Tag: fox and friends

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Bill O’Reilly Thinks He Has Room To Talk About Maxine Waters’s Hair

Surely he'll falafel about this later.

TrumpCare 2.0: Shut Up And Eat It! Wonkagenda For Tues., March 21, 2017

The House unveils TrumpCare 2.0, Jeff Sessions tries to scare sanctuary cities, and Tomi Laharen gets hit with the ban hammer! Your morning news brief!

Donald Trump Flirts With Appearance Of Decency In Reaction To Hillary Clinton’s Death Pneumonia

Donald Trump pivoted to only being halfway horrible about Hillary Clinton's pneumonia. So presidential!
History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

Fox News SHOCKER: Hillary Clinton Beat Bill Like An Egg-Stealing Hound

Fox News, America's most reliable and trusted cable news outlet, has been muddling around for years now, trying to find some dirt on Hillary Clinton that will really stick. Benghazi, excuse us, BENGHAZHI!!1!, has turned out to be a bust. The...

Fox News Doc Wishes Facebook Loved America Instead Of Murder

Dr. Keith Ablow has thoughts. They are bad thoughts.

Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.
It's a mystery!

Donald Trump Firmly Anti-Hitler, Will Look Into Whether KKK Terrific Or Not

Donald Trump is simply shocked, shocked that anyone would think he's friendly to racist groups, although over the weekend he seemed unwilling to say they were exactly bad. On CNN's "State of the Union" Sunday, Trump refused to disavow...

Fox News Very Sorry You Can’t Call President Obama ‘A Pussy’ On TV

After impatiently demanding, 29 hours a day, that the president nut up and call the shootings in San Bernardino last week TERRORISM, Fox News's ew nasty nighttime ejaculations came true. So did Obama's Sunday night address from the Oval Office...
True fact: Nerdy smiles started as a prison fashion, like saggy pants

Muslim Clock Nerd Ahmed Mohamed Gonna Sue Bejesus Out Of Bigot Texas Town

In a development we've only been anticipating since Day One, the family of Ahmed Mohamed is threatening to sue over a September incident in which the 14-year-old was arrested after he brought a home-rebuilt alarm clock to school in Irving,...

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it's terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in...
Chopped liver, apparently.

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

You know how Fox News "journalist" Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that's why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist...
This is an accurate offensive stereotype

Confederates Mourn As Flags Quietly Secede From Poles, License Plates

The Confederate flag just keeps slithering off flagpoles and license plates and out of retail stores lately, and the losses have been piling up like bodies in a Matthew Brady daguerreotype. Now I Hope Neil Young Will Remember The most recent...

Fox News Can’t Believe Obama Said Christians Have Done Bad Stuff Too, For Jesus

President Obama said words again, as he is so uppity-ly wont to do, so of course the dimwitted mouth-breathers on Fox & Friends are OUTRAGED!!!! Damn you, Obama, with your word-saying. This time, he was word-saying words at the National...

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of...
Why Not the Pest?

Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian

In what is undoubtedly the YOOGEST news since the last time Donald Trump said anything, Donald Trump hinted today on Fox & Friends that the situation in Washington has become so intolerable, what with the fraud and the lying...