Absolutely nothing to do with politics here — “an enjoyable post,” in other words — but here is Ernie Anastos, an anchor at the local Fox station in New York, telling his weatherman to “keep fuckin’ that chicken.” ???. Then they show a clip of ladies exercising and he’s like, I want to bone all of them immediately. OH and while we are in this lovely apolitical oasis, today is the best day since whenever because PAVEMENT is getting back together for a world tour! Anyway… “Republicans suck.” [YouTube]

Sorry, folks! This is what passes for SEXY SEX SCANDAL NEWS this June, while “important news” such as the incipient Iranian revolution and doomed healthcare reform dominate our boring news channels. Doug Hampton, the husband of that lady John Ensign had sex with, wrote to Megyn Kelly at Fox News five days before Ensign confessed to the affair. And in the letter he said, in effect, Ensign is such a douche! I am blabbing to you, Megyn Kelly, because you are a lawyer! MORE »

Whoa, weird, Fox Business News has a delightful scoop today! They won a suit against the Treasury to release 10,000 pages in TARP-related government records, and for the good of mankind have already found a couple of funny anecdotes revealing cartoonish confusion and conflict. We’re starting to understand the mechanics of how AIG rips off the federal government so easily: the old racist means of pitting the bureaucrats against each other until they’ve all been killed off. MORE »

Oh man, this is sort of sad! Brit Hume, by many measures one of the least offensive Fox News personalities in existence, is stepping down from the anchor’s desk after 12 years because he has lost his enthusiasm for the job. (Quick everybody, quit your job because you are bored!) Twelve years on Fox would be the equivalent of two decades with one of those companies that does the clean-up after a quadruple homicide or a sewer pipe explosion or an invasion of Mold Monsters. Not for the faint of heart. Brit Hume, we salute you! [New York Daily News]

Oh flippeter floppeter! Remember how Barack Obama made so much fun of John McCain for wanting to form a “9/11 Commission” to investigate the terrorist financial bomb that hit Wall Street this weekend so that the commission could, in a year or two, make a bunch of recommendations for everyone to ignore? Well it turns out that Obama used to love commissions and voted in favor of a number of them over the years, so now he will be found guilty of treason and banished to outer space to count rats forever. [YouTube via Instapundit]

It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)

A while back our boyfriend Alec Baldwin said he would go to Canada if George W. Bush was elected, but he ended up staying in country and calling his daughter a pig and Redeeming himself on a funny television show. Now his stupider brother Stephen is threatening to leave America one Baldwin poorer if Barack Obama gets elected. MORE »

So your editor had to get the satellite teevee because he just moved his entire family including small children and a dog to the Mojave Desert far from your evil civilization. And check it out: The Direct TV has this “News Mix” channel which is what you see pictured. All the news channels! You can just move through them with the little buttons on your remote, and get the audio off whichever you need/have to hear at that moment. This is some kind of techmologies revolution! [NewsMix]

Oh hey those FASCISTS at FOX censored SALLY FIELD. We figure she owes them big-time because jesus christ that’s one crazy lady. These awards shows are on a short broadcast delay so that when whatever crazy actor starts screaming “FUCK JESUS” it can be bleeped so poor people won’t lose their faith or whatever — the Flying Nut apparently said “goddamned war.” Anyway, if your MOM RULED THE WORLD it would kind of suck, too. Also, this is apparently from last night. Sally Field’s still alive? Did they finally make “Smokey and the Bandit IV?”

Sally Field, Ray Romano bleeped at Emmys [Reuters]

A big-ass bridge collapsed for no apparent fucking reason in your East Coast editor’s hometown yesterday. Nine people are confirmed dead, but with fifty cars tumbling into the river and at least twelve still at the bottom of the fucking Mississippi and 20 (30? 65?) people missing, you can bet that number’s gonna rise a bit over the course of the week.

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Roger Ailes, Fox News head, is BFF with Rudy Giuliani, adulterous abortion-funding GOP front-runner. Roger was Rudy’s first media consultant, Rudy officiated Roger’s wedding. Now, for come crazy reason, Rudy spends more time on Fox News than any of the other 600 candidates running for the Republican nomination! How could that be? MORE »