Tag Archives: fox and friends

  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  It's Like Sophie's Choice Met Dumb And Dumber

Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian

Why Not the Pest?
In what is undoubtedly the YOOGEST news since the last time Donald Trump said anything, Donald Trump hinted today on Fox & Friends that the situation in Washington has become so intolerable, what with the fraud and the lying and the dishonesty and the Obamacare that just doesn’t work and is based on a lie because a guy said so on video, that he, Donald Trump, just might have to become president to fix it. No, really, this time he means it: He is genuinely thinking that he should be President. Maybe not that he will actually run, because that is work, but he’s very happy to pretend that he faces some kind of Sophie’s Choice about doing weekly Fox & Friends visits or making a serious bid for office. Read more on Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian…
  The third rail of comedy

Wingnuts Find The One Thing That’s Not Funny, And It Is Mitt Romney

We are all sad today
In the rightwing world, there are a lot of things that are HI-larious and worthy of mockery. Encouraging kids to carve a coal plant in their pumpkins to really stick it to these tree-huggers at the Department of Energy? Funny! Calling a lady jet fighter “boobs on the ground”? Even funnier! Asking if Sandra Fluke is engaged to a man because something something slutty lesbian something? Classic comedy! Calling Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis “Abortion Barbie”? Highbrow humor. (Because she is a blonde lady, just like Barbie, and she cares about abortion rights. Get it? It’s pretty sophisticated.) Suggesting Putin should be our new president since that pansy-ass tyrant Obama is such a pansy-ass tyrant? Hardy har har. Oh wait, they were serious about that one. Read more on Wingnuts Find The One Thing That’s Not Funny, And It Is Mitt Romney…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert So Sad Now That Fox & Friends Got The Ebola (Video)

Eyebrow of Doom!
TV Funnyman Stephen Colbert is understandably concerned about the emergence of Ebola in America, and by “concerned,” we mean thoroughly terrified that the virus has made it from “Whocaresistan” to our golden shores. Just don’t touch the fluids on the shores. “That is crap-your-pants terrifying,” Colbert explains, “in that crap-your-pants is one of the symptoms of Ebola.” And remember, you can “get Ebola just by coming in contact with an infected person’s bodily fluids, including ‘blood, sweat, feces, vomit, semen, and spit.’ So you might want to avoid the next Gathering of the Juggalos.” But Colbert refuses to let propaganda get to him! “I won’t be fooled into staying calm by the so-called ‘experts’ with their so-called ‘medical degrees’ and their so-called ‘fingers,'” he insisted. “And neither will the ‘Fox and Friends.'” Colbert then cut to a clip of Dr. Dalilah Restrepo attempting to reassure the easily-freaked-out Friends of Fox, which didn’t go quite as well as it could have: She coughed while talking to the three amigos. Read more on Stephen Colbert So Sad Now That Fox & Friends Got The Ebola (Video)…
  I know you are but what am I?

Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists

Attention ladies! Do you know what you want, what you really really want? Probably not, so how about you listen to these three hotties – WHOM YR WONKETTE RESPECTS FOR THEIR MINDS AS WELL AS THEIR FEMININITY – yap at you about some feminist idea or other that’s floating through their well-coiffed heads while they show some leg to the geriatric shut-ins who make up the Fox & Friends audience. Read more on Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists…
  stfu brian kilmeade

Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die

Brian Kilmeade got a GOTCHA on some dumb Texas “sheriff,” when he played 911 tapes of illegal immigrants calling the police for help with stupid things like “not dying.” “So those calls, you have to respond to, even though for the most part, when you get there you realize, they’re not even American citizens?” Kilmeade asked incredulously, after introducing the calls with the reminder that the people calling in extremis “have no business being here.” Kilmeade then looked surprised by the sheriff’s answer, which was basically, “well, yeah, they’re on American soil, what are you, some kind of a dick?” Read more on Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die…
  mandatory abortions for all

Fox & Friends Will Burn Whoremongering Isabel Allende Books Now, Thank You

Today, from the Department of Oh Do Shut The Hell Up, we have Fox’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck giving airtime to some random lady who is making life hell for North Carolina’s Watauga County school district because they assigned a book that random lady does not like because of how it is all about mandating abortion and prostitution, probably. On the March 3 edition of Fox News’ Fox & Friends, co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck reported that “parents are outraged over a new book being assigned to their high school students containing references to abortion and prostitution,” and was quick to tie the book to the Common Core educational standards — falsely labeling them the “Common Core classroom curriculum.” […] The campaign to censor The House of The Spirits in North Carolina’s Watauga County school district has sparked national scrutiny in recent weeks. As Michael Keegan, president of the free speech advocacy organization People for the American Way noted, Lesesne’s censorship attempt ignores that “The House of Spirits is an internationally renowned work that is taught in high school Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate programs throughout the country.” Read more on Fox & Friends Will Burn Whoremongering Isabel Allende Books Now, Thank You…
  Tieghazi

Sexy Fashion God Donald Trump Does Not Care For Barack Obama’s Super Bowl Outfit

When you think “male fashion plate,” who comes to mind? Tim Gunn? David Beckham? Haha of course not. You think Donald Trump because shiny ties and dead-squirrel-on-your-head hair is where it is AT. Mr. Blackwell Trump puts Obama on his worst-dressed list this year for failing to rock a signature sheentastic Trump-style tie during his Fox News interview with Bill O’Reilly. “I definitely think he should have worn a tie,” Trump complained to the hosts of Fox & Friends on Monday. “You know, he’s the president of the United States, let him put on a tie. Bill was wearing a tie, not that he has to follow Bill. But Bill was wearing a tie. He’s the president. It’s a formal position, I think he should wear a tie.” […] “It’s sloppy, it’s not appropriate, it’s not presidential,” Trump opined. “He’s the president of the United States, let him put on a tie.” Read more on Sexy Fashion God Donald Trump Does Not Care For Barack Obama’s Super Bowl Outfit…
  our moocher class

John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff

Impacted bowel John Stossel dropped by the set of Fox & Friends yesterday to drop a little truth on hosts Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and whatshisname, the guy who is always squinting in puzzlement like he’s losing a battle of wits with a doorknob. Stossel was there to talk about the 50th anniversary of the War on Poverty and how it has backfired by making all the ladies want to stay single because having a man in the house means smaller welfare handouts from the government. This is good news for those of you who are tired of going to family gatherings and answering the question, “When are you going to get married?” Now you can respond with Never Grandma, because getting married means I’ll have to stop suckling at the government teat and I want to keep my sweet, sweet welfare checks that are paid for by taking money away from society’s makers like John Stossel. Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff… Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

We Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup

Greetings, filthy liberal gun grabbers! Does this seem like a bad time for a roundup of stupid gun-related news? We were thinking about writing this periodic update over the weekend, and then Monday happened, and also Sad Lee Stranahan was manfully whining at us for being mean to him just because he’s A Idiot, and it just seemed safer for our blood pressure to stay off of Twitter and the Internet and away from the debate altogether. But now we have had a day or two to absorb this latest tragedy and can write without becoming so enraged that blood spurts out of our eyeballs. We think. As Napoleon reportedly said while watching his armies cross into Russia, screw it, what’s the worst that could happen? Read more on We Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  we'll tell you what's going on

Your Official Wonkette Editorial Policy On Syria Is Here And We Regret to Inform You It Involves Talking About Louie Gohmert

With all the big doings about Syria and Congress this weekend, we thought it was high time to unveil our official Wonkette editorial policy on Syria. Ready? Really ready? Our editorial policy is ???????? because what the hell do we know? We are certain that Sarah Palin is both a terrible and stupid human being because that is a given. Beyond that, we are largely keeping our big yaps shut because until we become geopolitical experts you don’t really need to hear our feels and thoughts. Would that the GOP would follow our lead on this matter. Read more on Your Official Wonkette Editorial Policy On Syria Is Here And We Regret to Inform You It Involves Talking About Louie Gohmert…