Tag Archives: fox

  She used to be someone

Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?

Sad Ann Coulter is sad
Ann Coulter is not doing so well. It’s been a rough ride for the original Blonde Conservative Chick, who’s looking a little past her pull date, if you know what we mean. (We’d apologize for sounding sexist and ageist, but she’d hate that, so we won’t.) She used to be a novelty, but now there are dozens of younger, blonder, leggier, dumber, smilier, crazier conservative chicks. She is nothing special. She’s this close to being an answer on “Jeopardy!”: Born in 1961, this conservative columnist and commentator used to regularly appear on television and in newspapers, before she was deemed too toxic even for most conservatives. Who is Ann Coulter? And does anyone care? Alas, no. Read more on Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?…
  derp

Marco Rubio Still Running For President, Still Real Dumb

Are you not sexcited?
Remember that dude, Marco Rubio, from Florida? Probably not. He announced the end of his political career in April, when he said he’s already sick of being a senator, after four whole years, and will “run for president” instead, to deal with the number one threat to America, which is Cuba. Ah, but that was so many presidential announcements ago, and Rubio is boring and dumb, no one likes him — especially not after he was the only other GOP backstabber who joined fellow Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Traitor) to murder a bipartisan bill on Iran that Republicans really wanted. Read more on Marco Rubio Still Running For President, Still Real Dumb…
  You Actually Are Allowed To Have Your Own Facts

Ben Carson Will Not Have You Slurring The GOP As Anti- Science, Sir

Science has preserved Chris Wallace in wax since 1997
For all of his entertaining lunacy on everything else, Ben Carson has mostly been one of the most reasonable Republican voices in the most recent weirdness over childhood vaccines. It’s almost as if he knows a whole lot about doctoring and jack shit about everything else. For instance, he quite sanely said, yes, every child should be immunized — and then, the moment the conversation turned beyond actual medicine, he added that maybe it was undocumented immigrants spreading the disease around because Obama won’t control the border. Read more on Ben Carson Will Not Have You Slurring The GOP As Anti- Science, Sir…
  never mind

Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT

looking...for...unicorn
How is Obamacare ruining your life today? Fox News host Tucker Carlson thinks that he knows how Obamacare is ruining your life if you live in Colorado, let’s see if he is correct! Colorado’s health care exchange, Connect for Health Colorado, glitched out last week and cancelled the health insurance of 3,600 Coloradans who went on the state’s exchange to shop for another plan. Tucker Carlson invited perfect Fox News victim Steven Roussel, an articulate white guy, to describe the absolute horror of this bureaucratic glitch, or, as Tucker Carlson put it, “Kafka comes to Colorado!” Indeed! Tell us more, Steven Roussel: Read more on Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT…
  Film At Eleven

Local Fox Reporter Fired Just For Making Boring Story More Fun And Less True, Unfair!

Pic via Facebook A Fox affiliate in Baltimore fired an award-winning reporter following an artful act of interpretive truth. What’s journalism coming to when its most skilled practitioners aren’t allowed to edit a video to totally change the meaning of people’s words and make it sound like they’re condoning assassination? Read more on Local Fox Reporter Fired Just For Making Boring Story More Fun And Less True, Unfair!…
  Why are we hating Obama today?

Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson

They're just asking what no one's thinking
The brain trust that is Fox & Friends has a very important question for America: “Is Obama administration inciting violence in Ferguson?” The answer is yes, duh, that’s a rhetorical question, but let’s turn to YOOOOGE brain guy Donald Trump to further explain. With all hell breaking loose in Ferguson, Missouri, how can we blame this on President Obama? Trump knows just how! Read more on Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson…
  We Don't Interrupt This Program...

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.
Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on, it’s only a presidential speech, and those are lame. Or maybe they’re too partisan, according to some guy who writes a really overheated column at Politico: Read more on Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!…
  had to take a break from benghazi!!!1!

Fox News, Keith Ablow Jump On Tiny Cartoon Genitals

Is there something stupid happening in the world? Fox News and “Dr.” Keith Ablow are ON IT. We first learned of the terrible horrible no good very bad tiny cartoon genitals of It’s Perfectly Normal from the perfectly normal Victoria Jackson. Then Ben Shapiro’s Internet Home for the Congenitally Encephalitic, TruthRevolt, got in on the tiny naked cartoon action. Now, some ladies plus Dr. Keith Ablow — who thinks having a doll will make William gay — are all atitter, because seeing tiny cartoon genitals (not to mention interracial cartoon love) will have 10-year-olds clamoring for threesomes. Guess they had to cut to something from Hillary Clinton kidnapping those Nigerian girls. Read more on Fox News, Keith Ablow Jump On Tiny Cartoon Genitals…
  clipbait

Watch Chris Hayes Go Full Edward R. Murrow On Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 Coverage (Video)

We are a little in love with this Chris Hayes clip for his earnest pissed-offedness at what 24-hour cable news can do with a story when the demand for information far outstrips the supply of actual new information. With Flight 370, there’s only so many times you can say, “Nope, still don’t know anything new.” And so if you don’t report on anything else in the world, your network may very well end up with Don Lemon seriously asking if a black hole ate the airliner. Read more on Watch Chris Hayes Go Full Edward R. Murrow On Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 Coverage (Video)…
  nerdgasm ahoy

Neil DeGrasse Tyson Will Feed Your Nerdstalgia With ‘Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey’

For some of us, Carl Sagan’s 1980 series Cosmos is an almost mythic memory — Kid Zoom knows that one sure way to get Dad all sentimental (and maybe even weepy) is to just queue up Vangelis’s theme music from the series. Those shots of Carl Sagan staring in pretended rapture at the viewscreen of his dandelion-fluff “ship of the imagination” were simultaneously cheesy and awe-inspiring — the man had an infectious SensaWonder that he invited us all to share — and we really are made of star stuff. Read more on Neil DeGrasse Tyson Will Feed Your Nerdstalgia With ‘Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey’…
  into the valley of derp rode the grift monger

Sarah Palin Wishes Manly Vladimir Putin Could Be Our President Instead

America, it turns out that in addition to knowing the mind of Vladimir Putin so well that she can predict his next move and only be off by five or six years, Sarah Palin also thinks that the big Russian dictator is packing a real wallop in his pants. Especially when compared to the President of the United States, who is a wimpy little 97-pound weakling. Talking with fellow foreign policy wunderkind Sean Hannity on Fox Monday, Palin explained that it’ll take more than Barack Obama’s Low-T feminine wiles to contain that wonderful beast Putin: “Look, the perception of Obama, of him and his potency across the world is one of such weakness … People are looking at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates.” It is believed that, immediately following the interview, Lloyd’s of London declared the half-term governor’s panties to be a total loss. Read more on Sarah Palin Wishes Manly Vladimir Putin Could Be Our President Instead…
  #justiceforgeorge

Fox, Bloggers Respond To Obama’s Speech On Trayvon Martin With Dismay That President Is Black

President Barack H. Obama made a surprise appearance before the White House press corps today to address the acquittal of George Zimmerman in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed 17-year-old black boy who may or may not have looked at him funny. For more than 17 minutes, he spoke without notes (transcript here), a wide-ranging examination of the scourge of black children killing each other, the historical impacts of poverty and dysfunction, the pain of black parents on seeing their sons tarred with a broad brush, his own experiences as a black American who has scared old ladies with his very existence. He discussed statistics; he discussed history; he discussed the unequal treatment black men receive in the criminal justice system — or “the intersection of race and the law”; he reflected on the sociological factors that pressure the inner city, with empathy, while not turning his pointed gaze from black boys’ greater likelihood of being involved in violence and crime. In sober, measured tones, the president spoke poignantly about race in America, ending on the hopeful note that his children’s generation is “better than we are. […] [K]ids these days I think have more sense than we did back then, and certainly more than our parents did or our grandparents did, and that along this long, difficult journey, you know, we’re becoming a more perfect union — not a perfect union, but a more perfect union.” Hahaha, guess again, SUCKER. Read more on Fox, Bloggers Respond To Obama’s Speech On Trayvon Martin With Dismay That President Is Black…
  math has a liberal bias

If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?

In Tuesday’s State of the Union address, President Obama pointed out that you can work for 40 hours a week at minimum wage and still live in squalid poverty, and suggested that we raise it from $7.25 to $9 per hour by 2015, and also index it to inflation. This, of course, is Communism! This is because wages are kind of like a tax on employers, and if you raise that tax, then employers won’t hire anyone, and ergo defacto, $9 is MORE than $7.25. Also too, raising the minimum wage will not help the deficit, which is the most important challenge our country currently faces, really! In sum, the best way to help Poors is to not help them at all, the end. Ha ha, just kidding, everything we just said is bullcrap, and raising the minimum wage will help lots of people start clawing their way out of being perpetually poor. Read more on If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?…
  it's snowing somewhere

Fox Bravely Continues Wars On Nature, Math

Ha ha ha, new Secretary of State John Kerry is going to focus on climate change, what a fag! Everyone knows that climate change is just a theory, duh, and for that matter, so is science! Do you have a scientist who can confirm that E = MC squared? Because we have TEN scientists who can confirm that it does not! E = MC squared: some say that the inertia of an object depends on its energy content, and some don’t, therefore it is up in the air, because that is how things work on Fox news. Read more on Fox Bravely Continues Wars On Nature, Math…
  guns don't kill people barack obama kills people

This Fox Illustration Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head Is Just A Really Good Illustration (Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head)

Here is a really good illustration, from Fox “News,” featuring President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head. But what makes this Fox illustration of President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head the BEST illustration of President Blackness with a gun pointed at his head? Oh, do click through to find out! Read more on This Fox Illustration Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head Is Just A Really Good Illustration (Of A Gun Pointed At Obama’s Head)…
  when the president does it that means it is not illegal

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Accidentally Commits Journalism About Guns

“Blah blah blah Hitler or something executive orders are only okay if you are a Republican INPEACH,” says Jay Sekulow, who heads Pat Robertson’s pathetic conservative fake law outfit. But then Megyn Kelly does something weird: she is all “nuh uh.” Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Accidentally Commits Journalism About Guns…
  al gebra al jazeera same diff

Fox’s ‘The Five': Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism

We don’t know how Eric Bolling, of Fox braintrust “The Five,” managed to talk about liberal indoctrination with math without even bothering to note that algebra was invented by A-RABS and is a Mooslem plot. But at least he is on the case of the Marxists at Scholastic teaching the distributive property with a worksheet about distributing the wealth. GO SCHOLASTIC! Read more on Fox’s ‘The Five': Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism…
  coup d'etat coup d'etat!

Scoop! Paul Ryan To Be Next House Speaker, According To Some Secret Random Dude Who Gossiped To Laura Ingraham

We’ve secretly replaced the video of golden succubus Laura Ingraham, passing on some gossip, with the Circle Jerks classic Coup D’Etat. (Don’t worry you are not missing anything. We will tell you what she said.) Read more on Scoop! Paul Ryan To Be Next House Speaker, According To Some Secret Random Dude Who Gossiped To Laura Ingraham…
  needz moar james o'keefe

Steven Crowder Tent-Gate: 12/11 Was An Inside Job

Remember that awesome video of stereotypical union thug cold wailing on stereotypical Fox News douche Steven Crowder at the Michigan anti-“Right to Work” rally this week? Of course you do, it’s embedded above. Probably you watched it and were like: “I shouldn’t be laughing at this because I’m a hippy Wonketteer librul who knows violence solves nothing, but DAMN! Dude dropped Crowder like Tyson dropped Spinks.” Read more on Steven Crowder Tent-Gate: 12/11 Was An Inside Job…
  it's called logic why don't you try it?

Terrified ‘War On Men’ Lady Calls For Truce Because Men Like To Kill Things

First Suzanne Venker, Phyllis Schlafly’s niece, wrote a very nice “think piece” for Fox News that was only trying to explain to women for their own good that the way they were comporting themselves (like men’s equals) was making men not want to marry them, because they (women) are angry hairy mannish whores. This made men angry, she said, but for some reason she did not tell the men to stop being angry? Only the women? That’s so weird! Then she got flooded with hate mail and backpedaled her little tushie off, saying, Oh no no no, what I meant to say was that HUSBANDS don’t like when WIVES are equal, which sort of eviscerated her claim that men aren’t marrying women anymore because of women’s gross feminism, since there are still husbands, and they are so grossed out. But now Suzanne Venker is pissed, y’all, and she is taking back her backpedaling and saying she was right all along (sort of like that Unskewed Polls guy did), and we should call a truce in the “War on Men” (a war we are conducting, again, by acting like we are “equal”) because men like to kill things. Wait, what? Read more on Terrified ‘War On Men’ Lady Calls For Truce Because Men Like To Kill Things…