This pretty picture shows Michelle and Barack Obama in silhouette, as Washington is bombed by the Independence Day socialist aliens from the planet Hawaii. After a holiday weekend of the desperately unhappy and angry Sarah Palin threatening everyone with lawsuits on Twitter and Facebook, Pete Souza’s picture of a happy couple enjoying the Fourth is like ulcer medicine. And, if you can imagine, it was a WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD before Palin’s public meltdown. We just read about it in Paul Slansky’s TIME index.

OKAY THAT’S A LITTLE FANCIER THAN OUR FOURTH: “President Barack Obama took his own advice Saturday, relaxing on the Fourth of July with some golf, a cookout and a private Foo Fighters concert in the backyard, capped by the annual fireworks show on the National Mall.” [Baltimore Sun/Flickr]

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here’s your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history’s lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for ruining the teabaggers’ big plans to have all 500 teabaggers meet in a park somewhere to complain about having socialist parks where they can meet. Sorry, teabaggers! Happy Independence Day, everybody! Click the to watch Barack Obama’s happy July 4th video e-card! MORE »

This Independence Day is going to be amazing because our savior, Barack Obama, is in the White House, and therefore America is once again a country worth celebrating! Follow our Do’s and Don’ts to make this July 4th the most enjoyable than any since 1776. MORE »

Because the Obama Administration hates Iran’s freedoms so much, it has rescinded permission for U.S. embassies to invite Iranian diplomats to their Fourth of July parties. Come on, parents, don’t take it out on the kids! Robert Gibbs said the change in policy came about “given the events of the past many days,” referring to Mark Sanford’s cumming. State Department spokesperson Ian Kelly, however, “said no Iranians have accepted” the invitations anyway and “indicated that the U.S. saw little reason for them to, given the political crisis over their disputed presidential election.” Again: maybe they would have accepted if you had promised a Super Soaker war. They’re just like water cannons! [AP]

MOOOOOM, CAN… CAN MY IRANIAN DIPLOMATIC EQUIVALENT SPEND THE NIGHT, PLEEEEASE?: “In a new overture to Iran, the Obama administration has authorized U.S. embassies around the world to invite Iranian officials to Independence Day parties they host on or around July 4th. A State Department cable sent to all U.S. embassies and consulates late last week said that U.S. diplomats could ask their Iranian counterparts to attend the festivities, which generally feature speeches about American values, fireworks, and, of course, hot dogs and hamburgers.” Slip ‘n’ Slide? Super Soaker proxy war? SPARKLERS? Don’t get cheap, embassies. This is Iran. Pressure. [AP/TPM]

If the town of Woodward, Oklahoma wore pants, it would be shitting them right now. The president is coming to visit, you see! No, not that president — the real one, with the sticker. He will make this 4th of July the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka-filled watermelon and spent the evening humping a lamppost. MORE »

Hello everyone. How were your Fourth of July weeks? Well that’s wonderful. The worst Fourth of July experience this year was probably that of Jesse Helms, who hilariously died. But important founding father Thomas Jefferson also died on the Fourth of July (five, ten years ago-ish), and that’s why President Bush spent his holiday at Jefferson’s house, Monticello, among the ghosts of his “mocha” bastard slave children. And then RADICAL LEFT protest group Code Pink harassed him a bunch of times, just like they did every day when Jefferson lived his naked life with Sacagawea. [YouTube]

• The drug habit Washington just can’t seem to kick: responsibility. [Blue Dog Art & Design]

• Democracy without hooch is like cookies without milk. [Another Day In DC]
• Michelle Malkin: “smokin’ hot;” smells of “evil and bullshit.” [The DC Universe]
• Tomorrow’s pre-fireworks concert to be hosted by George Costanza and feature no-talent ass clown Michael Bolton. Thanks Lockheed Martin! [PBS via Melissa the Misanthrope]
• DC has museums for everything. [The Goodspeed Update]
  

* Bush twins unemployment index goes to zero at the same time the Bush twins in DC index goes to zero. Saddest possible trombone plays a solo for every bar owner in Georgetown. [Fresh Politics] MORE »