Tag Archives: fox news

  Sad stories

Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time

Boom, right?
If it is a day, you can be certain that there is a really stupid discussion happening on the Fox News network. Sometimes it is about Sharks Is Confusing, sometimes it’s about how it’s NO FAIR that some people get to say the N-word and others don’t. This time it happened on the “Outnumbered” program, and revolved around this story, of a redneck Missouri sheriff who just can’t understand why anybody would be offended by him sticking “In God We Trust” decals all over police cars, or how that’s kind of a separation of church and state issue. Read more on Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Trigger warning for ewwwwww

Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis

Secret admirer, secret admirer!
Is that gross enough? Are you imagining Donald Trump’s penis now and wondering if his little head is coiffured the same as his big head? Because Fox News wingnut and suspected pee lover Todd Starnes sure seems to be! Read more on Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis…
  Whatever keeps Hannity's viewers good and racist

Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die

Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.
We’re still not sure how Sandra Bland died. The dashcam video told us fuck all, although whatever happened off camera sure did sound violent! The state of Texas is saying that, based on preliminary autopsy results, she hanged herself in her jail cell, but the family doesn’t accept that narrative and wants an independent autopsy done. The state says jail workers failed to check on Bland once every hour, as per policy, and that Waller County was unable to prove that its employees had the correct training to identify and handle inmates who may be mentally ill or suicidal. Moreover, there are inconsistencies with mental health documents, allegedly filled out at the jail by Bland, with one saying she had suffered suicidal thoughts, and another saying the exact opposite. How strange! Read more on Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  Gag me with a tax cut

Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max

Or maybe some Foster Friess?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker wants the electorate to know that he’ll be the bestest president ever for workers, because unlike the dumb old Democrats, he refuses to give a shit about the minimum wage, which is barely worth even talking about. Why would anyone want a minimum wage job when they could be rich instead? This is only logical. Speaking with Sean Hannity on Fox shortly after his Great Big Announcement Monday, Walker explained that by gutting unions, he has given workers more choices, and is therefore the real friend of working Americans (just as long as they know their place). Read more on Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max…
  And he DEFINITELY was not a vegan

Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn’t Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy

Saved by the blood of Tough Guy Jesus.
Sunday’s “Fox & Friends” featured a discussion on illegal immigration (something new and different), and the focus was on churches doing that whole bleeding heart “when I was hungry, you fed me” thing with illegals, as opposed to immediately calling authorities and turning in those damn Messican aliens. And because the network is Fair And Balanced, it called two extremely conservative wingnuts to debate the issue, Dr. Richard Land of the Southern Evangelical Seminary, and Robert Jeffress, pastor of Dallas’s First Baptist megachurch, who’s a real whore when it comes to getting to go on the teevee. Somehow, there was distance between the two, because whereas Land says that when hungry people show up at a church, YOU FEED THEM, Jeffress is pretty sure that Jesus never said anything about feeding the hungry, and besides, he doesn’t want to worship some kind of made-up faggot Jesus like that anyway: Read more on Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn’t Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy…
  USA Women's Soccer Victory May Cause Next Mideast War

Fox ‘Doctor’ Keith Ablow: Men Punch Ladies Because We Let Girls Do Sports

Some chicks like it rough, he hears
As you may have heard, a Florida State sportsball nickelback, De’Andre Johnson, was dropped from the sportsball team this week after surveillance video showed him punching a woman in the face in a June incident. (Johnson’s attorney says the incident was sparked when the woman called Johnson a racial epithet). But gosh, what does Fox News “Medical A-Team” member Dr. Keith Ablow think about all this? He thinks it’s just what happens when ladies want equality, which is pretty obvious if you think about it with Keith Ablow’s strangely misshapen cerebral cortex. Read more on Fox ‘Doctor’ Keith Ablow: Men Punch Ladies Because We Let Girls Do Sports…
  Geraldo too!

Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly

Kinda!
It’s a common trope, if you are a right-wing bigot: Racism doesn’t hurt black people, hippity-hop rap music hurts black people, what with its jiving and twerking and PULL THOSE PANTS UP, and BACK IN MY DAY! In recent months, Fox News white geniuses Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Rivera and so many others have all done their own cover versions of the same song. If rap music wasn’t oppressing our innocent black children, racism would be over and “reverse racism” would DEFINITELY be over. Read more on Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly…
  Pretty sure this isn't racial transcendence

Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama

Let's talk about slavery, Heather.
Here America is, all fired up for yet another solemn Conversation On Race, when we don’t even need to be doing that in the first place, since racism is over. The Charleston shooting was an Isolated Incident, because while individual racists still exist, America as a nation does not have any lingering institutional racism, according to Fox News contributing wingnut Katie Pavlich, who begins a column for The Hill by setting a straw man gloriously ablaze, much like the recent spate of burning black churches across the South: Read more on Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  How do you say "fuck off" in Spanish?

Donald Trump Has To Sue Univision Now, Because It Acted Too Mexican At Him

Fox forgot to put scare quotes around
Hilariously egotistical ass Donald “I’m Donald Trump!” Trump, who thinks he is running for president, has run into a little problem. You see, he made some dumbass comments a while back about how he’s the only “candidate” qualified to solve our immigration problem, by building a YOOOOOGE fence, because DONALD TRUMP IS THE BEST AT FENCES. Also, the Mexicans will have to pay for the fence, because “they have really ripped this country off.” Donald Trump knows he can make them pay for it, because Donald Trump is the best at getting people to give him pesos. He doesn’t hate Mexicans, though! It’s just the way they come to America and act all Mexican-like, is all. Read more on Donald Trump Has To Sue Univision Now, Because It Acted Too Mexican At Him…
  Bow down bitches

Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass

Sean Hannity knows these are the faces of the True Oppressors.
What is WRONG with Sean Hannity? No, we mean besides the obvious things like his incompletely formed sense of his own masculinity. Hannity had a MELTDOWN over the Confederate Flag on his radio show Wednesday. You see, if retailers are going to get rid of the Confederate flag, he is FINE WITH THAT, but fair’s fair, and they should also ban all that blackity-black music the kids like to twerk to. Right? Because if the Confederate flag is hurtful to black people because of its racist, murderous implications — thanks solely to confessed white supremacist murderer Dylann Roof and for no other reasons at all — then surely rappers who use the N-word in their music are hurting black people just as much as some dumb flag is, right? Read more on Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass…
  But what about black-on-black crime???

Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!

Not an actual terrorist, just a sympathizer
Here’s something that’s sure to make wingnuts scream about reality’s liberal bias. A new study by the New America Foundation concludes that since 9/11, white rightwing terrorists have been far deadlier than jihadists. Unfair, of course to start counting after 9/11, because all terror begins and ends with 9/11. Also, Fox News is pretty sure there haven’t been any rightwing terrorist attacks at all, so you may want to take these think-tank guys with a grain of salt. Or gunpowder. Read more on Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!…
  She used to be someone

Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?

Sad Ann Coulter is sad
Ann Coulter is not doing so well. It’s been a rough ride for the original Blonde Conservative Chick, who’s looking a little past her pull date, if you know what we mean. (We’d apologize for sounding sexist and ageist, but she’d hate that, so we won’t.) She used to be a novelty, but now there are dozens of younger, blonder, leggier, dumber, smilier, crazier conservative chicks. She is nothing special. She’s this close to being an answer on “Jeopardy!”: Born in 1961, this conservative columnist and commentator used to regularly appear on television and in newspapers, before she was deemed too toxic even for most conservatives. Who is Ann Coulter? And does anyone care? Alas, no. Read more on Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?…