foreign policy
Newt Gingrich Wants Everyone To Know Palestinians Are Pretend People
This is a Thing People Are Discussing, today: smartest being of all time Newt Gingrich declared in an interview that the Palestinian people are “invented” in his grand historical estimation, sort of like how all peoples with their fancy national identities are at one point or another in history also “invented” out of thin air. [...]
Herman Cain Learns How To Speak Some Words In ‘Cuban’
Herman Cain is visiting Miami these days to absorb a little of the local culture and make nice with some Latino voters, and maybe even learn a little bit from one of their many languages! Surrounded by much fanfare, Cain enjoyed a pastry at the [Versailles Restaurant's] bakery, asking at one point with his mouth [...]
Ask Herman Cain a Foreign Policy Question And He’ll Respond In Tongues
Pizza shill vanity campaigner Herman Cain has inexplicably not yet exhausted his six seconds of GOP presidential field relevancy, so we must listen to him doing this thing… speaking in tongues here, in an interview, in a dark cave? “UBEKI BEKI BEKI BEKI BAH BAH STAN O BAN STAN SO WHUT WHUT,” he says. Hm, [...]
White House Forced To Turn Against Another One of America’s Dictator Friends
The United States, which long supported Yemen’s president, even in the face of recent widespread protests, has now quietly shifted positions and has concluded that he is unlikely to bring about the required reforms and must be eased out of office, according to American and Yemeni officials. The Obama administration had maintained its support of [...]
U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN
The Obama administration is trying very hard at the moment to not have to call the Israeli settlements in Palestine illegal. Oh, diplomacy, you’re so silly. In order to do so, the U.S. has tried to make a deal with Arab countries to vote for a statement saying it “does not accept the legitimacy of [...]
At Least Israel Thinks the U.S. Is Standing With the People of Egypt
Israel has pundits, like every uncivilized civilized country on Earth. And they no longer care for this Obama fellow. “A Bullet in the Back from Uncle Sam,” writes one, Aviad Pohoryles, who sounds alternatively very Jewish and like he’s a friend of Harry Potter. Yes, it turns out the United States is supposed to support [...]
Kim Jong-Il Lets Jimmy Carter Run Country While He’s Away
Oh, Jimmy Carter is in North Korea right now? That’s funny, because Kim Jong-il is in China with his son. Yeah, hope you enjoy talking to a country full of Kim Jong-il’s servants, peanut man, because ol’ Jong face can’t make it in today. Too busy with his gay life partner China. JIMMY CARTER, YOU [...]
Jimmy Carter Arrives In North Korea To Build Peanut Houses of Peace
Oh, thank you, North Korean YouTube, that almost looks like a real news segment! Yes, Kim Jong-il gets to paste together another fun photo collage of him with a former American president, and America gets back one of its citizens. It’s a win-win situation! So Jimmy Carter has arrived, and here he is receiving flowers [...]
While We Sit Around Yelling About Mosques, Our Moon Is SHRINKING
The Moon: it’s America’s moon! We put our flag there, and thus according to the international legal principles of “firsties” and “fuck off, we’re using it,” it is OURS. But according to NASA, the Moon is shrinking. SHUT UP, NASA. Our moon is fine. Every country we’ve ever shown it to says so. You know, [...]
Certainly You Assumed Sharron Angle Likes The U.N., But You Were Wrong
Sharron Angle was forced to speak words yesterday, as she has yet to come up with the brilliant idea to have her campaign say she has a throat infection that makes her mute for the next few months. “The United Nations resides on our soil and costs us money. We are — I don’t see [...]
So Here’s The Plan:
Any questions? [New York Times]
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