Well, this is sort of what we all imagined, in our darkest & drunkest moments. Here’s a Fox News show featuring a weird jabbering middle-aged baby with hair plugs on the left side of the screen and some guy who claims to be a Bush Administration-era anti-Bin Laden agent on the right, and, well, they both share a certain dream for America, which involves the nation being horribly attacked by Osama bin Laden’s secret arsenal of nuclear weapons, from Mexico. THAT WILL LEARN US, RIGHT? MORE »

And you know how we feel about Democrats, GRRR! [Media Matters]

Iran is on the cusp of something — who knows what, but everyone’s sure! — and health care reform is free-falling towards a centrist compromise to give the uninsured thirteen cents and a get-well-soon card, but here’s the pressing issue for the White House, if we are to believe Fox News’ Major Garrett and some other lady asking a follow-up: why haven’t you picked your new family church yet? It was a CAMPAIGN PLEDGE. [YouTube]

Right now we’re seeing about… one? two? Two more days of caring about this John Ensign sex affair, tops. First of all, it was with a woman, presumably of age. Did this guy forget what party he’s in? Second, when he had the affair, he was separated from his wife. That’s just a sledgehammer to the comedic possibilities here. Does that even count as “cheating?” Maybe some of you married fools can explain. The only good part of this scandal is that this lady was married to another campaign staffer of his. But without PIX… well maybe we will never write about this scandal again. Back to IRANIAN TWITTER we go… [YouTube]

Clip o’ the century, folks, clip o’ the century. Here is our favorite Fox & Friends star Steve Doocy wearing his mother’s finest Christmas sweater in a DC local news segment from 1988. The story is about one “A-peeling Guy” trying to give the Washington Redskins a potato. BUT! BUT! According to the subject of the story, who posted this clip on YouTube, STEVE DOOCY INSULTED RONALD REAGAN. MORE »

Certain loser co-editors tell your editor that this Shepard Smith video is “a couple of days old,” and apparently the entire nation watches the teevee at 3 p.m. on weekdays so yeah, OLD NEWS IS OLD, etc., but for maybe the last dozen dignified people in America who DON’T watch the fucking teevee all day, here is Shep calling the entire Fox News audience a bunch of stupid violent nitwits. MORE »

Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn’t quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want to meet and have their topless picture taken with teevee’s Hannah Montana. MORE »

Even after all these years, we’re still shocked that a popular television host can be so morally bankrupt as to take this passage from Barack Obama’s speech — “I’m aware that there’s still some who would question or even justify the events of 9/11. But let us be clear: Al Qaeda killed nearly 3,000 people on that day. The victims were innocent men, women and children from America and many other nations who had done nothing to harm anybody. And yet al Qaeda chose to ruthlessly murder these people, claimed credit for the attack, and even now states their determination to kill on a massive scale. They have affiliates in many countries and are trying to expand their reach. These are not opinions to be debated; these are facts to be dealt with.” — but cut it off after the first sentence and tell his audience that Barack Obama “decided to give 9/11 sympathizers a voice on the world stage.” At least make your comedy show funny, Sean. [Washington Monthly]

It sure was Christmas morning for racists on the Fox News commenter forum today! MORE »

Unless you’re attending today’s meeting of the Ron Paul/Michele Bachmann Economics Lunch Club, you should spend five minutes of your lunch hour, at your “full-time job,” watching this week’s impressive “Tuesday Lunch Video,” as discovered while searching the word “empathy” on YouTube. MORE »

Okay so we’ve got a couple of “citizin” slobs, the British foot-baller, and a child prostitute all looking like greaseballs from Hollywood, intentionally. Oh and of course, a blond psychopath from the Fox channel. Working-class Wonkette Operative “Bill M.” writes, “Why is a picture of John Gibson from Fox News on this sign in front of a hair salon in Queens, NY?” Uhh because Lyndon LaRouche wouldn’t pose? (Lyndon LaRouche, what?)