Tag Archives: fox news

  And now you're throwing up

Megyn Kelly Gives Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever, In His Penis

A song about Megyn Kelly, apparently.
A song about Megyn Kelly, apparently. Well, this argument about whether Donald Trump or Megyn Kelly is the biggest sexist is officially OVER, even more than when Bristol Palin finally commented on the situation, because Ted Nugent has spoken, and what do you know, he said something really gross. You see, he COMES down on the side of Donald Trump, except for when he’s CUMMING on his television, because Megyn Kelly is on the screen, being all dreamy-like, and the combination of that, and the phallic gun in his hand, and the fact that he is SITTING THERE NAKED, just overtakes his NOOOOGE Peen, and he can’t help but squeeze off a couple rounds. Rich Lowry only WISHES his Sarah Palin Penile Starbursts had this much muzzle velocity: Read more on Megyn Kelly Gives Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever, In His Penis…
  Medical advice from a divorce lawyer

Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now

She's not a doctor, but...
You know that thing when a transgender person gets gender reassignment surgery, and everybody at Show And Tell is like “ooh, me too, this is the next hottest thing, gender reassignment surgery, MOOOOOOOMMMM, why does Jessa get gender reassignment surgery and I don’t, I HATE YOU!” You don’t? Guess you’re not a Fox News idiot then, because it is a thing, and it’s going to be a real problem in prison. Read more on Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  LISTEN UP ASSHOLES

Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob

Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS. Attention, everyone, for Our Lady Of However Many Immaculate Conceptions, Bristol Palin, has taken to the blogotubes to discuss how the media is doing all the liberal censorship crimes to our prince and Palin family hero Donald Trump, just because he said Megyn Kelly did a bad job moderating that debate due to profuse bleeding from her “wherever.” It’s a bad situation because, for one thing, Bristol is way too busy to be commenting on such things, but WHEN HER NATION CALLS, she answers. Today, we will be discussing “decency,” or Bristol’s concept of it at least. Take it away, Mama Morals: Read more on Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob…
  Someone stop the bleeding

If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi

Jeffrey Lord, apparently OK, folks, we can all go home now, because we have reached the penultimate* plu-perfect** fucktasm of stupid on Aunt Flo-gate. You know, the Very Serious Matter of whether Fox News word-speaker Megyn Kelly was a girl dick to Donald Trump during the GOP debate, for asking him why he’s such a sexist boy dick, because her va-jay-jay was on the rag; or whether she is just a big dumb stupid, and only a pervert would think Trump was talking about her lady whatsit when he said she was “bleeding from her wherever” because he obviously meant her NOSE, you sick losers; or whether she was asking inappropriate questions and should be YOU’RE FIRED! from Fox and apologize to Trump; or whether it’s time for us to start drinking. Read more on If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi…
  Who's the REAL sexist Megyn?

Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry

The true face of feminism.
The true face of feminism. Megyn Kelly is mean and bad and should be the one saying “sorry,” y’all. Let’s recap everything that’s happened between Donald Trump, blowhard verbal diarrhea presidential candidate, and Kelly, Fox News anchor who sucks a lot but actually did a decent job moderating the first Republican debate of Fuckshow 2016: Read more on Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry…
  Republicans in so much damned disarray

Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome

They sure love us
How’s the lady outreach going? The Republican Party is in the middle of a terribly bloody fight right now about which one of these assholes is the biggest asshole to women. (Hint: It’s all of them.) Thanks to the party’s current favorite presidential contender, Donald Trump, the GOP is trying, yet again, to prove it does not hate Vagina-Americans. And, like all the other failed attempts before this one, it’s going as well as you’d expect. Read more on Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome…
  Enjoy Your Fifteen Minutes

Carly Fiorina Won Happy Hour! Could Someone Explain Why?

You can make those botoxed lips smile, you can do it!
You can make those botoxed lips smile, you can do it! America’s political talkers had a simultaneous consensus-gasm following the Second Tier Loser’s Debate Thursday night, and they proclaimed failed Hewlett-Packard CEO and losing Senate candidate Carly Fiorina the big winner of the hourlong ratings death march. We honestly have no idea why, except maybe it had something to do with her not being a complete stiff or a nebulous cipher. All we heard was the usual GOP nonsense in a slightly higher vocal register, and a complete lack of any Demon Sheep. Read more on Carly Fiorina Won Happy Hour! Could Someone Explain Why?…
  Total RINO

Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?

What a RINO
  So here was a weird moment in Thursday night’s Republican debate! John Kasich, who is, science fact, a person running for the GOP nomination, was asked that typical Fox News Republican question: “If we put a gay on this stage right now, will you please beat him up?” And he wouldn’t do it! Instead, he said a big sorta nice thing about how he doesn’t PERSONALLY believe in gay-scissor-based marriage (right, like he even cares), but he would love his gay child, if he had one, AND he went to a gay wedding recently and ate all the gay cake, and it was just great. And then the Republican audience maimed him with the knives they keep in the hollow portions of their Bibles. Read more on Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?…
  All your questions answered

Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!

You know, if you're not doing anything else that night LOL
It’s almost here, everyone, it’s almost here! The moment we have all been waiting for (kind of!) comes Thursday night, when the top ten Republican candidates, as chosen by Fox News Science, will show us their junk on live television! Donald Trump is the frontrunner, because a significant percentage of the Republican base is even dumber than the other percentages of the Republican base, and are impressed by loud men who act like they’re overcompensating for small penises and small minds. They’re like, “Awwww, reminds me of Daddy, PBUH.” Except they probably don’t say “PBUH,” because that’s Muslin. Read more on Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!…
  Hot Cop Dana Perino gonna arrest Planned Parenthood

Fox Genius Dana Perino Real Upset People Hate Torture More Than They Love Babies

Oh look, here is former George W. Bush spokesditz and current Fox Blonde Dana Perino, doing a dumb on the teevee again. Yes, again. What crawled up her butt and died this time? Did her husband get arrested some more? No, it’s The Media (stupid media, you stupids!), of which she is definitely not a member, even though she is on a show called “The Five,” on Fox News, which supposedly does news and is therefore The Media, so what the flippity fuck is she even blah-blahing about? She is all riled up because no one in The Media is covering these bogus sting videos of Planned Parenthood at all, which you probably haven’t heard about because The Media refuses to report on them (five million different ways), and which, according to dumb dick cohost Fox Guy are EVEN WORSE than those terrible videos of ISIS beheadings. Seriously. Read more on Fox Genius Dana Perino Real Upset People Hate Torture More Than They Love Babies…
  Sad stories

Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time

Boom, right?
If it is a day, you can be certain that there is a really stupid discussion happening on the Fox News network. Sometimes it is about Sharks Is Confusing, sometimes it’s about how it’s NO FAIR that some people get to say the N-word and others don’t. This time it happened on the “Outnumbered” program, and revolved around this story, of a redneck Missouri sheriff who just can’t understand why anybody would be offended by him sticking “In God We Trust” decals all over police cars, or how that’s kind of a separation of church and state issue. Read more on Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Trigger warning for ewwwwww

Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis

Secret admirer, secret admirer!
Is that gross enough? Are you imagining Donald Trump’s penis now and wondering if his little head is coiffured the same as his big head? Because Fox News wingnut and suspected pee lover Todd Starnes sure seems to be! Read more on Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis…
  Whatever keeps Hannity's viewers good and racist

Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die

Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.
We’re still not sure how Sandra Bland died. The dashcam video told us fuck all, although whatever happened off camera sure did sound violent! The state of Texas is saying that, based on preliminary autopsy results, she hanged herself in her jail cell, but the family doesn’t accept that narrative and wants an independent autopsy done. The state says jail workers failed to check on Bland once every hour, as per policy, and that Waller County was unable to prove that its employees had the correct training to identify and handle inmates who may be mentally ill or suicidal. Moreover, there are inconsistencies with mental health documents, allegedly filled out at the jail by Bland, with one saying she had suffered suicidal thoughts, and another saying the exact opposite. How strange! Read more on Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die…