Tag Archives: fox news

  Fox Hix Nix Vax Fax

Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion

The stupid is growing
Now that at least a part of the Wingnut Wing of the Republican Party has decided there’s a debate about basic medical facts, like whether vaccines or even hand-washing should be mandatory, it stands to reason that Fox News wants in on the fun as well. Read more on Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion…
  never mind

Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT

looking...for...unicorn
How is Obamacare ruining your life today? Fox News host Tucker Carlson thinks that he knows how Obamacare is ruining your life if you live in Colorado, let’s see if he is correct! Colorado’s health care exchange, Connect for Health Colorado, glitched out last week and cancelled the health insurance of 3,600 Coloradans who went on the state’s exchange to shop for another plan. Tucker Carlson invited perfect Fox News victim Steven Roussel, an articulate white guy, to describe the absolute horror of this bureaucratic glitch, or, as Tucker Carlson put it, “Kafka comes to Colorado!” Indeed! Tell us more, Steven Roussel: Read more on Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT…
  fuckabee

Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!

Sometimes Megyn Kelly does a thing where we don’t hate her, and then we write “Megyn Kelly did a thing and we didn’t hate her” and the commenters go URGGGH UGHHHH WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE VENGEANCIER WE HATE YOU FOR NOT HATING HER REEDUCATION CAMPS FOR MEGYN KELLY AND ALSO FOR YOUUUUU! So boring you guys. Why not appreciate when terrible people are unterrible for a second? Why not give them gentle back-pats, and then they might like their gentle back-pats, and try to get more of them, by not being Megyn Kelly once in a while? Read more on Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!…
  Papa Bear versus Mama Grizzly

Bill O’Reilly And Sarah Palin Engage In War Of Wits. Both Lose

Sore loser, winner, whatever
Who would win a battle o’ the brains: Bill O’Reilly or Sarah Palin? Ha, that’s a trick question because the correct answer is “Who cares? Just pass the popcorn!” The other day, Bill O’Reilly, winner of all the Very Serious Journalism awards, reported that lol, a bunch of doofus idiots are pretending to maybe run for president in 2016, like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump and Chris Christie, who apparently is as absurd a maybe-candidate as Palin and Trump, though we’re not sure how that works since Christie at least has a real job, but OK, why not? Read more on Bill O’Reilly And Sarah Palin Engage In War Of Wits. Both Lose…
  pee-drinkin' patriots

Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper

I see dead people.
Here’s a true story about Todd Starnes. Recently, I was at a party and mentioned that I was writing about Todd Starnes. The person I was talking to didn’t quite know who Todd Starnes was until I said, “People make jokes about him drinking pee on Twitter. Pee jokes guy. Big hat.” Then she was like “ohh, that guy! Yeah. That’s the only reason I know who he is. The pee jokes.” So good work everyone, I guess. Read more on Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper…
  Joe Arpaio Better Watch His Back

Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!

Meet your 2020 Republican primary contender, America
David Clarke is the sheriff of Milwaukee County in Wisconsin, and he has been a hero to Wingnut America ever since he ran radio ads a couple years back encouraging people to arm themselves instead of calling 911. On Tuesday, he played to his real constituency, the Fox News audience, when host Brian Kilmeade asked Clarke to comment on yet another shooting of a black suspect by a police officer, and instead launched into a rant against the NAACP and single black mothers. Read more on Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!…
  Eating their own

People Who Think About Gay Sex A Lot Uncover Massive Gay Conspiracy At Fox News

Some people say...
The truth is out there, man, and the truth is pretty damn gay. Fox News’s anti-Christian, pro-butt-sechs bias has been exposed by a handful of brave truth warriors, and we now have completely verifiable and not at all made up evidence Fox has been engaged for years in a massive gay conspiracy that goes all the way to the top! How has this dastardly organization conspired for years to push the gayness onto your children and unsatisfied wives? Let’s Wonksplore. Read more on People Who Think About Gay Sex A Lot Uncover Massive Gay Conspiracy At Fox News…
  Do You Love America Enough? You Probably Don't Love America Enough

Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein

And is India even grateful that we saved them from Saddam Hussein? No they are not.
In case you missed it, the latest litmus test for whether you Love America Enough is whether you are an enthusiastic supporter of the movie American Sniper, which you have to love or you are a hater. You see, Michael Moore said unkind things about the movie’s glorification of snipers, who are the kindest, bravest, warmest most wonderful Americans you’ve never seen because they are invisible like ninjas, and therefore The Entire Left hates America all over again, and now it is the sacred duty of all rightwing media to RAGESCREAM AT THE AMERICA HATERS WHO HATE CHRIS KYLE PERSONALLY AND ARE PISSING ON OUR BOYS’ GRAVES. Read more on Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein…
  Reagan would never talk to real people

Watch President Obama Insult America By Talking To Regular People Instead Of Chuck Todd

The terrorists have won, obviously
President Obama took a break from his golf game and destroying America to be interviewed by some YouTube famous people who are famous for being famous on the YouTubes. Aw, that’s a nice thing of the president to do, isn’t it? Instead of just talking to Very Serious Journalists all the time, with their Very Serious Journalist questions, like “Why do you only say ‘terrorism’ instead of ‘Super Extra Bad Islamofascist Muslamic Terrorism?'” Read more on Watch President Obama Insult America By Talking To Regular People Instead Of Chuck Todd…
  strange fruit

Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow

Huh, he looks all right to us
Yes, Ferguson cop Darren Wilson killed an unarmed black teenager, to death, but in addition to getting a “Nah, man, it’s cool, we get it” from the local grand jury, he likely won’t have charges filed against him by the Department of Justice, either. Ergo, as Fox News has been spewing at us since the non-charges news was first leaked, it is an obvious simple fact that the DOJ never had any legitimate reason to investigate the Ferguson Police Department or Darren Wilson in the first place. It was all a scheme, man, nefariously plotted by Attorney General Eric Holder and Co-Attorney General Al Sharpton and Thinks He’s So President Obama, to start some riots an do some reverse racism. Read more on Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow…
  Connect The Dots

Doctors To Fox Host: Vaccinate Your Kids, Idiot

Srs Doctors are Srs
A panel of doctors had very little patience for a Fox News host’s “hurr-durr, LIBERTY” argument Wednesday, rejecting the notion that people should be allowed to opt out of vaccinating their kids simply because they don’t want Big Government pushing them around. On “Happening Now” (which is not a revival of the beloved ’80s sitcom “What’s Happenin’ Now”), host Jenna Lee discussed the current measles outbreak in California, which started at Disneyland and has since led to unvaccinated students being told to stay home from an Orange County high school. And then she unleashed Fox News Worship Words — PERSONAL LIBERTY — and even invoked the specter of federal regulation: Read more on Doctors To Fox Host: Vaccinate Your Kids, Idiot…
  We can't even count high enough

23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome

So you know how Fox News, America’s No. 1 News Source for Your Racist Uncle, got into that little dustup with Le Gay Paree over, you know, how France and England had created a bunch of Muslims-only Shariah paradises where good and decent Christian folk weren’t allowed, which, well, wasn’t compleeeeeeeetely accurate? Of course you do. Dok told you all about it, and we know that you read this mommyblog and recipe hub with the fervor of a teenage boy on Pornhub. And so you also know that the mayor of Paris is not entirely thrilled: Read more on 23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome…
  Won't someone please think of Steve Doocy?

Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!

Weep for him, America
President Barry H. Bamz Obama recently announced a plan to give free community college to everyone who promises to do their homework on time and not fail all the classes. Edumacation is good, and free is good too, since kids these days are drowning in student loan debt, which is bad. (Elizabeth Warren says so, and she knows everything. Don’t argue.) And besides, all the other cool countries are doing it, which might have something to do with why all their kids are smarter at doing the math and the reading and the science than our kids. Read more on Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!…
  Dispatches from the community confinement center

Felon Dinesh D’Souza Has Met African-Americans, And You, Obama, Are No African-American

Don't look at me, I'm just a fish lips, I'm not responsible for the dumb things I say
When pitiful, pouty, put-upon felon Dinesh D’Souza last embarrassed himself (that we know of), it was Monday, and he was delusionally ‘splaining that there was AN INTERESTING PARALLEL between his life and that of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. You see, King was the target of J. Edgar Hoover, and in D’Souza’s D’Imagination, he is being targeted by Barack Obama, for the crime of making a hilariously dumb movie that nobody paid attention to and that had absolutely no effect on Barack Obama or his presidency. Oh, and also Obama is targeting D’Souza for that other ACTUAL crime he committed, that of funneling illegal campaign contributions to a losing loser candidate. For his funneling, he got himself landed in a really cushy version of the pokey, and the judge did not enhance his sentence for the fact that his crime was also a really dumb losing game to begin with. I’d say Obama’s been PRETTY lenient. Read more on Felon Dinesh D’Souza Has Met African-Americans, And You, Obama, Are No African-American…
  Fox To Call For French Tort Reform

Paris To Fox News: See You In Court For Being Lying Liars

Terrifying real news that's verified... to be fake
Now that Fox News has admitted it completely made up a series of stories about supposed “no go zones” in France and England — districts where the police and other officials supposedly leave local Muslims to run things on their own and create little islands of Sharia where no non-Muslim dare enter — the mayor of Paris, Anne Hidalgo, says she’s planning to sue Fox News for lying about Her Fair City: Read more on Paris To Fox News: See You In Court For Being Lying Liars…
  Fox Apology For Benghazi Coverage Scheduled For June 2019

Fox News’ Statements No Longer Operative, Osama Bin Laden Not Holed Up In Buckingham Palace

It's like a French TV version of Wonkette!
Drudge Sirens! Fox News actually apologized for spreading a completely made-up story about supposed “no-go zones” in England and France — areas where officials supposedly have agreed to let Muslims run things according to the dictates of Sharia, without interference from police or fire services, and where non-Muslims enter at the risk of their own lives. On Saturday night, when even Fox News addicts aren’t watching TV, Fox’s Julie Banderas offered this “correction” to a myth the network had been pushing since shortly after the terrorist attacks in Paris: Read more on Fox News’ Statements No Longer Operative, Osama Bin Laden Not Holed Up In Buckingham Palace…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: For 2016, GOP Debates To Try Ackin’ Less Cray-Cray (Video)

Somebody's enjoying this a little too much
Rachel Maddow was in full political-nerd bliss Friday with this report on the announced schedule for the 2016 GOP primary debates. Rachel is pretty sure the best TV series of 2012 was the “nationally-televised tragicomedy of the Republican presidential primary debates,” and she’s looking forward to the 2016 edition, even if the party has taken a number of steps to tamp down on the crazy, like dictating that any candidate participating in a non-official debate will be barred from appearing in the remaining official ones. And here’s a surprise: Three of the nine planned debates will be on Fox. But let’s not get discouraged: Even with these attempts to rein in the process, there’s almost certainly going to be plenty of crazy to go around. Read more on Morning Maddow: For 2016, GOP Debates To Try Ackin’ Less Cray-Cray (Video)…
  Yup this should work

Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France

Good plan
It used to be that Republicans wouldn’t have to hate President Obama so much if only he had the Dad Jeans to call terrorist attacks by their rightful name, which he has never done. But that was ages ago, and now that the president, ever the appeaser, has started using the T-word for the first time ever, there’s a whole new standard. Sure, the president said the slaughter at Parisian satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo’s office was a “terrorist attack” and that his administration would “help bring these terrorists to justice.” But that’s still sort of wishy-washy in today’s even more terroristical climate, don’t you think? How do we know he really, truly understands the seriousness of a terrorist attack if he’s only willing to call it a terrorist attack? Read more on Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France…
  Why does he hate America ALLEGEDLY?

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Totally worth it
Don’t you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America’s classified secrets to her? Oh, you don’t do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who used to be America’s greatest patriot for winning ALL THE WARS and then being the boss of the CIA until resigning in disgrace for, oops, being a total disgrace to his country and himself, OOPS! Read more on Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!…
  Are You Afraid Enough? Please Be More Afraid

America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks

Nous ne sommes pas étonnés
So it looks like the search for the murderers of 12 people at the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo has come to its bloody end, with all the terrorists dead and four hostages killed in an attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris. As usual in these situations (and can we all just pause for a moment and be horrified that we know what’s “usual” in a terrorist attack?), a lot of the details are still not yet certain. But while we’re still learning the details, it’s definitely not too soon to move to the vital important next phase: explaining how the events in Paris fit into American culture-war politics, especially the all-important question of What To Do About All The Muslims. Read more on America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks…
  Notorious BDB

NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It

Thanks to the NYPD’s recent unofficial work stoppage, it’s a great time to be a public urinator in New York. Loiterers are going shockingly unticketed and jaywalkers are free to ply their trade with impunity. There is, however, one suspected criminal in the city who’s getting plenty of police attention: Mayor Bill de Blasio. Read more on NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It…
  Derp Overload

How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)

And Billo was one of the more restrained ones
While Parisians took to the streets with their “Je Suis Charlie” signs yesterday to quietly express solidarity with the murdered satirists and bystanders at the offices of Charlie Hebdo, the American Wingnut-Industrial Complex was in Full Panic Mode, explaining exactly why we all need to pay attention to this horrific terrorist act by three people that all Muslims bear responsibility for. Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly actually offered one of the tamer bits of stupid on the attack, complaining that when he condemned the murders, Barack Obama was actually downplaying the Muslim threat. The president had expressed confidence that France’s commitment to freedom of speech “is something that can’t be silenced by the senseless violence of the few.” Ah, but Mr. Obama has it all wrong, said O’Reilly: Read more on How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)…