Tag Archives: foreign policy

  blog like nobody's watching

If You Like Dumb Things That Are Wrong, You’ll Love Jennifer Rubin’s Latest Column

It starts with the headline: “A president who pleases no one.” Really, no one at all, not even Michelle? Poor lady, maybe Reggie Love will go straight for her, just this once. But it’s weird, because from here it looks like 44.3% of people are pleased with the president’s constant treason and all the white slavery he does on them. Hey, whatever engorges your genitals! ASIDE: Do we think that Jennifer Rubin cried when her former ombudsman said she was subhuman garbage and the best evidence against the existence of a merciful God (paraphrasing)? Or did she welcome our scorn, sniffing “Let them eat shit!” and then maybe she farted sulfurously? Something else? Read more on If You Like Dumb Things That Are Wrong, You’ll Love Jennifer Rubin’s Latest Column…
  secret agent mansplaining

Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?

We decided we needed an entirely separate Explainer to discuss all the stupid morons saying dumb things about PRISM and/or the collection of All Metadata Everywhere, because so many “journalists” have been MORE THAN HAPPY to come forward, pat America on its pretty head and mansplain that this is no big deal, and also, isn’t it nice that we are somehow magically so much SAFER due to the technological marvels of a top secret program? Also, which is it? A technological marvel whose penetration into our privacy is necessary to Keep Us Safe, or alternatively, a piddly little exercise in security theater that is No Big Deal (unless you are a terrorist, in which case, watch out!)? We are still not sure! Here, let us run through all a selection of the Op-Ed columnists who CANNOT WAIT to tell us how wonderful it is that the government is invading our privacy, and then we will get to the elected officials who are shocked, SHOCKED to discover the existence of a program they supported and voted for or alternatively, can’t figure out why everyone is so upset. Read more on Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?…
  this is excellent news for john mccain

Sad Coot John McCain Simply Does Not Care For Whippersnapper Obama And His ‘Cheap Shots’

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy US Senator John McCain is not happy with That One, Barack Obama, making merciless fun of His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney in last night’s debate “draw.” Bamz was all like “What up, dummy? Can you see Russia from your house?” And Mittens was all like “Does anyone have a stack of illegal notes with which I can wipe my terrible, mortifying flop sweat?” And John McCain was all like “THIS. SHALL. NOT. STAND.” Because mocking people for being inexperienced lightweights is just not done. “Frankly, I don’t understand why the president wants to take these kind of cheap shots — bayonets and horses, what’s that all about?” he said. “You know, when I debated then-Senator Obama I didn’t criticize or belittle his lack of experience on national security issues. And he seemed to take these kind of cheap shots. … I kind of resent it.” Do you, John McCain? Do you “resent it”? Hang on, gotta just tighten the loose nut on this Wayback Machine … Read more on Sad Coot John McCain Simply Does Not Care For Whippersnapper Obama And His ‘Cheap Shots’…
  Libya: Which One Was That Again?

U.S Americans, Like Such As In The Iraq: Your Foreign Policy Debate Liveblog

Greetings, Wonkers, and welcome back to Wonkette’s State of the Art LiveBlogoPlex for the final Debate-O-Palooza of the 2012 Presidential campaign! Your Editrix and most of the Wonkette staff are standing by via the Top Sekrit Wonkette ChatCave for what promises to be a thoughtful and nuanced discussion of the many subtleties of international relations! Or maybe a lot of accusations and lying, it could go either way. So many questions! Has Obama agreed to talk to Iran if he’s re-elected? Will Romney talk to Iran if he wins? Are either of these guys still on speaking terms with each other? Will moderator Bob Schieffer be able to rein in either candidate, or will Mitt cold-cock him with a solid bar of gold? Which Barack Obama will show up tonight: the sleepy dude from the first debate, the feisty smart guy from the second debate, or a third, as-yet unknown Obama, some hybrid narcoleptic street fighter who throws a verbal jab and then morphs into a giant robot…which then falls asleep? And what are the implications for our relations with Brazil? Read more on U.S Americans, Like Such As In The Iraq: Your Foreign Policy Debate Liveblog…
  the coming romnirvana

The Solution To Our Troubled World’s Ills: Mitt Romney

After spending Tuesday and Wednesday feverishly blaming Obama for opening the doors of our embassies to al Qaeda and offering them lemonade and cookies with their jihad, Mitt Romney is now advancing his prescription for the world’s ills, which is a healthy dose of Vitamin Mitt. “There’s a pretty compelling story that if you had a President Romney, you’d be in a different situation,” Romney adviser Richard Williamson told the Washington Post. “For the first time since Jimmy Carter, we’ve had an American ambassador assassinated.” And what is that compelling case, Mr. Williamson? Read more on The Solution To Our Troubled World’s Ills: Mitt Romney…
  presidentin'

Five U.S. Diplomats Dead In Egypt, Libya; Mitt Romney Was FRIST On The Internet!!!

Yesterday, violence in Egypt and Libya claimed the lives of five American diplomatic workers, including U.S. Ambassador to Libya J. Christopher Stevens. The important thing to remember in this time of crisis is that there’s still a Presidential election going on, and the campaigns MUST RESPOND. More importantly, they must do so FIRST. By way of background: protests began at the Egyptian and Libyan U.S. embassies yesterday, purportedly in response to a terrible anti-Islam movie by Terry Jones. To stave off further escalation, the Egyptian U.S. embassy put out the following statement: “The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims – as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions,” the embassy said in a statement published online. Violence escalated after the statement’s issuance, one person died in Egypt, another four in Libya. Okay, sad part behind us, because Mitt Romney done stepped in it. Read more on Five U.S. Diplomats Dead In Egypt, Libya; Mitt Romney Was FRIST On The Internet!!!…
  shiny shiny bo biney banana fana fo finey

Romney Campaign: The Entire Rest Of The World Is A ‘Shiny Object’

For the first time since FDR used his polio-ridden legs to kick the Germans and Japanese in their fascist asses (the Italians, too, but nobody really cares about them when we talk World War II), Democrats have an advantage on foreign policy. This is problematic for the Romney campaign, because a Democrat is in office, and they are Republicans, and they would like to not talk about foreign policy at all. How better to deal with this issue of two wars, various bombings, global economic uncertainty and all the rest than to just dismiss it out of hand? (Protip: there is no better way, try it the next time you cheat on your spouse. Totes effective.) “It doesn’t surprise me that they’re raising foreign policy because it’s another distraction from the Administration’s terrible economic record,” [Romney foreign policy advisor Robert] O’Brien told BuzzFeed. “They’re going from one shiny object to the next.” Hahahaha, the entire country of Afghanistan is a shiny object! I’m sure that is comforting to all the people who live there and still deal with random roadside bombs. Shiny roadside bombs. Of course, the Romney campaign cannot leave foreign policy as a stupid thing people talk about to distract from Romney’s winning message, no! Romney himself is a foreign policy guru. Read more on Romney Campaign: The Entire Rest Of The World Is A ‘Shiny Object’…
  because the soviet union and stuff

Condi Rice Can’t Really Name Any Obama Foreign Policy Failures, Except Maybe Bowing

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is quite certain that Mitt Romney would be a much better foreign policy president than that Barack Obama guy. On CBS’s Morning Show yesterday, host Norah O’Donnell asked Rice to identify specific foreign policy things that Obama had failed at, but she politely dodged the question and said she would rather talk about how a Romney foreign policy would be better, because it would be different in many important regards, somehow, which she also could not quite specify. Except that maybe Obama has had the “mute” button on America’s foreign policy voice, because Obama forgot to watch for the end of the commercial and the show came back on: Read more on Condi Rice Can’t Really Name Any Obama Foreign Policy Failures, Except Maybe Bowing…
  swiss misses

Straight-Faced GOP Mouthpieces: Mitt Romney Has Foreign Policy Experience Because Of All Those Swiss Bank Accounts

When Barack Hussein NObAama ran for president in 2008 with no foreign policy experience (unless you count ACORN as its own brave nation state), our good, kind and decent brethren on the right thought this might be a bad idea. How would this 48-year-old baby ever defeat bin Laden, or Khadafi, or the Soviet Union? Barack balanced out his lack of foreign policy experience with grizzled Old Handsome Joe Biden to appeal to people who cared about foreign policy and also whites. But this still was not good enough for some people! (Shockingly.) Now, Republican nominee Mittens of Romney and Suite Judy Blue Eyes Paul Ryan have a combined zero foreign policy experience. But would you believe that Mitt Romney does have foreign policy experience, and that is because he was in business and had many bank accounts throughout the world? Because that is what conservative Statesmen Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty say. Let us listen in wonder, and awe! Read more on Straight-Faced GOP Mouthpieces: Mitt Romney Has Foreign Policy Experience Because Of All Those Swiss Bank Accounts…
  goodbye fortress america

Mitt Romney Considers First Ever Global War Tour!

Whatta we got in the local clip ‘n’ save today? “Mitt Romney’s campaign is considering a major foreign policy offensive at the end of the month that would take him to five countries over three continents…” HMMMMM. You have to wait until you *win* the presidential election to launch world war, dingus. And then it’s perfectly acceptable. But maybe the rules are different for Republicans. What nations shall Mitt Romney delight with his arsenal of good humor, competitive sport, and decline? Read more on Mitt Romney Considers First Ever Global War Tour!…
  gay old party

Wingnut Victory: Romney’s Gay Aide Successfully Bullied Out of His Job

Your Wonkette has been too lazy to filter through the daily deluge of homophobic outrage pouring ever forth from the most ferociously closeted segment of the Internet to sift for the conservative hollering about Mitt Romney’s hiring of an openly gay campaign adviser to advise him on that most holy dominion of political manliness, forever wars. Apparently the yelling was very loud! So now the adviser, Richard Grenell, has resigned because Mitt Romney responded to the yells with a forceful decision to simply hide Grenell from the press and hope for it go away. Read more on Wingnut Victory: Romney’s Gay Aide Successfully Bullied Out of His Job…
  just as soon as obama stops beating his wife

Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole

Hey, remember yesterday, when your Wonkette had that story about poor Mitt Romney boohooing because his $100 million retirement account would be taxed at the same tax rate your sister pays on her unemployment check? Yeah, we do too! So now Obammerz’ peeps are all hey mittens, how about you tell us more about that? And then Mittens’ people are all “We will release them when Obama stops being a Russian spy.” Obvs. Read more on Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole…
  monday game post

Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

It is now time for your Wonkette Monday Game Post! So: what does war-loving Sen. John McCain think the United States should do about Syria? Negotiate with? Mate with? Appease? Wine and dine? Hug? Kiss? Apply crippling sanctions to? Ignore? Ignore? Ignore? Send aid to? Grundle-pump? Send to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar? Sump’m else? Make your guesses now. Read more on Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria…
  he is still running?

Why Won’t Afghanistan Just Listen to Newt Gingrich About Everything?

In case America was wondering, and it wasn’t, the root problem behind Afghanistan’s myriad sociopolitical and economic challenges in achieving a better standard of living for its citizens is that it fucking cold refuses to hear Newt Gingrich out on how to fix those problems. Those riots in Afghanistan over the burning of the Muslim holy book at a U.S. military base that have killed 28 people and wounded hundreds more are an important reminder of this fact, that Newt Gingrich is the smartest human who has ever lived by a factor of one billion. Newt, in an exciting move from merely hyperbolic language to incredibly boring invented words, told an audience in Tennessee (where, incidentally, Ron Paul is beating him in the polls) that Newt Gingrich could successfully make Afghanistan “unmiserable” if only he were the wicked king of Afghanistan. But instead, Afghanistan insists on sucking and not making him their ruler and “hating foreigners,” unlike everyone belonging to the party whose presidential nomination Newt Gingrich would still like to receive. Read more on Why Won’t Afghanistan Just Listen to Newt Gingrich About Everything?…
  an open invitation to the cia

Newspaper Editor Suggests Israel Assassinate Obama

Andrew Adler, who owns an Atlanta-based newspaper called the Atlanta Jewish Times, wrote an op-ed last week in which he theorized on what Israel could do about its relationship with the United States vis à vis Iran. As Adler sees it, Israel has three options, and one of them involves “ordering a hit on” President Obama. Uhhhh. Read more on Newspaper Editor Suggests Israel Assassinate Obama…
  please go home

Rick Perry Continues to Think He’s a Scholar of Turkey

In Monday night’s debate, Rick Perry made the claim that Turkey was “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” Just as bafflingly, people from as far and wide as actual Turkey and D.C. have taken time out of their busy days Tuesday to condemn Perry’s par-for-the-course proclamation. But he’s been to Turkey, for god’s sake. He lived there. Have you? Read more on Rick Perry Continues to Think He’s a Scholar of Turkey…