Tag Archives: fox & friends

  Finally somebody is giving him the respect he deserves!

Rick Santorum: Nobody Gets Me Like ISIS Gets Me

Rick Santorum has finally found a media source that hasn’t been hijacked by the gay-loving liberals, one that quotes him accurately and nicely and conveys the true heart of his messages. WorldNetDaily? NO, not that commie rag. It is ISIS! Read more on Rick Santorum: Nobody Gets Me Like ISIS Gets Me…
  Teach Your Children To Shoot Well

Oppressed Gun Fondlers Not Allowed To Be Foster Parents, This Shall Not Stand!

Oh, we get it! 'Permitted' -- like a gun permit! It is a pune, or play on words!
You know who has the toughest time of all in modern America? Patriotic gunhumpers, that’s who. Bad enough that the police threaten them by standing around nearby when they march around in front of public schools playing Open Carry Hero and screaming at the cops. Now we learn that, in the socialist commie state of Nevada, at least, you can be excluded from the pool of potential foster parents simply because you Love America enough to have a concealed weapon permit. Read more on Oppressed Gun Fondlers Not Allowed To Be Foster Parents, This Shall Not Stand!…
  He'll be here all week and try the veal

Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again

Obama needs to watch more Fox News, obviously
Last week, President Obama committed the impeachable high crime of saying some historically accurate things at the National Prayer Breakfast about how Christians have also done some terrorism and violence and bad things in the name of spreading their faith, and they have not been perfect all the time since the first year of anno domini. Read more on Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again…
  Do You Love America Enough? You Probably Don't Love America Enough

Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein

And is India even grateful that we saved them from Saddam Hussein? No they are not.
In case you missed it, the latest litmus test for whether you Love America Enough is whether you are an enthusiastic supporter of the movie American Sniper, which you have to love or you are a hater. You see, Michael Moore said unkind things about the movie’s glorification of snipers, who are the kindest, bravest, warmest most wonderful Americans you’ve never seen because they are invisible like ninjas, and therefore The Entire Left hates America all over again, and now it is the sacred duty of all rightwing media to RAGESCREAM AT THE AMERICA HATERS WHO HATE CHRIS KYLE PERSONALLY AND ARE PISSING ON OUR BOYS’ GRAVES. Read more on Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein…
  Won't someone please think of Steve Doocy?

Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!

Weep for him, America
President Barry H. Bamz Obama recently announced a plan to give free community college to everyone who promises to do their homework on time and not fail all the classes. Edumacation is good, and free is good too, since kids these days are drowning in student loan debt, which is bad. (Elizabeth Warren says so, and she knows everything. Don’t argue.) And besides, all the other cool countries are doing it, which might have something to do with why all their kids are smarter at doing the math and the reading and the science than our kids. Read more on Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!…
  Crazy Foreigners And Their Crazy Antics

Fox News Just Asking: Does Metric System Make Planes Fall From Sky?

I hear they don't even think in English like we do!
An AirAsia flight carrying 162 people disappeared from radar Sunday, and before the crash site has even been found, Fox News rushed to try to equal CNN in the field of dumb speculation on possible causes of the disaster. On Fox & Friends Sunday, host Anna Kooiman introduced an interview with former FAA official Scott Brenner about how “the different way other countries train their pilots may be the real reason” for the crash, asking Brenner whether the metric system might be at fault: Read more on Fox News Just Asking: Does Metric System Make Planes Fall From Sky?…
  If You Love Someone Let Them Go Wild

Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!

Fox & Klanz
Fox News resident Psychopath psychiatrist Keith Ablow has Thoughts on the murder of two policemen in New York City this weekend. (We’re quite certain you were waiting to hear from him before deciding what you think of the horrific killings.) In addition to calling on New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to admit his personal responsibility for the murders, Ablow also insightfully diagnosed calls for police to be equipped with body cameras and to be trained in methods for de-escalating tense situations as signs of a sick society, calling it insulting to the good judgment of Our Protectors, who have done such an excellent job of protecting us from whatever criminals aren’t in blue uniforms. Read more on Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!…
  No Atheists In Fox Holes

Santa Evicted From Public School, One Dad Plus Fox News Very Upset

Iwo Tannenbaum
With all the torture and police brutality and Republicans taking over Congress, we were worried that the War on Christmas just might not come this year. Thankfully, though, just like Santa soaring through the fog, led by a Claymation reindeer, it’s finally arrived, and Fox News’s Todd Starnes will get to open up his brightly wrapped box of butthurt under the Kwanzaa Tree after all. Read more on Santa Evicted From Public School, One Dad Plus Fox News Very Upset…
  Maybe they hate us for our stupid

Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’

YOOOOGE idiots
You may be aware of a hostage situation in a Lindt chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia. Because it appears to be politically motivated, and the gunmen have reportedly displayed an ISIS (or Muslim or Those People, who knows!) flag in the window, it is therefore the perfect opportunity for the idiots at Fox & Friends to invite Expert On All Things Donald Trump to explain this situation, and of course how it is further evidence that America now sucks, thanks a lot, Obama! Trump is an expert on Those People, and as the Fox hosts point out, he also lives near a Lindt chocolate shop. So he’s got that added personal insight. Read more on Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’…
  The real killer is still out there

Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!

This crack team is on the case to find the real killer
In the ongoing competition to blame every single person in America for the death of Ferguson teenager Michael Brown — except, of course, for the guy who actually shot him to death — Fox News “psychiatrist” Keith Ablow has the new, niftiest theory of all: it was Brown’s family what done it! Read more on Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!…
  Why are we hating Obama today?

Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson

They're just asking what no one's thinking
The brain trust that is Fox & Friends has a very important question for America: “Is Obama administration inciting violence in Ferguson?” The answer is yes, duh, that’s a rhetorical question, but let’s turn to YOOOOGE brain guy Donald Trump to further explain. With all hell breaking loose in Ferguson, Missouri, how can we blame this on President Obama? Trump knows just how! Read more on Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson…
  How To Get A Head At Newscorp

Fox Idiot: Why Does Barack Obama Want You To Get Beheaded?

Just like the Rapture, any day now...
Hey, did you hear about that beheading in Oklahoma last week? Did you know that beheadings are on the rise here in U.S. America, with over 100% more beheadings by fired ex-convicts in September 2014 than in the whole rest of the year? Fortunately, killer Alton Nolen was stopped from attacking a second worker at Vaughan Foods when the company’s Chief Operating Officer, Mark Vaughan, shot him. This proves that if your executive staff includes an off-duty Sheriff’s Reserve deputy who is nearby with his or her weapon handy, you will never ever have to worry about more than one person at your business getting beheaded. Read more on Fox Idiot: Why Does Barack Obama Want You To Get Beheaded?…
  Won't someone PLEASE think of the children's cartoons?

Tucker Carlson Will Not ‘Bate To Wonder Woman Any More. Thanks Obama.

The liberals stole his pipe
Is there nothing sacred that liberals won’t destroy with their liberal liberalism like a bunch of liberal liberals? No, of course not, that’s a stupid question, back of the classroom for you, and don’t forget your dunce cap. Read more on Tucker Carlson Will Not ‘Bate To Wonder Woman Any More. Thanks Obama….
  You have a First Amendment right to pray to any Jesus you want

Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists

He is A Expert
The Fox gang was having a nice Sunday morning chat about Adam McDaniel, the leader of the Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a Satanic group in Oklahoma that organized a public mass to be held in Oklahoma City’s Civic Center. You’ll be shocked to know that Fox and its official religion contributor have all of a sudden discovered just how wrong it is to allow a religious service on public property. So. Very. Wrong. Read more on Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists…
  Ready For ISIS...But What About Shazam?

Crazy Fox & Friends Sheriff Will Make ISIS Pee Themselves, Ayup!

Sheriff Elmer Fudd
Meet Sheriff Gary Painter of Midland County, Texas. He is not going to let ISIS invade his beautiful American Texas of the United States, no sir! In what can only be described as performance art, Fox & Friends’ Elizabeth Hasselbeck and the sheriff traded rightwing blog rumors about the imminent — or perhaps already underway!!!! — ISIS invasion of America. That would be the invasion that Homeland Security has said is not happening and is not a threat, but why would you believe the Department of Homeland Security over a local Texas sheriff? Read more on Crazy Fox & Friends Sheriff Will Make ISIS Pee Themselves, Ayup!…
  Do The Rice Thing

Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating

Screenshot from Fox News employee training video
Women, huh? You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t punch ‘em unconscious in an elevator, know what I mean, fellas? And now it seems that a lot of sniveling liberals just can’t take a joke, as seen in the internet’s complete overreaction to some innocent banter on Fox & Friends yesterday, when Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade shared a harmless chuckle over the video of Ray Rice coldcocking Janay Palmer. Read more on Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating…
  Violence In The NFL?

NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video

New shirts for Doocy and Kilmeade
There is absolutely nothing funny about the new video that TMZ acquired, showing Ray Rice’s actual assault on his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer, back in February. It’s reprehensible, and the only good news in the whole horrible story is that Rice has been fired by the Baltimore Ravens. He’s also been placed on indefinite suspension by the NFL, and maybe on extra double-secret probation, too. We were a bit astonished when we saw that, and assumed that Rice must have been caught smoking pot or something. Read more on NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Fox Solves All Your Selfie Problems, Alaska Is REALLY Weird, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Just look in the mirror
It’s hump day. So, uh, hump something? While some people are upset about nekkid self-portraits (what the kids these days who should get off our lawn call “selfies”) floating around the interwebs without their consent, Fox News has the perfect solution, as usual. Tell us what it is, Fox & Friends host Steve Doocy (he’s the blond one, we think): Read more on Fox Solves All Your Selfie Problems, Alaska Is REALLY Weird, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  I know you are but what am I?

Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists

Attention ladies! Do you know what you want, what you really really want? Probably not, so how about you listen to these three hotties – WHOM YR WONKETTE RESPECTS FOR THEIR MINDS AS WELL AS THEIR FEMININITY – yap at you about some feminist idea or other that’s floating through their well-coiffed heads while they show some leg to the geriatric shut-ins who make up the Fox & Friends audience. Read more on Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists…
  things that go bump in the night

Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Wonketteers, we do not wish to alarm you about the threat from ISIS, but you should be SHITTING YOUR PANTS IN TERROR BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVERY LOVED. Or at least that seems to be the conservative talking point for the week after the tragic beheading of photojournalist James Foley by militants in Syria. Which is not to play down the insanity of ISIS at all; it is a vicious bunch of assholes. (Even Peggy Noonan was appropriately clear-eyed about the group in today’s column – pants-shitting terror has a way of sobering up even the most wasted of drunks.) But still, some of this might be a bit excessive. Read more on Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!…
  Thugghazi

Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug

Think tank is so thinky
In times of civil unrest and racial tension and cops killing unarmed black teenagers, the number one expert you want to explain it to you is wingnut radio gum-flapper Laura Ingraham. That’s just obvious, at least if you are a Fox & Friends bobblehead: Read more on Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug…
  once you see you can't unsee

Tucker Carlson Would Like You To Know He’d Totally Fap To This Girl Who Shot A Gazelle

So earlier in the World Cup (sportsball! woo!) there was a girl that was apparently the most beautiful-est sportsball fan, and she got offered a hair modeling contract with L’Oreal. But then she posted a super cool photo on her Facebook account posing with a gazelle she had shot on a big game hunting trip. This made people sad, and when people get sad on the Internet, they yell at companies that are making them sad, so L’Oreal made her contract go away. This, in turn, made Tucker Carlson and his posse of stupid very mad and very sad. Read more on Tucker Carlson Would Like You To Know He’d Totally Fap To This Girl Who Shot A Gazelle…