Fake war person Bill Kristol went on the Fox News over the weekend to talk about how Barack Obama “lost the Olympics,” oh boy. Now in spite of the Weekly Standard’s furious scrubbing attempts, we already knew, thanks to the magic of the Internets, how Bill Kristol and his chums at the Standard responded to Friday’s announcement: with raging monster boners. So the real treat in this clip is to hear Bill Kristol do his “Obama voice” (around :24). It is that of a Muppet. [YouTube]

Noth’ing. [Thank you Drudge-refreshing operative "Tim H."]

It begins thusly: Bill O’Reilly announces that it is a good thing the public option is dead, because now the President can work on making sure the government will start to provide cost-effective, reliable health care for people who cannot afford private insurance. And then some gal from the Heritage Foundation is like, “Hmm, are you sure, Bill, that you want this? Because what you just described, it seems like something you don’t want.” It is at this point that O’Reilly realizes he has LITERALLY just said he loves communism. Ha ha, whatever though, because he 100% covers his tracks by assuring this sinister woman that he personally doesn’t want a bunch of socialists ordering him to retroactively abort the seniors in his family—Christ no—but he thinks that this might be good like for poor people. [Daily Kos]

Sad whine, sad whine: Some of our nation’s saddest Republicans are terribly upset that Barack Obama will not put in an excruciating bad-faith appearance on some Fox News program this Sunday. You see, Obama will be stopping by the other major networks this weekend to talk about health care on “Meet the Press,” “State of the Union,” etc. etc. but has ostentatiously foregone Lou Dobbs’ highly rated Mexican vs. Lion vs. Rick Perry Gladiator Sports Match. Joe Wilson, bold idiot, decided this is unfair! “If people are going to be on the Sunday talk shows, they should be on all of them.” Joe Wilson is a public relations dare devil, he is! MORE »

Gritty, and disturbing. And yet Fox News labels this dance “the Beltway Boogie.” Can we please stop it with the obvious racism? Anyway, this devilry took place the other night at some trashy mick bar filled with Irish micks. [Matt Yglesias]

FOX News tracked down Bill Rice, some guy who up until yesterday had ten fingers and now he does not, all thanks to the public option. As it turns out, we all dodged a bullet with this guy who could, if he so desired, easily, easily stand to gain from this whole ordeal a reality show, a 15,000 profile in Vanity Fair (as told to Willow Palin and William Langewiesche), and the VP slot on the 2012 GOP ticket. Plus, BONUS common decency cred for telling the FOX anchor that having your hand eaten doesn’t make you a hero, it makes you a highly medicated guy with nine fingers. MORE »

Vile behavior is usually rewarded by Idiot America (see “Michael Vick”), but there is finally some sort of financial penalty for being a repulsive screaming nutbag racist bag of clown shit on a national cable-news station owned by one of the world’s biggest media companies: advertisers flee! MORE »

This “mini-Katrina” of a Fox News gem is a few days old, but we want to ensure that everyone on the Internet sees it. What’s more interesting is how Iran, Israel, Syria, and Jordan hover as parallel planes 10,000 miles above the Earth’s surface. Also, there is no country named “Jordan,” come on, that can’t be real. [Washington Independent]

• QUOTE OF THE DAY: From an alleged medical doctor on Fox News: “I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie Bruno, but there’s a scene there where Sacha Baron Cohen invites Paula Abdul to be interviewed on chairs made out of Mexicans. And that’s exactly what the Obama or the congressional plan does.” [Think Progress]

For several days in late June, Mark Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer had just about the worst job ever, having to deal with every national reporter and local legislator asking about Sanford’s whereabouts — which he did not know and could not find out, because Mark Sanford makes sure to turn off his cellphone when he’s sexing Argentine Firecrackers, which is always. What hilarious e-mails did Sawyer receive during these mysterious times, from the terrible media, and Stephen Colbert? Thanks to a successful open records request from South Carolina’s The State newspaper, we now present a Children’s Treasury of several! MORE »

Well, this is sort of what we all imagined, in our darkest & drunkest moments. Here’s a Fox News show featuring a weird jabbering middle-aged baby with hair plugs on the left side of the screen and some guy who claims to be a Bush Administration-era anti-Bin Laden agent on the right, and, well, they both share a certain dream for America, which involves the nation being horribly attacked by Osama bin Laden’s secret arsenal of nuclear weapons, from Mexico. THAT WILL LEARN US, RIGHT? MORE »