Tag Archives: fox & friends

  They Could Have Been Heroes Just For One Day

Fox News Knows Obama Personally Ordered Terrorist To Ride That French Train

How a normal network might report the story
How a normal network might report the story There’s an awful lot to be happy about in the story of the three vacationing Americans, a British executive, and a French passenger who overpowered a would-be terrorist on a high-speed train Friday. Nobody got killed, and even the two people who were slashed by the bad guy’s knife are going to be fine. On Monday, four of the hero passengers were awarded France’s highest civilian medal, the Legion d’Honneur. So: a whole lot of good to say about the decency and heroism of ordinary people willing to risk their lives to protect complete strangers. Read more on Fox News Knows Obama Personally Ordered Terrorist To Ride That French Train…
  Medical advice from a divorce lawyer

Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now

She's not a doctor, but...
You know that thing when a transgender person gets gender reassignment surgery, and everybody at Show And Tell is like “ooh, me too, this is the next hottest thing, gender reassignment surgery, MOOOOOOOMMMM, why does Jessa get gender reassignment surgery and I don’t, I HATE YOU!” You don’t? Guess you’re not a Fox News idiot then, because it is a thing, and it’s going to be a real problem in prison. Read more on Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now…
  Americans actually wake up to these people

Fox & Friends Confused Which Toys Have A Penis And Which Have A Vagina

What Brian Kilmeade looks like shopping for toys.
It is a day, which means there is a news story that is evidence of the PC police gone whackadoodly, and the adult daycare couch of “Fox & Friends” is exhibiting signs of confusion. The culprit: Target. How is Target making the Fox hosts confused and sad and scared? By removing gender-based labeling on children’s toys.  Read more on Fox & Friends Confused Which Toys Have A Penis And Which Have A Vagina…
  Let's gossip about the week's stop stories

A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten

Ooh look a kitten.
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and you are probably thinking “ooh I just clicked on this post HARD because I want to know about the Brazilian pastor and his holy peen milk” and we hate to break it to you, but it’s not true. The number two story of the week, FOR SOME REASON, was this thing we wrote in 2013, about a Brazilian pastor and his holy peen sperm milk, which turned out to be fakity fake fake, which NEVER HAPPENS AT WONKETTE. It just happened this one time, in 2013, because we do not speak Brazilianese and hey, nobody is perfect. But SOMEBODY posted it on Facebook this week, or on Tinder, we’re not quite sure, and it got eleventy million page views, so, because this is an honest and ethical top ten list, we are being honest about how it was the number two story of the week. If you are the person who posted it, please come forward so Wonkette can give you a spanking right on your bottom. Read more on A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  U go gurl

Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY

Macho macho man
Remember yesterday, when Donald Trump decided to do the weirdest campaign speech in the history of weird campaign speeches, by talking about how Lindsey Graham is even stupider than dumb Rick Perry, which is saying a lot, and regaled the crowd with a story about how Graham begged him one time to give him money and say nice things about him on the “Fox & Friends” program? And then he gave out Graham’s cell phone number and told everybody to prank call it? Of course you remember, it was yesterday! Later in the day, Graham tweeted that he was probably going to have to get a new phone and we were like LOL does he not understand how phone numbers work? Read more on Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  Why can't they just go somewhere else?

Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much

Sharks is confusing!
Making fun of “Fox & Friends” twice in one day? SOLD! Here is your video of the dumbshit couch talking about a very scary shark attack that happened in South Africa to surfer Mick Fanning, and how it’s one thing when normal swimmers get attacked by sharks, but when big important surfers get attacked by sharks, then we have a problem, because don’t the sharks even know who they’re messing with? (They are messing with humans, who, even when they are badass surfers, are smaller and not as badass as sharks.) Read more on Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much…
  all of them katie

How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?

S-M-R-T.
The answer is A LOT. Which makes sense, because Donald Trump’s butthole isn’t weak like the other candidates’ buttholes, and it’s definitely not a captured POW loser like John McCain’s butthole. Trump had a big weekend, and he probably put the nail in his own coffin by saying mean things about McCain — some of which are KINDA true, except for how Donald Trump is an asshole who doesn’t know how to string words together without coming off like a ginormous cowering pussy, and who also doesn’t really have a place to talk about others’ Vietnam War records, since the only bravery Trump exhibited during that time was in the number of bullshit deferments he managed to get. Oh wait, that wasn’t “brave,” that was “brazen,” and also “cowardly.” Read more on How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?…
  Hes a Ficus Conservative

Democratic Plant Donald Trump Is Not Democratic Plant, Says Donald Trump

They can't all be masterpieces. Or any of them.
Serious Presidential Contender Donald Trump (we almost typed that with a straight face … almost) angrily denied suggestions that he was a secret Democratic operative loosed on the 2016 Republican field to make the party look stupid. For one thing, with Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb! Bush, and several thousand other candidates, the field needed no extra help. Specifically, Trump took issue with Florida Republican congresstroll Carlos Curbelo’s recent suggestion that maybe, just maybe, Trump might be a stealth Democrat. Curbelo, who supports Jeb! Bush, said in a recent radio interview: Read more on Democratic Plant Donald Trump Is Not Democratic Plant, Says Donald Trump…
  And he DEFINITELY was not a vegan

Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn’t Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy

Saved by the blood of Tough Guy Jesus.
Sunday’s “Fox & Friends” featured a discussion on illegal immigration (something new and different), and the focus was on churches doing that whole bleeding heart “when I was hungry, you fed me” thing with illegals, as opposed to immediately calling authorities and turning in those damn Messican aliens. And because the network is Fair And Balanced, it called two extremely conservative wingnuts to debate the issue, Dr. Richard Land of the Southern Evangelical Seminary, and Robert Jeffress, pastor of Dallas’s First Baptist megachurch, who’s a real whore when it comes to getting to go on the teevee. Somehow, there was distance between the two, because whereas Land says that when hungry people show up at a church, YOU FEED THEM, Jeffress is pretty sure that Jesus never said anything about feeding the hungry, and besides, he doesn’t want to worship some kind of made-up faggot Jesus like that anyway: Read more on Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn’t Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy…
  USA Women's Soccer Victory May Cause Next Mideast War

Fox ‘Doctor’ Keith Ablow: Men Punch Ladies Because We Let Girls Do Sports

Some chicks like it rough, he hears
As you may have heard, a Florida State sportsball nickelback, De’Andre Johnson, was dropped from the sportsball team this week after surveillance video showed him punching a woman in the face in a June incident. (Johnson’s attorney says the incident was sparked when the woman called Johnson a racial epithet). But gosh, what does Fox News “Medical A-Team” member Dr. Keith Ablow think about all this? He thinks it’s just what happens when ladies want equality, which is pretty obvious if you think about it with Keith Ablow’s strangely misshapen cerebral cortex. Read more on Fox ‘Doctor’ Keith Ablow: Men Punch Ladies Because We Let Girls Do Sports…
  Yoogest Classiest Broad Brush Out There

Donald Trump Dimly Aware That Messicans Don’t Like Being Called Rapists And Murderers

Most accurate Trump image yet
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Donald Trump Isn’t backing off from his insistence that the borders are completely open and that most of those crossing are criminals, thugs, and thuggish criminals, but he is at least becoming vaguely aware that this stance may not be universally loved. On Fox & Friends Saturday, Trump took the opportunity to explain that his immigration views were vindicated because a man who’d been deported five times was charged with murder in San Francisco last week, which simply proves that illegal immigrants are bad news. Read more on Donald Trump Dimly Aware That Messicans Don’t Like Being Called Rapists And Murderers…
  Fire Island Causes Global Warming

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors
Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like “Global Warming” and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. Read more on Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage….
  NO FAIR!

Fox News Race Experts So Mad Obama Allowed To Use N-Word And They Aren’t

Steve Doocy asked his black friends, so it's okay.
In the aftermath of the Charleston shootings, many people are grasping for answers and trying to have a discussion about enduring racism in the United States and what can be done about it. Wingnuts at Fox News are currently Doing Their Part, by whining about how it’s NO FAIR that President Obama gets to say “nigger” and they don’t, because that’s not racial transcendence! Obama appeared on Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast, and attempted to have a grown-up conversation about the state of racism today: Read more on Fox News Race Experts So Mad Obama Allowed To Use N-Word And They Aren’t…
  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

They call themselves His People. Weird.
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…