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Tag: foreign policy

Hillary To America: I Am A Grown-Ass Adult, And Donald Trump Is A Idiot

It's a pity Hillary won't say what she really thinks about Donald Trump.
It's like he's a genius, only the opposite of that.

You Knowed That Stuff Real Good, Donald Trump!

Hollywood Reporter's Michael Wolff profiled Donald Trump, and was amazed to meet someone more self-obsessed than Michael Wolff.

Unifier Donald Trump Will Nuke Our ‘Special Relationship’ With Britain From Orbit

Donald Trump doesn't want your stupid special relationship anymore, Britain! You can just shut your stupid dumb limey biscuitholes!
I laugh at you idiots! So much!

Here’s Your Sexxxy President Barack Obama, Calling Donald Trump A Dumbass

Remember that thing about how one of the main reasons Donald Trump is running for president is because Seth Meyers and Barry Bamz "I'll Dick You Down And You'll Like It" Obama made fun of him during the White...

Fox News Tries To Slay Donald Trump, Gets ‘A’ For Effort

Last night, Fox News surprised the hell out of us. Not by trying in valiant vain to slay the Beast Who Mocks, Donald Trump -- we knew they'd do that. What we didn't expect is that they would employ...
He's kind of a pussy.

Donald Trump Used To Think Iraq War Was Terrific, Just Terrific

Donald Trump has been all over the campaign trail lately, yelling about how he was against that stupid disastrous war in Iraq, that he had said this so many times all the time, and this proves that he will...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Some Ideas, You Guys!

Fresh-faced dumb baby House Speaker Paul Ryan woked up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! He did his P90X, said his affirmations into the mirror, and then tweeted out an idea he had been having, about how it would be...
Connect the dots, sheeple!

2015: The Year Anti-Vaxxers Made Measles The New Black

In 2015, science remained a suspicious activity many conservative politicians thought was probably all a leftist plot, with only one Republican presidential candidate willing to say that climate change is real and human-caused. And that guy never had a...
So...very...tired...

Ben Carson: Running For President Is Haaaaard

Ben Carson sat down with the Washington Post a couple days before Christmas to let them know running for president isn't the nonstop party train of fun the average American might assume it is. But even though he's been...
No, YOU'RE the one with the broken brain.

Dr. Ben Carson Says Republicans’ Brains Are Broken

Did God drop Ben Carson on his head at some point? Maybe sometime after He provided the answers for Carson's chemistry final? Honest question. Because for a man who's dropping in the polls, perhaps because he's so dumb on...

By The Time You Finish This Post, Ben Carson Will Be Done Blinking His Eyes

Hoo boy, that Republican debate last night was something, right? Of course we're right, we are yr Wonkette, and the last time we were wrong was the Eisenhower administration probably. ("Interstate highways? PFFFFFT," said Wonket, clearly not as evolved...
Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?

John Kasich Detects Some Flaws In His Jihad For Jesus Plan (But He’s Still For It)

The governor from Ohio, who enjoys rolling his eyes at his fellow Republican presidential candidates because they are nutty but he is reasonable, introduced a terrific plan this week to Fight the War on Terra: convert the heathens to Judeo-Christianity, which, FUN FACT, is...

Crusades Sure Is Dumb Idea, Says Guy Who Wants To Declare Holy War

It is comforting to know that amid the panties-soiling panic by Republican presidential candidates -- oh no, the toddler terrorists posing as refugees are comin' to get us! -- there is one conservative voice of reason, and you will never...

Team Trying To Upgrade Ben Carson’s Brain Admits Operation Has Failed

World-class brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson is having a real hard time understanding foreign stuff. Like, he gets that, "In the United States, we have Republicans, Democrats, and independents." But when it comes to other countries, like Israel, which...
It's Smitin' Time!

‘Moderate’ John Kasich Only Wants To Bring Back The Crusades A Little Bit

We have to say, we never saw this one coming. In the race to see who could come up with the most insane, unconstitutional proposal in reaction to the Paris massacre, our money was on the obvious favorites, Ben...
Something, Something Desssstiny

Liz Cheney Seriously Considering Another Losing Shot At National Office

Now here's a bit of news to brighten up your day: Fox News hawking head, torture enthusiast, and apprentice Sith Lord Liz Cheney is "taking a serious look" at running for Wyoming's sole House seat, following current Rep. Cynthia...