Party leaders. At such a crucial moment in his campaign, he did what any potential chief in command would do. He talked shit about his former boss Fox News for divorcing him for Mitt Romney once he proved to be cancerous to the Republican party. They Newted him at his own game! “I think FOX has been for Romney all the way through. In our experience, Callista and I both believe CNN is less biased than FOX this year. We are more likely to get neutral coverage out of CNN than we are of FOX, and we’re more likely to get distortion out of FOX. That’s just a fact.” Read more on Bitter Newt Gingrich’s Mouth Writes Fox A Check His Ass Can’t Cash…