Tag Archives: fox news

  School of Hard Fox

Fox News Host: Why Do Stupid Poors Waste Money Studying Poetry Instead Of Art History?

The real question: Is Fox News hunting or gathering?
Let’s say you went to a corrupt for-profit college that engaged in fraudulent recruiting practices, spent more on advertising than education, and was eventually shut down by the government for noncompliance with requests for data on graduation rates and job placements. You might feel just a little ripped off, mightn’t you? Well, you are clearly What’s Wrong With America Today, because according to Fox’s Neil Cavuto and friends, you’re a whiny victim taker who takes no responsibility for their actions. Read more on Fox News Host: Why Do Stupid Poors Waste Money Studying Poetry Instead Of Art History?…
  Did You Ever Notice Liberals Are Stupid? What's Up With That?

Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves

Suck it, Jon Stewart. Now THIS is comedy.
It turns out that CPAC 2015 was pretty much a Cavalcade of Conservative Comedy. In addition to the sly wit of Rick Santorum’s Birther joke, Sean Hannity did this hilarious routine about how Barack Obama keeps blaming Bush for everything! Talk about a fresh idea! Except it sort of went all cattywampus at the end: Read more on Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves…
  fuck it we'll do it live!

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book
Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch, we know! — but it’s you liberal pinheads’ fault for not understanding the utter greatness and unimpeachable veracity of Bill O’Reilly, Hero of the People 17 Octogenarians Who Still Watch Cable News. And what did Bill-O — last seen lying about witnessing a JFK assassination figure’s suicide even though he was, you know, in a completely different city — say this time for you dumb hippies to intentionally misconstrue, because something something character assassination something something Benghazi? Read more on Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)…
  The Glassy-Eyed Knoll

Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane

Don't be silly. Everyone knows O'Reilly doesn't know how to play bass
For fans of Bill O’Reilly in full red-faced “I never said what I obviously said” mode, the next couple days should be fun. No, Bill O’Reilly was not at a Kennedy assassination figure’s suicide, Deep Throat’s parking garage, or the moon landing. Read more on Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane…
  Reality Be Damned

Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee.

A Tennessee representative has introduced a bill to outlaw those Muslimy “no-go zones,” which you may remember are not actually real. Of course that doesn’t much matter, because never let reality get in the way of a good dog whistle. The bill was introduced by state Rep. Susan Lynn (R-Fox News), and defines a no-go zone as: Read more on Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee….
  Isolated Insolents

Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help

All terrorists are leftwing. That's just a given!
Fox News’s The Five had a little memory problem Monday, accusing the Department of Homeland Security of completely imagining that rightwing extremists pose any threat to U.S. Americans, because as we all know, the only real terrorists are the Islamic ones. Most of the panel dismissed the DHS’s recent report on the threat from “Sovereign Citizens” and other far-right groups as a pathetic attempt to avoid offending Muslims by pretending that anyone else does terrorism in U.S. America. Read more on Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help…
  Rudy Can't Fail

Rudy Giuliani Isn’t Racist, Just Can’t Stand That White Guy Who’s President

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani clarified his recent comments about Barack Obama yesterday, explaining that when he said that Barack Obama “doesn’t love America,” he was “not questioning his patriotism.” That’s actually true: Giuliani wasn’t questioning Obama’s patriotism; he was saying outright that Obama just plain doesn’t have any. Read more on Rudy Giuliani Isn’t Racist, Just Can’t Stand That White Guy Who’s President…
  It's about ethics in journamalism

BREAKING: Bill O’Reilly Has Possibly Lied About A Few Things

Liar? Yes, duh.
Here’s a story nobody could have predicted: Bill O’Reilly is a big fat liar. Again. And yes, we’re still reeling from the devastating breaking news too. The guy who claimed to have won Peabody awards that were in fact Polk awards that were in fact not awarded to him or for his work at all has told some untruths about his journalism experience. Say it ain’t so! Read more on BREAKING: Bill O’Reilly Has Possibly Lied About A Few Things…
  Historical Apoplexy

Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes

Hey, Kids, you won one! Now get back to studying!
Finally some Nice Time from the War On Advanced Placement U.S. History! The Jefferson County school board in Colorado has decided to cancel its plans to review the APUSH framework, apparently deciding that it didn’t want to be in the same anti-education club as Georgia and Oklahoma. Jefferson County had made news four months ago when students walked out of several Denver-area schools to protest the board’s plan to review all curricular material to make sure it would “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system.” That proposal was eventually watered down to eliminate the more censorship-y parts, and now the board has decided to drop even that review. It will go ahead and implement the College Board’s revised framework for APUSH, which became a rightwing Culture War fetish in several states after the Republican National Committee decided the new standards didn’t love America enough. Read more on Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes…
  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…
  You have a constitutional right to be A Idiot

Freedom-Hating Boston Mayor Asks People Not To Dive Off Buildings, Please

Not that we need any more evidence that the nanny state is totally out of control, but this week, Boston Mayor Martin Walsh proved it yet again, with his freedom-killing press conference. Apparently, what with the HUGE blizzard covering the entire city of Boston in snow — which proves global warming is a dumb liberal hoax — some patriots have decided it would be wicked fun to jump out of buildings and into all that snow, because what could possibly go wrong? But oh no, the mayor, who obviously hates fun and freedom, has asked people not to do that, what a jerk: Read more on Freedom-Hating Boston Mayor Asks People Not To Dive Off Buildings, Please…
  House Investigative committees have a well-known liberal bias

Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’

Even though the Benghazi “scandal” has been investigated approximately eleventy-nine times (seven to be specific), and even though the Republican-controlled House Intelligence Committee did their OWN investigation, and all seven of these investigations found absolutely no scandal, you are probably aware that the Republican House is currently investigating Benghazi for an eighth time. Why? Well obviously, dum-dum, because House Republican investigatin’ committees have a WELL KNOWN LIBERAL BIAS, and they just know that Republicans are trying to hide the facts about what REALLY happened in Benghazi, from themselves! Of course, we completely know what happened in Benghazi, except that NO WE DO NOT, let’s keep asking the same things until we get the answers we want, at which point, INPEACH! Read more on Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’…
  Rules are for losers

President Ben Carson Will Win All The Wars By Ignoring All Those Dumb War Rules

Dr. Ben Carson (R-Not The White House, Ever)
Very serious presidential contender Dr. Ben Carson — hey, stop laughing, we haven’t even gotten to the punchline yet! — has some very serious ideas how we can win all the wars forever if we just stop having any rules about how to do war, and also have a president who is not Obama, because of how dumb he is. Read more on President Ben Carson Will Win All The Wars By Ignoring All Those Dumb War Rules…
  And he'll lose there too

Alabama’s Roy Moore Will Appeal SCOTUS Marriage Ruling Directly To God

America’s most esteemed jurist, Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore, is not giving up his fight to save Alabama from the hordes of gays currently destroying the state by having equal marriage rights. Even though a terrible federal judge named Callie V.S. Granade (sounds like GRENADE because she GRENADED opposite marriage) not only ruled Alabama’s marriage amendment unconstitutional, but also had the audacity to order probate judges to actually DO WHAT SHE SAID, and even though the Supreme Court was okay with all of this, Roy Moore wants everybody to know that he will be forced to defy a Supreme Court ruling in favor of gayness, because “organic law” and Jesus: Read more on Alabama’s Roy Moore Will Appeal SCOTUS Marriage Ruling Directly To God…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines

Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Gosh golly, Wonkers, have we got a fine load of Dumbth for you this week! We heard from global warming deniers, a creationist, an anti-vaxxer, and a genuine neo-Confederate Southern Patriot who apparently does not actually realize which side lost the War of Southern Treason. Obviously, we need to start with that special snowflake first. Our Friday story about the League of the South’s Lincoln’s-Birthday commemoration of John Wilkes Booth drew a comment from one “Pat Hines,” who has featured in previous Dear Shitferbrains columns. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines…
  Warmed-Over Science Denial

Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges

God, that's just so dumb. Doesn't Obama even care that Americans are DYING?
Fox News found yet another reason to declare President Barack Obama totally DUMM Wednesday, because the stupidhead president made a factual statement that is also totally outrageous and stupid. In his recent interview with Vox, Obama said that yes, terrorism is bad and serious, but the media also exaggerates the threat of terrorism to the average American because it makes for good television, while threats like climate change, which will affect everyone on the planet, don’t get as much coverage because they don’t make for exciting TV. Read more on Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges…
  Is ISIS Attacking Our Weather? We're Just Asking!

Climate Scientists Do Normal Science Thing, Proving Global Warming A Total Hoax

Among climate deniers, these are usually in a twist.
Well, here’s a hell of a surprise. Fox News has presented a misleading story bout climate science! Yes, you may want to sit down before reading any further! Media Matters does the heavy lifting on this one, tracing how one seriously misleading op-ed column by Christopher Booker in the right-leaning London Telegraph on Jan. 7 has spread throughout the Right-o-sphere. And Booker makes it sound like one hell of a scandal all right: Climate scientists have been systematically adjusting temperature readings from weather stations all over the world! Booker called it a “wholesale manipulation of the official temperature record” and “one of the greatest scientific scandals of all time.” And by golly, he sure did prove that a blogger looked at many temperature readings and found the original records were indeed adjusted in later publications, which is all the proof you need to know that the scientists are just making things up to scare people. In particular, daily temperature readings from stations in Paraguay had been adjusted to show higher temperatures than the original readings. Fraud! Fraud! Read more on Climate Scientists Do Normal Science Thing, Proving Global Warming A Total Hoax…
  You Actually Are Allowed To Have Your Own Facts

Ben Carson Will Not Have You Slurring The GOP As Anti- Science, Sir

Science has preserved Chris Wallace in wax since 1997
For all of his entertaining lunacy on everything else, Ben Carson has mostly been one of the most reasonable Republican voices in the most recent weirdness over childhood vaccines. It’s almost as if he knows a whole lot about doctoring and jack shit about everything else. For instance, he quite sanely said, yes, every child should be immunized – and then, the moment the conversation turned beyond actual medicine, he added that maybe it was undocumented immigrants spreading the disease around because Obama won’t control the border. Read more on Ben Carson Will Not Have You Slurring The GOP As Anti- Science, Sir…
  a greeter in every camp

Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords

always with the props, dude
Insipid Libertarian Mario Brother John Stossel once again showed why he sits at the Smart Kids’ table on Fox News trips to Dave & Busters’. Speaking to Frozen Meatloaf scion Tucker Carlson, Stossel made the case that we’d all be much better off with a government small enough to drown in a bathtub, especially if our compassionate brothers and sisters at Walmart Inc. were tabbed to be first responders for all future drownings. Read more on Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords…