fox news

Do you remember Dr. Ben Carson’s VERY IMPORTANT SPEECH at the National Prayer Breakfast in February of last year? No? How could you forget? It’s like forgetting 9/11. Just 434 days ago, today, Dr. Ben boldly rambled proclaimed that poverty is bad, education is the answer, we should adopt God’s taxation system, went off on […]

Hey, kids, remember when the Wall Street Journal started using the charming phrase “lucky duckies” to refer to those high-living Poors who don’t pay any taxes at all, except for payroll taxes, sales taxes, Social Security tax, property tax added to rentals, etc? Would you believe that was back in 2002, and that Tom the […]

We’re feeling sorta “dog bites man,” because we’re going to talk at you about how Fox News’s Roger Ailes is a thin-skinned bullyboy who doesn’t understand how free speech works, and this is not news to you. This week, Roger and his lovely bride, Elizabeth, would like to sue people for “liking” something on Facebook. […]

If there’s anything the right loves, it’s Law & Order, because if you don’t respect the law, you’re a lawless criminal. Barack Obama, for instance, is a lawless renegade who thinks that the executive branch can make changes to how the Affordable Care Act is administered without asking permission from the Tea Party. And violators […]

The other night, Bill O’Reilly got mad at hippies and the “grievance industry” — America’s supposed cultural/political movement that encourages everyone who isn’t Bill O’Reilly to think they’re a victim of racism or sexism. O’Reilly also had some grievances of his own, especially after being victimized by this Stephen Colbert fellow, whose ratings are nowhere […]

Here’s Jon Stewart with the only reasonable response to the full week of coverage that Fox News’s Sean Hannity gave to the alleged horrors of Spring Break: “You will believe what they found, because you know” — drinking, sex, drinking, and sex. Still, you have to admit it takes some guts for Hannity to pretend […]

Failed “Wyoming” Senatorial candidate Liz Cheney has triumphantly returned to her previous job as a Fox News contributor, proving that government assistance to the unemployed is not needed when you’re a friend of the conservative mediaplex. After a spectacularly unsuccessful challenge to incumbent Sen. Mike Enzi, Cheney ended her campaign in January, citing unspecified “serious […]

Have you heard about how the liberal gay mafia fascists who hate diversity lynch mobbed that sweet nice man, Brendan Eich, who was CEO of Mozilla until he was killed by the evil gay agenda? Of course you have, because whiners gonna whine, and oh dear lord, they cannot stop whining about how unfair and […]

Here’s Gabriella, an adorable 5-year-old, telling her parents all about how “the lunch teacher” at her school told her “It’s not good to pray” when she bent her head to pray at lunch. In his Saturday column, the always-reliable Todd Starnes shares what definitely happened last month at Carillon Elementary School in Oviedo, Florida, according […]

Hope you’re having a delightful Obamacare Deadline Day, what with the website partially borked* due to high traffic, and Rick Santorum assuring us no one’s going to actually pay for their new plans, and the actually encouraging news that about 9.5 million previously uninsured people now have coverage. And now here’s Fox News with a […]

So here is your nontroversy of the afternoon: Donald Trump is furious that Barack Obama has mentioned the possibility of a terrorist nuclear attack on Manhattan, because, as he told Fox News’s Greta Van Susteren today, the President “just put a big target on Manhattan.” Damn you, Obama! If only you had kept Manhattan a […]

Hey Gawker! Hey! Hey! Gawker! Over here! Gawker! Can you maybe do five more investigative pieces on whether or not (haha, jk jk) Shep Smith, our favorite of all Fox News’s catty bitches, is gay? You can? Can you yell him at a party things like ARE YOU HERE BECAUSE YOU’RE ADMITTING YOU ARE GAY? […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple […]

Looks like a memo from the Desk Of Murdoch made its way Thursday to the on-air meatpuppets at Fox News. On the March 20 edition of The Five, footage of the passengers’ anxious relatives inspired Andrea Tantaros to declare that the poor folks must feel exactly like the families of the Americans who died at […]